Soulmates

The notion of soulmates fascinates me.

Does every one have a pre-destined soulmate?

What is the possibility of us finding that person?

Will the soulmate be the person we eventually marry, or do we go ahead and tie the knot, knowing very well that our partner may not be the soulmate that we are looking for?

Is it possible that we will go through our entire life not ever knowing who our soulmate is?

Could it also mean that if we miss a chance to be with our soulmate, we will never find another one again?

It is wonderful to know that a person like a soulmate exist. Someone who probably knows you more than you know yourself. Someone who knows what you are feeling just by being near you. Someone who knows what you are thinking of - even when you don't say a word. Someone who surprises you by doing the same things you are thinking of doing. Someone who knows exactly how you want to be loved. Someone who is always there - even when he's not physically there.

But if truth is that there can only be one soulmate for every person in a lifetime, then it would be tragic for someone like me. Because, deep inside me, I know I have found my soulmate - and lost him I did too.

Dan begged to differ. He felt that a person's soulmate would ultimately have to be the person you marry. Your wife or husband should be your soulmate.

The issue now is the word "should". Of course, given an ideal situation, who wouldn't yearn to fall in love with someone, who so happens to be the soulmate you have been searching for all your life, and end up in perpetual marital bliss?

I hate to stress this - but that is really an ideal situation.

More often than not, the person we fall for may not even be that soulmate. Could jolly well be an abusive boyfriend, a liar, or an incorrigible womanizer. Same goes for the one we marry.

I told Dan that I believe I have already found my soulmate in Leon. He asked me if Leon was that person for me, why did he end up cheating on me?

The answer is in fact, very simple. Leon might be my ultimate soulmate, but he wasn't the perfect partner. A wonderful lover might not necessary be your soulmate either. Having a soulmate as your eventual partner is an ideal situation, remember?

Leon was a soulmate in many ways.

He always seemed to know when I was feeling down and never failed to be there for me - no matter how late it was. He would be the friend to shoulder all my burdens and worries. He was the patient boyfriend who put up with all my flaws and shortcomings. He felt my pain even when I didn't say a thing. He laughed when he saw the twinkle in my eye. Many nights, we would sit in silence, and communicate with each other using nothing but non-verbal cues. Time and again, he would overwhelm me with his ability to read my mind in a way no one else could.

Leon also knew what made me tick. There were times when he would call - just when I was feeling lonely. When we were only friends, he knew exactly when I would be needing company - and he would avail himself on those days. As good buddies, we would spend special occasions like Christmas, Valentine's Day and New Year together simply because both of us were unattached.

When we were a couple, he would indulge in my whims and fancies - such as shopping for groceries, cooking and baking - like what any old loving couple would do in their retirement years. Occasionally, he would suddenly grab my waist - right in the middle of the supermarket aisle - and lead me into a slow dance, cheek to cheek - to the melodies of the piped-in music. And yes, these are exactly the kind of surprises he knew would thrill me to no end.

And that was the kind of soulmate Leon had been to me. He only fell short because he could not be the faithful partner that I wanted.

But that does not mean he could not be faithful at all. It only meant that the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with - just wasn't me. In fact, he is still very much in love with the girl he left me for - 5 years ago.

I know - because I saw their loving photos on Friendster. And they really looked very happy together.

Now that my soulmate has come and gone - where does that leave me? Does that mean any guy that I end up with in the near future will always fall short of being my soulmate? With Leon being the benchmark, is it even possible for anyone to read me like he can? In so many ways?

Maybe I should stop searching for a soulmate - because I might just be setting myself up for more disappointments than anything else.

Maybe what I need is someone really sincere.

Someone who sincerely loves me with all his heart and soul. And even if that person is not a soulmate, it does not matter anymore because eventually, true love that binds two people will take precedence over the fluffy concept of "soulmates".

The lesson of Leon should be enough to prove that having a soulmate who could not be true to you - is as good as not having him at all.

"Friends will keep you sane,

Love could fill your heart,

A lover can warm your bed,

But lonely is the soul without a mate."

- David Pratt

A New Look!

LaoNiang is back with a vengeance!

How do you guys like the new look? I've searched the entire web for a really nice skin for my blog and finally found this template. Kind of like this sleek black finish.

Did a lot of research on blogging and all, and realised there is so much to learn! There are even hacking codes to alter pre-set templates and HTML codes. That's what I did for the header. Replaced a boring header with an animated banner using Photoshop and ImageReady. How cool is that? Haha... so proud of myself.

Anyway, some of you may be wondering why I changed the blog address. For one, I want to keep this blog exclusive to a few people. If you have been following my blog, you would know that it has previously been used as a war zone by some spammers. Hence, I am kicking them out of my world, so that I can have some peace and quiet to pen down my thoughts and emotions.

Funny thing is, the dude who started the online mud-slinging actually wrote to me and apologized. He is a self-confessed fan of my blog, and was quite shocked that I closed down my old one.

Well, I have not yet quite decided what to do with him, but in the meantime, he would not be privy to this blog, as far as I can help it. Neither will those who try to test my patience or sanity with their nonsensical comments and threats. Enough is enough.

For those of you who are already in this blog, enjoy your stay. Hope you like the revamp and if there are any topics that you would like me to put up, let me know. Gossips are welcomed. :P

"To be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing its best, day and night, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight and never stop fighting." - E.E. Cummings

My World

It's been a whirlwind week.

Looking back, I realised I have come a pretty long way.

From the day I started blogging till now, I've made some pretty interesting friends. I don't know who they are. Don't know where they come from. Don't know what they do. Don't know how they look like.

Many who read my ramblings - are mere acquaintances. Passer-bys who got to know me through reading the little bits of myself that I reveal online every day. In time to come, they'd know more about me than I would about them.

I know they are around me, hovering near...trying to find out what went on in my life today. Even if it offers nothing more than a little glimpse into my world, these "friends" are there. Loitering around, waiting for the next update.

You know who you are. You are the one who dropped me a note to tell me you are worried. You are the one who wanted me to know that you still care. You are the one who hung around to see if I am ok. You are the one who show your silent support in many little ways that touched me.

Thanks for not giving up on me.

You do not really know me, but yet you are there - rooting for me.
It's a nice feeling. And I really appreciate that.

I have nothing much to offer. But this little blog.

If you like what you read, then do stick around. I will continue to share my world with you, because I know you really care.

And most of all, because I know, no matter what happens, you will still be there.

Oct 14, 2005

The guy in my blog entry "UNPREPARED" died today.

I killed my old blog.

I lost a friend.



I wish the one who died was me.

He's Just Not That Into You

I am back to work! Thanks to all readers of this blog for your well-wishes! I feel much better today. :)

Really felt and looked like shit the whole of last week because of my illness.... so I decided to put on a cute li'l denim tube top today, hopefully can look a bit sexier after looking like Harriett the Haggard for the last 4 days.

I bought a book for a friend of mine recently. Like many women, she has difficulty reading some of the obvious signals that men are giving out to her. She keeps second guessing them, and then works herself into a frenzy or state of confusion, wondering if this guy likes her. Apart from buying her shitloads of roses with petals for her to pluck (he loves me, he loves me not that kind of nonsensical garbage), I thought this book would do her more good.

It's written by the consultants for Sex and The City, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, and aptly called He Just Not That Into You.

This book claims that — despite good intentions— you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.

The truth may be He's just not that into you.

I have taken the liberty to shortlist some of my favourite tips from the book for your reading pleasure:

1. Oh, there seem to be so many variations to dating, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. So many gray, murky areas of vagueness, mystery and no questions asked. Dudes love this time because that’s when they get to pretend they’re not really dating you. Then they also get to pretend they’re not really responsible for your feelings.

2. Are there men who are too busy or who have been through something so horrible that it makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends.

3. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you. Men know how to use the phone.

4. He’s just not into you if he’s not dating you. ‘Hanging out’ is not dating.

5. The “He Just Got Out of a Relationship Excuse” – He will always be able to play the “friend” card with you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. After all, being a “pal”, you wouldn’t want to put him through any more emotional turmoil while he’s going through his very “traumatic breakup”. He’s got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to.

6. It’s about the guy who wants you, calls you, makes you feel sexy and desired fully. He wants to see you more and more often because every time he sees you, he likes and then loves you more and more.

7. The “He’s Afraid to Get Hurt Again” Excuse – If he were in love with you, he wouldn’t be able to help himself from getting involved in a romantic relationship regardless of his fear or past experiences.

8. The “But I Have Gotten Fat” Excuse – I definitely think you should lose 175 pounds – in the form of your loser boyfriend. His using your weight as an excuse for cheating is not only mean, but simply not valid. If he has a problem with anything in your relationship, he’s supposed to talk to you about it, not put-his-penis-in-a-strange-vagina about it.

9. It doesn’t count unless he says it when he’s sober. An “I Love You” (or any semblance thereof) while under the influence of anything stronger than grape juice won’t hold up in court or in life.

10. Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

11. This is going to be controversial, but I am going to say it anyway. No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

12. You deserve a fucking phone call.


Last but no least, this tops my list for Best Tip:

13. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another.


Personally, I heard many of the excuses listed above - especially the Afraid To Get Hurt and Just Got Out of Relationship ones. The book could not have summarized it any better.

Other reviewers of this book said that it is "provocative, hilarious and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating". It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe he's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.

Maybe I should write my own version for the men - She's Just Not That Hot About You. Touted to be the next national bestseller - coming to a blog near you. Watch this space.

UNPREPARED

It's not a good day today.

I am still on MC - and that means my body has been on strike for four days in a row - since Monday. I am actually feeling nauseous - suspect it might be gastric juice.

My head is splitting. I feel terrible. I have no answers to the many things that are going wrong in this world.





-------


A friend of mine got involved with a married man some time back. I believe she genuinely liked him and enjoyed his company. But for the guy - she's really not the first woman he has had an affair with. And no matter how special he had been to my friend, he was still an asshole in my eyes.

It pained me then to see her go through that relationship. There's nothing I can do but to watch her sink deeper, feel more miserable and be constantly drowned in guilt. Spiritually, I felt really tortured with the secret because I was utterly helpless. I wanted so much to shake her and scream in her face. I wanted to slap that guy in the face so hard his mother could not recognise him. I wanted to expose his sexacapades to his wife and make him suffer forever for his infidelity.

But who I am to do that? It wasn't my affair to begin with. My frustrations alone could not justify me destroying my friend and her husband's (yes, she married too...) lives. I felt even worse knowing that any impetuous reaction on my part may lead to unspeakable consequences to that asshole's family. How would the unsuspecting wife feel? What would his little kids feel? I just could not bring myself to do it.

So I locked this skeleton up in a vault. I tried convincing my friend she was not special to him, as he claimed she was. Men who cheat are liars. Is there a need to elaborate why? How far from the truth can that statement be?





-------

I SMS-ed that guy, pretending to be a flirtatious stranger. Showed her his enthusiastic responses. Can't you see? Men always respond to women, whether they are married, single or otherwise. He went on to ask for my MSN addy. I gave it to him, and he actually chats me up every time he sees me online.

Time and again, I proved to her that she was not special to him. Give him another woman anytime, he would still entertain her. My friend was disappointed in him when she knew he was chatting me up, but yet, she could not tear herself away from him.

There was really nothing else I could do.





-------

We never progressed beyond MSN. Most of the time, I hardly entertain him because I have already proven my point. And because, he's married with kids and for Christ's sake, he's fooling around with my friend!

He justified why men cheat on their wives. Every man, he said, probably has 10 boxes in his heart, representing different needs. Most of the time, the woman he married can only fill up, say 70% of the boxes (if you are lucky). And hence, if a man meets someone who can fill the remaining 3 boxes, he will revel in the grafitication of having his desires fulfilled. A man will almost always "subconsciously" seek out the person to complete those boxes the existing woman in his life could not fill.

My friend happened to fill that 30%. But I keep reminding her, she would not be the only one. Many women have filled it before, will fill it and will continue filling it as long as he allows it.





-------

Not knowing that I was a "spy", he continued to chat with me on MSN.

He said I was "like an angel, with wings". He said, "I like you Elvina. You make me laugh." He asked if I missed him whenever we haven't chat in a long while. His last MSN message to me was June 21, 2005.

I stopped entertaining his chats because my friend had broken up with him. I felt that my duty to her was over. I felt liberated and relieved that the bastard is out of her life. I definitely do not want him anywhere near mine.





-------

Last night my friend called. Bad news.

He is very ill. In fact, he is dying.

I heard he was stricken with cancer. Everything happened too fast. He was suddenly diagnosed with liver cancer, and within 2.5 weeks, his liver failed him.

He is now in a coma, breathing through a life-support system.

My friend was crying, because he used to be someone really special to her. And because she finally met his wife - and she felt really bad. She cried because she remembered the times they joked about death; the kind of songs he want to be played when he dies etc.

There's no way my friend could tell the wife that. She could only watch helplessly as he slowly fades away on that machine.





-------

This news hit me as hard as the Pakistani earthquake. I have been in a trance the whole day, reeling from the impact since last night. Maybe that's why I was feeling nauseous. I wasn't prepared for this at all. Don't know what to think. Could not react.

Yes, he may be a total asshole - and I am angry with him for his promiscuous and selfish behaviour. But I don't wish death upon this guy.

I actually feel very sad for him as of this moment. I feel helpless. I am beginning to feel depressed.

I feel like crying - but there were no tears. And my heart hurts real bad. I do not know how to handle death. I don't know even know what to feel about this person - who probably doesn't deserve my attention at all, if not for the fact that he is dying.

And there is nothing I can do about it. Except pray.

Murder He Wrote

This may be old news for some people - but I didn't know about it, until today. Came across a short write up on this blogger in this month's Hardware Magazine (HWM) and thought I would check his site out.

Reading his last blog entry - chills my heart. There were over 3,000 comments on his last blog, from people all over - penning down their farewells and condolences. The blogger, Simon Ng, and his sister were murdered in their home on May 12th in Queens.

Before the brutal stabbing happened, he had gone online to blog - and unknowingly - revealed the identity of the murderer. As reconstructed, he was killed just minutes after he posted it.

He had some tough time coping with pressures from school. He was probably tossing a quick entry into his blog in the midst of his busy schedule, not realizing that his final blog entry on an unwelcomed visitor would help the police nail the cold-blooded assaliant.

I felt a heavy pang in my heart when I read the full story. His Xanga blog stared back at me, dated Thursday, May 12, 2005.

I looked at his profile - born Mar 29, 1986. He's only 19.

Went through his blogs. Like any other boy teenager, he loved computer games, anime and sports. He had tons of homework and reports. He had to do his own house chores. He had money problems. Just like any other boy his age.

I somehow found it painful to reconcile the fact that he was murdered right after that last blog and that he could write no more. I don't deal with death very well.

I do not know him at all. But I connect with him because he is a blogger, like me. His blog is depressingly static - frozen on the date of his death, and kept alive only by the people who drop by.

This must be the first time in history that a weblog is used as evidence in a murder case. It goes to show how blogging, for some of us, has become an integral part of our lives. Its impact stretches alarmingly beyond the printed words you see on the screen.

This story also made me feel that nothing in one's life is too mundane to write about. People we meet. Things we see. Emotions we feel. Stuff we think about. Everything is significant in its own little way. Sometimes, we do not even know that things we don't think much of, actually hold great meaning to other people.

