I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.


Thursday, November 17, 2005

In The Name of Love



I was relating stories of my past relationships to a special friend recently – and in the process of recounting them, a horrific realization began to dawn upon me. I have actually done some quite silly things before – in the name of love.

1. Writing one letter every single day for three months. To help ease the loneliness my ex-boyfriend may face in camp, I passed him one week’s worth of love letters every weekend so that he would have something to read when he book in.

2. Calling almost every single radio station in Singapore – every single day. Thank God for redial buttons. You could not imagine how challenging it was to even get through to ONE station, much less 10. I flooded the airwaves with loads of song dedications to the guy, proclaiming my undying love and how much I missed him in both Mandarin and English - to the entire nation. I would then compile all these dedications on a cassette – so that he could listen to them when he’s back in camp – every single week.

3. Standing in the pouring rain, waiting for a guy who left me without a word. My best friend came and saw me standing there, completely oblivious to the relentless rain pelting down on my battered soul. She hugged me and cried with me in the rain.

4. Writing a love poem and publishing it in the Classifieds section of The Straits Times on Valentine’s Day.

5. My ex-boyfriend loved Pinocchio. I spent weeks searching for various Pinocchio toys on e-Bay, and placed bids for at least 6 different toys – just in case I lose the bid. I won bids for four. He now owns two Pinocchio soft toys, one tiny plastic Pinocchio toy and one authentic Pinocchio string puppet.

6. Spending many weekends traveling from my home in the north to my ex-boyfriend’s hostel in the east just to watch him sleep. Each way took 1 hour 45 minutes.

7. Spending a few hundred dollars on balls of wool and knitting needles, hoping to knit a vest for my guy. We broke up when I was just putting the finishing touches to the front of the vest.

8. Ordering two VHS tapes of Judas Priest concert performances from the States for a boyfriend who was totally into speed metal. We broke up before the tapes arrived.

I might have done a lot more ridiculous things, like starving myself for four hours waiting for my guy to finish his work and take me out to dinner at 11pm.

But somehow, I don’t seem to remember much of those things anymore.

Those were the days.

Sometimes, love just ain’t enough.

Love is also like a coconut which is good while it is fresh, but you have to spit it out when the juice is gone, what's left tastes bitter. --Bertolt Brecht

47 comments:

Richard said...

Reading that I was torn between two opinions: “OMG, she is crazy” to “She is very dedicated and earnest.”

I guess that mostly I feel sad. You gave, you believed, you loved earnestly and - nothing.

I can relate in some small way (yes, yes, injecting some unrelated, tangential comment) when I think of friends and the time that I might have spent picking out a birthday card or in writing a letter or e-mail or taking the effort to somehow show I cared – and often feeling the return has not been worth the investment.

Of course, nothing can compare to the euphoria, the desire, the commitment, affection and devotion generated by “love” – which just takes things to a whole new scale.

I hope that one day you will find someone who can appreciate your devotion and commitment, who will freely and fully share himself with you and for you.

Of course, the real question is, “Where were you when I was younger?” :P

Take care.

Shaggy said...

I'm speechless, dumb-founded and awe-struck. Really, I am. Amazing! These are the kind of efforts I was always looking for but found in only so few ladies.

Do not think of them as silly. They're poetry in motion. I love poetry. Bravo! Still I am stunned by your other amazing feats...... let me digest them all too. Cheers!

Catherine *MeowMeow* said...

I guess being in luv does make one does irrational stuffs.

Being young, innocent, foolish and blind-in-luv, some of the stuffs you have mentioned i must admit i did them as well.

But I will do it again.. coz i like the feeling being in luv :)

Rukawa said...

Sometimes, I wonder if i am too much of a rational person or maybe i did not allow myself to fall in love enough? cos i must confess, i have not done too much silly stuff in the name of love. i do wish i could one day, like you give all to someone without fail of falling back into the chasm of heartbreak.

cfy said...

Wow! my gf never do any of those thing u mentioned on ur list...hmmmm...perhaps i should reconsider..hehe. :)

anyway. when a human life is near it's end, the person will tend to look back in the pass, counting the good things, the mistakes. Same go for love relation, one tend to look back into their relations and spot what silly-ness events they made. eventually may laugh at the stupidity events we have done for love. but i guess this is normal...and this is what made love live forever in our heart.

when you in love, u never realise how silly you are. and when u are out of it, u think all those things u done doesnt make any sense. but still deep inside, we still feel a bit of sweet & sour...for wat we have done b4.

if u ask me does it worth it? I guess for love, everything worth it. but for the person u love is not worth it...because despite how much u love that person, he/she always take it for granted.

