I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

10 Things Women Look For In A Man

Artwork by *JacquiJax

It was on the morning show on radio today. The DJ was listing the 10 things women look for in a man, which includes normal stuff such as:

  • Is he generous?
  • Is he bitter about his past relationships?
  • Does he pay attention and listen to you, even when he is talking about himself?
  • Is he engaging?
  • Does he have a sense of humour?
  • How is he compared to her ex?

...and the list goes on.

Funny how such "most wanted" lists are always very one sided. A guy I once dated commented how girls are always checking the boys off their incredibly long "laundry" list. The criteria for their ideal man often runs the length of an expressway, and scales the height of the world's tallest skyscraper.

"So..." my date asked, "What do girls do to ensure that they are perfect in every way possible should their "ideal" guy come by one day?"

He continued, "I mean to be fair, if a girl expects so much of a man, she must look at herself first and go through the same mental checklist of what she should do to be the ideal woman for that perfect guy."

That really got me thinking. And I finally realise why the wise guys said that "the truth hurts, but it will set you free."

Women do expect a lot from their men. They want them to be strong and dependable, but yet be achingly romantic and emotionally sensitive to their needs. Their men gotta be financially dependent and preferably generous, with the ability to afford their lifestyles. They love smart guys who can engage them on an intellectual level, and who can say all the right things at the right time.

The wishlist of a typical woman goes on to describe someone who is well-groomed and good looking, fiercely loyal but yet, has a little naughty "bad boy" streak in him at the same time. He must have ambition and drive, knows when to shower tons of love upon her and when to back off and give her that breathing space that she desperately needs.

A peep into my girlfriends' wishlists for their "ideal man" reveals at least 75% of the criteria mentioned above. Some had even more specific requirements: "He must be at least 1.8m tall"; "He should at least have a university degree"; "He should come from a good family" ...yup, that list almost reads like a recruitment ad for a talent from Havard.

Which leads me back to my date's question: How many similar requirements would a woman fulfil on this perfect man's "recruitment" ad should he have one?

It's painful when the tables are turned upon you, isn't it?

You start to look at yourself and realise that you are not a boobsy supermodel with shapely legs up to her chest. Neither are you a fantastic cook with legendary culinary skills that can entrap any man's heart. You are probably stuck with an awfully boring job that will not offer many stimulating conversations between you and your ideal man. You graduated from a normal school with average grades and like all women, you are also probably emotional and often fraught with mood swings. You nag, complain and whine a lot - and you find it hard to forgive and forget, especially when he does you wrong. And more often than not, you may be more caught up with how you are feeling than how you are making him feel.

If the above sounds a lot like you, then maybe it's time to relook at your wishlist - and understand that every perfect man deserves a perfect woman. And if you are less than perfect, you need to be more realistic in the kind of man you are looking for.

Go for the intrinsic qualities which would make a man someone who is worthy of your love and devotion. Sometimes you might discover that for such a man, the wishlist might not even exceed three key criteria.

Every woman look for different things in their man. I can't tell you what your wishlist should look like, but what you can take away from today's post is - Start looking at the man-woman relationship from both sides of the toast: How you want to be loved, and how you want to love your man.

When you learn to develop a wishlist that is not purely one-sided, you will find that your ideal man is really not that hard to find.


Sherwin said...

Just wondering.... It sounds like what I would say a Long time ago...

not me rite?? =P

Richard said...

Great post!

I disagree that finding your ideal partner can be quite so easy. As someone who has only ever had 1 girlfriend and 1 unrequited love, I can assure you that finding that special someone is not easy.

The only requirements I had was that she had to be (1) someone I wanted to be my life partner, to share my life with and (2) someone I wanted as the mother of my children. I had no shopping list of attributes and qualities - it was about getting to know the person and determining if she was suitable.

My main gripe was that women always seemed to be in a rush to get into a relationship. This was later re-affirmed by a Japanese friend of mine (woman) who told me that women don't want to wait 6 months or a year while a guy (me) decides if he wants to be more than just friends. In my case, I want to know the person. It is easy to find someone attractive or exciting. The real question is whether this is a person I want to share myself with. Unfortunately, knowing the size of her bank account, or how many letters she has after her name, or if she is a gourmand doesn't tell me if she is suitable or not.

Despite having long shopping lists of attributes, women often seem to fall for the "wrong" guy anyway. I have often seen women who reject a nice guy's advances only to hook up with a jerk a few months later.

Another gripe I have is with women who date a guy they don't love or care about ("but he's better than nothing") while still keeping their eye out for Mr. Right. How can they still be looking if they ar ein a relationship (ok, ok, apparently, guys do the same).

For me, getting into a relationship was about making a gift of yourself for the other person. A unique and special gift, exclusive for that person. When I was younger, I fell in love with my wife. I didn't know who she would be, but I knew I would always be faithful to her. I make no temporal distinction of fidelity pre and post marriage. Most people disagree with me, fidelity only comes after you say "I do". Of course, these same people typically advise that you should never discuss past relationships; my counter argument would be, how can you have a full and open relationship when you close off part of yourself?

