I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Secret Desire

I have always been a very sensual girl.

This literally translates into the fact that I love being cuddled and hugged. I absolutely love kisses. I love to be near someone and hold him. I love putting my head on a guy's shoulders or my arm around his. I love to be held at the little nook of my waist. I love the feeling of resting on someone's chest.

There is only one problem. You can't really do that when you are single.

If I start to be "touchy feely" with the guys I date, they would either think I am super horny, or that I am falling in love with them.

That - is quite frustrating.

I am sensuous, and I love the sense of touch. I like to ruffle a guy's hair if I think he is cute. I like to touch his arm if I think he is sweet. I like the feel of an arm around me if I feel cold in the cinema. And I love it when someone whispers a joke to me in the ear.

My senses go on high alert whenever that happens. And it gives me a warm, tingling feeling right down to my toes.

But it seems that I could not do that without giving out the wrong signals. And for a sensual girl like me, holding back the "urge" to touch feels like I'm trying to kick a serious drug addiction. The withdrawal symptoms from not being able to express myself through touch and hold are eating me up inside. The word "falling in love" instantly almost becomes a dirty word, and just gives me so much undue pressure that I no longer find pleasure in the "touch".

Sometimes, my friends would tell me that the best solution would to be to get a boyfriend, so that I can do whatever I want without feeling any pang of guilt.

I rather believe that a boyfriend is not THE solution, but a legitimate channel for me to indulge fully in my sensuality. If only men, women and the holier-than-thou society would stop placing so much significance on the act of touching, holding, cuddling, snuggling and kissing, then I might not have so much reservations on expressing myself.

But it's not that simple of course. Any form of physical intimacy with anyone - would inevitably stir up some whirlpool of hidden emotions - whether I like it or not. Even a simple touch can spark off romantic voltages that would short-circuit an entire city. Humans are way too vulnerable because feelings are unstoppable, uncontrollable, and easily manipulated.

I do not want to go there.

Being sensuous and being ready for a relationship are totally two different issues. I may be very in touch with my sensuality, but I could not see myself loving anyone at this point in time.

Herein lies my agonizing dilemma.


Bee said...

ah...now i see a great difference between us... i m just the opposite of u... i m as cold as ice, except...

Richard said...

Who isn't sensual?

We all love affection, to feel closeness. Like Bee, I am cold and stern (although, I don't think she is stern).

There is no question that signs of physical affection from a member of the opposite sex are wonderful. I love women who greet me with a big warm smile and a hug. Sadly, I respond with dispassion. Sigh.

I always felt it was important to save physical closeness for my wife - so it greatly affected the way I interacted with people. No chance of sending out the wrong signals. Although, maybe I never sent out signals of interest either.

j said...

Isn't this the classic "sex is sex, love is love" line that guys have been wanting gals to understand since time immemorial? Substitute "touch" for "sex", and it describes you perfectly! :)

Bee said...

Richard said: "Like Bee, I am cold and stern (although, I don't think she is stern)."

hehe... i can be quite "stern" when come to anything physical... i keep an arm's length with all guys (even females) unless he is my bf. Just like u, i believe in keeping myself for that special someone. :P

Life is beautiful said...

Your dilemma lies perhaps not in you being sensuous vs being ready for a relationship but perhaps in the fact your sensuousness is more tuned towards the male half population than the female half.

Hope this comes out correctly and not give u a wrong impressie of what I mean.

Guan Yu said...

Hey! I can always lend u my shoulder...... Hehehehe......

No fret la......

If we guys did that to girls, we would be misunderstood as we are flirty and some "coloured wolf".

Being physical is ok as long as u know where u stand.


The Green Dildo said...

WAH! now i know why you used to ruffle my hair... *blush*

hehehe... :P

mel said...

I think its perfectly normal to enjoy being touched. Standing behind your date. Gently running down the back of a woman’s bare back with the back of my hand, while my other hand slowly grasps her hand. Then planting a soft kiss at the back of her neck. Now what’s wrong with that?

Shaggy said...

green dildo is elvina's ex hah?? kekeke......

Tan Kok Seng said...

From the experiences of my many female friends, I think women are never able to fully disassociate physical intimacy from romantic love. Some think they can, but many end up being proved wrong.

mel said...

bwah-ha-ha-haw....and that is their neverending folly!

