I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.

Monday, December 05, 2005

In The Name of Love – Part 2

Though I have done many a splendoured thing in the name of love, I wasn’t always the sacrificial girlfriend. I have to admit that in my short but insignificant lifetime, many men have given more than just their heart to me. Some have no qualms parting with their money just to see me smile. Some have forgone their ego and pride while others, have nothing to offer but their precious time.

Though I did not end up with these guys eventually, their giving personalities have inevitably touched me in some exquisite way. Love however, has never been a fair trade. Should life dictates that for every man that touches my heart, I would have to love him back – then I would never be able to love any one man truly. Simply because my love would have to be shared among many who tried breaking down the walls to my heart.

But because they have been awfully selfless, I would like to dedicate this blog as a tribute to some acts of love that have been showered upon me in the past.

1. My ex-boyfriend was studying in Sydney at one point in time. He surprised me when he appeared at my office one day, with a huge bunch of flowers in hand. He sheepishly admitted that he had missed me so much that he skipped school and bought an air ticket back to Singapore just so he could see me.

2. A guy that I was dating casually some time back was so infatuated with me that he waited for me for hours just to pick me up from work every night. I was also leaving MTV for my new job, so he stayed up to help me pack my stuff till the wee hours of the night, every single day for two weeks.

3. I got to know a waiter at Chinois Chinois a couple of years ago when I was drowning my sorrows there every night, trying to heal a broken heart. The waiter slipped me notes from time to time, which were usually sweet poems of encouragement. He also folded paper roses from serviettes and sneaked them to me whenever he passed my table. On the day before my birthday, he bought an ice-cream cake from Swensen and celebrated my special day for me - under the stars – at the stroke of midnight.

4. There was once a guy who carried a torch for me for the longest time, but unfortunately, he felt that he was unworthy of me. Still, he made 999 paper cranes and 999 paper hearts, put them into two beautiful bottles and couriered them to my home. However, he was so insecure that he left for Vietnam and told me I deserved someone better.

5. Another guy whom I had dated for three months pissed me off so much that I wanted nothing to do with him ever again. He showed his remorse by drawing cards, penning in words of love and regrets in the essence of Hallmark romance, and hand delivering them to my home every single day. I must add that there was no MRT then, so he literally had to travel across the island to convey his love for me.

6. Since we are on this topic, this one definitely takes the cake. He went down on his knees with a huge bouquet of flowers and a beautifully crafted speech, professing his love for me in front of a group of my close friends, as well as everyone else who was chilling out at Emerald Hill. I was completely dumbfounded and could not speak for a long time after that.

7. He was the same guy who tried his very best to send me to and fro home and work every day, making me feel like a princess in a chauffeured-driven chariot. He was also the silly love-struck fool who gave me my dream gadget – an A620 Canon Powershot Digital Camera – for Christmas. He left me completely speechless for a second time – and I am still marveling at his devotion.

* * * * *

There were many other small acts of love from other men - such as sending my favourite flowers to my office, taking me to a lovely restaurant for a really romantic dinner or singing for me over the phone while playing their guitars.

I sincerely appreciate each of them for their efforts. However, love, no matter how great it is, has to be EXCLUSIVE. I could only love one man at any point in time.

Each of the men has unwittingly made me who I am today – a hopeless romantic. I will never be able to express how much each of these acts have nurtured me over the years, melting my cold and bitter exterior, little by little. I am a much more loving person now because I was so blessed with love.

I am sorry if my inability to reciprocate your feelings has hurt you.

All I can say is - thank you for loving me.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” – Mother Theresa


Azxel said...

You're indeed blessed by all these showers of affection. The thing about giving is that one shouldn't be expecting to take anything back in return.

If you don't mind me asking. I stumbled in by clicking that 'next blog' button and have this deja vu feeling that I've seen your name (elvina) somewhere before. Are you the one who comments on Bee's blog?

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Yes I am! Bee is a faithful reader of my blog. :)

Runaway said...