I have been told that my blog helped someone get through some of his darkest times.
I have been told that what I wrote made someone cry.
I have been told that my articles touched someone's heart.
I have been told that my words can heal.

Thanks for letting me know that I can make a difference - with this humble blog of mine.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People will forget what you said.

People will forget what you did.

But people will never forget,

How you made them feel.

旧爱新爱

不久前，有位朋友在自己的网页上，透露了心里许多的问号：

- 有人说 “要忘了上一个他，最好是寻找一个新的。。。” 这样真的行得通吗？

- 假如在更多的比较中，没有人比他更好。。使你更想起他，那不是更痛苦吗？

- 假如新的他付出了真感情，而你却无法给予他最真诚的感情。。。对那个新的他公平吗？

- 假如新的他，在你忘了旧的他后，而无法给你任何承诺，那不是又得受到多一次的伤害吗？


这些问题深深的触动我内心深处的一些感受。我想了好久，终于忍不住把自己摸索已久的答案告诉她：

新爱或旧爱 – 不都也是爱吗？

如果放不下旧爱，而错过了新爱，
旧爱知道吗？
旧爱有了新爱，
他又是否会在乎你的感受？
是否会想起你这个旧爱？
应该不会吧？

要是真的没有人比他更好，
为什么自己会成为他的旧爱？
若舍不得的，只有你一个人，
旧爱也不过如此。

新爱或许没有旧爱好，
但至少，他目前比旧爱- 更爱你

爱情本来就不能以‘公平 ’作衡量
如果没有真正把整颗心
用来爱一个人的话
那和敷衍没什么两样

我虽憧憬旧爱的美
但我渴望新爱的甜
如果我付出的是全部
而他却有所保留
我相信这个地球某个角落
会有一个更会珍惜这份爱的人
我也会疼惜这颗心
把它交托给那个
同样用整颗心来爱我的人

我们要学习放开
心里最怕失去的东西
让自己能获得自由

因为我不希望
当每个人找到幸福后
才发现原来只有我一个人
被留下来

Mr. Big

If you have watched "Sex and The City", you would know who Mr. Big is.

In the hit series, Mr. Big (played by Chris Noth) is a smooth, dashing, enigmatic, charismatic, charming man. The one man in Carrie Bradshaw's life who will always have a place in her heart. He's utterly single but never available. He goes in and out of her life from time to time - giving her hopes and dashing them - although not necessarily in that order.

When he's with her, he makes her feel really special and often, his actions are undoubtedly sincere. However, when he realised he got too near, he became Mr. oh-so Unattainable, pulling back faster than the pre-tsunami waves can retreat.

In real life, the same elusive Mr. Bigs exist. They make you believe that maybe at some point in time, you will be the one to capture his affection for eternity. But in reality, somehow, one can never get quite through.

They then become this "special friend", one who snuggles up occasionally for some tender-loving affection and company whenever he feels the need. He's also the same unpredictable, aloof guy who will keep himself at arms' length from you the very next day.

My friends believe I have a Mr. Big in my life. One of my girls have this theory: The difference between a Mr. Big and a "time-filler" is that you couldn't care less about what the "time-filler" does or say. In other words, if you are bothered by a guy's words, actions and reactions, that dude is probably your Mr. Big.

(Definition: "Time fillers" are people you hang out with to fill the gaps in time when you have nothing else to do, or no one to go out with. Usually refers to the opposite sex. Feelings sold separately.)

I do beg to differ. Not that I have "time-fillers" to begin with (and I usually do not have much spare time to fill anyway!), but I sincerely do not think there is a Mr. Big in my life right now.

Ok, given that there are a couple of elusive guys in my life at this moment - which of course, increases the probability of a Mr. Big's existence.

But I am generally a woman of great and varied emotions. What I am trying to say is, I would still get emotionally affected by what anyone says or does (to some degree - depending on how close I am to the person), even if these people may not necessarily be of any significance to me at this point in time.

People affect me all the time - just that I don't really show it.

Hence, to conclude that one person is my Mr. Big simply because I seemed bothered, troubled or concerned about him, is theoretically, quite flawed.

To put it simply, I may have more than one Mr. Big, because of the kind of girl I am - sentimental, emotional and highly sensitive.

I am bothered that a guy friend of mine told me that he found it difficult to penetrate the "fortress" that I had built around me, and that he could not take the friendship further 'cos I wouldn't let him in.

I am troubled when my dear male buddy finds it easier to chat with my friends than with me.

I am concerned when a boy I genuinely liked as a friend, harbours ulterior motives.

I am perplexed when a man I wanted to give my heart to, decides not to take it.

And I get extremely confused when some guy told me I seem to have a lot of reservations and restraint, when another feels I am too open with my feelings.

So in one way or the other, they are all my Mr. Bigs. Because I feel a lot. I think a whole lot. I analyse until I become paralysed. Hence sometimes, it may seem that I get deeply affected by just one particular person. But that's only because you don't know about the rest who impacts me just as much, by the things they say or do.

Everyone and anyone who has ever left a fingerprint in my life, does affect me one way or the other. Some simply more than the others. Some I choose to ignore, some I choose to react.

I guess I am just Carrie Bradshaw-with-one-too-many-Mr. Bigs. I kind of wish now that I do have one resident and permanent Mr. Big - who I can benchmark every guy to. Who I can yearn and mope for till the day he comes around. Who is the all-elusive man which I may ultimately snare one day for myself.

But I guess for now, I am happy with Brad Pitt.

I'm Still Me

My cough got worse today. Went to work in the morning - got the chills from the aircon in the office. Was wheezing so badly my boss chased me home to rest.

Met up with Yen for lunch - and found out that she was a li'l worried for me. She wasn't very impressed either with the war of the words that was brewing behind the scenes on this blog, but I shall not dwell into that. I have too many important things on my mind to focus on seemingly petty squabbles.

Found out from Jay that Vivienne is pretty concerned for me too. My dear friends - I am fine really. I know what you girls are worried about - but trust me, I am OK.

I am stronger these days. More mature too, I hope?

I've learnt to take things easier. I have learnt that I am not always right.
I've learnt to apologize. I've learnt to be more discerning. I've learnt not to hurt others intentionally.
I've learnt to guard my heart. I've learnt to listen. I've learnt to be a better friend.
I've learnt to tread carefully where the ice is thin. I've learnt that work is not everything.
I've learnt to admit that I am weak. I've learnt that I can be vulnerable.
I've learnt that not everyone is true.
I've learnt to accept things I cannot change, and change the things I cannot accept.

But still - I have lots to learn - I know.

I have not learnt to take care of my health.
I have not learnt to let go of some ghosts from the past.
I have not learnt to be less negative.
I have not learnt to be more sensitive to people's feelings.
I have not learnt to exercise more patience towards my family.
I have not learnt to save money.
I have not learnt to trust love.
I have not learnt to rest.

But I am trying my best. I am not perfect, I know - and I am thankful that you girls are still here for me, no matter what. Just believe in me like you always have - and I'll be fine. :)

SNAB

If men who are in touch with their feminine side are called Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG), I should be a self-proclaimed SNAB - Sensual New Age Babe, a woman who's in touch with her "masculine" side.

My friends have always teased me for being "unfeminine". Guys are always surprised when I told them that I do not like shopping. They've always thought that shopping is every girl's national hobby.

I've only just started taking a bit more time to shop for clothes and accessories recently, and that's because my new job requires that I dress up a bit more. Otherwise, I usually shop like a guy. I know what I want to buy, I head straight for the place, I buy it and out I go. Window shopping is quite a waste of time, I feel.

I get excited about electronic gadgets, books and CDs but tune out when my girl friends start chatting about cosmetics, shoes and handbags. I don't have a sweet tooth like most girls do, so I don't go gaga over chocolates and desserts. Many of my male friends are baffled by this 'phenomenon' and my girl friends, well - they have already resigned themselves to the fact that I am a lousy shopping kaki. Haha....

