I am back to work! Thanks to all readers of this blog for your well-wishes! I feel much better today. :)
Really felt and looked like shit the whole of last week because of my illness.... so I decided to put on a cute li'l denim tube top today, hopefully can look a bit sexier after looking like Harriett the Haggard for the last 4 days.
I bought a book for a friend of mine recently. Like many women, she has difficulty reading some of the obvious signals that men are giving out to her. She keeps second guessing them, and then works herself into a frenzy or state of confusion, wondering if this guy likes her. Apart from buying her shitloads of roses with petals for her to pluck (he loves me, he loves me not that kind of nonsensical garbage), I thought this book would do her more good.
It's written by the consultants for Sex and The City, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, and aptly called He Just Not That Into You.
This book claims that — despite good intentions— you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.
The truth may be He's just not that into you.
I have taken the liberty to shortlist some of my favourite tips from the book for your reading pleasure:
1. Oh, there seem to be so many variations to dating, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. So many gray, murky areas of vagueness, mystery and no questions asked. Dudes love this time because that’s when they get to pretend they’re not really dating you. Then they also get to pretend they’re not really responsible for your feelings.
2. Are there men who are too busy or who have been through something so horrible that it makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends.
3. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you. Men know how to use the phone.
4. He’s just not into you if he’s not dating you. ‘Hanging out’ is not dating.
5. The “He Just Got Out of a Relationship Excuse” – He will always be able to play the “friend” card with you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. After all, being a “pal”, you wouldn’t want to put him through any more emotional turmoil while he’s going through his very “traumatic breakup”. He’s got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to.
6. It’s about the guy who wants you, calls you, makes you feel sexy and desired fully. He wants to see you more and more often because every time he sees you, he likes and then loves you more and more.
7. The “He’s Afraid to Get Hurt Again” Excuse – If he were in love with you, he wouldn’t be able to help himself from getting involved in a romantic relationship regardless of his fear or past experiences.
8. The “But I Have Gotten Fat” Excuse – I definitely think you should lose 175 pounds – in the form of your loser boyfriend. His using your weight as an excuse for cheating is not only mean, but simply not valid. If he has a problem with anything in your relationship, he’s supposed to talk to you about it, not put-his-penis-in-a-strange-vagina about it.
9. It doesn’t count unless he says it when he’s sober. An “I Love You” (or any semblance thereof) while under the influence of anything stronger than grape juice won’t hold up in court or in life.
10. Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
11. This is going to be controversial, but I am going to say it anyway. No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
12. You deserve a fucking phone call.
Last but no least, this tops my list for Best Tip:
13. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another.
Personally, I heard many of the excuses listed above - especially the Afraid To Get Hurt and Just Got Out of Relationship ones. The book could not have summarized it any better.
Other reviewers of this book said that it is "provocative, hilarious and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating". It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe he's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.
Maybe I should write my own version for the men - She's Just Not That Hot About You. Touted to be the next national bestseller - coming to a blog near you. Watch this space.