I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Long Awaited Update

Image by SBA73

It's been almost three months since I last blogged. Thanks to those who dropped me sweet caring messages to find out how I was doing, especially Richard. I am good now - emotionally raw but stabilised.

So what has happened between my last blog and now? Thought I would give you guys a quick update:

1) I have not lost any weight. The ballooning weight is making me depressed. I think I should start starving.

2) I have just received a promotion. Before I was just managing marketing activities for the Singapore office, my portfolio has now been expanded to cover Malaysia, Thailand, Hong Kong and Greater China. That also means I get three direct reports now - which is fun! I love playing boss. :)

3) I am flying off to Bangkok tomorrow - but I doubt I have time to shop. My meeting schedule looks awfully tight. Might as well stay in the room...and read. Or I can go for a massage. Heard they are cheap and GOOD in Thailand.

4) I will be flying off to Tokyo (AGAIN!) the week after my Bangkok trip. Oh yes - back to my "jet-setting" days (as if)! This time I have allocated time to shop, eat, shop again, eat again, then shop, then eat...you get the idea. I can't wait... ii-desu-ka!

I just remembered that I have not posted the photos from my last Tokyo trip...I am indeed getting old.

Old, fat and forgetful. No wonder I am depressed.

5) Bought a new apartment some time ago - and the developers have finally finished building it. Got my keys recently and have been busy shopping for furniture and designing my dream flat. Now that killed 90% of my brain cells and definitely deserve a post on its own - which I hope I can get round to once I return from my business trips.

So there you go - a sneak preview of my exciting life.

Go ahead and envy me.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Frank Lee Speaking

FRANK LEE - MAY 28, 2008

Today I lost another friend. I don't even know how he died. Some said it was a disease. Whatever it was, it was too sudden.

On May 12, 2008, Frank Lee added me as friend on Facebook. A couple of months before that, I bumped into him when I was out shopping. We chatted briefly - and I chirpily made one of those empty promises which now, I would never ever be able to fulfil. I said we should catch up for tea one of these days.

I really like Frank. He's your Mr Nice Guy - patient, kind, softspoken and caring. He's a bit of a geek - but he's always very pleasant to hang out with.

He was also my ex-colleague who had left the company barely a year ago. He is always smiling, always willing to help. He was such a bubbly and optimistic guy that we enjoyed teasing him. To us, he was "Frank Lee Speaking" (a pun on "frankly speaking"). Having worked with him for a while and interacted with him on a daily basis at work previously, his passing left me reeling with extreme shock...and a lot of pain.

In a fatal stroke, everything was taken away from him. His wife-to-be, his future, his career, his life, his family...and our tea date. News of his death drowned me like a tsunami, paralysing my senses. I wanted to deny it so badly. For once in my life, I want to live in this lie.

But the verdict is sickening and final. He's no longer around.

I feel my heart plunging to my stomach. The sense of loss is overwhelming. Why him? Why now? Why does it have to end this way? He was only 32.

Frank - I am so, so sorry. I wished we had met up for tea. I wished I had been more proactive and communicated with you more actively on Facebook. I wished I knew you more. I wished this wasn't real. I wished I was more of a friend than a colleague. I wished I could have done more.

But I know now no matter how hard I wish, you are gone forever. Once again, I was too late.

I really hate this.

Artwork by *Miss-Rita

Monday, April 21, 2008

ladies & gentlemen, this is my song

Artwork by ~Blinnie

I was surfing the world wide web when I came across this guy named Jerry Herman who wrote a song called "I Am What I Am".


His lyrics are pretty apt - and maybe I am bias, but it does speaks of how I feel and how I view my life. Unfortunately I do not know how it sounds like, and some parts seem a bit gay. But what the heck. Enjoy.


I am what I am, I am my own special creation
So come take a look, give me the hook or the ovation
It's my world that I want to have a little pride in
My world and it's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say, hey world
I am what I am

I am what I am, I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum, some think it's noise I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each feather and each spangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham 'til you can shout out loud
I am what I am

I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces
There's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say, hey world
I am what I am

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

10 Things Women Look For In A Man

Artwork by *JacquiJax

It was on the morning show on radio today. The DJ was listing the 10 things women look for in a man, which includes normal stuff such as:

  • Is he generous?
  • Is he bitter about his past relationships?
  • Does he pay attention and listen to you, even when he is talking about himself?
  • Is he engaging?
  • Does he have a sense of humour?
  • How is he compared to her ex?

