I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Where Have I Been?
Many friends and readers of this blog have been asking this question. I've received many requests to re-open Hotel Solace. I have somehow created a cult following of fans - who has an insatiable appetite to know more about my life and my stories, without knowing it at all. I must be doing something right...
Took a break to relook at my life. myself. my friends. my doings and undoings. Over the last few weeks, I've heard many things. I've seen many things. I've done something.
With each experience, I've grown even more weary. Just in case you are wondering, I am not depressed. Neither am I emotional. I am just - tired. I am exhausted by work. I am drained by my family. I am burdened by friends' tragic stories. Most of all, I am disappointed by people.
I have been staying out late because I could not find the solace that I need at home. This week alone, I went home around 5a.m. for three consecutive days. I seem to take comfort in surrounding myself with people who make me laugh. Laughing is pure medication for the soul. It lifts me up, and toxins are purged through the laughter and the smiles.
Somehow, I still find it hard to blog today. But for everyone's sake, I shall try. However, this will be a really special blog. It ain't gonna make sense. For the first time since I started blogging, I have no idea what I wanted to write about. So I am just going to list down random thoughts that are swirling in my mind right now - because many many things have happened since the last time I blog, and I cannot explain everything.
For those who know me, it will make sense to you. For those who don't, maybe one day - you will know too, if you stay long enough that is.
1. "I like you, but I don't want you." Que Sara Sara. Ditto.
2. I cannot give us a chance. I cannot give you a chance. I don't think all men are scumbags. Fundamentally, we are already incompatible. I will never convert and could never reciprocate.
3. You won't be back till March 2006. That means no Christmas, birthday or New Year celebrations. I can't call you. You hardly write anymore. You are leaving for London in Oct. I think - this is really the end.
4. Thank you for the lovely blue roses and lilies. The crystal vases are absolutely gorgeous. They really resonate clearly - like you said they would. Thank you too for just being there.
5. I read your blog, girl. Men call girls "sweetie", "dearie", "love", "sweethearts", "darling" all the time. Most of the time, they use it to replace your name (which they probably cannot remember) so that it will sound like music to your ears. In short, they don't mean anything.
6. Mary Ann, Laura and Karyn. Welcome to our club. Hope to see you babes next week. :)
7. Many of you may not know, I truly love hugs and kisses. It's my Archilles' heel. And if I get hugged from the back, I'd melt.
8. My sleeping pills are running low. So is my libido.
9. Stress creates geniuses. I am highly stressed.
10. Time is Money. Money is the root of all evil. So Time is pure evil.
That's why I always have to find ways to kill it.
11. I'd lost count how many people have told me I've got a beautiful and lovely smile. I guess I should smile more because that's about the only asset I have.
The Randomness shall stop here. Can't go on...for sleep has come.
Good night my friends.
Confessions by Elvina aka LaoNiang at 3:49 AM