Recently I am hooked on an equally 'guy' hobby - Paper Craft. Check out these wonderful vintage cars that you can make out of paper. I am currently working on a VW Minivan and a classic Mini Cooper. You can download them from Papercar.net.

Too easy? Try these super cool Yamaha motorbikes papercraft.

For the girls, maybe this would tickle you - an iPOD Mini paper craft. How cool is that? Make one for your friends - just for laughs! :P

It's no wonder my buddies think that I am really not a girl - inside. I cannot help it if I do not like girlie stuff. But I am 100%, absolutely, definitely, really a girl. :)

I Am Lucy Liu

I stumbled across this FaceAnalyzer website and thought it was pretty interesting. According to the website, it uses the state of the art facial recognition technology + evolutionary psychology+ a patented process which correlates facial characteristics to personality traits.

Interesting mumbo jumbo - but pretty accurate. Here's mine:

To summarize, the analysis revealed that:

- I am very intelligent (don't we all know about that! haha...)
- I have very low gay factor (told you guys I am super horny and straight already!)
- I am rated low on promiscuity (how foolishly faithful I am?)

Personality Profile:

You particularly enjoy the traditional way of life. Having drinks with your friends, attending parties and relaxing while watching TV are some of the simple pleasures you indulge in. You may also enjoy physical exercise. Your driving force is to retire as early as possible, so that you can do the things you enjoy more often. Your main source of ambition comes from this desire.

You don't particularly like your job but you do it without complaining. You realize that the income that it provides is essential to your lifestyle.

You are friendly yet competitive with your co-workers. This competitiveness may lead you to squander your earnings to match other peoples' possessions. You operate most effectively when there is a set power structure, and the lines of authority are clear.

You know your place in the ranks, you play by the rules, and will deliver what is expected of you.

You do not care for responsibility; you would rather be care free.

Invasion of Octobabies!

"Octobabies" is a term I coined for those who are born in the month of October. I actually had to create a word for them because in this month alone, I have at least 8 friends who are celebrating their birthdays.

The first on the list is my very adorable godson Williem. His dad is South African angmoh and his mom is Chinese chiobu. The end product not too bad huh? So cuteeeeee............

Williem is officially ONE year old on Oct 4! Time really flies. It seemed only yesterday that he was just a sperm. Wahhaha........


Next Octobaby is Cheryll on Oct 7. Cheryll is the kind of woman men fall all over their feet for. Sweet, demure, charming and very pretty. Super chio and super saccharine. Out of every 10 guys who join our Friday chill-out nights, at least 7 will have a soft spot for Cheryll. After chatting with her, 90% of the victims would probably get diabetes and withdrawal symptoms, because they will crave to see more of her.

Irene came in third on Oct 10. I always tell her we should be secret agents because our birthdays are like ASCII codes. She will be agent 1010 and I will be 0110.

Irene is one of my life's most precious buddies. We went through a lot of hardships together, in terms of work, life, relationships, family etc. She's probably most similar to me in all areas - except for personality. If I am the fiery, hot-tempered siren, she will be the cool, levelheaded lady. She's calm, while I am volatile. I am ambitious and a workaholic; she likes to take things nice and slow and is easily contented. She is patient while I am rash. Many times, she was the alkaline that helped pull me back to a neutral state when I go off tangent. We are so polarized in terms of character, but yet we balanced each other out nicely and has formed a pretty solid friendship over the last 9 years.

Next up should be my colleague Jeanne on Oct 14. Bought her a little accessory - cos it seems to me that most of my female colleagues are very "accessorized". Earrings, chokers, bracelets, rings, necklaces - you name it, they are WEARING it. They are like a walking Chomel rack lor. Haha....

Gillian's on October 16 - the sexiest mother of two I have ever known. She is the super hot mom of my two godsons, Adam and Williem. She turns heads wherever she goes, and oozes sexiness through every single pore. Even after two kids, men still pick her up because she still looks so 'disgustingly' GORGEOUS!



Celyn, my good friend and colleague is a Octobaby 22nd. Celyn is one hot babe. Many of my male friends think she is sizzling!

She is also THE ultimate walking accessory turnstile hehehe.. Should have seen the number of fashion accessories she owns. But I must say she has really great taste and she has specifically told me NOT to buy accessories for her cos she is very particular. Die liao la. What can I buy now? Maybe a sexy g-string....a luminous lime green color perhaps?

Auntie Linda's birthday is on Oct 23. She is Leon's mom - and she has always been very sweet, generous and kind to me when we were together. I appreciate the love and care she has lavished upon me in the past, and I will try to send her a birthday card every year, just to let her know that she is still in my thoughts.

Oct 23 is also another painfully memorable date for me - which I shall discuss in another blog next time.

Wrapping up the month is Octobaby 26th Debbie! She is indeed the OLDEST friend of all time. I have known Deb since she is 11 - Primary 5 leh! We were in the same primary school and then she stuck to me like super glue for the next 4 years in Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary - yes the "chao ah beng" school. She used to stay like a few blocks away from me, so you can imagine how CLOSE we really were - literally and figuratively.

She's happily married now with a baby girl, who's also going to turn ONE next month. Yes yes, all my friends are happily doing their national service of having more sex and babies. I promise to work harder on the sex part. The babies can wait. haha....

When I talk about Debbie, I must mention Vivien because this girl has also been a great part of my life. I met Vivien when I was working in Yaohan - and that was like almost 15 years ago! She became my bosom buddy and some where in between those years, I introduced Deb to Viv and the three of us were inseparable after that. Here's a pic of the three beautiful babes of yesteryears! Wah - still as chio siah.......

Of course, marriage and kids change everything, and our lives - but I know deep inside, our friendship still remains. They will be there when I need them, that I know.

And that is the slew of Octobabies that have infested my life this month and I am going berserk and running out of ideas on presents to get! Never knew October is baby boom season until today.

For the rest of you who are planning to create more 'life', try and pick other months ok? January is good - ensures that your offsprings turn out to be a Super LaoNiang like me. It is also the month where we get bonuses and all so it's a fantastic month to have BABIES! :)

That Kind of Feelin'

Watching Taiwanese period drama serials can be quite excruciating at times. Besides the fact that they are extreme tear-jerkers, the amount of romance and love they heaped onto the scripts are incredibly overwhelming.

公子: 从一个小小的烙印，你已经开路辟土，满满的占据了我整个人。

公子: 世界上还有很多很多好人，很多适合你的人。你到底知不知道？

姑娘: 情到深处无怨尤，我已经不需要任何人了。

公子: 不要在折磨我，考验我了。我不是圣人。我会经不起诱惑。如果我坏一点，自私一点， 你所付出的感情, 我会不顾一切，照单全收的。

姑娘: 那就请你坏一点，自私一点吧。

*Sigh*.

I cannot help feeling cynical. Were people really that passionate about love in the past? Every single confession, every single tear and every single word are laden with so much love - that seemed to be bleeding profusely from the depths of the heart.

Are humans capable of such extreme feelings - particularly love?

I wonder if modernization has robbed us of that capability to love like that. Has the pursuit of money, the emphasis on paper chase, the relentless climb up the corporate ladder made us forgot how it was like to love with wild abandonment?

爱得掏心肺腑，肝肠寸断。可能吗？

Maybe it was possible when we were younger and still harbour idealistic notions of love and romance.

Nowadays, I am just more practical.

I love to be cherished and pampered. I love to be romanced. I love to know that I am being missed and desired.

But anyone can do that. It's not rocket science. What is truly challenging is to keep the flame of love alive after all that lovey-dovey stuff. And lovey-dovey stuff to a practical woman like me - can only last that long.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not looking for a relationship. I lose faith in relationships very easily nowadays. The day I get attached is the day I wonder when the break up will be.

