I didn't mean to, but I have to.
Sometimes, the best things in life happens once in a lifetime. Once it comes, and you fail to grasp it tight enough, it will simply slip through your fingers, leaving you only with trails of what it could have been.
Why does one have to wait till something's gone to realise how special it was?
Why does one have to hold on to such strong principles and ideals - that serve only to keep others at bay?
Why must it be that the insecurity of one - has to be fully accepted by another?
Why is it that if something means a hell of a lot to you, that you can choose not to want it?
Why do people always want to have their cake and eat it, and not spare a thought for those who could not?
Why is that some men always have the ability to make me feel that I am never going to be good enough for them to take that leap of faith?
Why is it that when I hung around, you said you'd be happy for me if I need to move on; and when I moved on, you were upset that I didn't tarry a while more?
Why does it sometimes feel that we are so close, but yet so far apart?
Why is it that whenever I feel happy with you, your nonchalance and non-committal attitude woke me up to the harsh reality that all I felt was shortlived?
Why must you give me mixed signals if all you wanted was for me to wait?
Why do you make me feel I am dispensable at times, and that my departure is not really a big deal?
Why is it so easy for you to come and go as you please?
Why is it so difficult for me to get any assurance that I may be the one?
Why am I not convinced that I am worth fighting for?
Why do you let uncertainty take over all other signs that were screaming for you to take notice?
Most importantly, why is losing me not a significant reason for anyone to want to hold on tightly to me as soon as possible?
I only wanted to find myself back - and I desperately need to regain my self-worth. I do not want to feel lousy about myself anymore. I do not want to feel that I am not good enough for anyone to put aside all his insecurities, fear and uncertainties.
I do not want to be engaged in an emotional tug-of-war where I was being pulled in all directions, not knowing where the final destination was.
I am very tired and emotionally worn out - so I need to stop whatever that is hurting me. Please understand.
I know you think I don't understand. Maybe I don't. Maybe I understood too much to know this is not what I want. I don't think you will ever understand either. At least not now.
I Am Sorry.