I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

For The Last Time...

I am NOT Andrew.

There is this 40-ish to 50-year old lady who has been calling my mobile asking for Andrew. The first few times when she called, I said, "Sorry auntie, I think you got the wrong number."

Few weeks later, she called for Andrew again. Multiple times. I took a deep breath and said as nicely as I could muster,"Auntie, there is NO Andrew here. You called the wrong number."

Auntie called again a month later. "Can you please check the number before you call? This is NOT Andrew's mobile." I could almost hear myself losing my cool.

"Auntie! This is my number, NOT Andrew's number! Please don't call me anymore looking for Andrew because there is no such person!" said an exasperated me, a few months later to the persistent Auntie. I have really lost it this time.

Early this year, she called again. The moment I picked up, I tried to use my most menacing mafia voice ever and growled,"You have called this number many, many, many times! How many times must I tell you that you've got the wrong number? I am NOT Andrew ok? Don't call this number again!"

The calls stopped after that.

I was at a seminar yesterday afternoon, having a fruitful discussion with an ex-colleague whom I happened to run into. The phone rang. In a swift reflex motion, I answered it with my chirpy voice, "Heh-llo"?

"Eh elo....Is Andrew there?"

It's the Return of The Auntie.

It's been two years now, and she's still calling my bloody number looking for her bloody Andrew. I want to tighten my fingers around Andrew's neck so much.

The little red devil with the forked tail in me really wanted to scream at her, and asked her why da hell she keeps calling the same number looking for the same idiot when I have told her umpteen times that she had got it wrong.

I wanted to yell and shake her and insist that she writes her stupid Andrew's name and REAL phone number on the wall in blood and get herself a phone that has number pad dials as big as her bedroom.

I even wanted to threaten to sue her for harassing me, though I have a nagging feeling that she simply kept dialling the wrong number due to dementia.


"Wrong number." My voice came out flat and emotionless, and I hung up the phone almost the same time I said it. The little white angel with fluffy wings has won the battle.

Somehow, I knew the phone would ring again. Someday.


~Z~ said...

Eh... you mean this isn't Andrew's blog? Oops.

Anonymous said...

you should just ban that auntie's number on your mobile.

I AM ... NA said...

Oh man, Andrew, this blog is just awesome! Keep it up will ya?

Andrew said...

too bad I don't have your number... it'll be cool to call you 3 am and go...
"Hi dear, this is Andrew, anyone looking for me?"

Anonymous said...

haha...if you can't stop her from calling, then dun waste ur energy shouting and be angry at her.

i tot saying "wrong number" and putting down the phone straightaway is a faster and more efficient way=)

Mickell said...

Someone who knows your handphone number must have given it to this aunty. Perhaps it's just some enemy just trying to irritate the hell-crap outta ya. Maybe aunty doesn't understand English, needs to be told in Mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese, etc. ? :p

Andrew said...

This is Andrew. Please tell Josephine that my wife found out abt us and I'm sorry but I cant contact her anymore.

By the way, do you happen to be attached?
Would you like to meet for dinner?

Please leave a comment on my blog.


Jospehine said...

Andrew, I hate you. How dare you cheat on me?

Jay "Not Andrew" Walk said...

Here's what I do with these calls.

1) Save their phone numbers.
2) Assign a name to it say "Auntie"
3) Assign a group to this name.
4) Assign a blank ringtone to this group.

That way, the phone will ring and ring and ring without you knowing that the phone is even ringing.

It is definitely more tiring for her as well since she will be holding on to the phone waiting and waiting and waiting.

Eventually, she will give up for a person's stamina can only last so long.

Why must you be the only one to suffer right?

Anonymous said...

Hi Elvina,

I think you'll get a kick reading this entry describing a similar experience. :)

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Wahh.. you guys really have a wicked sense of humour! Making fun of me at MY expense! Haha... Especially Z, 'Andrew' and Josephine!

I am...na: Thank you berry much!

Serendipity: Yeh.. that's why I just hung up eventually. Next time it happens I am just going to hang up without even saying a word.

Mickell - Trust me. I have gone down the multi-lingual route except for expletives.

Jay - So much trouble for one person!! I think I will just call StarHub and complain she is harrassing me. Maybe then she will be more careful in punching her numbers in future.

Cobalt: I have read your experience. Really sounds like mine! Both Andrew and Vincent deserves to DIEEEEEE!!!

Gary Lim said...

There was an auntie from Singapore
LaoNiang called her a "Siao Char Bor"

She had a thing for this Andrew guy,
Wrong number liao, still try and try.

When she tio LaoNiang, she didn't know,
The publicity she'd get, how far it'd go.

Ler gong simi? Wah buay hiao tia.
Andrew leh? Si gin nah gia.

So here's to the Auntie from Singapore,
Let's hope she calls your phone no more!

Richard said...

At least she is persistant.

Kampungkai said...

simulate the telephone operator: the number u've called is not in service anymore.

*preferably with the devil's voice! :P

Tan Kok Seng said...

Maybe you should lower your voice and pretend to be "Andrew" and see where it all leads...

Anonymous said...

It's likely that the lady is using a notepad as her address book, and one of the digits of Andrew's was written resembling another number(eg 6 for 5 or 3 for 8). So that's why she often managed to get the real Andrew and sometimes called you instead.

Christopher said...

Why not tell her Andrew is currently taking a shower and is not free to take the call. See what she says.

Cheers the liveless said...

Hmm... Ever tried getting her to repeat to you the number she tried to dial and see whether was it a overlook or dialing mistake that she always makes?
And then disturb her by saying she had called you for numerous times and said that her number has been registered in your hp and warn her that *if* she calls again... A case will be filed with the ma-ta... -evil grinz-

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Hahaa.. you guys are really classic! So many ideas to deal with ONE persistent and irritating woman.

I think Christopher's idea is quite cool.

Maybe I should say ANDREW is having sex with my dog at the moment and cannot come to the phone. Probably drives the message home faster huh?

Andrew said...

Josephine, I'm truly sorry. The sex was good, but my wife's money is better.

So please stop bugging Elvina. I'm trying my moves on her.

Elvina: So how? dinner can?

~Z~ said...

Andrew: I thought you were trying the moves on her dog. =x

Elvie: A regular IRC session going on here huh.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

I think so...Never seen one post generate so many interesting ideas and suggestions and new 'characters'. Except when my blog's being flamed of course.

But I am really genuinely amused. Keep it up guys. We may have a potential script for Hollywood soon - starring Josephine + Andrew.

Cheers the liveless said...

Cheese.. haha... with a few more 'themes' you are up to writing a script in no time! lalala...

....::sPellb0und::.... said...

thank god it is not some kind of ah neh stalker calling you lor.

i kena before leh, it is terrible.

calling me 15 times a day.

drove me crazy and was petrified.

Gary Lim said...

If it was an ah neh stalking u, then simple...

Just get some of your friends to do something like this:


WARNING: Not safe for work or when children are around!!

老星洲 said...

Sigh... some people will always call and call, almost aimlessly.

I encountered similiar case before whereby an idiotic women, calling my telephone for almost half a year, looking for her friend.

Until the day I went crazy and stomped her through the telephone lines... eeks! the first time I got so mad at someone.

KuraKat said...

Reminds me of a biblical story (the unjust judge and the persistent widow) that is unrelated to this series of 'auntie' incidents...