Marriage to me - is only a constituition. The contract "till death do us part" - can be readily void as any other business contracts. Just sign - and you are free to go.

I am looking for a kind of feeling - a kind of love which allows me to be myself. A kind of love that is sacrificially beautiful, and shared between two people who just wants the best for each other. A kind of love that refuses to subside even when two people are apart. A kind of love that builds each other up so much, one feels emotionally paralysed without the other.

That brings to mind a very poignant and one of my favourite lines from Tom Cruise's movie, "Jerry Maguire".

"You complete me."

This very line summarizes the kind of feeling I am looking for. It's easy to say - "I love you". "I miss you". "I want you". But how many people can tell a special someone, "You complete me"?

I haven't had that feeling for a long time.

I haven't found anyone who I want to hear it from.

I haven't found someone who I can say it to. Yet.

"Out of Service"

This is what you will normally see when you come across a lift that has broken down. Nowadays, even the toilets in my office can be "Out of Service". There were times when some shitty stuff flooded the toilets 'cos of blocked pipes. Super super gross and smelly.

Today, Hotel Solace is putting up the "Out Of Service" sign.

Fever on the rise. Throat's getting dry. My nose is running away from my face. My head feels like it's been hit by 10 tons of bricks. I am hungry but I could not keep my food down. I am thirsty but my throat hurts when I drink. I coughed out my lungs last night. My body felt like it's burning up this morning.

Sounds bad huh? Well, I guess I am still OK - cos I can still blog!

Thought I should share about my dream last night. I got to know this guy - who's really smart, sensitive and loving. In him, I found a soulmate. He knows how I feel, what I am thinking - even when I don't say anything. He makes me laugh and takes care of all my needs. He shelters me from the rain and cuddles me when I am cold.

I'd probably be falling head over heels in love with him, if not for the fact that he has to leave. He needs to be away for 5 years. Why? I don't even know. In the dream, this guy asked if I could wait 5 years. I even remembered counting in the dream - ai yo yo - by then I will be 35 years old! Geez. I think I told him "NO".

It's like re-living my dream in my real life. My dream mirrors what I am going through in reality. No wonder I am getting a high fever. This entire year has been one heartwrenching saga. All the guys I've met have to leave or go somewhere or stay away for a while. Where in the world are they all going to? Seems like the only same direction that they are heading for is AWAY from me.

That makes me wonder if I am the problem.

I am temporarily "Out of Service" for now. But sometimes I wonder if I should really make it permanent.

The emotional "battles" are taking a toll on me. My sword's blunt from fighting and my wings are bleeding from shielding myself from the pain that comes with every war.

I may be cold - but I am not heartless.
I may be stubborn - but I am not unreasonable.
I may be nice - but I am no walkover.
I may be cynical - but I am hopeful.
I may be strong - but I'm not invincible.

Social Butterfly

Sometimes I feel that my work turns me into a social butterfly. I flit from one place to another - smiling, greeting, nodding, making small talk, exchanging name cards and pleasantries.

Thursday was one such day. I was shuttling from one event to another - oblivious to the world around me. I just knew I had to get through that night.

6pm - First event was the IMG Artist Regional HQ launch at Fullerton Lighthouse. IMG Artists is one of the world's leading classical music brand, and they have decided to base their HQ in Singapore, with the intention to bring in world class musicians and artists to this little country - which I am trying my best to "develop" into the Entertainment Capital of Asia. Sounds lofty huh? Well, that's my job. Aren't you guys lucky that I am working so hard to keep all of you "entertained"?

The founder Barrett Wissman was a jolly round man. Looks like Santa Claus. But he's the Donald Trump of the music industry and everyone respects him - a LOT.

Minister of Communication, Information and the Arts - Dr Lee Boon Yang - was there to welcome Mr. Barrett Wissman. So were many key players in the music, theatre and entertainment industry.

I was actually too tired to mingle. The venue was really breathtaking. The launch was held on the rooftop of San Marco's restuarant. They had a guitarist strumming jazz music at the corner, and we were having excellent wine on the rooftop, watching the sun setting over the Marina. If I am ever going to throw a party for myself, this would be it. I was totally transfixed by the scenery and the beautiful music - and fell in love with the place almost instantly. Wish I could just stand there forever and stone.

8pm - Darn! Gotta rush off for the 2nd event - Deuce Bigalow: Singaporean Gigolo Party @Gotham Penthouse. Apparently, Columbia Tristar was holding a contest to find Singapore's very own gigolo! MTV VJ Denise Keller was the host for the night - and I must say she looked super hot in her tight leather pants and black bra midriff. All the men needed a bucket to hold their drool.

Can't say the same for the guys though. I saw fat ones, skinny ones, oily ones, ah-gua ones, and the "cannot-make-it" ones - Wa danz. Quite gross. I cringed when the gigolo-wannabes started gyrating and stripping on stage, and thrusting their groin all over the poles. Proved too much for my emotionally-drained mind.

Left soon after and headed straight for my 3rd event @Thumper. Apparently, Moet and Chandoen was hosting a big party - but till today, I don't even know what it's all about.

11pm - Thumper. All I knew was there were free flow of Moet champagne, and the who's-who were milling all around us in the VIP lounge. The fashionistas, the alcohol companies, local celebrities Tanya Chua, Allan Wu, Desiree (from Villa Wellness), and some upper-class socialites who just want to be seen.

Three parties, three times the alcohol.

Nope - this time I wasn't sloshed. My team (and boss) was also there at the Moet party, so I thought it would be wiser to stay sober. Don't want my wild drunken state to be taken against me in my performance appraisal siah.

Wanted to "bao chi xing xiang" also la. There were so many stakeholders there that I am personally acquainted with, so I really do not wish to embarrass myself. I can get pretty "interesting" when I am high on alcohol... Tipsy Elvina can be quite a handful I must warn you...haha.

Spent the night talking to Keagan Kang and Stephanie Sun's manager, Marcia. She's got really funky hair and specs - I like! However, she was way too sober then, so I did not manage to dig out any scandalous gossips on the stars. Sorry guys. :P

Woke up Friday morning with a parched throat which got infected in the early afternoon, and led to a mild fever in the evening. Ngeh ngeh dong some more because my close girl friend is having a birthday celebration today @Alley Bar. Mich and I ran out to buy her a little cake from TCC and made her feed the boys! Haha.... the peeps around the table were issuing threats to me already, asking me to watch out in Jan. Oh-oh.....

So you see... I am social butterfly by day, mamasan by night. Super shagged. Now got throat infection some more. Donno why so pai mia.

2 is The Number of Carnage

Savagely ravaged a 2nd time
2 times the horror
2 times the pain
Death toll clocked at 22
The wounded rose to 122

2 restuarants targeted
In 2 different areas
Jimbaran and Kuta - 2 popular spots
Instantly became 2 burning hells

Lethal blast in 2002
Bali bled for the very first time
202 bodies blown to bits
The beach made their sandy grave

As far as the eye can see
Are remnants of the bloody deed
Devastation
Hopelessness
Grieved faces
Desperation

Those brainwashed bombers,
they were young
No less than 20,
not more than 25
What drove them
to such extremist acts
To die in this horrific way

What sick thoughts
went through their minds
to rob kids
of their lives and families
on Children's Day

20 witnesses questioned
200,000 police on standby
Now that the bloodbath has happened
Will this make a difference?
The bombs drove the final nail
into the coffin,
sealing its fate
Bali's downfall is imminent

All the numbers told the story
of the terrorists' rampage
Their coldblooded murder spree
has made 2
The Number of Carnage

Rainy Days

Geez. Haven't been caught in the rain for a while. I remember when I was younger, I used to like walking in the rain. Love the feel of wind through my hair, the cold drops splattering on my skin, and feel my clothes soaking wet. I love the melodius taps it makes on my window panes.