Here is where I disagree with Mother Theresa (she's saint but in the realm of logic even a saint can be challenged). Love hurts but that does not mean it should be the way it is. As for me, love is only good up to the point where it hurts. That is where the whole thing should be reassessed, the strategy given a second thought. Be it love of your spouse, your gf or your own kids. If it hurts you so much, it will wear you down to nothingness eventually.

luvphobia said...

Now...whoever said us men are not romantics anymore?

I myself had also done some things that i know think of fondly now...

Blessed you are, Elvina!

Oh, nice new pic of you!

mel said...

Now u starting to sound like Circe….hah… So er, what was ‘wrong’ with each one of those love struck guys? Maybe u could do one of those ‘where-are-they-now?’ stories. Actually this reminds me of an episode of Seinfeid where someone turned gay cos of a failed relationship. Let’s all vote on who we wanna find out! I vote for waiter guy! …sorry, brain not working, too much writing, end of day…..But seriously, tis not hard to see, from some of the comments, that there are already some guys reading yr blog that are slowly but surely swooning over you.

Rukawa said...

Le Dimples,

many a friend have "informed" me that its better to be loved than to love itself. I for one reject such mentality.. in the name of true love! (maybe thats why i am single again!).

Anyway, its easy to like some one who "has done this for u", who "has brought this for u". Its when both parties have gotten over the "need to fall in love stage", and realise that there is a need for mutual contribution, that many a relationship falen apart.

All too often, we measure a relationship by what we receive in return for our efforts and time invested.

sevenspell said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sevenspell said...

I agree with rukawa that it's easy to fall for someone who has done so much for you. Being emotional creatures, many of us often confuse genuine love for another with feelings of being loved.

I myself am still trying to find out that particular 'rule' that distinguishes genuine love from its fake counterparts. Anyone has any idea?

Aristocrat said...

Addressed to Runaway: What Mother Theresa said is that if you love a person so much until it hurts (no need to elaborate on this right? I'm sure romantics know what this means), there comes a point where there will be no more hurt.

Because that kind of love is the ultimate kind. The unselfish love that only requires happiness in the other party. The "If you are happy then I am happy" love. Not those hypocritical ones.

That is why it is a paradox, and that's why she's a saint and we are not.

Addressed to sevenspell: Hmm, I heard something on radio that has a ring of truth to it. If you lose the desire to go agagooga over every member of the other opposite sex, you can't separate the truth from the lies. But if you are single for long, and there remains no desire to get attached to any potential person, when you fall in love, you will know that it's for real.

I'm sorry I can't be more specific but my memory fails me over this "bastardised" quote. Hope you understand the gibberish.

Finally to elvina:Sorry for flooding your weblog :p Just a short question. So what do you mean by exclusive love? Does it mean that when those guys are going after you, you already have someone in mind?

Runaway said...

Addressed to aristocrat: What I am saying is the ultimate love that you reckon Mother Theresa was referring to is exactly the kind which I think we all need not attempt to achieve. I am saying it need not be that way whilst admitting that I myself have come close to experiencing that which you both refer to. My point is if hurt & pain is one of the important elements that form the emotional basis or foundation of a family, are we in fact doing something wrong? Give you an example. If my parents find that I am the cause of heartache for them for loving me too much and unconditionally too, then perhaps they should channel some of their energies back to themselves and to the other siblings and their kids. Stubbornly doing what they are doing i.e. only knowing how to shower their love on me who is way into adulthood and past adolescents when such "obsessive" love is no longer appreciated and worse is resented, they are only upsetting all of us, them and me. We all end up so much worse.

John said...

Elvina, interesting post. I won't be surprised. I believe I have shared with you b4 that there are men who would find your intelligence or sassiness attractive. Also don't forget... from your photos I can say you look great. Like I said b4 it is perfectly normal for someone like you to have lots of admirers....
Not every girl (or guy!!! doh!!!) would have such devoted admirers..

Anyway why the apologies? You can't force love... but of course it isn't good if you're one of those type of girls who treat all these guys like dirt and make them feel like monsters or worse.... that would be very bad....