Mini_viv said...

Don't you think that all these desires mislead guys thinking that they can be potiential "fark" buddies?
Basically when you thought about all these desires, you maybe comfortable with someone that you are always hanging out with but inside you, you wanted more attention, TLC from him or her.That leads to potiential "bf" or "gf" => Relationship that you yearn for but both parties not ready for that actual COMMITMENT!
The thought about having a bf may just scare the "mini-elvina" off.
My suggesion is perhaps you should consider that someone to be part-time.
Part-time bf or gf => Someone you loves to see or hang out with, you can have all the touchy desires but no emotions involved.
Full-time bf or gf => Someone you see future in having a long term commitment + TLC + more than touchy desires (already confirms that he or she's the one)
It's up to both parties whether they wanna give each other a chance to be part-time for trial basis.

Richard said...

I don't believe it is possible to have a part-time bf/gf.

Emotions are an integral part of every human encounter. The more intimate the encounter, the more emotions are involved. Unless you are a complete narcissist, there is bound to be pain upon seperation.

I don't want to be defining Elvina, or telling her what she thinks or feels, but ...

She has had relationships, she knows how nice the feeling of personal closeness is, but ...

(in my opinion) intimacy, without commitment is like taking drugs to feel better, or to number the pain. It is a momentary illusion with no substance.

Sure, lots of people take drugs (alcohol being a fairly common one) and perhaps that translates into a mentality that anything that feels good, anything that numbs pain, however briefly, is good.

I don't buy that (but, then again, I am in a minority of, as far as I can tell, one. sigh).

Bee said...

Richard said: "(in my opinion) intimacy, without commitment is like taking drugs to feel better, or to number the pain. It is a momentary illusion with no substance... Sure, lots of people take drugs (alcohol being a fairly common one) and perhaps that translates into a mentality that anything that feels good, anything that numbs pain, however briefly, is good... I don't buy that (but, then again, I am in a minority of, as far as I can tell, one."

You are not in the minority... perhaps at this blog, you/we might be. But what you have said is a known fact, which by denying it won't remove the effect/consequences of the indugence.

Jade Falcon Elite said...

Not everyone can tolerate absolute loneliness. Only the truly strong and independent ones.

Most people will want have companions. However, normal friends can only offer companionship. Intimacy, however, is absent. It has a warm fuzzy feeling which most people desire. Its the source from which we get our intimacy that matters.

Some get it from ONS at discos and pubs. Some get it thru dating whether online or not. Some go thru the traditional match-making process. Worse still, some enter into any potential relationship that presents itself soonest.

Simply by jumping into a relationship with any Tom, Dick and Harry isn't the solution. Neither is staying absolutedly celibate(who are we kidding?).

All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. Its best to have a GOOD bf. But if that is not quite possible for now, maybe due to a lack of good choices, then the next best alternative applies.

As to what the next best alternative is, shall leave it to Elvi to decide.

As for me, I seek to be happy. I dun really care for much else for now. The big question is, what makes me happy?.......

May Elvi be happy.

yen said...

lang2 lai2 le!
something wolfy this way comes.

Shaggy said...

errr..... means wat hah??

Mickell said...

Love to be touched in a loving way but don't want to be attached to any guy? Sounds tough indeed. Maybe only in America you can hug guys and they won't mistake you're interested in them. Even then, a girl who likes to hugged and touched, would probably still be mistaken one way or another. Time to reconsider your position about wanting to stay single and unattached?

Bee said...

Michael said: "Time to reconsider your position about wanting to stay single and unattached?"

You reminded me of 1 Corinthians 7: 8, 9 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+7;&version=51;)

"Now I say to those who aren't married and to widows--it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust."

fishhook said...

i guess your looks gets to most guys n they overlook your character thus high chance of being hurt n being distrust:) seems like this happens to most with good looks, but one c the sunshine if one dont look infront after it rains, god r kind, when things happen we think it's a bad thing, but it happens cause better things coming n also so we treasure it when it comes. thts how i c it:) u dont try u wont know, so must try, wht is life without love. c the person true character n all will be shown, most show diff self when courting thts why alot of breaks up after being couple when true character is known. so just b own self no matter wht:)