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Monday, November 07, 2005

Driving Men Crazy

Was surfing through the web recently and stumbled across this "Ladies Room" - where they openly discuss issues on men and sexuality through a public forum. There are quite a number of quirky topics being discussed. One of the postings is titled "How To Drive Men Crazy".

Thought it would be interesting to share it here with you girls. Some of them are actually VERY funny. Sorry guys.......haha! :P

1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.

2. Be ambiguous. Always.

3. Cry often.

4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago...or with other boyfriends.

5. Make them apologize for everything.

6. Stash feminine products in their cars, backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.

7. Look them in the eye and start laughing.

8. Get mad at them for everything.

9. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.

10. Demand to be called or e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don'tcomply.

11. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.

12. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, hisquick trigger finger, and his affection for his Little Princess.

13. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.

14. Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24 - 7. Compare and contrast.

15. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.

16. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.

17. Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.

18. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless oftheir answer.

19. Leave out the good parts in stories.

20. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.

21. Criticize the way they dress.

22. Criticize the music they listen to.

23. Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them.

24. Try to change them.

25. Try to mold them.

26. Try to get them to dance.

27. When they screw up, never let them forget it.

28. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting...just because.

29. Blame everything on PMS.

30. Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"

31. Read into everything..

32. Over-analyze everything.


Are you guys going to shoot me yet? :P

30 comments:

LGSF said...

Let me add another bullet for you hehe.

33) Take ownership of the Remote Control whenever he's about to watch T.V.

luvphobia said...

34) Engage in girl talk with him. Incessantly.

Fireborn aka the lonely saleman said...

All i have to say

Why do women like intelligent men?
Opposites attract

:P

LGSF said...

No wonder you're the "lonely saleman"

.........

Richard said...

35) Make him take you shopping frequently, pretend you think he enjoys the quality time you are spending together.

36) Tell him about the 3 minute conversation you had with your sister earlier that day, but retell it in 15 minutes.

37) Insist that north is always directly in front of you, regardless of which way you are facing

38) Don't give directions like this "Go north on St. Charles until you pass Brunswick. Turn left at the first lights." Instead be more descriptive, "You go on that street where there is the McDonald's. You know the one I pointed where we saw that obnoxious kid last time we were there. Anyway, go past the 7-11 until you get to the house with the almond coloured roof - you know the one where we saw the woman wearing that olive coat slip last year on the ice?. Then turn in the direction of the Esso gas station." Make sure that you give the landmarks incorrectly (the McDonald's is really a KFC, the 7-11 is a Becker's and the Esso station is really Shell) - since he really does understand what you mean.

39) Make sure everyone knows you and he went out to that fancy dessert house (even though he goes there all the time) and strongly imply that you guys are now an item - especially to other women.

I'm sure there are more I could think of, but hey! I still want to be allowed back here ;-)

Bored Dad said...

Haha... Many of them are really funny stuffs.

But seriously speaking, I sure hope you ladies are wise enough to know that such stuffs, if do it in real life and relationship, will only cause more harm and damage to the relationship than anything else.

Otherwise, it's really a fun read.

Jade Falcon Elite said...

Congratulations. U have secured the ultimate instructions to drive men away.

Booker said...

Used to have a girlfriend who ACTUALLY did some of the things mentioned above, needless to say, I was really driven crazy.

Now I have a phobia. =X

Tan Kok Seng said...

40. Ask for their opinion when you're trying on a dress/shoes/handbag then completely ignore what they said.

41. Tell them they can't go bowling with the boys anymore because Friday night is date night.

42. Change radio stations on the car stereo without asking them. Do so frequently.

43. When you drive their car, change lanes without signalling and/or drive across double white lines in front of Traffic Police.

44. Don't let them watch F1 because Jennifer Aniston/Richard Gere/Angelina Jolie/Tom Cruise is going to be on Oprah.

45. Say "why can't you be more like my ex-?"

brokenpromises said...

some of it... i m guilty of commiting... kua.. kua.. kua

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

I see most of you men actually have been tortured relentlessly by the fairer sex before hahahaha!!

Trust you guys to add on to my list with more ways to drive YOU crazy!

I think if more people contribute I can actually print a little book and sell it at Popular and Times Bookstore! :P

This is too funny.

Anonymous said...

I think the title should be changed to "How to torture men" whalaueh...

Tan Kok Seng said...

More...

46. Get upset when they don't offer to pay for your dinner because they aren't being romantic.

47. Get upset when they offer to pay for your dinner because they're being old-fashioned and sexist.

:-)

Bee said...

hahaha.... very interesting. aren't they vice versa for women as well?

Relationship is all about give and take, knowing how to avoid hurting or annoying each other.

