I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

American Soap

I was chatting with a guy 8 years my junior recently - about relationships and stuff. He was lamenting about how he feels stifled when his girlfriend gets upset whenever he spends time with his pals.

I stopped at that point to take stock of myself. Have I ever been like that to my ex-boyfriend (s)? Was I possessive? When will we ever learn to love someone for who they are instead of trying to change them the moment we become a couple?

My friends asked if I am going to get myself a date soon. Having been single after a heartwrenching breakup four years ago, I could not bring myself to answer. Not that I have the answer anyway.

I expressed my concerns about relationships. I felt that I have wasted my time on that relationship four years ago - because it ended anyway despite all the time, efforts and feelings that I've so painstakingly invested. His view however, was that if one has not invested 100% feelings into a relationship, it will be doomed for failure right from day one.

The thing is, for me, investing 100% in a relationship may not necessary yield satisfactory returns. Like any other investments, you win some, you lose some. Sometimes, as in my case, you lose heavily. But unlike money, you cannot earn those feelings back. Once they have been invested, they're probably gone forever once that relationship ends.

My cynicism on ever finding any true relationship which I can invest 100% of my love is further heightened by the fact that I have many friends who were cheating on their partners. I cannot help but wonder - if love is what completes a person, why is it a worthy investment for some, and a losing bet for others?

Didn't these people marry out of love? Didn't they vow till death do us part? Life as one entity has barely begun and they were already starting to contemplate the "D" word.

On the front, they seemed like the perfect couple - which I always felt only exist in Hollywood movies and fairytales. But like a scene from The O.C. and Desperate Housewives combined, things are not always what they seemed.

I guess that's why I am still single. :)

Giggles of the Day

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams


Herbie said...

It's a thin line - am sure you & I and many others have met 1 way ticket, 2 ways transfers and multi- access cards.

People grow, people get wiser - but some dun.

People learn, people care, but some dun.

People accommodate, compromise and collaborate for a better future - some dun.

It is difficult to be the good person as it may turn out well, it may not. There are too many variables. "The only constant is change". Whichever way it may be, there is always an effort.

Worthy? Assess Damage Percentile, Handle Risk Management, Control Reversals.

Absolute is not an option. Neither is binary capable of division. All except God.

Where to go from here? Seek deeper. Ask HIM.

** I read all your poems... you impress me truly... I like them... very...

Fat Boy Slim said...

I understand how you feel... I remember the various oppositions I met when my first girlfriend and I went steady. People were advising me that she is not for me but how I insisted and proved them wrong. I remembered the times when I would do things to make her happy. I remember the times when we went around seeing houses and signing the agreement. Planning to get married. I also remember that time when I was oversea working and she call and said that she don't have feeling for me and wanted to call the relationship off as she is seeing another guy that time.

Like Sheryl Crow sang... first cut is the deepest... indeed. I've learnt one thing... the past should not hinder us from moving forward. We should take time to heal. It should not close us up to love again. Start to love those around (phileo love - friendship kind of love). This will help you to trust. Open up yourself little by little. Take time. Who knows. It may blossom to something good?

A song to share with you... this is an old Christian song (I think in the 70s)

Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows
Are you tired of spinning rond and round
Take up all your dreams and all your sorrows
At the feet of Jesus lay them down

Give them all
Give them all
Give them all to Jesus
Broken dreams
Wounded heart
Broken toils
Give them all
Give them all
Give them to Jesus
And He will turn your sorrow into joy

Take care.

Bee said...

After all these years, i find that unconditional love is the only love worth giving and investing... for i will never be hurt as i never need to be loved in return.

That's why, it's more blessed to give than to receive. The moment i expect to be loved in return, that's the moment my disappointments and hurts begin.

Take heart, my dear sister.

Yes, thanks for your prayers, I didn't realize I could recover that fast... thank God!!

I m moving on. :)

Jade Falcon Elite said...

Wa.... suddenly so many sisters and brothers in christ. Hmmm.... Looks like I m still the prodigal son. Hahah... whatever.
Reena girl, nevermind. U will never walk alone. I am also single la... Still having fun. 29 yet still can't be bothered. Like you, I have been terribly hurt before and dun think too well of women.
Then again, we are all humans, so Lets enjoy ourselves alittle, let loose and not be too bothered wth BGR okie?? I am officially released from prison, Reservist!!! Yea!!!! Time to party!!!