But if you didn't ... relax... those men chose to give you their affection and of course they risk getting rejected (in a tasteful way we hope)..
I know the feeling of getting rejected.. but it is really bad if not only you get rejected but the girl treats you like dirt and starts telling everyone else what a useless &^*^%&6%^% moron, pervert.. etc.. ok you get the picture..

suspiciousbastard said...

And maybe that's the difference between you and me. You've experienced the better side of people(mostly men). I, on the other hand, have only seen the bad side. And that's enough for anyone to sicken of people.

Jade Falcon Elite said...

You are a special person. It is unfortunate that few can receive your love when many ask for a taste of your sweetness.

Everyone has their own personal opinions about who is worth it, who is not and why. I question not. I know one thing for sure is that if a person loves you enough, he will put down his ego, his pride, his reputation, his time, his finances and his efforts to win your heart. Many tried, few succeeded. The Quest For Love is indeed a long and arduous journey fraught with perilous events and dangerous social threats.

Is it better to love than be loved? It is your choice. Personally, I do want both. Love like you said it, its two sided. I cannot constantly present my love on a silver platter for a lady if she doesn't love me, for she would think I am harassing. I cannot constantly attempt to love a lady if my heart is not warmed up by her enough, for 2 decades of marriage to her would suffice to warrant an end to the ill-fated marriage.

Love is not love until it is given away. If it doesn't return, it dies. Some take longer to return. Some love is not big enough to arrive at its destination. Love that returns, seeks solace and unison. When the Love Sender sends and the Love Recipient replies in kind, both hearts will know The Love is complete.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Thanks to everyone - azxel, runaway, luvphobia, mel, rukawa, sevenspell, John and Jade for all the heartfelt comments.

Some of what I have written above are merely reminiscence of the past. I do know one could never force love on someone else. All I wanted to achieve through this post, is to remember some of the people that I have been blessed with throughout my life, even when I have nothing to offer in return.

Suspicious: I am sad that you are surrounded by sickening people. But I am sure there will always be at least one or two people in your life, which you can tolerate. At least, I wish to think I don sicken you, since you are here supporting my blog. Take heart - and let go of your angst. Maybe then you wouldn't feel so angry and disillusioned. Give yourself and others another chance?

Aristocrat: I wasn't always seeing another guy at that point in time. I just felt that if I feel obligated with every guy who professes his love for me, then they will all end up as my bf - which is not possible.

Thanks all for reading my musings. More to come, I promise.... :)

mel said...

All you guys out there, there’s gotta be a lesson in here somewhere. Its like the Holy Grail of relationships….Man o man, this is like the stuff legends or movies are made of. Kinda like The Runaway Bride movie or something. You can almost picture the opening scenes…fast cuts with different guys and Elvina, different time periods in the past, maybe Elvina with different hairdos n outfits, the guys all walk away crying or something…then cut to the present. …sorry, got carried away again…must stop working on TVC….

Whoever the lucky new guy is your life, he’s got a real tough act to follow. Make sure he reads this column.

Jade Falcon Elite said...

so what is the lesson in here? Have u figured it out yet? I kinda agree with you. In here, its like a textbook on love. Filled with examples, stories, principles and formulas. Interesting isn't it?

The new guy you mentioned doesn't have a tough act to FOLLOW. He should invent something new. And yea... I quite agree with you that He should read this column.

John said...

Wah... u feel obligated... wow........................

Wish I could have at least found someone like that a few years back.....

GhOsT said...

I always tot to love is better to be loved...

But I was wrong, both are equally sweet.

yingyan said...

so, U have loved and be loved; which is better?? haha!
I've always thought that its 'blissful' to be loved by one and the 'anguish' to love somebody wholesomely (this is tiring and draining) and eventually getting 'hurt' as a result, much to my experiences too.
Well, your mr. right will soon come and with these experiences of yours, i'm sure you'll know what you're looking for ultimately; keep going.

mel said...