Walking in the rain is really an intoxicating experience. Feels like a cleansing moment - where all your burdens are washed away from head to toe. But that was before - when I was still idealistic about the world - and full of hopes about my life.

These days, the rain makes me thoughtful. I still love the sound of the rain, and it gives me the calming effect, as always. However, the mood seems to be more melancholic lately. Maybe it's because I am growing older.

Got off work late today. Ploughed through tons of research to develop my Strategy Paper. Finally completed my portion, and decided to take a cab home. Saw threatening streaks of lightning flashing across the sky. Looked ominous...

There I was walking towards the taxi stand. And then the rain came - hard and relentless. It sliced through my skin - like icy blades. In just 10 seconds, I was completely drenched. I felt as if I have just escaped from the tsunami - my hair, clothes, bag and shoes were thoroughly wet. Felt very much like a squid.

Shivered all the way home when I was in the cab. Taxi driver was really kind - gave me his box of tissues to dry myself (and his taxi seat too, of cos). I was too cold to utter any words, so I just hugged myself to keep warm.

Felt really feverish after my bath. But strangely, the fever could not get me to sleep. So I decided to blog about the rain, something that I love very much even till today. It may not elicit the beautiful moods that I used to feel before, but it still is one of my favourite things in life.

The time now is 12:50am and my temperature reads 39.5 degrees celsius. Feels like my body is on fire....wooo... probably can cook an egg on my forehead now haha.

I am a victim of my own love...as always.

You Don't Know Me

Capricorns seemed to be the most misunderstood character in the zodiac. They always seemed strong and confident, but many times, they feel really vulnerable. Solid on the outside, raw on the inside.

I personally know a few Caps, one of whom is a male colleague from my department. In fact, both of us were born on Jan 10. How uncannily coincidental. Another "dear friend" (as he so like to address me) was a Jan 18 baby. Like every other Cap i know, they are both Smart. Eloquent. Confident. Charismatic. Ambitious.

However, deep down inside, they wished to be understood. Because, no one seems to understand their intentions, thoughts, actions and even words. Many times they give up explaining, because it would be translated as a defensive reaction. Sometimes, the more they justify, the deeper the misunderstanding.

So they conceal their feelings so well that no one could ever penetrate their vulnerability. They want people to know they are fine, nothing ruffles them, and hence, they often put on a nonchalant front. They laugh it off. Or make a joke out of it.

But some things do affect them.

Things like comments from people who they care about. The inability to express themselves correctly (and hence the misunderstandings). The pressure they get from people around them to be strong always - simply because they have always been so. Any display of their weakness throws their close ones off balance. The need to hide their pessismistic and negative outlook on certain issues. And last but not least, the expectations to be a dependable friend, lover, family, colleague.

So they think a lot about other people, and hardly for themselves. Many times, they beat themselves up over the fact that they have not done enough, even if they had. Harsh judgements from people they love just crush them, and by instinct, most Caps would withdraw into an awfully hard shell so that they could nurse their wounds in silence while maintaining a strong front.

The best way to see if a Cap is wounded, hurt or sad is to look at them straight into their eyes - and all is revealed. Caps love affection, but they are usually afraid to show it, so they erect an invisible wall around them to ensure that their feelings are fortified and protected.

I am not an expert in horoscopes, so maybe some Caps may think I am sprouting rubbish. Hence I am just going to put in a disclaimer - that the above analysis is seriously based on my own point of view, and observations of other similar Caps like myself.

Tonight seems like a good night for wine. It relaxes my nerves and helps me sleep. I have not written a poem for a long time. Hopefully I will get some inspiration soon. For now, it's just wine. And that's good enough.

Because other than wine and my music, I cannot find comfort anywhere else.

Because no one can ever understand what a Cap needs, feels or thinks. Even after they have expressed what they want, no one can comprehend what they really, really need.

Because a Cap is expected to be strong - so they can only seek solace and comfort in solitude. Be it a passion, a dysfunctional lifestyle, or for me, simply wine and music.

That's how it is for us. The most misunderstood people on earth. And it gets very lonely at times to be where we are.

But we are strong. So we go on with tomorrow like what we have done today. Smile. Be happy. Move on. :)

Kickin' Up A STOMP

In the month of September alone, I've watched 3 major theatrical productions. Quidam, Snow Wolf Lake, and best of all - STOMP! The mood was great. Pushcarts selling kachang puteh and ice-cream, cool live band music set against a lovely riverscape plus a great mix of crowd.

Verdict for STOMP - ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!

STOMP is 2-hours of non-stop kick ass entertainment. I could not keep my eyes off their performances, and my feet from tapping to the "music". The way the performers drummed their sounds into my system was totally awesome.

I mean, this show really exceeded my expectations. I would definitely rate it above Quidam and SWL. The percussionists' performances were simply amazing. Using everything they can lay their hands on, they produced super dynamic rhythms and sounds on buckets, kitchen sinks, pails, cups, pots, pans, barrels, brooms, lighters, newspapers, tubes, road signs, metal chairs, plastic and paper bags and of course, their own bodies! You name it, they've used it. It's one big percussionist orgy that brought me to an ultimate delirious high!

It was also hilarious at some point, as they had cleverly weaved in some cheeky humor within each performance. I was thrilled, tickled and totally entertained right up to the finale. The performers got the entire theatre on their feet, clapping and stamping their foot to the exhilarating beat of their percussions.

Each of the characters on stage lives and breathes the Stomp World, showcasing their wild percussionist skills through an impeccable sense of rhythm as well as humour.

Yes, I was completely impressed and 100% gratified. Highly, highly recommended if dough is not an issue.

Last but not least, thanks to my "FWB" for this wonderful treat. Cannot thank you enough for this lovely gesture. :)

High and Lows

Hmm... A bit high tonight. Got home early tonight after having dinner with a bunch of crazy girls at The Legends @Fort Canning Park. Poured myself some wine, locked myself in my cool cozy room, played my soothing mp3s and went online to play some games.

Love the wine...cos it lulls me to sleep easily, so that keeps me off Valium. The wine sends blood rushing to my face and ears - mmm...feels warm and nice. Hee....

That's probably the only high point in my life today. When one speaks about Highs, there should be Lows too. If you have been following my blog, you will know who James is.

Well, we actually brought our non-existent relationship to a closure. Non-existent because we never really started anything. We began as friends and when he left for Qatar, we remained status quo. None of us felt it appropriate to commit anyway.

Received an email from him on Monday - and he apologized for not writing. He revealed that his career was picking up in Qatar and he's actually planning to extend his term there. So I don't think he will come back at all. I thought he should get himself a gf because I know it can get pretty lonely over there - if he has absolutely no one to love or care for him, especially during times when he's feeling low or homesick.

He said he is still single, but he has been thinking a lot about his ex-girl friend. The same divorcee who was with him for 5 years, left the responsibility of raising her kid to James, and dumped him earlier this year for a richer and more mature guy. The same girl who pestered him every day and night after the break up, whenever her new bf is not in town. James the SNAG, is even thinking of patching up with her.

When I read the email, I could literally feel my eyebrows raising - and feeling totally incredulous about his thought process. My friend told me love is blind, and I couldn't agree more. If he had told me he found someone in Qatar who is making him really happy, I would have been really thrilled. At least I would given him 101% of my blessings!

But the ex? Geez. Whatever is he thinking of? I guess him being a softie, sentimental new age guy doesn't help huh? He holds on so much to his feelings and his obligations to her, that he totally forgets himself. Told him I was really disappointed that he has come to this decision, but wished him all the best anyway.

