Hmm... A bit high tonight. Got home early tonight after having dinner with a bunch of crazy girls at The Legends @Fort Canning Park. Poured myself some wine, locked myself in my cool cozy room, played my soothing mp3s and went online to play some games.
Love the wine...cos it lulls me to sleep easily, so that keeps me off Valium. The wine sends blood rushing to my face and ears - mmm...feels warm and nice. Hee....
That's probably the only high point in my life today. When one speaks about Highs, there should be Lows too. If you have been following my blog, you will know who James is.
Well, we actually brought our non-existent relationship to a closure. Non-existent because we never really started anything. We began as friends and when he left for Qatar, we remained status quo. None of us felt it appropriate to commit anyway.
Received an email from him on Monday - and he apologized for not writing. He revealed that his career was picking up in Qatar and he's actually planning to extend his term there. So I don't think he will come back at all. I thought he should get himself a gf because I know it can get pretty lonely over there - if he has absolutely no one to love or care for him, especially during times when he's feeling low or homesick.
He said he is still single, but he has been thinking a lot about his ex-girl friend. The same divorcee who was with him for 5 years, left the responsibility of raising her kid to James, and dumped him earlier this year for a richer and more mature guy. The same girl who pestered him every day and night after the break up, whenever her new bf is not in town. James the SNAG, is even thinking of patching up with her.
When I read the email, I could literally feel my eyebrows raising - and feeling totally incredulous about his thought process. My friend told me love is blind, and I couldn't agree more. If he had told me he found someone in Qatar who is making him really happy, I would have been really thrilled. At least I would given him 101% of my blessings!
But the ex? Geez. Whatever is he thinking of? I guess him being a softie, sentimental new age guy doesn't help huh? He holds on so much to his feelings and his obligations to her, that he totally forgets himself. Told him I was really disappointed that he has come to this decision, but wished him all the best anyway.
He's coming back for a short break in Oct - and wants to meet up and talk. I was like - talk about what? I seriously don't think it's necessary, because he does not owe me any explanation. My greatest fear in meeting him is that I will make him feel even more confused - knowing now that he is really someone who cannot think reasonably with his head. His heart totally rules his life, and he lets his emotions get the better of him everytime.
Hence, I told him that my email reply is actually the best opportunity for a clean closure. I should stay away lest my presence will hinder his career and love life. Surprisingly, I thought I would feel extremely hurt - but all I felt that day was total calmness. Which puzzles me. I guess that confirms that I probably didn't like him as much as I think I did. Even the tone of my email to him was utterly professional - as if I am writing a letter of regret to a unsuitable candidate. haha... I wonder how he would react.
And that's the Low for this week. But honestly, we have stopped communicating with each other for such a long time, that I don't even feel anything significant when James broke the news. So I guess it does not even qualify as a Low. So much for Mr Nice Guy. He made me wonder if guys really love being tormented emotionally. Many times I have realised the bitches always get what they want, while nice girls always finish last. Seen it too many times. Cheap thrill huh?
Oh well, life goes on as always. I pray from the bottom of my heart that his ex will wake up and start cherishing this idiotic fool. Otherwise, I think he should just migrate to Qatar and never come bacK. But then again, the women there are all wrapped up from head to toe - so maybe he will REALLY feel deprived. He will probably be stoned to death in public if he ever dare to even steal a glance at the womenfolk. Haha....
All the best James - and live in peace. :P
14 comments:
Of course love is blind! That's why you are blinded by love and yet cannot see it! Let's not be hypocrite. Apart from the "pester him every day.. whenver new bf not in town", not too implicit in your tone, is also this idea that a divorcee who has kids is not worthy enough. Doesn't take a genius to read this implied meaning. Why else do you want to emphasise those two things? But a girl who has fallen for a guy who has been supporting such a woman for the past 5 years, must have also been blinded by love! Nothing special about this man at all. You just happened to have poured out your heart to him. That's the only thing that really make you think he is The One. If another man, under the right circumstances and mood had gotten you to tell him your entire life story, you would have regarded that man as The One too. She is not worthy of him, he is not worthy of you, and you are not worthy of...
