I stopped at that point to take stock of myself. Have I ever been like that to my ex-boyfriend (s)? Was I possessive? When will we ever learn to love someone for who they are instead of trying to change them the moment we become a couple?
My friends asked if I am going to get myself a date soon. Having been single after a heartwrenching breakup four years ago, I could not bring myself to answer. Not that I have the answer anyway.
I expressed my concerns about relationships. I felt that I have wasted my time on that relationship four years ago - because it ended anyway despite all the time, efforts and feelings that I've so painstakingly invested. His view however, was that if one has not invested 100% feelings into a relationship, it will be doomed for failure right from day one.
The thing is, for me, investing 100% in a relationship may not necessary yield satisfactory returns. Like any other investments, you win some, you lose some. Sometimes, as in my case, you lose heavily. But unlike money, you cannot earn those feelings back. Once they have been invested, they're probably gone forever once that relationship ends.
My cynicism on ever finding any true relationship which I can invest 100% of my love is further heightened by the fact that I have many friends who were cheating on their partners. I cannot help but wonder - if love is what completes a person, why is it a worthy investment for some, and a losing bet for others?
Didn't these people marry out of love? Didn't they vow till death do us part? Life as one entity has barely begun and they were already starting to contemplate the "D" word.
On the front, they seemed like the perfect couple - which I always felt only exist in Hollywood movies and fairytales. But like a scene from The O.C. and Desperate Housewives combined, things are not always what they seemed.
I guess that's why I am still single. :)
Giggles of the Day
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams