da agonising aunt

not long ago, I posed some questions here which interestingly generated many heartwarming responses. they are also sincere, extremely sensible and solid advice from some of you here.

my take? since i am the only one who carries the burden of the full story behind each of these questions, I shall answer them the way i know best, and the way I know how.

what would i say...

1) ...to a guy friend who ask you what a man must do to make the girl he loves happy?

many times i know of men who do things they think will make the girl happy. many times i have tried telling men that's not the point.

don't do the things that you think I like. do the things I really like.

but first of all, do you know what I like?

making a girl feel loved isn't really rocket science. don't give her roses when she likes cactus. don't give her chocolates when she doesn't have a sweet tooth. don't take her out to watch horror films if she prefers comedies. don't give logical solutions to issues that she's worried about, when all she needs is an understanding ear.

A girl would be presently surprised if a guy takes time to learn more about her - her preferences, idiosyncracies, habits, soft spots, favourites etc.

She will feel extremely pampered if you can 'read' her mind, pre-empt what she wants to say or do, or say the things she wants to hear. She will be truly flattered if you know exactly what she wants from the menu; which song to put on the CD player; when she needs a massage; or how many spoonfuls of sugar for her cuppa tea.

And all it takes is a little more observation; a little more probing, and a little more attentiveness.

2) ...to a girl who is in love with someone she does not really trust?

i would give you all the advice you can take. but i realised after going through so many rounds of heart-to-heart talk sessions, you really don't need any advice at all. deep down inside every woman, there is a logic alarm that ticks away every time we get stuck in situations like this.

women cannot stop rationalising every single issue.

they know exactly what they should or should not be doing. but the heart wins over the mind - 90% of the time - because we are such emo creatures. they go through meaningless and seemingly hopeless situations anyway even if it hurts the hell out them.

and i realise the best advice i can ever, ever give to a girl friend is - do what your heart tells you. whatever i say will not do anything for you if your emotions have already overwhelmed your sensibility and judgement. do what you want. pursue what you desire. do everything that defies all logic so that you will never be plagued with "what ifs" and regrets 10 years down the road.

at the end of the day, if you do get hurt or disappointed, i will be here to catch you when you fall.

3) ...to a good friend who prefers to leave her life to Fate, and believes she's meant to be lonely and loveless?

if you leave your life to 'Fate', don't just leave 20% or 30% of it, simply because it seems like the best excuse you can give to yourself for a particular portion of your life that is going wrong. let 100% of your life be controlled by Fate - not just love, but money, the way you look, your behaviour, the way men treats you, your friends, your family, your work, your studies, your confidence, your sense of pride, and all your successes and failures.

there's really no need to fight for or prove anything at all. just be fatalistic all the way - and tell youself that's how your life is going to be and will never change or improve. you can't do anything about it no matter what kind of shit comes your way.

and you cannot really claim any credit to your name for all the good things that happened either. seriously, if Fate was ever in the picture, surely you wouldn't be so delusional as to actually believe that it's all your hard work, persistence and optimisim?

don't leave Fate to only control how and where your relationships will end up, but tell me you are in control for the other aspects of your life. Fate doesn't discriminate which part of your life to influence or take over. If you believe in Fate, naturally you have to accept that you simply have no choice in life. zilch. remember you don't have any control over or run it anymore.

everything is up to Fate. and so it shall be. for love and everything else. for now and eternity.

4) ...to a sister who is hurting from the loss of one love, and confused about the love from another?

do not do unto others what you would not want others to do unto you. give yourself a chance to learn how to let go, and a chance to learn how to love again. it's ok to be confused, because we are like that most of the time anyway.

but it's not ok to drag someone else into the mess when you are not ready. it's bad enough that you are hurting. it's irresponsible to disregard the feelings of the one who loves you.

if you are ever confused and hurting at the same time, what you really need is a break from relationships. i've heard the part where you need to be with another new love interest to let go of the one that soured.

take it from a seasoned woman like me - it ain't gonna work.

you will just keep changing the men till you stop hurting, and that may take a while. for me, it took many wrong and short-lived trial relationships to understand how screwed up i've become. how needy and eager for attention and company i've become. how much of my whole self-worth has been built around how much love i can get from a man. it's not healthy for your emotional well-being, and it's unfair to burden someone else with the brunt of your confusion.

in that relationship-bulldozing process, you are just going to get more dysfunctional, more confused and be constantly looking for love at all the wrong places.

confusion clouds the brain and that's as simple as i can put it. it is the corniest and oldest line in the aunt agony book - but time truly lifts those dark clouds and gives you the space you need to think. and it definitely heals all wounds.

once you start thinking, you would know what will be the next best thing to do - not only for yourself, but for the ones who love you.

what have i done?

looking at my to do list today, i discovered i have 9 events this month! was i in a trance when i planned for these events? the invites, logistics, rsvps, presentations...gee... maybe Elvina is trying to remove me from the face of this earth so that she can truly exist without me.

that's my lifelong affliction. i get so immersed with my job that i will take on projects after projects - as if i have an insatiable appetite for work. then i will start wondering why i can never finished my stuff. do a quick checklist and horrors! - it runs 4 pages long.

photo taking session for senior management team. rugby gala dinner. tree top hill run with senior level clients. movie screening of The Departed. cooking competition with clients. three forums where my bosses have been invited to participate as panelists. and one CEO breakfast seminar.

i used to think my job expects too much from me. but then, each new job i end up with seems to consume more of me than the previous one. i figured that either i have subconsciously taken on careers that are hiding behind the facades of Nazi torture camps, or i am gravely afflicted with OCDWWIC - Obssessive Compulsive Disorder Where Work Is Concerned.

anyway, this post is also a lame excuse for me to buy some time before my next post - where i shall be posting my responses for the previous post. i have read all your comments and wow - am i impressed. with all those wonderful advice, maybe i should start a dedicated counselling blog for friends or bloggers with REAL love/relationship issues, and invite all of you to offer that sincere agonising aunty advice. the different perspectives and viewpoints have made the last post - a truly heartwarming and wonderful read.

i feel quite extra now.

but i do love an interactive blog. and it's only possible when you guys take the time to share and pen your thoughts. personally, i learnt so much from all of you, and each of you.

don't stop dropping by, even if i am drowning in the load of shit that i've created for myself. i will be back with more inspirations, more musings & more of meself (assuming you are even interested).

till the next time i blog incoherently just to fill this black blob of space, stay healthy and wash your hands after visiting the loo.

this is elvina - reporting live from her pile of shit.

what do you say...

by Sukihana

1) ...to a guy friend who ask you what a man must do to make the girl he loves happy?

2) ...to a girl who is in love with someone she does not really trust?

3) ...to a good friend who prefers to leave her life to Fate, and believes she's meant to be lonely and loveless?

and finally...

4) ...to a sister who is hurting from the loss of one love, and confused about the love from another?

I find myself answering these life questions and many others over the last three weeks. I am really not the best person to dish out any advice on life's most profound issues, but I try...because you asked.

And sometimes, I just wanna give even if you don't ask...because I truly care.

If you want to attempt to offer some insights to the questions above, please post them in the comments. As for my responses...well, let's just say they will be the topic of my next post.

seafood & shisha

I am organising a belated birthday party for my girl friend Vivienne tomorrow evening. To de-stress myself (I have been drowning in work for the last two weeks!), I decided to create an invitation card just for her.

Close your dropping jaw please. It isn't my design. It was a shameless rip-off from my favourite creative website - www.deviantart.com. The real Picasso is Mahfia.

All I did was to put in those crazy little words and viola! - behold the surreal masterpiece.

Seafood's on the menu - followed by an evening of Shisha indulgence at a Moroccan lounge, Marrakesh.

Here's sneak preview of our dinner....

Chili Crab @Jumbo Seafood Restaurant

...and the place where we are going to unwind.

Marrakesh Lounge

If you wanna see the photos of our 'wild revelry' tomorrow night, please send a US$50 check to: ILUVVIVI Secret Pix, P.O. Box 290906.

Otherwise, all you get to see on this blog will be the ones where we pretend to be boring.

I need to sleep. seriously.

For The Last Time...

I am NOT Andrew.

There is this 40-ish to 50-year old lady who has been calling my mobile asking for Andrew. The first few times when she called, I said, "Sorry auntie, I think you got the wrong number."

Few weeks later, she called for Andrew again. Multiple times. I took a deep breath and said as nicely as I could muster,"Auntie, there is NO Andrew here. You called the wrong number."

Auntie called again a month later. "Can you please check the number before you call? This is NOT Andrew's mobile." I could almost hear myself losing my cool.

"Auntie! This is my number, NOT Andrew's number! Please don't call me anymore looking for Andrew because there is no such person!" said an exasperated me, a few months later to the persistent Auntie. I have really lost it this time.

Early this year, she called again. The moment I picked up, I tried to use my most menacing mafia voice ever and growled,"You have called this number many, many, many times! How many times must I tell you that you've got the wrong number? I am NOT Andrew ok? Don't call this number again!"

The calls stopped after that.

I was at a seminar yesterday afternoon, having a fruitful discussion with an ex-colleague whom I happened to run into. The phone rang. In a swift reflex motion, I answered it with my chirpy voice, "Heh-llo"?

"Eh elo....Is Andrew there?"

It's the Return of The Auntie.

It's been two years now, and she's still calling my bloody number looking for her bloody Andrew. I want to tighten my fingers around Andrew's neck so much.

The little red devil with the forked tail in me really wanted to scream at her, and asked her why da hell she keeps calling the same number looking for the same idiot when I have told her umpteen times that she had got it wrong.

I wanted to yell and shake her and insist that she writes her stupid Andrew's name and REAL phone number on the wall in blood and get herself a phone that has number pad dials as big as her bedroom.

I even wanted to threaten to sue her for harassing me, though I have a nagging feeling that she simply kept dialling the wrong number due to dementia.

Sigh.

"Wrong number." My voice came out flat and emotionless, and I hung up the phone almost the same time I said it. The little white angel with fluffy wings has won the battle.

Somehow, I knew the phone would ring again. Someday.

Photo Blog: Hong Kong (Part 3)

Ok guys - these would be the last batch of my photos in HK, because the rest are just silly shots of everything and anything that caught my eye. :)

I don't have many pics on scenery this time - sorry Richard! - but hope you like it still.

Trip to Shenzhen (China)

The adventurous spirit in us struck again! We took an express train from HK to Shenzen, one of the shopping havens at the outskirts of China.



You can tell we are trying really hard to capture the location signage behind us.


Before we went on our party spree, we had a yummy dinner and more photos at this Spanish resturant in SoHo.

Michelle looking classic in a black and white photo.

My attempt at taking a stylish catwalk-style photo.





Hong Kong without colours somehow look quite exotic.

Lan Kwai Fong - Hong Kong's most happening party strip!

That's all folks! I will be back with some insightful topics - to share with you guys. Blog with you soon! :)

Photo Blog: Hong Kong (Part 2)

You know what? I took so many photos that I really couldn't remember which day they belong to. So I am just going to put them up in 'parts' instead haha!

Part 2 took us to some of the best sights, food and entertainment in Hong Kong. Let's the photos do the talking while I bring you all along with me on this virtual holiday.

Let's start with some scenery along the roads, shall we?

The long and winding roads

I simply love the mood and feel black and white photos convey.




Tsim Sha Tsui - Nice area located on Kowloon where my hotel was.

An amazing architectural wonder - Bank of China tower.

You have to see it for yourself to be awed by the strips of blinding light that wraps itself across the entire building. We were transfixed.




Thought this shot looks cool.

A quaint electric bus stopping at a bus stop in the still of the night.

My girlfriends posing in front of the Peak tram.

Views of Hong Kong from The Peak.

The Peak Resturant.

Food. Glorious Food. Yum.

Our first peek at nightlife in Hong Kong - Lan Kwai Fong.

We were there every night thereafter.

More photos coming up in Part 3...

Photo Blog: Hong Kong (Day One)

As promised, here are the photos of my HK trip. My girlfriends were sweet enough to join me there after my business meetings, and I extended my trip so that we can explore HK to our hearts' desire.

Being the obssessed planner, I swept all available maps from the airport and hotel and laid them all out on the bed the evening my friends arrived. Armed with a pen and paper, I poured through the descriptions and locations of all the cool and exciting places I wanna go, or show my girls, and generated a 5-day itinerary in one night!

Day One: Unexplored Territories

Being the adventurous traveller, I suggested exploring the outskirts of HK - places where none of us have ever been before. Taking directions from the hotel, we hopped onto a bus that will take us to Aberdeen for dim sum.

The classic HK double decker bus!

Jacqueline, moi and Michelle on the bus to Aberdeen

Views from the bus

Stanley Market - quaint li'l village at the southern tip of HK Island

A nice cosy resturant called the Boathouse

The Smugglers' Inn

Great place for a drink and resting our tired feet.

Our ice cold beers

Just like everyone who came before us, we left a souvenir on the ceiling.

Jacqueline and Michelle up their funny antics again

Another artistic attempt of mine to take a black & white photo

I am working on the sizes of the other photos. Stay tuned for Day Two...... :P

dry spell

for a writer like myself, it's a tragedy to be hit by dry spells. the need to purge has been highly inhibited by the incapacity to write.

writing has never been a problem, at least not for a girl who's inflicted with what's commonly known as the verbal diarrhoea disease. but I guess when one's life is going nowhere but spiralling into a hopeless quicksand, one surely has more grievances to air. but when one is in a state of calm and peace, ironically, one becomes "word handicapped" and is inevitably stricken by writers' block.

seems as if joy is the ultimate bane for all writers. happiness murders creativity. that's why most creative people such as artists, poets, writers, painters - are a bunch of eccentric, temperamental and individualistic egomaniacs.

hong kong was simply divine. i shopped and ate like never before. yes - me, elvina shopping. i get goose pimples just remembering that. what on earth was i thinking about?? but the stuff was cheap, and it made me look ten years younger - so i thought i should spend some money to lie to the whole world. it made perfect sense. women do that ALL the time.

the food, oh my, was absolutely tempting. desserts were swimming not only in my mind, but in the cavities of my digestive system every few hours. roast meats, dim sum, spanish food, hong kong street delicacies somehow manage to squirm their way into me. i must have carried a whole 50kg worth of food in me during the whole trip. ahhh yes....miss tummy is peeking out as well, enjoying the world view with miss belly button.

time for the hamsters' run on this idiotic looking machine they call a treadmill.

i couldn't bear to look at my shopping bills. maybe if i stash them underneath the bed, they might disappear. i bought shoes, dresses, sleeveless tees, skirts, bags, accessories, lingerie, snacks and other ridiculous gadgets which i may have no use for at all in the near or far future.

i must be possessed.

either that or the woman in has finally been unleashed.

i think u guys would prefer to believe in the latter, though i am very much inclined to think otherwise.

photos? tons and tons. the gadget freak in me was unstoppable. trigger happy me was trying to capture the entire state of hong kong in a 512mb chip. ambitious fool i am. but the pictures were lovely - because they encapsulated all the amazing fun i had. one of my most memorable vacations i must say, in more ways than one.

i think i will have to spend some time making the pictures smaller so that i can upload here for your viewing pleasure. kindly donate to the elvina's future foundation before you view them so that i can continue such altruistic projects in my years to come.

suddenly, the dry spell has been broken...

Taking Off

I am taking off into the skies again.

This time, I am jetting to Hong Kong. I am responsible for managing all marketing and branding activities for our HK office as well, but did not have the opportunity yet to meet the team there since I started my new job.

Well, today's the day. My flight's in 5 hours time.

I am looking forward to it, 'cos I have not been to HK for quite a long time. I miss the food most. Heard it's summer sale season over there right now, so though shopping's not my favourite cup of tea, I may just do it for the sake of it. Grab some nice dresses for work since I am there.

The TV brought some disturbing news though. Typhoons invaded HK last week and left more than 30,000 people stranded at the airport. Got some folks worried for me there for a moment, but I am sure everything should be fine now.

I will be back on Aug 15 - and I know my absence will be sorely missed (haha..). Just keep me in your prayers and before you knew it, I shall be back to haunt you.

Meanwhile, here's a little Elvinalogy for you to work on again. I kinda of miss these stuff so humour me, won't you? :)

Answer these little questions in any way you want, with reasons if you want to be more detailed.

Ten Questions (Inspired by John Baker's Five Questions)

1. What makes you laugh?

2. Which person is the greatest inspiration to you?

3. Which song touches you the most?

4. What kind of present would you get for my birthday?

5. What is your greatest fear?

6. What will be your dream job?

7. What makes you blog?

8. Which three blogs do your read every day?

9. How would you describe this blog to strangers?

10. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate this blog?

Looking forward to your attempts on Elvinalogy v3.0. For the rest who wanna know more about the Elvinalogy series, check these out: Elvinalogy v1.0 and Elvinalogy v2.0.

By the way, I have chopped off my long tresses and I have ash blonde, shoulder length hair now. I look like a wannabe Japanese chick.

"Ja-ne!"

24 Weird Things About Me

1. I once wanted to be a fireman. Just once.
2. I don't like shopping.
3. Diamonds are not my best friends either.
4. My heart skips a beat when I see men in uniforms.
5. I sometimes swing from feeling extremely confident to desperately insecure.
6. I talk to myself. Especially when I am stressed.
7. The clothes in my wardrobe are 80% black.
8. I absolutely abhor bad customer service and I will make life hell for anyone who's guilty of it
9. I am not very good with old people.
10. I am very good with babies.
11. My online persona is so much more popular than the real me.
12. I remember things that I should forget, and I forget stuff that I need to remember.
13. My mind is a depository of useless trivia.
14. I am freakingly patriotic.
15. I simply love sleeping on hotel beds.
16. I could have been a lawyer, but I 've got a conscience.
17. I have an insuppressible desire to make people laugh.
18. I like to create my own life's philosophies.
19. I rarely regret the decisions I have made in my life.
20. My heart hurts and heals easily.
21. My brain generates new ideas 24/7.
22. I reveal my age to anyone who ask.
23. I believe that a short girl like me should marry someone tall or my offsprings will turn out to be gnomes and hobbits.
24. I don't know why I even bother to write a stupid post like that.

The Diagnosis

Dear all loyal guests of Hotel Solace,

Sometimes I wonder where would I be in this cyberuniverse without you guys. Reading all your well-wishes and caring messages has proven to be a much more effective cure than any medication can offer.

Just so you know, I am recovering, but very slowly. What happened was unusual, probably even a first. I had gastrics on Sunday, and only got to bed at 4am (which technically means Monday morning).

I was in a comatose for a full 20 hours and only woke up on Tuesday 12am. That practically meant that I slept through the entire Monday without waking. Well maybe for a mere 5 minutes - when I was struggling in and out of consciousness to send a simple SMS to my PA to tell her I couldn't make it to work.

It was amazing how I never woke up at all after that. The only reason why I woke on Tuesday 12am after that long slumber was because my body was screaming for water. Imagine that I have gone without a morsel of food or a drop of water for 20 hours straight, or even more since my gastric attack on Sunday.

Took a sip of water, and fell right back into total unconsciousness. I remained in coma until a phone call from the office woke me up at 9am on Wednesday. By then, I have been unconscious for almost 30 hours.

Something's not quite right, and it worried me....a great deal. So I dragged myself to the doc - still feeling extremely lethargic. I slept again while waiting for my turn. The sleepiness was intense and I couldn't shake it off.

The diagnosis? I was overworked.

