"Whenever I feel happy, I get scared. Because I know, something will make me unhappy again very soon."
So much for optimisim.
I can almost relate to this feeling of "happy despair". Somehow, that's how I feel most of the times. It's as if I'm not supposed to feel too happy for fear that the sadness which follows would engulf my entire being and rob all traces of joy in me.
I guess you can liken it to Pavlov's Classical Conditioning Theory. If every happy event is followed by a miserable one, in time to come, one will be conditioned to believe that there would be a depressing occurrence each time one experiences bliss.
Totally warped isn't it?
There's one other thing about this concept called happiness. In a strategy meeting one day, my boss suddenly made a philosophical statement.
He said, "You cannot pursue or seek happiness. What one usually does is to go after things that will make them happy.
So, what you call happiness is getting what you want, achievement or success, becoming noble, getting anything that you want. As long as you want something and you can get it, you feel perfectly happy; you are not frustrated, but if you cannot get what you want, then unhappiness begins."
His words actually had me pondering for a long time. It sounds really logical. One probably wouldn't feel happy for no reason at all. I must have seen something, experience something or achieved something to be in that state. Sounds like some kind of nirvana crap where if you seek happiness it will evade you, but if you don't actively pursue it, it shall come to you naturally.
I wonder how many times have I deliberately embark on or purse something in order to achieve that lovely, sweet feeling of happiness. Do I feel truly happy after that? Or am I just deceiving myself? How can I define true happiness? Is there a checklist for me to tick off the corresponding responses and reactions?
The whole ideology is so abstract that I start to get a migraine just thinking about it.
If anyone has an answer to the eluding concept of happiness, come share it with me. Is it having loads of money? Everlasting love? Success in business? A high-flying career? Being at peace with oneself?
Sadly, I have no answer yet at this point in my life. But I did experience a small moment of happiness last night when I came across two blogs that speak of Hotel Solace. Jade Falcon was probably one of the first blogger to promote my blog on his, but he has since closed his site.
Check out the latest Hotel Solace "marketing agents":
Dave from Australia
John Huong from Singapore
I am truly touched by your endorsements. Thanks for believing in me and this blog.
"Happiness is like a cloud. If you stare at it long enough, it evaporates."
- Sarah McLachlan