Er…the phrase “tough act to follow” doesn’t mean as in to repeat or to follow the same things/acts already done. It just means he has to top what has already happened with something new and different. Anyway, I just can’t stop thinking of all those guys with their hearts crushed…kinda reminds me of Indy Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. All those other guys who went looking for the fabled Ark and got killed, probably crushed by that giant rolling boulder at the beginning of the movie, but Indy was the one guy who beat those Nazi and found the Ark. Now that’s a cool movie. But I digress.

Back to those guys, I still don’t really get it. So they were like, at the wrong place and at the wrong time, that’s why things didn’t work out?

What did I learn bout luv after reading all this? Don’t get me going philosophical on love cos I got waaaaaaay too many crazy ideas and theories bout it! hah! Seems like everyone here is a whole lot more experienced than me in the art of love! So I’m just gonna sit back and learn from the masters and mistresses of love right here.

LGSF said...

Everytime a topic like "Love" comes along, the posts just keep on coming! haha.

I'd agree with mel hehe. Whoever's gonna be next on your list has got some big shoes to fill :)

But such is life. Good to see you've got the luxury of choice, and good also, to see that you don't just fall head over heels for the 1st one that comes along.

Live life, be merry, be happy.

Love won't wait to see if you're ready before knocking on your door, so no point fretting over something that carries with it, among other things, headaches and disappointment hehehe :P

mel said...

…opps…the giant rolling rock at the beginning of the movie had nothing to do with the Ark, those who went looking for the Ark probably got killed by the snakes…there you go, a post that has nothing to do with love…ha!

ethan said...

A very nice, personal and touching sharing of a small slice of your life.

Hoped those guys mentioned have proper closure.

I must admit that it taught me a few new tricks.

Catherine *MeowMeow* said...

hi elvina,

i do agree that it is difficult to reciprocate the luve for the guys whom you do not have that intense feelings.

I'm stuck in the same circumstance at times.

Luv is never easily, that what makes it so amazing and yearning.

U inspired me to write this.


Richard said...

Hmmm … as usual, not necessarily something I find easy to comment on, but … it does confirm that you “walk in beauty, like the night” leaving men smitten by your grace? charm? beauty? intelligence? tinkling laugh? All of the above? Something else entirely?

I hope those memories help remind you that you have a special gift (blessing?) to be able to attract a man’s attention.

You have previously hinted about what you are looking for. I’m sure you could make a detailed list (I thought you had, but I couldn’t find it). Clearly these fellows (aside from the bf), somehow fell short. Why? What was it despite their attention and devotion and effort that was not enough? Did these efforts result in any friendships – or have they all faded away?

Is there going to be a “In the Name of Love – Part 3: Why I did not Reciprocate”?

Feeling mischievous, I’ve modified some of Rudyard Kipling’s verses:

Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What unlucky mortal eye
Gazed upon thee passing by?

But, I am sure you would prefer more Lord Byron’s (1788-1824) classic:

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade more, one ray less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

mel said...

Man, I wish I could quote poetry like Richard here. I really think that’s so cool. But I guess I’m just too crass.

As for what u think drove all those guys …er…hmmm…falling for her. Yah, mebbe those points u mentioned plus definitely something else. I mean, case in point, a guy was so insecure that he had to leave the country! Holy crap! I know of some insecure guys, but never one who had to leave the country and probably his family too cos of it! Did u keep bringing up stories of previous bfs or something like that? That is some serious mojo. Hah! Mebbe he has one of them Shining Knight syndrome. I read bout it once, the guy just had to be in control, can’t take a woman who’s independent and loves playing the role of rescuer in a relationship or something like that. Well, I guess he could do that in a country like Vietnam.

Luffy said...