I think you read too much into this. I didn't want to reveal too much about him and his gf, so there are many issues you will not understand. I am not despising her cos she is a divorcee, but the fact that she made used him all the time. never said she is not worthy enough. that's your assumptions. just think that she is playing with him, and he allows her to do that to him. I am not emphasizing certain issues for the sake of criticizing, but more to relate a story. it goes deeper than that. many men have related their entire life stories to me, but that does not mean they automatically becomes the One.
You are right, life goes on no matter what. That’s the only constant in this freakin’ universe. If it helps, I usually tell myself I got though x-number of years without you, I can damn well get through another x-number of years without you. Ha. It’s good that you finally had some kinda closure. Which is a lot more than some people ever had, if you know what I mean.
And no, I don’t think nice girls finish last. I have my reasons.
BTW I gotta say that for someone who’s a little high, you still write pretty good. No typos. Heh. Damn, now I can’t stop thinking of my bottle of Port at home….
Have a good life.
Mel
Wah Lau, you all ah...
I worried so much for the country and regional stability, ASEAN, EU and UN they all....
Yet you are enjoying your life down here by having a sweet warm red wine and being protested against that freak james or whatever things to do...
I guess reena is a 'bit' angry for that cute little james who take a sweet look at other womans.
And too! very scary!
stoned to death and rest in peace is a cruel cursed towards a person.
I wonder reena hates that james so much that she had to cursed him to death???
According to religous teachings, a person who is fond of cursing others means that his/her heart is corrupt by highly agressive.
Agree? Jade?
Haha! Jade you are really funny. I like your retort. So apt and right on target. I would have said the same. This guy loves to make all sorts of assumptions, and read only what he wants to read, doesn't he? Amazing. I have never seen any kid that antagonistic. He must have a very difficult childhood. hahaha......
Well sweetie, if he's fated to be with you, he will be yours. But I wouldn't encourage you go someone when you know the fact that his heart is already occupied by someone special. The fact about such experience is similiar to "Love at first sight" or "fast love"(sang by George M).
The cruel fact about why people can't let go of the past is that they think about so much effort and time they had put into a r/s is gone overnight. James just can't make out what goes wrong or he think that he can be a better man if he have the chance to enter her life again? I'm happy that there's a closure on this, at least you have one bird brain less in your life.
Once let go... it's "Goodbye" forever... no more turning back... just stay strong.
mini_v: don't worry about me la. People come and go from Hotel Solace all the time. used to it liao. hehe...
so, ah tan, not angry ah???
Finally you cool down...
phreww.........
yeah it's prominently obvious that there's one more B.B left..:p but i think that's pea brain.
how to study english and maths ?
respecting the elders???
Are you calling yourself an 'old lady'....??
h.h.hh..hhh.h. HAHAHAHAHA!
Very funny indeed!!
You are more like Wu ZeTian!
ahahahaha!
Well, I've read all your James blogs, and a few others to boot.
You write nicely. If English is not your mother tongue, then it should be.
I was going to make a long rambling comment, but ... I think it would out of place.
So my advice to you? (1) if you care about James, be a good friend, advise, counsel, but ultimately let him lead his life (at some point we have to stop being nanny's for others).
(2) for yourself, I am sorry you are hurt (not necessarily related to James), I recommend you pick up Bif Naked's album 'Purge' and crank it.
I recommend: "I Love Myself Today", but, the whole album is good - one of the few I listen to almost in entirety to from start to finish.
Can't give you any love advice. This ain't my area of expertise. But on wine...what's your favorite? I love a good German Riesling, especially those Auslese. My home state of Washington produces some really excellent Riesling too. One of them, which i have a few bottles with me now, is the 2004 Covey Run Riesling. Wine Spectator gave that 89 points.
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