I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.


Monday, November 14, 2005

Sex and The City


Have you ever watched Sex and The City? It's a drama series revolving around the lives of 4 women - a lawyer, an art gallery manager, a columnist/writer and a PR consultant. They were beautiful and sexy in their own right, and possess 4 totally different personalities.


Samantha Jones, the self-centered PR consultant, is totally open about her sexuality, and has absolutely no qualms exploiting it to get what she wants. She is super confident and could be a bitch at times, but that also means she's no pushover. She's extremely smart and one of the most hilarious characters of the show, simply because she talks about sex as if it's American breakfast - something you take every day without giving too much thought with the sole purpose of satisfying your hunger.


Carrie Bradshaw is a popular columnist who writes about love, relationships and sex, and usually draws inspiration from her friends and her own dysfunctional relationships. She is your typical lovelorn cosmopolitan woman who worships shoes, bags, clothes and fancy parties. Men drift in and out of her life - bringing her on one roller-coaster ride after another - most spiralling towards an emotional wreck. She is good at her work, but falters when it comes to relationships.


Charlotte York is your goody-two-shoes, spiritual, religious babe who does everything by the book. She is constantly shocked by Samantha's explicit description of her sexacapdes, and would not hesitate to show her disgust. She gets extremely flustered and works herself up into a senseless frenzy whenever things do not go her way. She believes in true love and is constantly pining for her Prince Charming. Her ultimate ambition in life is to get married and have kids. She's your perfect wife and mother.


Miranda Hobbes is the stiff, principled, level-headed lawyer who keeps her passion suppressed, while going about her daily life with the precision of a clockwork mouse. She's the no-nonsense, impatient, career-driven woman who sees everything in either black or white. She sometimes loses her bearings, exposing that rare moment of her vulnerability. She is a perfectionist and is hard on herself and the people around her.



So - which Sex and The City babe are you? Take thist to test to find out! ;P

I am a "Samantha".

Score: 21 points -- You're Samantha -- uninhibited, powerful, and sensual. You pursue sex with unbarred enthusiasm -- and without letting feelings get in the way. Relationships aren't exactly your strong point, but you date more than any of your friends, and you're the one they come to when they need advice in the bedroom.

Take the above analysis with a HUGE pinch of salt.....please.


Why do I like this particular show?

I think it's because the characters in the show are easily identifiable. Most girls fall within one or more of the types as described above. Personally, I am a cross between Samantha, Carrie and Miranda.

One thing I really admire about the girls in the show - is how despite their obvious differences, they could still come together, bonding and bitching regularly over coffee, meals and cocktails. Occasionally, the different personalities may clash, but they eventually understand that the friendship is worth more than a petty quarrel.

There was even an episode where baby-hater Samantha reluctantly agreed to babysit Miranda's baby boy while she goes on a date. That's what friends are for - isn't it? To be there for you through thick and thin, thicker and thinner.

Some time ago, I have a group of girls that I hang out with every Friday night. Uncannily, the four of us seemed to take on the four different personalities of the babes in Sex and The City. Being the more vocal and unbridled female in the group, I am naturally a Samantha - often shocking my "Charlotte" and "Carrie" friends. The level-headed Miranda usually just rolls her eyes at my nonsense.

Not long after, a virus called marriage wiped out two of our girls and reduced the group strength to two. It was only me and "Miranda" left.

We tried injecting a couple of fresh new blood into the group, but somehow it just doesn't feel the same anymore. We have known the other two girls for more than 6 years - and the chemistry between us is as impeccable as the one sizzling on the show. It's almost irreplaceable.

So it came to pass that our Sex and The City weekly gathering became a mixed bag of sorts - from ex-colleagues to present colleagues to MSN friends to MSN friends' friends. Not sure if this is ideal, but apparently, some regulars in the group are not handling the influx of foreign bodies too well. Maybe it's about time I stick to familiar grounds.

