Watching Taiwanese period drama serials can be quite excruciating at times. Besides the fact that they are extreme tear-jerkers, the amount of romance and love they heaped onto the scripts are incredibly overwhelming.
公子: 不要在折磨我，考验我了。我不是圣人。我会经不起诱惑。如果我坏一点，自私一点， 你所付出的感情, 我会不顾一切，照单全收的。
I cannot help feeling cynical. Were people really that passionate about love in the past? Every single confession, every single tear and every single word are laden with so much love - that seemed to be bleeding profusely from the depths of the heart.
Are humans capable of such extreme feelings - particularly love?
I wonder if modernization has robbed us of that capability to love like that. Has the pursuit of money, the emphasis on paper chase, the relentless climb up the corporate ladder made us forgot how it was like to love with wild abandonment?
Maybe it was possible when we were younger and still harbour idealistic notions of love and romance.
Nowadays, I am just more practical.
I love to be cherished and pampered. I love to be romanced. I love to know that I am being missed and desired.
But anyone can do that. It's not rocket science. What is truly challenging is to keep the flame of love alive after all that lovey-dovey stuff. And lovey-dovey stuff to a practical woman like me - can only last that long.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not looking for a relationship. I lose faith in relationships very easily nowadays. The day I get attached is the day I wonder when the break up will be.
Marriage to me - is only a constituition. The contract "till death do us part" - can be readily void as any other business contracts. Just sign - and you are free to go.
I am looking for a kind of feeling - a kind of love which allows me to be myself. A kind of love that is sacrificially beautiful, and shared between two people who just wants the best for each other. A kind of love that refuses to subside even when two people are apart. A kind of love that builds each other up so much, one feels emotionally paralysed without the other.
That brings to mind a very poignant and one of my favourite lines from Tom Cruise's movie, "Jerry Maguire".
"You complete me."
This very line summarizes the kind of feeling I am looking for. It's easy to say - "I love you". "I miss you". "I want you". But how many people can tell a special someone, "You complete me"?
I haven't had that feeling for a long time.
I haven't found anyone who I want to hear it from.
I haven't found someone who I can say it to. Yet.