Hi Elvina, came across your blog a few days ago. I'm curious that you had so many fans at Hotel Solace. I'm really curious and suprised that you would reveal something that is so personal.
Have you ever thought of what did you gain out of every relationship?What leads to the failure of each relationship though you had done the craziest things in the previous blog and those who reciprocate your love?
You are not obliged to reciprocate each and every man that showers you with love and gifts. You should know what you want and definately you have the choice to reject whatever flowers or gifts if you have no interest in the guy right?
You can't stop love from coming to you but you can avoid unneccessary infatuation or crushes. I'm sorry for being frank here, a lot of women know how to turn their little fingers around men. Men will do almost everything during courting stage, they will definately listen to you if you told those whom you are not interested off.
"Each of the men has unwittingly made me who I am today – a hopeless romantic."
I think you are not hopeless but smart romantic. Smart player won't feel sorry for not able to reciprocate love for all. I wonder you blog on this topic so that you felt better when you can't reciprocate your love to those men who had contribute so much in your life? If I am appreciative of those who really put in effort in courtship, I will tell them personally instead of blogging such incidents that they had done which makes others think that they are such silly love fools.
Between showing how much attention you had gained from all your suitors and blessed with their love, you had contradicted yourself i guess.

Anonymous said...

seems everyone has different interpretations/comments. just think each r/s is unique. indeed what each of those guys did is very sweet and memorable. also it goes to show you're very special to them. erm... but no one's obliged to reciprocate love, else it wont be called love. ~ angel =)

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Yingyan: "U have loved and be loved; which is better??" ==> Well, maybe I agree with Ghost. To love someone is a wonderful experience, as you reach into the depths of your heart to feel something really sweet and genuine. To be loved is gratifying, because someone out there can complete you - and make you feel really special. The tragedy arise only when love is one-sided. I have loved men who could not love me, and there were men too who I could not give my love to. I find these circumstances extremely excruciating.

Mel: "So they were like, at the wrong place and at the wrong time, that’s why things didn’t work out?"

==> Some were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Others is just permutations of that. Right place, wrong time. Right time, wrong place.

Sometimes, we are merely incompatible. Sometimes, there just aren't any sparks. I can give you a laundry list of reasons and excuses, but what purpose does it serve? You either love someone or you don't. I don't know how else I can explain this.

I did not bring up topics of ex-bfs la. The prob with him and me is that he has a choice to stay in Singapore or go off to Vietnam to work. He chose the latter, partly for the experience, and partly because he knew it would be impossible between us.

LGSF: I agree. Life is really short, and I have already been single for the last five years. It's about time I give someone a chance, don't you think?

Ethan: When love fails, it's hardly possible to fain full closure. But I did try my best to make it less painful....

Catherine: I read that entry of yours. Very well written. Glad that you know how I felt... :)

Richard: The men are hardly smitten! haha... Honestly, sometimes I feel that they are more lonely, and perhaps, are just seeking a companion. I love your suggested topics on what I want in a man as well as in the name of love - part 3. Definitely something which I can blog on. :P
I really love the poems you quoted. You are a romantic yourself aren't u?

Luffy: "Have you ever thought of what did you gain out of every relationship?"

The problem is - most of them were not a RELATIONSHIP. These men were those who professed their love, in their own little way. Really not much gain to talk about...

"What leads to the failure of each relationship though you had done the craziest things in the previous blog and those who reciprocate your love?"

Failure happens for a variety of reasons. Communication problems, lots of arguments over the pettiness and silliest things, third parties, abuse, taking advantage of my giving nature etc.

"...they will definately listen to you if you told those whom you are not interested off."

==> Not true. I have been so blunt to the extent of being rude simply because some men would not take NO as an answer. They are delusion to the point of being an irritant because all they want is for me to be their gf - without even caring whether I was keen in the first place.

"I wonder you blog on this topic so that you felt better when you can't reciprocate your love to those men who had contribute so much in your life?"

==> None of the above. I started off this topic because I remembered what I have been through. It's merely an entry down memory lane. Don't need to feel better or worse cos they are in the past.

"If I am appreciative of those who really put in effort in courtship, I will tell them personally instead of blogging such incidents that they had done which makes others think that they are such silly love fools."

==> I must reiterate the blog is my personal space for me to write whatever comes to mind, and whatever I feel like expressing. I have told them personally, that's why they are no longer part of my life. Blogging about these past incidents was simply to show what i have received in the past, and how they have impacted me now. Don't think I have contradicted myself. I was blogging abt something I remembered and wanted to share because they were really interesting incidents. At the same time, I need to put my stand clear why even if they perform the most romantic on earth, there are always some factors and reasons preventing me from committing.

there is no need to show number of suitors - cos that's lame. If I really wanted to do that, this list will probably take up a few more pages. But I don't see the need to do that at all.