Maverick said...

I don think you were silly. That's how true love should make you feel. Giving your all...

With my first girlfriend I guess I was too playful and taking things a bit for granted. Now that I am older and more experienced, I crave for this type of love.

But I share your loss because she left me in the end, but the experience made me stronger don't you agree....

chungchung said...

You are THE girl.

I'm impressed by your dedication to love someone. It's always nice to give out 110% of love.

Love isn't a comparison of who puts in more effort. As long as you are happy with your actions, that's it.

Take care!

catsr03 said...

You are an incurable romantic! Reading this makes me recall all the similar things which I did for my ex-girlfriends, and similarly, they all left me ... ;(rying!

'Women are the strongest of the sexes, for which guy can ever stand the pain of child birth!'

Wanderer said...

Trust me my friend, these are all good and sweet memory.

At least you don’t have to remember the bitter quarrel that broke out… abusive and hurting words… the betray… or realise the mis-match only after the wedding…

Nobody know what the future hold for him/her.

Sorry for no romantic words.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Richard: Haha..you are right. I must be crazy. Let me try and remember where I was when you were young.... *GriNZ*

Shaggy: Thanks for your outpour of compliments haha! I like your "Poetry In Motion" description of my girlish attempts illustrated in this post.

Catherine: My sentiments exactly. Being in love is great. But loving someone can be quite torturous sometimes.

Rukawa:
A bell is no bell 'til you ring it,
A song is no song 'til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay -
Love isn’t love
'Til you give it away.

cfy: Wah so philosphical.... I am not sure if it's reasonable to classify if anyone is worth it or not. I guess for love, the best way to go about it is to love as if you have never loved before. And to take each day as the last day of your life - so live and love to the fullest.

Maverick: As long as you know what you truly want now, you will find that special someone that you can give you love to - now that you are ready and more willing to cherish what you have.

Chungchung: Haha...thank you so much. But nowadays, maybe I have aged and becoming more cynical and skeptical. May be losing that 110% touch of giving my all...

catsr03: I agree women are the stronger of the sexes. But that's not just cos of childbirth. We are stronger in many other ways haha...

Wanderer: Worry not about romantic words. What matters most is your sincerity. I do remember the bitter quarrels and hurts, just that I choose not to talk about them. Lovce would be a muc better topic for this chaotic world we live in right now.

juz_A_ga| said...

Isn't that something to look back on and laugh? Heehee! I think what you did was sweet. All of it. Better to have loved than never before! :O) At least you don't have to look back and say "What if". heehee!

John said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
John said...

Treasure these memories. Treasure your ability to look back and smile at them. Treasure them while you still have the energy to do so. Not everyone will have them or will be able to handle them in the same positive way.

Love is enough :). I believe love is more than just doing something special... it would very likely in my opinion be the encapsulation of virtues such as understanding, respect, care and forgiveness. .. well based on what I can understand from the movie 'Indecent Proposal' anyway

LGSF said...

In the name of love, I have been foolish,
In the name of love, I have been preyed.
In the name of love, I have been forsaken,
In the name of love, I have been dead.

To the one I loved, I am a distraction,
To the one I loved, I am a norm.
To the one I loved, I am a passing shower,
To the one I loved, I am a pawn.


Very apt heading - In the name of love.

Reading your experiences have brought a smile to my face, cos I myself have been guilty of such behaviour before as well - sitting by the phone pining away for hours, travelling from 1 end to the other end just to see the "special someone" for a short while, getting paranoid when they don't pick up the phone, and travelling there to find out they were in the shower...

Well, love puts silly thoughts into our heads. We do foolish things for love, usually on the spur of the moment.

So you've done silly things for love. No worries! If nothing else, it proves you're human! And to anyone who dares say - I have never done foolish things for love - well, then you must be an unfeeling piece of rock or an egoistical maniac.

It's great that you can still remember them "embarassing" doings. To be able to laugh at oneself builds character, and don't let anyone tell you any less.

TO said...

Lotsa memories running in my head now...

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

John: I do treasure those memories - that's why I feel the need to blog it down, less my memory fails me one fine day.

LGSF: Well said indeed. Though there are also things I wished I have never done. Some of the stuff I have done make me cringe. But what the heck. It's history and I can't change that.

