It's been more than two weeks since my last entry. I couldn't believe it myself, but I was spending time with James almost every day.
It started from the day I've decided to let go of everything and anything to do with this guy. It's too painful to like someone and not have him, so I guess it's better to give it up than hold on to a hopeless relationship, friendship - whatver he may call it.
I deleted his handphone number. I deleted all his emails. I practically removed any possible channels of reaching this guy, because I know if I don't do that, I will keep contacting him. It's like I needed to be totally cut-off - so that I can be rid of this senseless addiction.
Anyway I was really tired. I was the one who always took the initiative to message him or call him. It seemed that he never felt the need to do the same for me. I guess after a while, I get tired for being taken for granted. So I decided to stop myself from losing my dignity completely. No friendship or relationship should ever be a one-way traffic.
Sunday came and went. I surrounded myself with friends and activities and got home around 12am. There were no messages or calls from him the entire day. My heart sank. This is it. It's a good thing I chose to gave up, cos this guy completely has no place for me in his heart.
12.05am. A message came through. It was him. He told me he had been thinking about me. I was caught off guard, cos I always thought he never cared. We talked, and cleared the air. And since then, we met up every day for lunch, even the day before he left for Qatar.
Those dates were memorable and very beautiful. He bared his heart and feelings in those 2 weeks like never before, as if he had been bottling them up since the day we met.
I knew he had to go. I knew he could not give me any promises. I knew he may not come back so soon. But I also know I have a place in his heart. And I guess that's good enough for me - for now.