Just by commenting that my blog has many fans, already goes to show that most people here who has not seen me, are interested in me and my life enough to wanna take the friendship to another level.

I have nothing to prove - cos I believe only those people who can see beyond what I blog are true gems.

Angel: You are absolutely right!! :)

Luffy said...

Elvina, you are really defensive. Another point I discovered in you today!

"Just by commenting that my blog has many fans, already goes to show that most people here who has not seen me, are interested in me and my life enough to wanna take the friendship to another level."
Your site has many fans indeed but you'll never know how many are true to you. We are mature enough to look at things from another perspective not trapped ourselves in those IRC days.

"I have nothing to prove - cos I believe only those people who can see beyond what I blog are true gems."??
If you have nothing to prove, you don't have to explain until that precise.

LGSF said...

LGSF: I agree. Life is really short, and I have already been single for the last five years. It's about time I give someone a chance, don't you think?

Well, here's where I'm not so sure about.

So it's been what? Five years. Is it time to give someone a chance?
I'd seriously recommend against giving someone a chance simply because it's been five years.

Dun fret too much over this dry-spell. But I also hope your expectations aren't so high that it scares more ppl overseas :P

Like I mentioned - live life, be merry, be happy. Don't go looking for love, cos more often than not, you'd delude yourself into thinking that you've found it, when, in actual fact, love was still stuck in transit.

Richard said...

Elvina, I am not sure if I could be classified as a romantic, but I believe in love.

I happen to like those poems, not so much for their entirety, but for certain verses which feel natural to my lips:

Tiger, tiger burning bright
in the forest of the night

She walks in beauty, like the night

Fantastic verses methinks. They bring up something deep within me, but I could just as easily have quoted a child's nursery rhyme (which drives my wife crazy! "How old are you!")

As I went to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Each wife had seven sacks
Each sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kit, cats, sacks, wives
how many were going to St. Ives?

Okay, maybe it doesn't rouse quite the same feelings in me, but I still like the feel of it on my lips as well.

Personally, I have little interest in seeing a laundry list of things you want in a man. I am more curious why you made specific choices to not reciprocate. That, I think would be more revealing.

You are right, maybe some of them were desperate acts of men seeking companionship, but there must have been one or two where you said, "Hmmm ... I don't quite like this about him."

I'll go first. There were three things I was looking for: friend, a companion to share my life with, a suitable mother for my kids.

Clearly, if I cannot be friends with the person, the relationship is going no further.

Even if a person is a good friend, they may not make a good companion: perhaps they are too selfish, or intellectually limited, or our personal values clash. So, while the person might be a fantastic friend, the ability to forge a shared life together is difficult.

Finally, even if the person is a great companion, how will she be as a mother? Does she want kids? Is she gentle? (gentleness is something that really gets my attention as well - not to be confused with meekness).

Now, while I present some (general) reasons I never found a woman suitable, please do not misinterpret this as me necessarily ever having had a chance with any woman.

As a woman, you are in some ways lucky because men come to you. It is a combination of genetic and societal factos that make men the "hunter". I am not a hunter.

From my point of view, it would have been nice to know that women showed an interest in me. On the other hand, as I've mentioned before, I am pretty blind to "hints". As I've gotten older, I've learned to recognize some past actions by women as "hints". Probably the most egregious example is a friend who used to stroke my hands and arms when we used to go out. Most of the time I wasn't very aware of it. I was just happy that she was comfortable in my presence. Yes, I know, shocking naivety (especially if you consider I was 26-27 at the time)! Why did I feel nothing more than friendship for her? She was married.

lgsf commented: I'd seriously recommend against giving someone a chance simply because it's been five years.

I strongly agree with lgsf. Don't push people away, but don't foolishly go running into love. I think you are more than capable of finding a suitable mate (or maybe there is more we need to learn about you ;-)

Surfie77 said...