Recently, I have an extremely strong urge to retreat into my impenetrable shell. It protects me from the harshness that was brewing around me. No, I am not depressed. Nor do I feel emotional.

If I analysed myself correctly, I think I feel vulnerable.
I may be strong, but I am not invincible.

Many times, when I am alone, I wonder about my friends.

- Are we all accepting, like the women in Sex and The City?
- Do we embrace each other shortcomings, and tolerate one another's flaws?
- Could we ever be there for each other always - no matter what circumstances?
- As much as we disagree with one another, do we put aside our differences and work towards a satisfying compromise?
- Could we openly talk to each other even when we are fully aware that it may not eventually achieve our objective of getting the message across?
- Could we seek to understand, even if we do not concur?
- Have we been hearing but not listening, looking but not really seeing?
- Can we bring ourselves to overlook petty transgressions and forgive unintentional mistakes?
- Are we able to recognise the little imperfections in our friends and love them all the same?
- Do we have the capacity to accept that things may change, but possess the confidence that our friendship would still be as true?
- Have we unknowingly created undue pressure by pre-setting expectations on how a friend should behave?
- Have we stopped sharing our innermost secrets for fear of backlash?
- Could we truly refrain from passing judgement?

Frankly, many of the answers in my mind are swimming in a blurry mess. I used to be able to tell instantly, but of late - I find myself severely and emotionally handicapped. I no longer knew distinctly what was expected of me - as a friend.

Sometimes it feels that nothing I do was ever good enough.
Or worse - everything I do warrants a criticism, accusation or assumption.
Any form of explanation only serves to throw me in an argumentative/defensive light.

I used to proclaim proudly that my friends will stand by me no matter what, because that is exactly how I will be to them.

My loyalty is a simple, straight-forward, no-strings attached concept. VIP status is automatically accorded to those I hold dear as friends. I accept them WHOLESALE - no matter who they are, what they are or who they have or will become. They could be the most undesirable people to walk this planet, but they will be the ones I cherished most - simply because they are my friends.

Such simplistic view apparently - belongs to me, and me only.

And then I realise how alone I was in my concept of "friendship". It is no Sex and The City, as much as I would love to fantasize it to be so.

Humans will always have expectations. They will be appalled, disappointed, sad, worried, uneasy, disillusioned, angry, upset, frustrated, irritated - as long as your behaviour does not measure up to those expectations.

I realised sadly, that I am a victim not by choice, but of circumstance.

And that was when I knew I needed to retreat. To be alone. To seek solace in my shell. To withdraw and think about how best I can protect my idealistic view, but yet at the same time, assimilate myself to the brutal truth of reality.

Last but not least, I need time to assure myself - that despite who I am not, I am still good enough.

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't follow.
I'd be at the bottom to catch them when they fall."

23 comments:

paranoid said...

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.

NJS said...

I would rather run the marathon than to answer that whole list of questions!

But on the whole, I believe the Chinese saying... One type of rice fed hundred types of people.

Friends come from different backgrounds and come with different personalities and different characters. There is no clear stereotyping of them, as they do behave differently under different circumstances.

Problems will always arise; it’s a natural phenomenon! As you have mention friends should support each other through thick and thin. But the thickness of your friendship does depend on how often you exploit this privilege.

We all wanted our friendships to last forever... It takes two hands to clap. It’s possible but rare. Do cherish the rare birds!

Dynaway said...

Marriage is always a fren killer... my best pals are all married, sometime want to ask them out for an all guys nite out also hard... so nowadays i dun wanna call them out, wait for them to call me instead... i hang myself up n sell. LOL

Richard said...

Ack! Your blogs are getting toooooo long!

Elvina wrote: "My loyalty is a simple, straight-forward, no-strings attached concept. VIP status is automatically accorded to those I hold dear as friends."

That is how I view my friends. But, it takes a long time for me to grant them VIP status.

