You Don't Know Me

Capricorns seemed to be the most misunderstood character in the zodiac. They always seemed strong and confident, but many times, they feel really vulnerable. Solid on the outside, raw on the inside.

I personally know a few Caps, one of whom is a male colleague from my department. In fact, both of us were born on Jan 10. How uncannily coincidental. Another "dear friend" (as he so like to address me) was a Jan 18 baby. Like every other Cap i know, they are both Smart. Eloquent. Confident. Charismatic. Ambitious.

However, deep down inside, they wished to be understood. Because, no one seems to understand their intentions, thoughts, actions and even words. Many times they give up explaining, because it would be translated as a defensive reaction. Sometimes, the more they justify, the deeper the misunderstanding.

So they conceal their feelings so well that no one could ever penetrate their vulnerability. They want people to know they are fine, nothing ruffles them, and hence, they often put on a nonchalant front. They laugh it off. Or make a joke out of it.

But some things do affect them.

Things like comments from people who they care about. The inability to express themselves correctly (and hence the misunderstandings). The pressure they get from people around them to be strong always - simply because they have always been so. Any display of their weakness throws their close ones off balance. The need to hide their pessismistic and negative outlook on certain issues. And last but not least, the expectations to be a dependable friend, lover, family, colleague.

So they think a lot about other people, and hardly for themselves. Many times, they beat themselves up over the fact that they have not done enough, even if they had. Harsh judgements from people they love just crush them, and by instinct, most Caps would withdraw into an awfully hard shell so that they could nurse their wounds in silence while maintaining a strong front.

The best way to see if a Cap is wounded, hurt or sad is to look at them straight into their eyes - and all is revealed. Caps love affection, but they are usually afraid to show it, so they erect an invisible wall around them to ensure that their feelings are fortified and protected.

I am not an expert in horoscopes, so maybe some Caps may think I am sprouting rubbish. Hence I am just going to put in a disclaimer - that the above analysis is seriously based on my own point of view, and observations of other similar Caps like myself.

Tonight seems like a good night for wine. It relaxes my nerves and helps me sleep. I have not written a poem for a long time. Hopefully I will get some inspiration soon. For now, it's just wine. And that's good enough.

Because other than wine and my music, I cannot find comfort anywhere else.

Because no one can ever understand what a Cap needs, feels or thinks. Even after they have expressed what they want, no one can comprehend what they really, really need.

Because a Cap is expected to be strong - so they can only seek solace and comfort in solitude. Be it a passion, a dysfunctional lifestyle, or for me, simply wine and music.

That's how it is for us. The most misunderstood people on earth. And it gets very lonely at times to be where we are.

But we are strong. So we go on with tomorrow like what we have done today. Smile. Be happy. Move on. :)