Hi Elvina,

thanks for the post, for everyone it is something close to all of us. As time passes, more and more tired of love we or at least myself feel. Sometimes almost losing hope, and drifting aimlessly into the rat race pace. It is so different when in love, where life feels so beautiful and everyday is wonderful. Nowadays, waking up to another day feels almost painful, like there's nothing to live for anymore.

I think its easier to love someone without it being reciprocated than to be loved and cannot reciprocate the love. Which is more difficult, being the hunter or the prey? I'm no expert in love, more a fool in love. Have hurt my fair share of ppl but generally I think while growing up, I've been through at least 2 of the 3 stages of falling into love... First stage I've been through is that I loved the girls more than they loved me. After I got burnt, I kind of built up a wall around me, so I went through a second stage where the girls loved me more than I loved them. I guess the third stage is yet to be... where we will love each other equally. And that will just be the beginning of a long and winding road.

Mickell said...

Looks all these ex-boyfriends of yours r really very nice chaps heh? :)

pg said...

wahaha, u used the pic i send u~ lol.
i guessed its better to be loved den to love someone. very fortunate to have so many guys doing so many sweet things for u. however, its realli a headache sometimes when u dunno who to choose or u r attached n cant share ur love to another.. sighz..
anyway i think the waiter that dropped u poems is damn sweet. hahaz..

Aristocrat said...

To Runaway Sorry for the long absence. Was too caught up with work.:p And sorry to spam your comments elvina :p:p

"My point is if hurt & pain is one of the important elements that form the emotional basis or foundation of a family, are we in fact doing something wrong?"

I disagree with your statement. I don't think hurt and pain form the emotional basis of a family. Rather, they are part and parcel of love. It's not the foundation, but the little extras that you get along with what you have. Like Pandora's Box, with the seven sins, you get a little side dish of hope as well. And I don't think we are doing smtg wrong as well. How can it be wrong? Love isn't all that pure.

"...then perhaps they should channel some of their energies back to themselves and to the other siblings and their kids."

I think you are asking the impossible. If they truly love you, they would not channel their energies away. Instead they would try to talk some sense into reducing the actions that caused all those "heartaches". I don't think if you see your loved one doing something that gives you heartaches, you will stand by and do nothing or "channel" your energies to love another person.

Love is such a painful subject. The poison-tipped arrow of Cupid...

Mykel said...

Your post reads like "Things Given" from Fray.com

Beautiful and inspiring, isn't it?

Anyway, its great to hear that your past relationships all jarred a little something inside you, making you who you are today.


Bored Dad said...

Hmm... After reading what those guys did for Elvina, they made feel like I'm so small... cause honestly, I don't think I have any capability to do any thing that even close to what those guys did!

But then, I am who I am, just simply because I can't do what those guys did, don't mean that I'm not capable of being romantic.

Anyway, I had mentioned somewhere before, such is a topic that will never have any conclusive debate nor it will ever come to an end, cause such a subjective and personalise issue, that the definition of what 'love is' and 'is it better to love or be loved' will differs from each an everyone's experiences. The list of comments above had just showed that there are already so many different views on this simple personal blog entry.

Anyway, Elvina, it's great to know that you had so many wonderful 'experiences' in the past, regardless whether any of them had turn out well had developed into a relationship for you, they had somewhat beautified your life with a beautiful and romantice memories.

Runaway said...

To aristocrat: I really dread getting into debates, especially with a Singaporean. Seriously, my views is that Singaporeans really like to "correct" other people, thinking that they & only they have possession of the only truth in the whole world. But the sad truth is that the "only truths" that Singaporeans think they know are always those which the Sg media filtered for them, leaving Singaporeans with what is usually pathetic, native half-truths. And usually the approach / analysis is absolutely scientifically based. If it is not obvious still I will tell you the truths are still out there & certainly at large. Having said what I just have, I will not reject such a debate if it is put forward to me. So here's my reply to your comments and I'd try to make it very short so as not to appear to attract unwarranted attention which I am afraid I already have:

What you just said are side-dishes and extras I think are foundation, and see no connection with purity of love with what I was saying but please don't make clear the connection because I don't wish to see something that is clearly not there. Secondly, channelling some energies away from me will result in the right balance of the proper amount of love my parents should show to me. Thirdly, love need not be a painful subject or the poisoned-tip of an arrow. And to give you an idea of how rude you have just been, I will say I totally disagree with you on what you have just written.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Luffy: I am explaining only because I thought you will be keen to know. Maybe as it seems, would probably be wiser and let you make your own assumptions and judgements, and I will just admit to every assessment and analysis that you have made is true.