But ... I must confess that I have no interest in high maintenance friends. I don't pretend to accept people. Either I accept them or I don't. Some of my friends have radically different philosophies and ideologies from me. If they are a good person (subject to my own interpretation), then I have no problem in calling them friend.

The one thing I have noticed over the years, is that I seem to invest more time and energy in my friends than they do in me. Sometimes, I feel this is unfair.

Recently a friend, who disappeared for more than two years, commented that he is amazed at how many people I struggle to maintain contact with.

Unfortunately, reciprocity is a vital component of friendship. I may give 10 times and get back only once. But it is important that there is some degree of reciprocity. If there is not, it will eventually fade away.

Sorry I can't write more, I feel deathly sick. I think I food poisoned (judging from the symptoms) myself last night and am feeling terribly weak and unfocussed. So if this doesn't make any sense, then you know why. (although my wife did get to see a new side of me last night - my head in the toilet. sigh.)

Fireborn aka the lonely saleman said...

Surprise supirse.i always tot that the writer is a “carrie” .Anyway my fav character in the drama is Samantha on. If memories serve me right she introduces the term, like “time flyer “and F*** buddy”

One of my fav from Samantha

Adam: Come on, give me a little BJ, up and down a couple times, you're done, it's easy!
Samantha: Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'!

Apologies to those who felt offended. by my comment (I’m kinda tipsy. now)

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Paranoid: Cheem ar... but I don't limit myself. I am purely frustrated. That's abt it.

NJS: Thanks for your comments. I will cherish my friends - as I always have. I hope they will too.

Richard: Oh no! First of all, sorry for the long entry. Had a lot of thoughts for this one, so could not stop my verbal diarrhoea. Agree with you on reciprocity.... takes two to clap to form a solid relationship.

You better take more water and rest as much as you can... Get well soon ya? :(

Fireborn: Well, I am not totally Carrie cos some part of me is still pretty sober and practical, unlike the dreamer Carrie haha....

I remember those memorable Samantha's quirks too. They are hilarious.

Dave said...

Elvina wrote: "Such simplistic view apparently - belongs to me, and me only."

I used to be rather like that too - I still am. But I think if you just switch it all one like that, 100%, then it may not be appreciated. People can treasure a friendship that grows slowly more than someone who is immediately loyal, even if it doesn't make sense to do so.

(I think also, from the giver-of-friendship's point of view, it's possible that loyalty that's won over time can be more powerful and stronger than loyalty that's given immediately. I don't know.)

There are others out there like you. Don't feel alone in that concept of friendship.

Still thinking about the rest of it :)

Dave said...

Oh, and thanks for the mention on your blog yesterday, btw :)

Tan Kok Seng said...

Most local guys like the Charlotte type. You just need to read the fourth paragraph of your post to realise why.

Life is like a journey that you take, like in a train or in a car. Sometimes there are many friends with you as you travel. Other times, you're alone. The journey keeps going on. And the combination of people who travel with you never ceases to evolve.

John said...

I was tempted to post my thoughts but after much consideration, I think it is better I just mail them to you.. hope you don't mind.

Catherine *MeowMeow* said...

I'm torn deciding whether I'm Miranda or Charlotte, perhaps i would labelled myself as Miranda's personality with Charlotte's interior complex.

I'm not ashamed to admit that my ultimate ambition to get married n hav kids,.. but wouldnt that also implies to alot of ladies out there as well. but honestly i doubt myself being able to be a good wife n mother, as i'm too individivalism.

As time goes by, I begin to accept the fact that frens do come n go, but only true ones will stay and make time for each other no matter how busy they are.

I always get irritated when frens told me that they dont have time to meet up. sometimes, I just feel that it just a matter of whether they wan to or not.

haha.. no wonder my frens cant stand me at times... I always have such a high expectatns of them..

But, m i asking 2 much?

John said...

Oh I think I forgot to mention...
Just be yourself. As long as you are comfortable with who you are and what you are doing.. why worry about other ppl's expectations?