He's coming back for a short break in Oct - and wants to meet up and talk. I was like - talk about what? I seriously don't think it's necessary, because he does not owe me any explanation. My greatest fear in meeting him is that I will make him feel even more confused - knowing now that he is really someone who cannot think reasonably with his head. His heart totally rules his life, and he lets his emotions get the better of him everytime.

Hence, I told him that my email reply is actually the best opportunity for a clean closure. I should stay away lest my presence will hinder his career and love life. Surprisingly, I thought I would feel extremely hurt - but all I felt that day was total calmness. Which puzzles me. I guess that confirms that I probably didn't like him as much as I think I did. Even the tone of my email to him was utterly professional - as if I am writing a letter of regret to a unsuitable candidate. haha... I wonder how he would react.

And that's the Low for this week. But honestly, we have stopped communicating with each other for such a long time, that I don't even feel anything significant when James broke the news. So I guess it does not even qualify as a Low. So much for Mr Nice Guy. He made me wonder if guys really love being tormented emotionally. Many times I have realised the bitches always get what they want, while nice girls always finish last. Seen it too many times. Cheap thrill huh?

Oh well, life goes on as always. I pray from the bottom of my heart that his ex will wake up and start cherishing this idiotic fool. Otherwise, I think he should just migrate to Qatar and never come bacK. But then again, the women there are all wrapped up from head to toe - so maybe he will REALLY feel deprived. He will probably be stoned to death in public if he ever dare to even steal a glance at the womenfolk. Haha....

All the best James - and live in peace. :P

CHAP SAR TIAM

Hope you guys enjoyed the One Night Stand entry. Some of my friends laughed until "hay gu". Should have put a disclaimer somewhere that states whatever side-effects any of you may have suffered as a result of this blog's content, it is absolutely none of my business. Haha.

Since we are on the topic of application forms, I have another one to share with you - hope you have not seen this yet.

=================================

Since the IR has been approved, the underworld is looking for recruits. This one - CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY, a Geylang-based organization for youth, is now recruiting members to fulfill a tender they are submitting to the new casino.

Sorry, sorry, integrated resort.

Please fill in the form below and mail to:
Mr. Chao Ah Beng
Membership Occifer
Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society
69 Geylang Lorong 69
Singapore 696969
Reference code: chapsartiam.com

APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY

1. NRIC No.: _________________

2. Surname: __________________

3. First name: (please X)
[ ] Johnson
[ ] Benson
[ ] Samson
[ ] Hamson
[ ] Janson
[ ] Other: _________________ (if not ending in son? please explain why)

4. Chinese Name: Ah __________(if not beginning with Ah? please explain why)

5. Age: [ ] Under 35 [ ] Lau Beng

6. Sex: [ ] M [ ] F [ ] at Geylang

7. Length of Last Fingernail: ________ (cm)

8. Ability to squat for:
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] more than 2 hours (wah, steady!)

9. Hairstyle:
[ ] Spiky
[ ] Dyed with streaks of blond
[ ] Dyed with streaks of red
[ ] Two strands dangling in front of eyes
[ ] Kana mop like that
[ ] Perm (please state which saloon in JB you went) ________________

10. Tattoo of:
[ ] Tiger
[ ] Dragon
[ ] Snake
[ ] Eagle
[ ] Hello Kitty

11. Work experience: (please X all that apply)
[ ] KTV Launge Bouncer
[ ] Snooker Hall Attendant
[ ] Unlicensed Contractor
[ ] Freelance debt collector
[ ] Unlicensed bookie
[ ] Dispute Resolution and Settlement Professional
[ ] Unemployed

12. Spouse's Name: _________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: (the one in Batam, that one)_________
Lover's Name: ____________________
2nd Lover's Name: (Lorong 69, that pooi-pooi one)____________________

13. Number of children living in household: ____
Number of children living in foster care: ____
Number of children that are actually yours: ____

14. Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

15. Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

16. Education: (Circle how many years it took you to finish primary school)
8 9 10 11 12

17. Ability to swear: (please X all that apply)
[ ] Hokkien
[ ] English
[ ] Malay
[ ] Tamil
[ ] Cantonese
[ ] rude hand gestures

18. Service performed in previous secret society:
[ ] Leadership/Tua Tao
[ ] Junior management/Suay Tao
[ ] Physical activities/Hooting
[ ] Dispute Resolution and settlement/Cham Siong
[ ] Lookout/Kuah Chui

With your application, please also enclose sample of blood (need not be your own).

=================================

Anybody keen to apply? Free lifetime membership. And if I need money, just loan it to me without interest ok? :P

ONE Night Stand

Thought this would be super funny to share.

A couple of years ago, I chatted with this guy on IRC. It soon became apparent that he was looking for a one-night stand and was pretty adamant in getting it. I thought it might be fun to play along and see how far this loser will go to get what he wants.

What you are about to see next is probably the world's Most Desperate Attempt to Land a One- Night Stand (ONS). I should have nominated him for a Guiness World Book of Records or something.

(To protect his identity, I have decided to omit his photo and "mosiac" some of his numbers.)

Here's what he emailed me:

==============

Subject: The one who chatted with u just now

Dear Miss Yukiko,
I was the one who chatted with u just now, attachment is my photographs.
Kindly consider my proposal, be my counterpart for a journey of life if it is okay.
I thank you for your time and taking patient reading the story part of me.
I wish to know your life story too.
My handphone: 01777XXXX
My office phone number: 07-355XXXX
My name : Liew
My previous email:- luttut@hotmail.com, I think of stop using this email, pls forward to my sending email now.

Anticipating your favorable reply
Friends remain.
Thank you.

==============

At the point of receiving this, I was laughing so hard that I literally fell off my chair. Thought that was really CLASSIC with a Capital "C". But wait. Horrors of horrors - there's more!

==============

Subject: Application to be ONS

Dear,
Good morning,
I thank you for allowing me to send my profile to apply to be your ons.
To make you feel worthy, please give me a try.
May I know what is my position now, the multiple choices are listed below, kindly let me know:-

a. Unacceptable
b. Slim chance but may consider
c. Depend on my mood
d. Chance is there but need more time
e. Can only be email friend but you can share email joke with me
f. Can only be email friend and share whatever interesting email from you (including uncensored pictures)
g. Purely friendship
h. Acceptable
i. Others:- Please specify:__________________________

You may choose more than one choice.
Answer: ___________________

Thank you and best regards.

==============

Now I even got to fill in a multiple choice questionnaire so that he can "apply" to be my ONS? This guy is totally UNBELIEVABLE!

Hahahahahahaha

完结篇

很多孤寂的夜晚，
我喜欢把自己反锁在房间内
独自在那小小的空间里
听一些能触动我情绪的歌

有时我会傻傻的流泪
自是人生长恨水长东
滔滔心痛与无奈
永无休止

别时我感觉心境淡泊
了解人该有悲欢离合
月终有阴晴圆缺
心如止水

某时我放纵与风共舞
忘我高歌取醉欲自慰
仰天大笑出门去
不枉此生

有道难行不如醉
有口难言不如睡
先生醉卧此石间
万古无人知此意

静想一下
人生仇恨何能免
锁魂独我情何限
爱与恨，喜与悲
也不过
一线之差
往事已成空
还如一梦中

I Am Who I Am - Exposed

I am the daughter who suffered in silence everytime you caned me for no reason.

I am the daughter who kept poison diaries of you when you destroyed my very first relationship.

I am the daughter who cried every night for three years when daddy passed away.

I am the sister who took care of the family's burden while you waste your life away.

I am the sister who is utterly disappointed in you for all that you are, and all you have done and am still doing, to this very day.

I am the girlfriend who wrote you letters everyday and dedicated songs to you every night on all the FM stations, while you were in camp.

I am the girl you left crying in the pouring rain, when you turn your heart away.

I am the soulmate you cheated on, who forgave you when you beg for another chance, and whom you left again that very same month.