LGSF/Richard: Thanks. I know love should not be rushed. I will take my time...come what may.

Surfie: I think everyone would have gone through those stages that you have mentioned. I personall have been through all, and the cycle sometimes repeat themselves.

I am presently at the third stage. Still struggling though, cos I know not what I want yet.

Michael: Some are, some are not.

PG: I think so too. I think the one who dropped on his knees was very brave too. For the first time in my life, he did something I could never have done. Not sure how many men could have done the same for me too....

Mykel: Thanks for dropping by. Hope you enjoy all past and future reads.

Bored Dad: Yes. I am indeed blessed. But too bad such romantic love is not something which one can give freely to just about any one. Unreciprocated love is excruciating, but I guess like most of you have said, that's life....

Be who you are and love the way you wanna love. This list is not the secret manual to landing the one you love. It's merely a memory that I have put up for sharing - simply because they have been part of my life before, and their acts have touched me.

Anyway, like some of my more controversial posts, people have different opinions on how one should react, think, or feel about certain issues. Just know that though all of us do have the right to our own opinions. We lead different lives. We went through different encounters. We experienced different forms of love. Ultimately, it's who you are that matters, not what others think.

Thanks Aristocrat and Runaway for your heartfelt comments. Every comment matters, because it allows me to know you all a little more. No hard feelings ok?

Aristocrat said...


My apologies Runaway if I have appeared to be rude or otherwise. There was no intention of that at all. Don't take things too seriously ya? Maybe I have touched upon some personal stuff or what, but once again, my apologies.

Now back to debates. I know what exactly you are trying to say, because I get into a verbal fracas from trolls time to time. But isn't this what makes life interesting? Variety and spice! You may choose to disagree with me of course :)

And I know that too Singapore media is overtly censored and from my opinion, it is just one big propanganda machine for the country. They only publish articles that are of strategic interest to the government. I once considered journalism in Singapore but was apprehensive of working in such a censored environment. And regarding the half-truths, yes I agree. Singaporeans are like the people in the book Brave New World, written by Aldous Huxley they have an air of infantilism around them.

Now as for your family matters, I think I was wrong in commenting on that. Only you have the best idea of what you want in your personal life. Perhaps that explained your furious rebuttal. To me it was only a normal issue. Disagreements do happen. That's a matter of fact right? They make a healthy and constructive discussion :)

No hard feelings on my part.

senbai said...

whoa...if you ever write a book about your past love experience I will surely buy them :)

BTW, "In The Name Of Love" is a good book tittle.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

senbai: Wahhh..thank you! at least i will have ONE customer for my book hahaha. that's comforting. then you should stay on to this blog and find out when i will be writing my boook! =)

Angel Wings said...

Just Never forget you've been loved with the 5 language of love.

1- Language of Encouragement and assurance.

2- Language of Quiet time/ Special time

3-Language of Gifts

4-Language of Service

5-Language of Physical touch.

I might not know alot, but one's thing for sure, you changed one of the person you talked about so much.

He never could live the same life he did before he met you.


Anonymous said...

My dear Lao-niang

Your Boy Number 2 was not infratuated with you at all. He saw all the good points and yet Loved despite the bad ones you have.

I guess he was just angry that the relationship couldn't progress further due to some invisible barrier. probably that's why he also went nutz at some point.

well, at least he still has you hidden somewhere in his heart, and repeating the legend of how a woman single handedly wake him p from his sleep, gave his life a direction. And Got him HOOKED to LAW and ORDER!!!