TO: Maybe you can also share your memories with us?

John said...

Elvina, I am also refering to your ability to continue to treasure them. I think it is a good thing to try and maintain such qualities.

Bee said...

Maverick said: "I don think you were silly. That's how true love should make you feel. Giving your all... "

Yes, I agree too. However, if you do think you were silly doing those things for him after he left you, then perhaps you were just infatuated with him and have not truly loved him. I won't regret doing those things for my "ex" even after we have broken up.


chungchung said: "Love isn't a comparison of who puts in more effort. As long as you are happy with your actions, that's it."

Yes, in love, there will always be one who loves the other more. But perhaps one important question to ask is, "what is the other's person prefered 'language of love' within morality?" If your love actions do not convey the message of love the other person could understand and feel, then you can't blame him/her for not appreciating them.

Tan Kok Seng said...

The moral of the story is make sure an eBay seller offers express delivery before you make a bid. Otherwise, you're gonna end up with tons of heavy metal tapes/cult Japanese anime DVDs/vintage G.I. Joe action men.

But seriously, no offence but maybe you're just being too nice to the guys you date. Just as some women are attracted to bad boys, some men are attracted to women who play hard to get...

Runaway said...

I have had experience of being ipampered with so much love from my ex-girlfriend. But only once in my lifetime. I don't think I am going to ever get that feeling again. Love, it's a game the young ones play!

Anonymous said...

hey elvina, i did that love letter thingy too... but my mum confiscated them all... muahaha... and later i wrote a love song... purposely went to learn to play the guitar... thought i was simply hopeless too ...muahaha ... ~ angel

Kudious said...

wow.. u did so many tings.. ur bf is lucky.. hehe

I m not a romantic person... haiz

pg said...

wah, love no. 1 n 2! if got girl did all these for me when i was in army, i wouldnt haf to be send to my OC office that often for counselling le.. lol

Bored Dad said...

Crazy? Hardly!

Dedicated, Committed, Romantic, Sensational, and Expressive are likely more rightly describe what you did.

If there be any girl did all these for me, I can swear to my last breath I would love her and treasure her with all my life and till the end of my life!

You are one great lady who believes and willing to give it all when in love. There is nothing crazy about it, nothing to ashame about it. More importantly, is that don't regret of doing it.

I had done some 'crazy' stuffs in my past relationships too, I have neve regreted any of them even though none of them ever work out. In fact, I will still do 'crazy' stuff if I am in love again.

NJS said...

Was it worthwhile?

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Bee: Sometimes loving someone does not necessarily comes with the attached condition of reciprocity. Even if that person does not understand, it does not really matter. Cos if we expect for every act of love we give, we want some other form of love back, it really becomes a sort of biz transaction.

So - just love. The rest will take care of itself. Even if it doesn't, at least we have tried.

Kok Seng: The thing is playing hard to get is equivalent to playing mind games with the person u obviously like. And I don't like mind games. Guess a straight forward person like myself just doesn't see the rationale for playing hard to get.

If you like the person, why wait? If you don't like the person, why linger? Too bad for those men who like women to treat them like dirt. They are probably not worth my time anyway.

Runaway: Never say never. You never know,

Angel: I am sure no matter how you sound, your love will sound as sweet as your voice. How many girls can do what you did? :)

ihsix: Romantic is just a state of mind, translated into actions. Sometimes, writing an email to say you miss someone is romantic enough. It depends on how the receiver interprets your actins.

pg: Aiyo, what happened? Take it easy dude. Love should be nuturing, not destructive. If you feel devastated by it, it's time to get out.

Bored Dad: You are way too generous with your compliments. Whatever I have done proably was committed in a moment of folly haha. Maybe Kok Seng was right - that the more you spoil and pamper someone, the more you get taken for granted.

It's basic human nature.

NJS: Not sure how to measure whether if it is worthwhile. Love is not a matter of investment vs returns - so I guess, those are better archived as memories than a balance sheet.

jesse said...

Perhaps doing things in moderation wasn’t much heard of then, some of those things were a tad too much. But hey I guess that's what 爱的轰轰烈烈 is all about and many here have attested to the fact that most of us have got our fair share of silly, sometimes over-the-top expressions of our intense devotion to others.

Kudos to all!

Maverick said...