I am the girlfriend who ate nothing for 2 weeks, went into depression for 3 months, and closed my heart to everyone else for 4 years when you gave me up.

I am the loser whose heart aches every time she sees your loving photo with that girl you left me for.

I am the woman who needs a lot of love and care, but was disappointed by many men.

I am the lady whom men claim they love, but love me they could not because they come and go as they please.

I am the friend that you may not know much about, but once you do, I'll swear my allegiance and loyalty to you forever.

I am the best friend who ran down to be with you at 3am when you called with a broken heart.

I am the girl who harbours a passion for writing, so as to touch others with my words.

I am the girl who makes a fool of myself, so that everyone can laugh.

I am the girl buddy that guys like to hang out with, but will not want to romance.

I am the Lao Niang you tolerated and loved, despite all my flaws, fiesty temper and idiosyncracies.

I am the one who broke your heart, because I could not love you anymore.

I am the child the Lord chooses to discpline, in ways I may not understand.

I am the melancholic artist who kept all her life sorrows in a hidden vault, because they are too painful to share with anyone, and because no one could understand.

I am the girl whose dreams are yet to be fulfilled, but believes it will be someday.

=================================================
I claimed no credit to this piece, as it was entirely inspired by MercerMachine, Mr Brown and Juz Another Gal.

Click the links to read their masterpieces:

MercerMachine (The "Original")
I'm That Guy
Who We Are

Mr Brown
I Am That Guy

Juz Another Gal
I Am That Girl

My Ideal Man?

During one of my super boliao afternoons, I took a personality test to find out what kind of man I actually want. Yes - that's the loser part of me talking. The one who needs an online personality test to unravel who her ideal man should be. There are times when I allow myself to slip into bimboism - for whatever reason. Probably I have made so many bad judgement calls on men in my lifetime that I am starting to rely on the virtual world for an answer.


Here are the results of the test. It analyses my ideal man using four dimensions - Romance, Maturity, Lifestyle and Looks.

Romance
Although you're a sucker for romance, you'll probably cut a guy some slack even if he doesn't constantly pamper you with gifts and affection. You crave passion in your relationships, so you want a guy who can (and will) express his deepest feelings for you through his actions. Someone like Richard Gere or George Clooney, perhaps? But you know that men aren't very romantic, so you're willing to lower your standards in this area if need be. Chances are you're willing to stick around once the courting period ends, though it's still very important that your guy occasionally dote upon you. Your realistic-yet-hopeful outlook will guarantee you a good catch!

Maturity
Love might be a serious game, but it should still be fun. Too much sophistication can kill the romance. But we didn't have to tell you that. It sounds like you always go for the kind of guy who knows how to cut loose and just be himself. Practicality and maturity are respectable qualities, sure, and no man should be completely without them, but they've never been high on your list of important ingredients for an exciting night out. Based on your answers, we think your perfect guy — someone like Jerry Seinfeld or Cuba Gooding Jr., perhaps? — should know how to have a great time without acting too childish or outrageous. Whether he adds a little bit of danger to your life or just has a great sense of humor, your ideal man would still be young enough at heart to let the kid in him emerge.

Lifestyle
Some people say love is a journey of the heart. So if you're traveling anyway, why take coach when you can go first class? It sounds like you have some very clear financial expectations for your ideal relationship. Money is an important aspect of romance for you, probably because of the leisure and opportunities it offers. (One guy with a bank account that might live up to your expectations is David Hyde Pierce's character, Niles, on "Frasier.") There's no doubt that a luxurious lifestyle is tons of fun, but we hope it doesn't become the most important aspect of your relationship. We all dream about a fairy-tale love affair (complete with a castle), but it's important to stay within the limits of reality. Based on your answers, you should recognize and respect your desires, but if you meet Mr. Right, don't let anything get in the way of true love, even an itty bitty bank balance.

Looks
You may not judge a book entirely by its cover, but you definitely like the cute ones. (Who doesn't?!) You might consider someone who's a little less than gorgeous, but you generally tend to seek out very handsome men who can really turn heads. Matt Damon? Noah Wyle? Right up your alley. But if need be, you're willing to place personality and chemistry before a pretty face and a hot body. Nevertheless, your answers reveal that you take pride in your man's appearance and get a thrill out of watching others gawk at him. You're impressed by looks, and you definitely set your standards high when it comes to physical appearance. Still, you also realize that beauty may be only skin deep and that an average-looking guy with tons of charm might be your perfect match in every other way!

=======================================================

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women like to be a man's last romance. ~ Oscar Wilde

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. ~ Tim Robbins

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love. ~ Mother Teresa

Blog Blogger Bloggest

I had no idea blogging has evolved to such a prominent extent. Everyone in this world needs an outlet to voice their thoughts, opinions, angst, love, ambitions, frustrations and in short, everything else that affects their lives. That is why the online platform is the most ideal medium. You blog about anything under the sun, everyone around the globe reads it and some even leave comments after reading it. The pen is definitely mightier than the sword.

In one simple stroke, any blogger can become an instant web celebrity - with an organic fan base who checks the blogs daily for new updates and entries. It's like publishing your autobiography and having a worldwide circulation and a cohort of loyal readers - without having to fork out a single cent - except some time and finger aerobics on the keyboard. The best thing yet, you can keep generating new chapters on a daily basis to keep the stories going, and the fans mesmerised.

I read a couple of such blogs recently, and am tremendously amazed by what these people are blogging about. How they perceive the world. What affects or moves them. Who they are, and what they like to be.

Top of my list should be Rockson. Read about him through another friend's friend blog. Complicated but it's really nothing more than the six degrees of separation theory. Rockson, depsite his shocking language and expletive-filled entries, is amazingly funny and smart. As much as one might be tempted to judge him based on what he wrote, and his past - I have nothing but quiet admiration for this guy. He writes with great insight and posseses an uncanny ability to cross-reference his feelings to other aspects of life. Ah-Beng he may be, but from what I have read, he's got a pretty good head on his shoulders. Probably the only major flaw I can decipher from his blog is the inability to keep his snake in his cage. Sure hope he will remember to put a muffler on his reptile - in case it starts hurting people someday.

From Rockson's blog - I discovered someone equally interesting. This girl has a Master's degree to boot, but she's like the female version of Rockson. She goes by the penname of BlinkyMummy and if you guys think I am complicated - wow - this girl is the epitome of complication. What awes me is her language capabilities. She is super bilingual and writes really well - though her English entries kinda reads a little like Rockson's. The world's greatest Expletives Network are gathered on both their blogs - NB, CCB, KNNBCCB, LJ. (If these acronyms meant nothing to you, then it's better you don't know them at all.)

Not that I am endorsing such writing styles, but I guess that is exactly what makes them so immensely popular with their 'fans'. They are successful writers in their own right because they speak the commonman language, even if the society condemns it. Other bloggers with their "I don't give a shit if you like what I write" attitude - have made the news as well. Xiaxue should be the most infamous of all. She's the unique blogger that everyone hates - but at the same time, these losers cannot help reading the stuff she blogs. Somehow, such recurring erratic behaviours reminds me of bikini wax - it's so darn painful but people still go through the process of having their furry tuft ripped off.

For me, blogging is a release. I write because I can, because I want to, and because I love to. I may not be quite as explicit and flamboyant as other bloggers, but somehow to my surprise, my fan base has also grown. Slowly but steadily. They drop me emails on how they have enjoyed reading my blogs - even though this blog was only revealed to a very small number of my friends. I guess if Rockson and BlinkyMummy's blogs are International Bestsellers, mine would be the Pulitzer Book Prize kind. Serious, critically acclaimed, but not many people can appreciate it - hence very niche readership. Haha...

Thanks to all for supporting my blog - and for being part of my life. If you ever need my autograph, just ask. I always carry my pen with me for such wonderful requests.