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Dave: Hmm...I like your comment. It's another way of looking at this friendship concept. Definitely worth pondering over....

Glad to mention you on my blog. You wrote one whole entry on mine! :)

Kok Seng: You sure Charlotte's the kind of girl every man dreams of having? Probably they like this kind cos she wouldn't question, she is trusting, and she would be more than willing to tolerate their man's nonsense as long as he "loves" her.

The kind of woman that ultimately turns a man on big time and keep him on his toes would be someone like a Samantha, Carrie or even a power suit like Miranda.

Catherine: Sometimes people have many priorities in life, and it's not possible to place friends at the top all the time. Especially if they are married, with kids, with new set of parents and families (in-laws), new duties and responsibilities, as well as their existing careers.

So I try to be understanding - because unless I am sure that I can absolutely set aside time with a snap of the finger every time my friends want to meet, I will not impose such expectations on them.

Expectations are fine, as long as they are reasonable. Sometimes all it takes to be a good friend is to be a little more understanding. And forgiving. :)

Baa Baa Black Sheep said...

"Not sure if this is ideal, but apparently, some regulars in the group are not handling the influx of foreign bodies too well."

Injection of new blood and foreign influx is good depending on individuals. Your intention is to expand your circle of friends and hope that your friends will gain another new friend from the gathering. Imagine you had a long and stressful day at work, all you need is a place to chill out and relax. Regulars feel comfortable even when there's silence throughout the whole night. You may think that pumping new blood in the same group bring some life to the current group which you no longer feel comfortable with. Why is that so?Perhaps you are sensitive that you begin to doubt yourself and your friends.

I used to have a group of girlfriends. We hang out a lot when we are single but we've learnt to adjust ourselves when some are married or attached whereas some are still single. We still find our friendship closer each day. May you find yourself attached someday and neglect your friends in certain way ,they still stand by you. What I can say now is that you may feel lonely at times but you should never doubt the friendship that you had built up for years.

Lost and confused you may be, you should keep that faith in you and your "city"

Runaway said...

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't follow. I will continue & live life wondering why they did that & certainly suffer the trauma of sudden loss of so many friends.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Sheep: I was indeed thinking of introducing new friends to my existing friends - so that we can all expand our circle of friends. Don't think there were any doubts, just that I single-mindedly felt that the more the merrier.

Sometimes, I just want to take the pressure off myself...not sure if people will feel comfortable with my silence cos I am always the "life of the party." But there are times where I would rather others do the talking even if I am the organizer. Having more people there would hopefully encourage more interaction between them so that I can sit back and just enjoy the company of friends old and new... :P

Runaway: Maybe there's something you can do before they jump off?

John said...

Warning: What follows is what I consider to be a highly opinionated posting (may come across a little strong to some) plus a chance of a typo plus grammatical error.. Read at your own risk.. ;)

Our circle of friends will change over time, they get married or move away. However it doesn't mean they are no longer our friends. I believe they will always be our friends... your simple concept of friendship does hold water.. and I for one believe in it. However, we probably have to understand that our friends now have other priorities; family, children, etc..

It would probably be a little on the extreme to think that they have abandoned us.. they may have moved onto a different life... but I am sure, because they believe us to be their friends, they will not forget us and will be there for us if we ever call out to them (ok this is where you will really know that they are your friends).

As their friend, we need to find our own path.. if I were your friend I would hope that you are be able to do well in life without me (e.g. passed away, or moved to the North Pole/alternate dimensions), and I would have that hope simply because as your friend I would like you to be happy regardless of where am I.

The chemistry you had with any individual is unique and cannot be replicated... after all God did make us all to be unique in some way or another. It will always be different and perhaps this is something we can learn to appreciate.... I look at it as a challenge for us to adapt to the changes.

I feel sad that you feel you are a victim... no one should feel this way. No one can take away your point of view; not unless you let them.

As you deal with all of this, I am sure you will get closer and closer to the answers of 'Who are you?' and 'What do you want?'...

