Soulmates

The notion of soulmates fascinates me.

Does every one have a pre-destined soulmate?

What is the possibility of us finding that person?

Will the soulmate be the person we eventually marry, or do we go ahead and tie the knot, knowing very well that our partner may not be the soulmate that we are looking for?

Is it possible that we will go through our entire life not ever knowing who our soulmate is?

Could it also mean that if we miss a chance to be with our soulmate, we will never find another one again?

It is wonderful to know that a person like a soulmate exist. Someone who probably knows you more than you know yourself. Someone who knows what you are feeling just by being near you. Someone who knows what you are thinking of - even when you don't say a word. Someone who surprises you by doing the same things you are thinking of doing. Someone who knows exactly how you want to be loved. Someone who is always there - even when he's not physically there.

But if truth is that there can only be one soulmate for every person in a lifetime, then it would be tragic for someone like me. Because, deep inside me, I know I have found my soulmate - and lost him I did too.

Dan begged to differ. He felt that a person's soulmate would ultimately have to be the person you marry. Your wife or husband should be your soulmate.

The issue now is the word "should". Of course, given an ideal situation, who wouldn't yearn to fall in love with someone, who so happens to be the soulmate you have been searching for all your life, and end up in perpetual marital bliss?

I hate to stress this - but that is really an ideal situation.

More often than not, the person we fall for may not even be that soulmate. Could jolly well be an abusive boyfriend, a liar, or an incorrigible womanizer. Same goes for the one we marry.

I told Dan that I believe I have already found my soulmate in Leon. He asked me if Leon was that person for me, why did he end up cheating on me?

The answer is in fact, very simple. Leon might be my ultimate soulmate, but he wasn't the perfect partner. A wonderful lover might not necessary be your soulmate either. Having a soulmate as your eventual partner is an ideal situation, remember?

Leon was a soulmate in many ways.

He always seemed to know when I was feeling down and never failed to be there for me - no matter how late it was. He would be the friend to shoulder all my burdens and worries. He was the patient boyfriend who put up with all my flaws and shortcomings. He felt my pain even when I didn't say a thing. He laughed when he saw the twinkle in my eye. Many nights, we would sit in silence, and communicate with each other using nothing but non-verbal cues. Time and again, he would overwhelm me with his ability to read my mind in a way no one else could.

Leon also knew what made me tick. There were times when he would call - just when I was feeling lonely. When we were only friends, he knew exactly when I would be needing company - and he would avail himself on those days. As good buddies, we would spend special occasions like Christmas, Valentine's Day and New Year together simply because both of us were unattached.

When we were a couple, he would indulge in my whims and fancies - such as shopping for groceries, cooking and baking - like what any old loving couple would do in their retirement years. Occasionally, he would suddenly grab my waist - right in the middle of the supermarket aisle - and lead me into a slow dance, cheek to cheek - to the melodies of the piped-in music. And yes, these are exactly the kind of surprises he knew would thrill me to no end.

And that was the kind of soulmate Leon had been to me. He only fell short because he could not be the faithful partner that I wanted.

But that does not mean he could not be faithful at all. It only meant that the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with - just wasn't me. In fact, he is still very much in love with the girl he left me for - 5 years ago.

I know - because I saw their loving photos on Friendster. And they really looked very happy together.

Now that my soulmate has come and gone - where does that leave me? Does that mean any guy that I end up with in the near future will always fall short of being my soulmate? With Leon being the benchmark, is it even possible for anyone to read me like he can? In so many ways?

Maybe I should stop searching for a soulmate - because I might just be setting myself up for more disappointments than anything else.

Maybe what I need is someone really sincere.

Someone who sincerely loves me with all his heart and soul. And even if that person is not a soulmate, it does not matter anymore because eventually, true love that binds two people will take precedence over the fluffy concept of "soulmates".

The lesson of Leon should be enough to prove that having a soulmate who could not be true to you - is as good as not having him at all.

"Friends will keep you sane,

Love could fill your heart,

A lover can warm your bed,

But lonely is the soul without a mate."

- David Pratt