I stopped at that point to take stock of myself. Have I ever been like that to my ex-boyfriend (s)? Was I possessive? When will we ever learn to love someone for who they are instead of trying to change them the moment we become a couple?
My friends asked if I am going to get myself a date soon. Having been single after a heartwrenching breakup four years ago, I could not bring myself to answer. Not that I have the answer anyway.
I expressed my concerns about relationships. I felt that I have wasted my time on that relationship four years ago - because it ended anyway despite all the time, efforts and feelings that I've so painstakingly invested. His view however, was that if one has not invested 100% feelings into a relationship, it will be doomed for failure right from day one.
The thing is, for me, investing 100% in a relationship may not necessary yield satisfactory returns. Like any other investments, you win some, you lose some. Sometimes, as in my case, you lose heavily. But unlike money, you cannot earn those feelings back. Once they have been invested, they're probably gone forever once that relationship ends.
My cynicism on ever finding any true relationship which I can invest 100% of my love is further heightened by the fact that I have many friends who were cheating on their partners. I cannot help but wonder - if love is what completes a person, why is it a worthy investment for some, and a losing bet for others?
Didn't these people marry out of love? Didn't they vow till death do us part? Life as one entity has barely begun and they were already starting to contemplate the "D" word.
On the front, they seemed like the perfect couple - which I always felt only exist in Hollywood movies and fairytales. But like a scene from The O.C. and Desperate Housewives combined, things are not always what they seemed.
I guess that's why I am still single. :)
Giggles of the Day
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams
2 comments:
I understand how you feel... I remember the various oppositions I met when my first girlfriend and I went steady. People were advising me that she is not for me but how I insisted and proved them wrong. I remembered the times when I would do things to make her happy. I remember the times when we went around seeing houses and signing the agreement. Planning to get married. I also remember that time when I was oversea working and she call and said that she don't have feeling for me and wanted to call the relationship off as she is seeing another guy that time.
Like Sheryl Crow sang... first cut is the deepest... indeed. I've learnt one thing... the past should not hinder us from moving forward. We should take time to heal. It should not close us up to love again. Start to love those around (phileo love - friendship kind of love). This will help you to trust. Open up yourself little by little. Take time. Who knows. It may blossom to something good?
A song to share with you... this is an old Christian song (I think in the 70s)
Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows
Are you tired of spinning rond and round
Take up all your dreams and all your sorrows
At the feet of Jesus lay them down
Give them all
Give them all
Give them all to Jesus
Broken dreams
Wounded heart
Broken toils
Give them all
Give them all
Give them to Jesus
And He will turn your sorrow into joy
Take care.
After all these years, i find that unconditional love is the only love worth giving and investing... for i will never be hurt as i never need to be loved in return.
That's why, it's more blessed to give than to receive. The moment i expect to be loved in return, that's the moment my disappointments and hurts begin.
Take heart, my dear sister.
Yes, thanks for your prayers, I didn't realize I could recover that fast... thank God!!
I m moving on. :)
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