...and the list goes on.

Funny how such "most wanted" lists are always very one sided. A guy I once dated commented how girls are always checking the boys off their incredibly long "laundry" list. The criteria for their ideal man often runs the length of an expressway, and scales the height of the world's tallest skyscraper.

"So..." my date asked, "What do girls do to ensure that they are perfect in every way possible should their "ideal" guy come by one day?"

He continued, "I mean to be fair, if a girl expects so much of a man, she must look at herself first and go through the same mental checklist of what she should do to be the ideal woman for that perfect guy."

That really got me thinking. And I finally realise why the wise guys said that "the truth hurts, but it will set you free."

Women do expect a lot from their men. They want them to be strong and dependable, but yet be achingly romantic and emotionally sensitive to their needs. Their men gotta be financially dependent and preferably generous, with the ability to afford their lifestyles. They love smart guys who can engage them on an intellectual level, and who can say all the right things at the right time.

The wishlist of a typical woman goes on to describe someone who is well-groomed and good looking, fiercely loyal but yet, has a little naughty "bad boy" streak in him at the same time. He must have ambition and drive, knows when to shower tons of love upon her and when to back off and give her that breathing space that she desperately needs.

A peep into my girlfriends' wishlists for their "ideal man" reveals at least 75% of the criteria mentioned above. Some had even more specific requirements: "He must be at least 1.8m tall"; "He should at least have a university degree"; "He should come from a good family" ...yup, that list almost reads like a recruitment ad for a talent from Havard.

Which leads me back to my date's question: How many similar requirements would a woman fulfil on this perfect man's "recruitment" ad should he have one?

It's painful when the tables are turned upon you, isn't it?

You start to look at yourself and realise that you are not a boobsy supermodel with shapely legs up to her chest. Neither are you a fantastic cook with legendary culinary skills that can entrap any man's heart. You are probably stuck with an awfully boring job that will not offer many stimulating conversations between you and your ideal man. You graduated from a normal school with average grades and like all women, you are also probably emotional and often fraught with mood swings. You nag, complain and whine a lot - and you find it hard to forgive and forget, especially when he does you wrong. And more often than not, you may be more caught up with how you are feeling than how you are making him feel.

If the above sounds a lot like you, then maybe it's time to relook at your wishlist - and understand that every perfect man deserves a perfect woman. And if you are less than perfect, you need to be more realistic in the kind of man you are looking for.

Go for the intrinsic qualities which would make a man someone who is worthy of your love and devotion. Sometimes you might discover that for such a man, the wishlist might not even exceed three key criteria.

Every woman look for different things in their man. I can't tell you what your wishlist should look like, but what you can take away from today's post is - Start looking at the man-woman relationship from both sides of the toast: How you want to be loved, and how you want to love your man.

When you learn to develop a wishlist that is not purely one-sided, you will find that your ideal man is really not that hard to find.

Friday, April 11, 2008

my soccer jersey

I must be really bored. I don't even watch the World Cup. The only thing I know about soccer is David Beckham, Michael Owen and Pele. So why the hell do I need a jersey?

But I love the number 33 and I thought it would look really cool on a soccer jersey.

Customized Soccer Jersey - ImageChef.com

Actually, what really got me all "excited" about this little boys' game was that I've been tasked to organise an inter-bank soccer tournament in May. The thought of 10 sweating men grunting and shoving each other on the field, trying to cajole a little black & white ball between the hairy legs of another grown man into a gaping net - is quite arresting indeed.

So with that powerful image in my mind, I went about my day selecting trophies that will embellish their win, and reaffirm their mastery of The Ball & The Net.

Then I tried to redesign the jersery, spending a brainless afternoon moving the tournament logo all over the shirt and trying to decide on the one perfect spot where it would look great, and not just "good". Yes, I am THAT anal.

With that out of the way, I decided to take a break from all that testosterone stuff and design my own cute jersery. Which leads us to the beginning of this blog entry.