Doc actually felt that it was serious enough to give me an injection to ease the giddiness and medical leave for the rest of the week, coupled with tons of medication that will make me drowsy and allow my body to rest and recuperate naturally.

Funny thing is, I don't feel stressed at all. My body didn't show any obvious signs of breaking down. But yet, when it hit me, it felt like I was being consumed by a sweeping hurricane. Nothing I do could break that deep sleeping spell.

Sometimes I wonder if my phone didn't ring that Wednesday morning, would I just slip into perpetual unconsciousness, without anyone realising it? Would I even wake up at all?

I should be resting actually, but unfortunately my boss from Sydney is in town this week. Tons of meetings, tons of updates and presentations and tons of planning and deadlines to meet.

I was back in the office the very day I got the jab, while I was still feeling woozy and extremely tired. I would have slept some more if I did not have to go back to work. It's really no one's fault, 'cos there are some critical press deadlines I have to meet. And with my marketing boss in town for only three days, I really did not have much of a choice.

So now, I taking quite a while to recover...but I am recovering. Slowly but surely.

Thought you guys would wanna know what had happened to me since my last entry, in case you were worried sick and wondering if I am still breathing.

Thanks again for all your concern and love. I feel better already. :)

Yours gratefully,
Elvina da Divine Princess

What's going on?

It's exactly 12am.

I have unknowingly slept for 20 hours. Which also meant that I did not have single morsel of food or drink for that same amount of time.

My head feels heavy.

I feel weak.

I came online to search for a 24-hour clinic. Couldn't make it to work this morning. I vaguely remembered struggling to stay awake long enough to send an sms to my colleague before slipping into total unconsciousness.

I couldn't remember what happened. It felt like I was on an overdose of sleeping pills.

Found the clinic, gotta go now.

My eyes are threatening to close again.

What's going on?

Swamped Lake

I have been so busy since I got back from Sydney - and the workload seems to be getting heavier and heavier.

I have four newspaper print ads going out in this Saturday's Straits Times, seven job descriptions to clean up for a global IT company, 12 HR print ads to edit for the Human Resource Magazine, and a mega project that includes working on a html e-mailer, putting up new roles on the website, creating a client profile page, advertising the roles on external job boards, and partner with government boards to target their database.

All these on top of an event that I need to organize for Commerce candidates next week, attend two peer briefings for industry parnters in mid July, supervise the creatives and production of a range of golf-related merchandise that we are producing for a golf event that my company's sponsoring, and meet boutique creative agencies and production houses to brief them on my new branding strategy for the company.

Hence, I am quite drained to blog - so I do apologize for the lack of updates.

As usual, I have tons of topics to rattle about, and I love the interaction you guys are having on this site. It makes me feel really privileged to know that you are always here, even when I have been slacking. Makes my heart ache too for letting all of you wait so long for a new blog entry.

I will try to put up something interesting soon this week. Meanwhile, just be awed that I am now gearing up for a classic performance of Swamped Lake.

Nevertheless, I love my job still. My colleagues have came up to me - one by one - to tell me they are very happy that I came on board, they think I am amazing and they could not imagine how life would be without me. (how sweet...I am such a sucker for compliments)

I organized a huge party last week, which was hosted by my company's group COO and Asia Pacific CEO and attended by over 200 senior management clients and media personnel. Recieved lots of compliments from industry partners, and tons more from everyone in the office. I was told that that particular client event was the best party my company has ever organized, and most of the clients were highly impressed.

Best of all, my lovely boss gives me so much autonomy - it scares me. He listens to my opinions, takes my advice, and accept my suggestions. I do work hard, but life's been good. I am the voice of all things marketing, branding and PR in this company. Everyone is close to worshiping the ground I walk on.

I should have just ask for a million dollar salary per month.

Checkin' Out of Heartbreak Hotel

Artwork by ~shadrad

A blogger friend asked recently how she should nurse a broken heart when she loses someone whom she loves very much.