Of course, it is also about expectations. I remember reading a book (I think it was called, "How to Marry a Millionaire") and as the author told women, (paraphrased) "If you are marrying for money, then you are marrying for money. Period. You are not marrying for love, or good looks, or fidelity, or a good husban,d or even decent hygiene. You are marrying for money and everything else is irrelevant."

Guys seem to be less picky than women, as long as she is still breathing seems to be sufficient criteria to deem a female suitable.

Random thoughts, not organized into anything terribly coherent.

Sherwin said...

Women somehow are torn between knowing this person is the right one,
And their Dream/List which they have drawn up since the day they were Born which includes someone like JOHN TRAVOLTA in GREESE...

Then they have unfortunately this little thing called time.
it is like you have to be married before you hit the Number 30...

This unfortunately seems to be more prominent in Eastern Cultures rather than Western Cultures.

So some will look at the clock, PAnic - and Zip, someone who hit as many points they have on their list.

EVERY guy at one point in their relationship will BE A JERK...
just ask any woman, that's where they call LOW POINT. Can be anything from being Quarrelsome, to Adulterous, Abusive, or some twist of circumstances (Eg. Suddenly no $$)

It seriously takes alot of patience on BOTH parties, to swallow, fight and even wrestle the situation.(easy said, not easy done)

And well.... some things can't be Taught, but rather Caught

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Richard: As always, I am intrigued by how much random thoughts you have going in your head. :)

I do agree with you on many points - especially the part where despite having this long shopping list of criteria, women still end up with the jerks.

As for the waiting part - I personally feel that if the guy just wanna be friends then there's no actual need to "wait". The girl is free to date anyone she wants during this period. As friends, you can't expect her to hang around forever and wait for you to make your mind about her, because she might not know if you would eventually convert her status from "friend" to "girlfriend". For all she knows, that day might never come as you get to know her better.

Hence, I don't think that it's the case of women not wanting to wait (because you can still know each other as friends), but rather the uncertainty of what may happen at the end.

As for the looking for Mr Right syndrome, I did discuss this in my previous entry - but I think it's something that afflicts men too, but maybe to a smaller scale. :)

And I love the part where you said being in a relationship is about making yourself a special and exclusive gift for the other person. I truly believe in that - and how wonderful would most relationships be if everyone holds the same notion.

Mockingbird said...

a woman should expect to get a perfect 10 man only when she herself is also a perfect 10 :D

Richard said...

I think women need to be more proactive, not just sit around and wait for men to ask them out. I wouldn't have minded if more women invited me out.

I have no idea what a date is. The only person I have ever considered myself to date is Sofia. I just went out with other women. On the other hand, I consider myself lucky to have been able to go out with women from a wide number of countries (though no Singaporeans).

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Awww...no Singaporean women? You don't know what you have missed! :P

Richard said...

You mean sensitive, sensual, stubborn, sensible, smart, sweet, sassy superwomen?

Should I ever make it to Singapore, I definitely look forward to your acting as ambassador for all Singaporean women.

I am partial to the following agenda:

Meet up in the early afternoon at a museum, art gallery or something similar; followed by dinner at a Thai or Indian restaurant (maybe other fair goes as exotic in Sg); then take in a show of some sort; after the show, go for a walk in an interesting / colourful market area; follow that up with dessert and cap it off with a long stroll by the water until the conversation fades away (or I turn into a pumpkin).

Of course, I am pretty easy. One woman I knew liked to go to the airport. So we would sit for hours and watch the planes come and go.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

I know of more places to bring you then that. Probably I may take you up the Singapore Flyer to absorb the lovely view from the top; drop by the Esplanadefor really good food and an arts performance; take a food tour around Singapore to sample our local delights; check out our famous shopping belt along Orchard Road; and end the evening with a ride through the Night Safari.

Of course, there are more things you can do - but you will have to be here so that I can actually show you MORE!

How does that sound?

Richard said...

Sounds good, though none of the links work. For some reason, www.blogger.com is prefixed to the actual link (but I did manage to "fix" the links and see the attractions).

For me, the most important thing was always the person. The specific activities were always secondary. The absolute worst activity, in my opinion, is going to see a movie. I can sit perfectly well in the dark by myself.

I always found it amazing how many people think meeting 15 minutes before the movie, seeing the movie and then hanging out 15 minutes after the movie constitutes a night out. Very unsatisfying for me.

Nice to see your presence on the web again.

Unless I become significantly wealthier (and have more free time) and can afford to travel at leisure, it is unlikely I will be anywhere near Singapore in the foreseeable and unforeseeable future. Maybe I should do like Sofia and get a job where travel is part of it. She was recently in Panama and Brazil and she will be going to Bonn, Germany shortly.

Joshua said...

well said, elvina =)