Someone mentioned something that I like very much: "when u know that he/she loves u very much, and all he/she says/do is because he/she loves u and for the good of both, u would not get angry that easily."

mel said...

ah yes...u can't live with them, u can't live without them.

Mickell said...

Phew! Talk about making a man's life miserable! Some women are just so extremely good at it ;p

rainbow7j said...

It may be funny to read them, but sad to say it does happens to me...... haha

it really reminds me of the times I spend with my ex.......*nostalgic*

:p

old beng said...

Why will any girl want to do that to her bf or spouse? You will surely drive him away to another girl.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Kok Seng: You seem to be very traumatized by women. Speaking from experience huh? *wiNK*

Bee: Not always true. Sometimes people say hurtful things because they love too much - and that is not necessarily beneficial for the relationship.

Mel: Same goes for men la.

Michael: Men are equally good at ruining women's lives. Just that no one has blogged about it yet. Maybe I should also start another topic on how to drive a woman crazy.....

Rainbow - Haha..poor you. You seem to enjoy it leh - still feeling nostalgic over the torture???

Old Beng: I think it comes naturally to every girl to have a sadistic streak in them - and it gives them a exciting thrill to drive the men crazy. Haha..

Rukawa said...

old beng, the point is where can you go? straight into the arms of another tortuer? they all seem to attend the same academy of "fine Arts".

elvina, YOU are being irresponsbile for spreading such EVIL. ha

suspiciousbastard said...

When I saw the title, I immediately thought of the other .......stuff.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Rukawa: Yes I know...and I love it.... *evil laugh*

SuspiciousBastard: You think too much.

Bee said...

Elvina said: " Not always true. Sometimes people say hurtful things because they love too much - and that is not necessarily beneficial for the relationship."

I think u missed my point this time. My point is that when someone u are VERY SURE OF LOVING YOU VERY MUCH says something u deemed as 'hurtful', u will be for forgiving than if u are doubting his love. KNOWING that he loves u very much would make u more open to want to clarify why he says such a thing. For u would know that he never want to hurt you.

Hope I have made myself clearer. ;)

John said...

Can I add that being attractive, single, sporting, intelligent plus tons of admirers (like swarms of flies) and continue on that would drive the world crazy?

1 ArMed bandit said...

wah kao! i think i recongise some of these stuff!

esp the diet thingy...
dun say what they mean...
mood swing...
make you play guessing games...

scary man! really stressed out everytime
think already kenna tekan this way by my elder sis when very young, later galfriends...wah... nvr ending sia...

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Bee: That's precisely what I mean. In this day and age, how would you know EXACTLY SURE that the man loves you very much? It's your guess as much as mine. No one knows. No one can ever predict the longevity or depth of love of another person.

John: That's an interesting concept. I take that as a compliment. Haha..

1 Armed Bandit: Ya. On behalf of all girls, I darn say it's neverending. So guess you guys just have to take it! :P

Richard said...

Elvina wrote: "In this day and age, how would you know EXACTLY SURE that the man loves you very much?"

I'm not sure it is any different for this day and age compared to any other day and age. Human behaviour is highly consistant (and, in my opinion, consistantly bad. sigh).

History is just one repetition of bad behaviour after another.

And you are right, you can never completely know, but you can get pretty good feeling based on empirical evidence.

Time is your only ally. If a person behaes consistently over a long period of time, then the behaviour is probably genuine.

It is easy to play a role for a short period of time. If you only see a guy (or gal) say once per week for 2 or 3 hours, how hard is it for that person to project the image they want you to see? Not too hard. If you see the person for 30 hours per week, playing a particular character becomes much harder.

I forgot one of my favourite ways to drive a men crazy: Mention frequently that you have a boyfriend, especially if it is uncalled for. e.g.

Man: Excuse me, do you have the time?

Woman: I have a boyfriend. We like to go camping a lot. It's 8:45. In fact, we are probably going camping this weekend.

John said...

Elvina, well I'm glad you liked it. :)

Mickell said...

When it comes to scheming evil, men can never beat women.

Otherwise, the famous saying:
"Hell knoweth no fury like a woman scorned." wouldn't have been concocted.

Bee said...

Elvina: "No one can ever predict the longevity or depth of love of another person."

True, so now I see where u r coming from. :) But that thought is precisely the cause of many relationship problems. If one must know the "longevity or depth of love of another person" in order to believe and to love, then love will never happen. Love is dynamic, always growing if given a conduceive environment. "Longevity or depth of love" comes only when both learn to handle love with care.

So my point is, as long as you know that he loves you very much up to the point where what's said seem 'hurtful'... it's enough to make you feel less angry and reduce your tendency to jump into conclusion. This is one way to handle love with care. :P


Michael: "When it comes to scheming evil, men can never beat women."

That's a sweeping statement. :(