Where matters of the heart are concerned, unfortunately, one cannot subscribe to a response/reaction template or formula. It differs from time to time, and varies from circumstances to circumstances.

When I was younger (young and hot by the way!), breakups are common. Guys checked in and out of my life, and I thought it was just a process of growing up and finding myself. I hardly beat myself up over it because I knew there will always be someone else. Losing someone was awful no doubt, but I'd never allowed it to take precedent over other aspects of life - such as friends, work, family, school, hobbies etc. I figured it was not that I was being flippant, but rather, my priorities were somewhere else, something else.

If a guy leaves me for whatever reasons, he could always be replaced by someone who may be more loving, less argumentative, more financially well-off, less clingy, more understanding, less unreasonable, more sensitive, less promiscuous.....and the list goes on. I've always felt an unsupressable need to move on, either as a way to cope with the temporal pain/heartache or as a form of self-justification that it wasn't really my loss, but his.

I also convinced myself that grieving over lost love for too long was a waste of time. I wanted to make the best use of my time because I am one who believes strongly that time is perishable and once I miss today, I could never relive it again. Today only happens once in your lifetime. And that goes for every other day in your life too.

Then I grew up and something changed inside me. Relationships began to matter much more. I took it more seriously because I wanted to stop moving from one fleeting love to the next. It became more tiresome to start from scratch every time - getting to know someone and allowing him to understand you back. It became harder and harder to let go as you grow older. The need for stability and finding a person you can entrust your feelings to forever (if forever exists) became more pronounced.

I am actually not the best person to give an advice on how to move on, having been someone who has wallowed in a pity party alone for four years before breaking out of a self-induced imprisonment. It was torturous to say the least. But I needed time. Time off to think about the self-destructive relationships that I put myself through all the time. Time to gain my confidence back. Time to know what kind of guy I really want in my life this time. And I needed time to thoroughly heal the heart that refused to stop bleeding.

If there's one thing that can help you check out of Heartbreak Hotel, it's not your conviction to forget. It's not who you date after that failed relationship. It's not how much you cried your heart out and how many people you talk to about it. It's not about sticking needles in a voodoo doll with his name on it, or hating him with all the blood in your veins.

It may sound corny, but time does really heal. It is amazing how in the moment of pain, that concept is almost unbelievable. But unknowingly, the pain lessens. The hurt diminishes. The feeling of betrayal fades. And all the pent up anguish and misery - become more and more undefinable. It will come a point when you wake up one day, and realise you have absolutely ziltch feelings towards that person who has hurt you so bad when he walked out of your life. And you begin to wonder where all that excruciating pain went.

Time is undoubtedly, the best healer of all wounds - both physical and emotional. Give yourself time and space and allow your heart to mend itself. By forcing yourself to forget about it would only amplify the damage, slowly but surely.

Though for me, writing can be strangely therapeutic. And hence, I write, I blog, I rant. Somehow it catalyzes that healing process.

"Time heals what reason cannot."

~ Seneca (Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD)

"Here bring your wounded hearts, here tell your anguish;

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal." ~ Thomas More

"Healing takes courage, and all of us have courage,

even if we have to dig a little to find it. ~Tori Amos

Mr. Right II

There's a need to clarify that when we talk about Mr. Right here, we are not referring to Mr. Perfect. Besides the fact that he doesn't exist, it's also impractical to demand that of someone when we are so dotted with imperfections ourselves. I strongly believe that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Since we ain't talking about Mr. Perfect, the main discussion on Mr. Right is not about how good or how loving, romantic, understanding, rich, tall, dark and handsome he must be in order to qualify as Mr. Right.

Mr. Right is a guy whom a woman feels is the right fit for her life. He may be so utterly flawed, but for her, just for her, he is what she wants. Or maybe, in a more realistic concept, he is who she can accept as a total package - imperfections and all.

Going by that definition, if you find a guy, who despite your attempts to accept and overlook the things you really do not like about him, isn't someone you can accept whole-heartedly, then probably he is not the guy.

I have many girlfriends who go through this process of self-abuse and torture, where they keep flogging the dead horse of whether the one in their life is Mr. Right.