Looks like you have found your new love in FK Forum :) Enjoy and if you decide to visit my area one day, we can go fishing together lah :)

I have also read the DaVincci Code and I am also left wondering.... Documentary of Discovery Channel did not help much either :(

Bee said...

Elvina said: Sometimes loving someone does not necessarily comes with the attached condition of reciprocity. Even if that person does not understand, it does not really matter. Cos if we expect for every act of love we give, we want some other form of love back, it really becomes a sort of biz transaction.
So - just love. The rest will take care of itself. Even if it doesn't, at least we have tried.

You have right to do as you please, to just love the way you prefer rather than what that guy prefers. Then you have to bear the consequences that what is love to you is a torment to him, and he leaves you for good in the end.

I don't know about you... if a guy keeps doing all kinds of things for me in the name of love, yet they are something that irritates me so much, that isn't love. If he really loves me, he will find out how I want love to be expressed instead.

I have learnt my lesson.... hope you too.

Runaway said...

Love is the linguist's invention of the chemical & emotional changes that take place in our bodies & minds when copulation is imminent. Being an invention, more accurately a human one, it is over-rated & illusional. What is real is the real act of copulation, not in the sense of dirty sex, but in the sense of reproducing a whole next generations & protecting our own genes from going distinct.

Runaway said...

It should have been extinct not distinct. And generation not generations. Apologies.

Aristocrat said...

Greetings there, I seem to have stumbled upon a treasure trove did I? Very insightful writings you have here, pity that Time is of essence now and I could only read thoroughly through your most recent post...

Those deeds that you do are not silly, trust me. Perhaps that is just the logical you saying so, the brain of your psyche. People who do all these things for their loved ones are already a rare breed. One wonders what constitutes a relationship in this age of instant gratification. Perhaps you are just a hopeless romantic, like many of us out there. Just that all our paths have not crossed yet...

Chris T. said...

It's a pity that sometimes, the men just don't get it..
(fade into UOB advert....)

May you find your life's partner
who deserves your undying love,
your unwavering loyalty,
and never ending nagging (if necessary)
you will heap onto him,
and may you find him soon.

I, for one, have found my partner, and are on our way to sharing our lives together.

And of course, she was worth the 6 yrs wait.

Happy big three zero!

Richard said...

I hope that what we do, we do because we believe it is right.

Elvina, you have illustrated that, in the past at least, you have chosen to be very giving and trusting and enthusiastic. In hindsight, we can ask, but where you wise? Or did you give and trust foolishly?

On the other hand, I stand in stark contrast to you. I am overly cautious, too reserved and stingy in opening and trusting and sharing with others. I can equally well ask (and I do ask) have I been foolish in my caution?

A Buddhist friend taught me that the eight steps which lead away from suffering are:

Right Understanding
Right Thought
Right Speech
Right Action
Right Livelihood
Right Effort
Right Mindfulness
Right Concentration

KuraKat said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
KuraKat said...

I am impressed.

I guess all of us do silly things at one point in life.

Actually, we do different silly things at different points in life.

Just that we are oblivious to it at times.



"Everybody is a fool in someone's eyes; I'd rather be a Fool-in-Love. (Joshua Wong)"

J said...

Bee said "You have right to do as you please... Then you have to bear the consequences that what is love to you is a torment to him, and he leaves you for good in the end....
if a guy keeps doing all kinds of things... that irritates me so much, that isn't love.
I have learnt my lesson.... hope you too.".

Dear Bee, can you kindly share with us the lesson that you hope Elvina will learn? For example, how did you conclude that by being romantic, Elvina has tormented and irriated her boyfriends, and therefore it served her right to be abandoned by them - in your words: she has to "bear the consequence" when her bf left her "for good"?

Your teaching will help enlighten many men here, myself included, because as many have commented, we would be very touched by girlfriends who did what Elvina did. The last thing we would do if we break off is to tell such women that they have to "bear the consequences" for having tormented(?!) and irritated(!?) us with their romantic gestures.

Please help teach us, as you have done many times in the past. Thanks.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

jesse: 爱的轰轰烈烈 - i like this phrase! Exactly what I prescribed to when I was a young and hopeless romantic... For my friends who needed translation, that chinese phrase literally means "to love with great fanfare".... :P

Maverick: Watch out for the movie then - coming soon next year. Starring Tom Hanks. :)

Bee: I am not talking about loving some guy who does not love me. I am talking abt the way I loved my boyfriends - people who already loved me. My point is that we were in love when I did all that. It's just that sometimes - doing all these things doesn't mean love lasts forever. The moral of the story is that I can be the most loving girlfriend in the world, and a relationship can still come to an end due to various reasons - third party, conflicts, disagreements etc.

