....and that's a fact.
I am surrounded by quitters. It's so disheartening that I can't even bring myself to talk about it.
I am not one to quit easily. I always believe that as long as we keep trying - things will work out the way we want it to. Having faith is so important - but I am slowly losing it. It's hard to cling on to faith when everyone seems to have no qualms hacking it away from you with their negativity and bitterness.
Can't help feeling defeated. And sad. I have never felt this sad for a long time. And the feeling of sadness - feels like a disease that eats away at your heart, bit by bit, until it finally stops beating and begins to rot and fester.
God am I tired.
3 comments:
Not all people will fail you, but not all people will journey along the same path with you. I know it is hard.
A few months back I was pretty low, fortunately, that turned around in November and by December I was pretty much back to my old self.
A while back I posted that I learned to trust and rely on people less. But I cannot deny that sometimes journeying alone, being self-reliant, is hard and wearying.
In your comment to that post you said: I will always stick to one principle - that is not to give anyone who does not mean anything to me - the power to make me angry or sad.
I have met a number of wonderful people through blogging and believe (irrationally hope?) that some of them hunger in a similar way I do. We may not all have the same dreams or aspirations or goals we may not even ultimately follow the same paths, but sometimes, when I am down or in need of a little support or encouragement or just to share some tiny accomplishment or dream, I think how wonderful it would be to just sit, talk and be with these people. Finding shelter in this small oasis of friends. I know you are one of those people I would like as a wellspring of hope and solace.
I think I have given you this advice before: get some sleep. Lack of sleep is the single biggest trigger to feelings of despondency in me. Not at first. I can go a day, a week, a month, even longer without realizing how lack of sleep eats away at my soul.
Take care.
thanks Richard. I know I can always count on you to pick me up when i'm down, and to give me hope whenever I feel lost.
I think sleeping is a good idea.
I do not know if you are religious, but as I respond, this comes from a religious perspective. I suffer often from the feeling of being let down by most people around me most of the time. One of the only people who don't is my wife, I swear it is 3/4 of why I married her!
Jesus said "Follow me," he did not say "Follow Christians." I think about this occasionally, when I feel like people let me down. People often will, just as we do. I let people down, you have let people down, everyone does fail, because we are human. It is not a reason to give up all hope on the notion of humanity though. It means be judicious in your selection of who we spend time with. IT means knowing we all struggle to be good, we all struggle to be the one who doesn't let others down. So long as we keep picking each other up, even if we fail sometimes, we don't fail all the time. Maybe the sum at the end works out.
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