"Out of Service"

This is what you will normally see when you come across a lift that has broken down. Nowadays, even the toilets in my office can be "Out of Service". There were times when some shitty stuff flooded the toilets 'cos of blocked pipes. Super super gross and smelly.

Today, Hotel Solace is putting up the "Out Of Service" sign.

Fever on the rise. Throat's getting dry. My nose is running away from my face. My head feels like it's been hit by 10 tons of bricks. I am hungry but I could not keep my food down. I am thirsty but my throat hurts when I drink. I coughed out my lungs last night. My body felt like it's burning up this morning.

Sounds bad huh? Well, I guess I am still OK - cos I can still blog!

Thought I should share about my dream last night. I got to know this guy - who's really smart, sensitive and loving. In him, I found a soulmate. He knows how I feel, what I am thinking - even when I don't say anything. He makes me laugh and takes care of all my needs. He shelters me from the rain and cuddles me when I am cold.

I'd probably be falling head over heels in love with him, if not for the fact that he has to leave. He needs to be away for 5 years. Why? I don't even know. In the dream, this guy asked if I could wait 5 years. I even remembered counting in the dream - ai yo yo - by then I will be 35 years old! Geez. I think I told him "NO".

It's like re-living my dream in my real life. My dream mirrors what I am going through in reality. No wonder I am getting a high fever. This entire year has been one heartwrenching saga. All the guys I've met have to leave or go somewhere or stay away for a while. Where in the world are they all going to? Seems like the only same direction that they are heading for is AWAY from me.

That makes me wonder if I am the problem.

I am temporarily "Out of Service" for now. But sometimes I wonder if I should really make it permanent.

The emotional "battles" are taking a toll on me. My sword's blunt from fighting and my wings are bleeding from shielding myself from the pain that comes with every war.

I may be cold - but I am not heartless.
I may be stubborn - but I am not unreasonable.
I may be nice - but I am no walkover.
I may be cynical - but I am hopeful.
I may be strong - but I'm not invincible.