They definitely felt extremely pampered and loved more than irritated then.

Runaway: That's a very primitive way of looking at LOVE, and completely scientific. I tend to want to believe that LOVE is a bit more than the mere spawning and breeding of offsprings.

Aristocrat: With your comment in this blog, our paths have crossed. Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to read my rants and raves.


Chris T: Oh you lucky bugger!! Congratulations on finding your true love! Do cherish her with all your heart and soul. :)

Richard: Sometimes people just complicate things - by being overly sensitive, overly emotional, overly expressive or overly cautious.

Love is subjective. What seems wise to one may look foolish to another. The most important thing is to love with all you've got. Then you have truly lived. Or at least, that's MY point of view.

Kurakat: Seems like you have some silly accounts of your own? Care to share?

Jade Falcon Elite said...

I like what u say ,
"The most important thing is to love with all you've got. Then you have truly lived."

I have truly lived. And I will still live it.

Thank you my Dearest Friend.

Fireborn aka the lonely saleman said...

Love is subjective. What seems wise to one may look foolish to another. The most important thing is to love with all you've got. Then you have truly lived. Or at least, that's MY point of view.

-Well..have to agree with that “love with all you've got” .Used to believe in that and still do. Just have to love with 100% no more no less. So on the entire thing you have done for love ,to me there are not foolish it merely how you express your affection for the other party.

Keep the faith... ya

Ricket said...

Power of love... amazing isn't it?

well nothing to be ashamed of, I've done it...many times, tons of it. Like you, I use to travel 3 hours from east to west and back just to see her. Search the entire island for small unimportant things just to make her happy. Wrote letterS and PoemS when she left me.

Part of life, part of growing up, part of learning to love.

Bee said...

Elvina said: " I am not talking about loving some guy who does not love me. I am talking abt the way I loved my boyfriends - people who already loved me. My point is that we were in love when I did all that. It's just that sometimes - doing all these things doesn't mean love lasts forever. The moral of the story is that I can be the most loving girlfriend in the world, and a relationship can still come to an end due to various reasons - third party, conflicts, disagreements etc."

I think we are at the same frequency.... in the same context. I can fully understand where you are coming from and agree that what you did is very natural of most gals, including me. BUT... I have learnt from my mistakes, and that of others, that the practice of "5 language of love" is so crucial in keeping a relationship healthy and growing. (you may want to read "The Love Doctor").

Anyway... i am not here to teach you about relationship, just sharing whatever I have learnt and is still learning... because I do care for u... if not, i won't even bother to comment.:)

Take care.

chris t. said...

it's the little things we do, that sometimes show how much we care..

i may not show my girl that i am fully listening to her, but i do pick up the important points, like the flowers she loves, the stuff she likes.. and i try to get them just to surprise her, albeit not that often.

i may not declare my love for her over radio, newspapers and other media, but i do let her know each night that i will love her and cherish her for all the time we spend together.

Aristocrat said...

But there are still many others out there, no? Those who continually do not get what they deserve. One wonders how to reach out to those who lost faith sometimes. If everyone loses faith in Love, the world will be a very dreadful and dark place to live in...

Reading through your works now...:)

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Jade: Good for you my friend. :)

Fireborn: Not sure if I have still have the stamina to do what I did many years ago. Maybe growing up have inevitably taken away the idealistic notions on love that I used to have.

Ricket: You are quite a sentimental person yourself huh? I am actually quite surprised many of the male readers of my blog are actually quite romantic! Provided you guys are telling the truth.... haha

Bee: Don't worry about it. Thanks for caring. :)

Chris T: Your girl is definitely a very fortunate woman. Not many guys bother about such intimate details nowadays. Do continue to make her feel special even after you are married, even when you are both 80 years old. That's when you know the love you have is truly special and exclusive.

Aristocrat: I agree that if everyone loses faith, the world would really become a bleaker place. That's why there's a God. Even if one loses faith in men/women/relationships, they can still cling on to the faith that God is always there and never fails.

Hope you'd enjoy what you read here.

Anonymous said...

In the name of love...you've been great, live with no regrets, be happy that you know love...you've been loved and will be loved by many.

Mickell said...

Love is a many splendored thing, is it not?