"I know he loves me. I do love him, but I can't trust him."

"If not for the fact that he is so flippant when it comes to relationships, he is really the guy I want to spend my life with."

"I know he has feelings for me, but maybe he's just not ready."

"It's always better to find a man who loves me more than I love him. If I miss this bus, I may never find someone like him again."

Sounds all too familiar? Have you been defining Mr. Right based on those self-authored standards? Why is there such a pressing need in us to force fit someone into the Mr. Right mould, even when there's a hint of nagging doubt tugging at the back of our mind? How often do we have to try and convince ourselves the man we in our lives is really the guy we desire and love?

The issue to this topic is "convincing". If I ever come to a point in a relationship where I have to justify why a man is Mr. Right, he's probably not the one at all. Once, I asked an ex-boyfriend what he loved about me.

Instead of giving me typical answers that men would usually give (i.e. your beautiful smile, your wonderful personality, your smothering kisses etc...), he asked,"Why is there a need to justify my love? If I tell you I love you because you are awfully sweet, and one day if you stop being so sweet, does that mean I should stop loving you? Should there be reasons for loving you? If those reasons cease to exist, would I have to withdraw my love too?"

Since then, I have learnt that when you love someone, you love him - just because you do. There could be 1001 reasons why you are attracted to him, or why you are so enamoured to everything that he says or does. But they could never be the reasons for loving him. You love someone because you want to, and because you just do.

Some of you may not agree that elimination is the key to sieving out the Mr. Rights. Some of you may even feel that Mr. Right, like Mr. Perfect, doesn't exist. There is no right or wrong notions to this. But there are proven stories that may support how Mr. Right can really exist, and only if you want him to.

You may never realise that throughout your entire life, you'd have performed millions of elimination activities either consciously, sub-consciously or even unconsciously. That's how you get to know what's your favourite food, color, music, artist, places, people, fashion style, hair color etc. The things that define you and your world are established through a constant cycle of trying and elimination to narrow down what makes you tick.

Why should it be any different with the man of your life? However I do admit that for some girls, love seems to be less picky. These women are the ones who marry the first man they ever loved. I have one such friend. Her husband was her first and last love. She does not have to eliminate a whole slew of Mr. Wrongs to find him.

For the rest of us victimized love-struck fools, you don't really have a choice. You gotta go through the cycle of life to zoom in to a person you know will define your life, just like the other personal choices you have made in your lifetime.

Personally, I've sincerely treated each and every guy I have dated as a potential Mr. Right. The nagging feeling's always there, and many times like what some of you have mentioned, I wanted to run away. I wanted to give up because I could never be sure. I am tired of going through the motions of loving and failing, and I do not know how to trust anymore. I probably wanted a Mr. Right so much that I am actually fearful of losing him after I've found him. I would even go into a self-destructive mode and do things to intentionally test or rip apart a relationship.

But that's self-defeating, isn't it? I think we need to start believing Mr. Right is there, and if he is the one destined for you, you don't really have to work that hard to snare him. Even if you feel like running away, even if the nagging feeling is so strong, and even if you very much want to throw everything you have for this guy away - you will realise, you can't. Real love can bind two imperfect people together and make them right for each other.

I am not saying Mr. Right will never ever quarrel with you. I am not saying Mr. Right will be the epitome of the Perfect Husband and Boyfriend - and that he will be exactly what you dream of and desire.

But rather, he will be the one you love despite all your doubts, your fears and your insecurities. Most importantly, he loves you just as much despite having those same doubts, fears AND insecurities too. When the days are rosy, your love grows. When days are bad, you fight, you hurt each other, you tear each other apart, but at the end of the day, both of you try to right everything again and mend the love as you go along. It takes a hell lot of work to be the Right person for each other.

Mr. Right is the man who is willing to go through that with you.

A wise woman once said,"The happy moments you see in a loving couple are always captured in photo albums. But what you will never get to see in those photos are the painful and heartbreaking moments that they went through to be together."