I must be really bored.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

it's been a long week

..or rather a really long month.

too much work. not enough sleep. brain dead. feeling a little lost. and i think age has something to do with the way i feel.

physically and emotionally.

getting fat. metabolic rate is declining faster than the US stock market. energy levels at all time low. water retention. feeling bloated.

don't feel so good about myself. strange. I was never that self conscious. Somehow, people's remarks about how bad i look now are getting to me. I hate it and I am fighting it, but it's wearing me out.

sometimes i wish people will leave me alone.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

People will always fail you...

Artwork by ~DannyPhantomFreek

....and that's a fact.

I am surrounded by quitters. It's so disheartening that I can't even bring myself to talk about it.

I am not one to quit easily. I always believe that as long as we keep trying - things will work out the way we want it to. Having faith is so important - but I am slowly losing it. It's hard to cling on to faith when everyone seems to have no qualms hacking it away from you with their negativity and bitterness.

Can't help feeling defeated. And sad. I have never felt this sad for a long time. And the feeling of sadness - feels like a disease that eats away at your heart, bit by bit, until it finally stops beating and begins to rot and fester.

God am I tired.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Elvinalogy 4.0

Time for more insights on Yours Truly. Speaking about time....check this one out. Snitched it from Richard's blog.

What Time of Day Are You?

You are 10:02 a.m.

You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy.

You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking.

You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.

I feel delicious already....

Which Movie Superhero Are You?

You're Superman

You sometimes feel like you're different from everyone else on the planet, but you don't mind, because you like these Earth people! You consider it your duty to keep them safe. Like Superman, you're comfortable wearing colorful, attention-grabbing outfits in public. If you see someone breaking the law, you'll swoop in and correct the problem. Your family, friends and coworkers appreciate how dependable you are, even if they don't realize the full extent of your powers.

I do feel like him sometimes. Expected to save the world, yet grossly undervalued. Why do people always take me for granted?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Artwork by ~zurih

I came across an article recently which asked these interesting questions:

1. What would you do if you know that whatever you do, there will be absolutely no chance of failure?

2. What kind of challenges/risk would you take on knowing that the element of judgement is removed?

3. What is stopping you from pursuing this goal right now?

The fear of failure, as you can see, is an overwhelming force. It paralyses you - and hinders you from reaching your potential. It stops you from reaching from your dream. Most of all, it compromises who you are - so that you left with "who you could have been".

Now - they even have a name for this condition. Atychiphobia.

Would the fear of failure lead to more failures? Because missed opportunities may not come by again. Because the consequences of not taking the leap of faith may outweigh whatever you are trying to save yourself from. Because you only live once.

No one describes this state of mind better than Alexander Sergeievich Pushkin:

I've lived to bury my desires,
And see my dreams corrode with rust;
Now all that's left are fruitless fires
That burn my empty heart to dust

Heck. I could have so been a CSI.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

memories of London

As promised, here are the long awaited photos from my London trip. It's a really lovely place, and I would like to visit it again sometime. Haven't had that much time for sightseeing this time, which explains why I didn't take that many photos. :P

Click to view more photos from my London trip!

"The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express." ~ Francis Beacon, Sr.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Time Filler

Artwork by =andaria

A girlfriend of mine asked me today: "What do you make of a guy who messages you every day, calls you up to chat every night, but never ask you out?"

"He's bored at that point in time, and is probably taking a break from whatever has been taking up his time before he called/messaged. In other words, I think you are his time filler." I rationalised.

So how do you tell when you someone is taking you as his time filler? Here are some tell tale signs...

1/ He calls you at his convenience - even it that means in the middle of the night.

2/ He is more caught up with updating you about his life than asking about yours.

3/ He hardly asks you out, but when he finally does, it's out of the blue when he's got nothing else on to distract him.

4/ When he's with you, he's only got one thing on his mind and it starts with S and ends with X.

5/ He wants you to understand when he is busy, but he kicks up a big fuss when you have no time for him.

6/ He wants to know who else you are seeing; but he keeps his dates a secret

7/ He says he misses you whenever he calls - but his calls are so infrequent you wonder if that was true.

8/ He calls you to chat when he is drunk.

The list goes on - but these are the ones I always hear about.

So ladies - if you don't wish to be taken as a time filler, recognise these signs and purge these men out of your life. They are toxic and detrimental to your emotional well-being.

You definitely deserve better.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

My Resolutions for 2008

Artwork by ~Marendigell

Somehow I find it easier to achieve the gruelling KPIs of my work, then my yearly personal resolutions. It's as though I have taken myself for granted.

