It was on the morning show on radio today. The DJ was listing the 10 things women look for in a man, which includes normal stuff such as:
- Is he generous?
- Is he bitter about his past relationships?
- Does he pay attention and listen to you, even when he is talking about himself?
- Is he engaging?
- Does he have a sense of humour?
- How is he compared to her ex?
...and the list goes on.
Funny how such "most wanted" lists are always very one sided. A guy I once dated commented how girls are always checking the boys off their incredibly long "laundry" list. The criteria for their ideal man often runs the length of an expressway, and scales the height of the world's tallest skyscraper.
"So..." my date asked, "What do girls do to ensure that they are perfect in every way possible should their "ideal" guy come by one day?"
He continued, "I mean to be fair, if a girl expects so much of a man, she must look at herself first and go through the same mental checklist of what she should do to be the ideal woman for that perfect guy."
That really got me thinking. And I finally realise why the wise guys said that "the truth hurts, but it will set you free."
Women do expect a lot from their men. They want them to be strong and dependable, but yet be achingly romantic and emotionally sensitive to their needs. Their men gotta be financially dependent and preferably generous, with the ability to afford their lifestyles. They love smart guys who can engage them on an intellectual level, and who can say all the right things at the right time.
The wishlist of a typical woman goes on to describe someone who is well-groomed and good looking, fiercely loyal but yet, has a little naughty "bad boy" streak in him at the same time. He must have ambition and drive, knows when to shower tons of love upon her and when to back off and give her that breathing space that she desperately needs.
A peep into my girlfriends' wishlists for their "ideal man" reveals at least 75% of the criteria mentioned above. Some had even more specific requirements: "He must be at least 1.8m tall"; "He should at least have a university degree"; "He should come from a good family" ...yup, that list almost reads like a recruitment ad for a talent from Havard.
Which leads me back to my date's question: How many similar requirements would a woman fulfil on this perfect man's "recruitment" ad should he have one?
It's painful when the tables are turned upon you, isn't it?
You start to look at yourself and realise that you are not a boobsy supermodel with shapely legs up to her chest. Neither are you a fantastic cook with legendary culinary skills that can entrap any man's heart. You are probably stuck with an awfully boring job that will not offer many stimulating conversations between you and your ideal man. You graduated from a normal school with average grades and like all women, you are also probably emotional and often fraught with mood swings. You nag, complain and whine a lot - and you find it hard to forgive and forget, especially when he does you wrong. And more often than not, you may be more caught up with how you are feeling than how you are making him feel.
If the above sounds a lot like you, then maybe it's time to relook at your wishlist - and understand that every perfect man deserves a perfect woman. And if you are less than perfect, you need to be more realistic in the kind of man you are looking for.
Go for the intrinsic qualities which would make a man someone who is worthy of your love and devotion. Sometimes you might discover that for such a man, the wishlist might not even exceed three key criteria.
Every woman look for different things in their man. I can't tell you what your wishlist should look like, but what you can take away from today's post is - Start looking at the man-woman relationship from both sides of the toast: How you want to be loved, and how you want to love your man.
When you learn to develop a wishlist that is not purely one-sided, you will find that your ideal man is really not that hard to find.