Actually by re-reading your post... I think you are actually partially answering those two questions already :).

John said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Baa Baa Black Sheep said...

"Sometimes, I just want to take the pressure off myself...not sure if people will feel comfortable with my silence cos I am always the "life of the party." But there are times where I would rather others do the talking even if I am the organizer. Having more people there would hopefully encourage more interaction between them so that I can sit back and just enjoy the company of friends old and new..."
When you organise a certain outing, everyone may not be as vocal and active as you mentioned you are the "life of the party". You should learn not to put that pressure on yourself if you want to lay back and see the interaction between old and new friends. The fact is it takes time to warm up the atmosphere if you introduce someone new or a new group to your current. You can't expect to see sparks within one or two outings right? Do you feel the more the merrier if all your friends are interacting and suddenly you feel that you are the one that is being left alone in the crowd?
I do agree with John on " Our circle of friends will change over time, they get married or move away. However it doesn't mean they are no longer our friends. I believe they will always be our friends... your simple concept of friendship does hold water.. and I for one believe in it. However, we probably have to understand that our friends now have other priorities; family, children, etc..
"
You may feel that you are left alone at the same spot when most of your friends moved on with other commitments in their life which they think it's their priority now.
Refer to the questions that you had posed regarding your friends , you have a lot of answers swimming because you are not sure whether you accept them as they are. I believe friends should be frank to each other because they trust each other and willing to accept their comments and advice. For example, if one is doing something wrong , do the other one who close his eyes and accept what he is doing called a true friend?
Think about it, not all people are perfect. Your friends may have stay with you because they can accept your shortcomings and tolerate your flaws at a comfort level. They will definately remind you of who you are if you had gone overboard one day. Everyday you will face passing judgement from different people, you may take the comment hard because someone close to you highlight that and you think that why he can accept me as who i am last time but not now. Why? Why and why?
People do change, you will change but whether on the good or bad, I believe only true friends can tell.

meh meh black sheep said...

Oh Samantha Samantha. If my friends were to jump of the bridge.... i will think why and what made them jump. Why so many of your friends left suddenly? Did i change or what? Seems you think a lot when you are alone, yea go ahead to think more and let depression conquer you further. To let you know, my true friends are not the one who will always agrees with me or comfort me when i am down or what. They juz tell me off at times whenever i told them the silly things and stuffs i did. Those words hurts as they were the fact which most of us don't wanna hear. I may hate them for a while but after that i begin to appreciate them more when i woke up from the silly dream. From that i learnt and make sure i won't repeat history again. I saw a lot of people from your other blogs try acting angels by saying nice stuffs or what. Some blogs were like when you were so naive at times and they still blindly agrees with you and comfort you further. OMG. Guess thats the sad part. I am 100% to this part from Black sheep ......"you have a lot of answers swimming because you are not sure whether you accept them as they are. I believe friends should be frank to each other because they trust each other and willing to accept their comments and advice. For example, if one is doing something wrong , do the other one who close his eyes and accept what he is doing called a true friend?
Think about it, not all people are perfect. Your friends may have stay with you because they can accept your shortcomings and tolerate your flaws at a comfort level. They will definately remind you of who you are if you had gone overboard one day. Everyday you will face passing judgement from different people, you may take the comment hard because someone close to you highlight that and you think that why he can accept me as who i am last time but not now."

Anyway.... Whatever never kills me made me strong!

KuraKat said...

In the multitude of words, there is emptiness.

Follow your heart. Dun let the precious treasure of yourself be lost in the presenc of this harsh world of reality.

The really worthy friends have not appeared yet. Until they do, dun give up.

senbai said...

um....you don't happen to try those fake nipples? hmm i guess not :)

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

senbai: nope. i think those fake nipples are really not ME...so I have given it a pass! hahaha...

thanks for all your comments on the other blog entries as well....hope you will stay on in Hotel Solace. :)