Fortunately for me, I am quite a goal-oriented person. Once I've set my mind on something, I will work towards gettting there. Maybe for personal goals, it will take me a while - but yeh, I will get there. :)

And here are my resolutions for 2008. Check back again with me at the end of the year - and we will do an audit of how far I would have come.

1. Exercise regularly.

I have been pretty sickly last year - and have been told by my numerous concerned friends that maybe I should get out into the sun more and move my lazy ass. Exercise helps improve blood circulation and sleep, boosts the immune system, and of course, keeps my ballooning weight in check.

I don't seem to have a choice if I want to reduce the number of days I have been on sick leave. So I resolve to take NO medical leave this year! <== Big Fat Hairy Resolution
On to the treadmill!

2. Lose 6 kg in 6 months.

This is an unfortunate consequence of not exercising at all whilst I was stuffing my face with food. I will write more about this in my next post - but for now, I need to cut off some fats at strategic parts of my body, gain and tone some muscles and stop looking pregnant. This practically means, Resolution (1) is necessary for the successful completion of Resolution (2).


3. Blog regularly.

My blog seemed to be frozen in time in 2007. Yes, I admit I had other distractions - but that shouldn't be an excuse. I absolutely love writing. Blogging helps to keep that rhythm, and disciplines me to materalise my thoughts, opinions and emotions in words. It oils the writing engine and more often than not, reduces the down time - more commonly known as writers' block.

I want to be able to share like before and let my entries touch people in ways that I might not be able to do so in person. But most of all, I don't want to stop writing and lose sight of the one true passion of my life.

4. Make a will

Life is so fleeting - and totally unpredictable. I see people dying around me every day, and the fatalistic part of me sometimes wonder when will I be next to go. You would never know, would you?

So I was thinking, if I do expire one day, I want to leave behind a legacy to bless those whom I care about. When there's a will, there's a way.

How corny.

5. Develop the outline of my book.

That's pretty achievable, don't you think? I have to start somewhere you know - and writing that very first chapter seemed even harder than conquering Mount Everest. It seems that many writers are inflicted with this numbing disease called Writophobia - the fear of writing because one feels the finished work will never be good enough.

I figured if I start working on the outline of my book and list the topics/chapters that I would be writing on, the next step to writing that first chapter would be less daunting.

Or am I deluding myself?

6. Clear my debts.

Credit cards - the bane of all evil. I want to be debt free - or at least credit card debt free by end of 2008. Banks are legitimate loansharks. They seduce you to take their products, entice you to use them regularly (for everything and anything), and blind you with all sorts of promotions and member privileges. And suddenly, you are totally duped into using the money that you don't have in the first place.

Behind the scenes, they start to pile up the interests, which escalate every month to alarming levels. And before you know it, you are neck high in a pile of shit and gotta try to stay afloat and not to drown in the tsunami of bills.

So I am getting meself a mighty pair of scissors to cut away those plastics the moment I cleared the shit out of them. That's what me gonna do.

7. Start saving.

The lack of savings is an unfortunate consequence of servicing credit card debts. Which means Resolution (7) is dependent on the successful completion of Resolution (6). Don't you just hate it when your resolutions overlap like this?

I want to be able to put aside a significant amount of savings each month. I want to be less dependent on plastics and loans and have a healthy amount of cashflow. I want to fatten my bank account and be able to swim in wads and wads of bills.

Well I can dream, can't I?

So there we have it - seven simple resolutions for the new year. Nothing fanciful - but extremely significant to me. I am hesitant to have more than seven resolutions because as it is, it takes a hell lot of determination and discipline just to achieve one. I am being Ms Realistic here - so that I will not be driving myself insane just to tick a laundry list of resolutions off my checkbox.

Now - what are YOUR resolutions for 2008?

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” ~ James Agate

Thursday, January 10, 2008

happy birthday to me

Artwork by ~polawat

one year older
one year none the wiser
forget the candles
scrap the cake
less is more, remember?

from girl to woman
like a flower blossomed
what's innocence
where I'm from
it's literally non-existent

so it's another year
another day
another reminder
oh, come what may

so much love today
i feel faint
greetings poured in
like summer rain

well my friends
thank you for everything
life's been great
absolutely divine
almost heavenly
so just for today
happy birthday
to me