I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.


Friday, March 10, 2006

eBuy: New Tasteless Paperback!

Have you come across a situation when you were extremely pissed - and you needed some really aggressive words to express your rage - and you realised to your horror, that no dictionary in the world could offer any assistance - Oxford, Cambridge or otherwise?

Introducing the Contemporary Dictionary of The Vulgar Tongue - a collective of obscene and rude expletives - heard and use in today's highly corrupted society.


Artwork by Philip

Inspired by the Classical Dictionary of The Vulgar Tongue (see pic below), this glossary is updated with the newest and latest profanities, expounded by the generations of this era.



Click HERE to download the online text version.

Painstakingly compiled by first-time IgNobel Prize Winner - obscure writer Elvina de Culprit, this tongue-in-cheek dictionary brings a whole new meaning to the definitions of déclassé words. Written in a politically-correct style, the Contemporary Dictionary of The Vulgar Tongue promises to be an intriguing companion whenever you are in need of crude and plebian language.

Here's a sneak preview of what you'll see in this amazing book:

Defintions

Ass·holes: n. vulgar slang
They are full of shit. They live a shitty life and get sat on every day. They often get screwed and they stink. Big time.

B·itch: noun
She revels in a dog-eat-dog world. She is notorious for cavorting with all the male dogs and barking up the wrong trees. And yes, she also loves to bite the hand that feeds her.

Dick·head: n. vulgar slang
Seriously true to his namesake - a walking humanoid with a male anatomy in place of a head. Used for purging of waste matter and as a sex tool. No other merits found to date.

Id·i·ots: noun
They come in two versions: Complete and Total. There's hardly any noticeable difference between the two. Suffer from severe IQ Deficiency Syndrom. No upgrades available.

Lo·ser: noun
Horrendously clueless and thinks he's Casonava reincarnate. Easily identifiable as he usually bores a bright, blinking "L" on his forehead. Super effective appetite suppressant.

Pr·ick: noun
A typical pain-in-the-arse. Synonymous to causing sharp mental and physical pain. Anything or anyone named after a penis could only mean one thing: They should be circumcised (i.e. sexually mutilated)

Scum·bags: n. slang
Carriers of disgusting filth and trash. Seen as the lowest life in the organic food chain. Packed with lies, corruption and despicable acts. Lifetime guarantee.

These and more - in the all-new first edition of the Contemporary Dictionary of The Vulgar Tongue. Get your copy today at special price of S$39.99 - exclusively for blog readers only!

Call 1900-I-Am-Vulgar or click on the book cover below and place your order now! Whilst stocks last.

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"No crime is vulgar, but all vulgarity is crime." ~ Oscar Wilde

12 comments:

Richard said...

Are we having a bad day?

Ole' Wolvie said...

Dun dare to click...

Mickell said...

Man! I've got to get me 1 of these! I think my vocabulary of vulagarities is quite limited ;p

Mickell said...

Ay? The link goes to a page choked full of Bible verses on how to resist temptation ;p R profane people who curse and swear vulgarities all the time really poor in vocabulary? ;p

Bee said...

hmn.. tot we have more than enough vulgarity around? :P

Catherine *MeowMeow* said...

thanks babe, will come in useful for me.. :p

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

ya...extremely bad day. it will pass. sorry to blog this piece. most of the words are really non-offending. supposed to be a funny piece - giving an alternative definition to words we use often to describe people we are not really "FOND" of...

only the graphic is "vulgar". so i tot if anyone is actually THINKING of buying the book and click on the icon - they would get an article i really want them to see. maybe it may bring across a meaningful msg to them?

don't even know what i m yakking about. too many things on my mind. but hope u get the drift....

almost tried to comment on your blog last night Richard. Realised it was already 4.30am.... guess I shouldn't huh..... :|

ignore my ranting. i need rest.

Aristocrat said...

Sexual mutilation = circumcision? Are you trying to raise a point here Elvina? That is an extremely sensitive issue.

And I wouldn't need a dictionary. I have it all up in this. *taps head*

Take care.

Aristocrat

Richard said...

You are always free to comment on my blog, but ... I do think you need more sleep.

And in my mind, I think sleep is more important than blogging / commenting.

Take care.

The piece is actually quite clever. I personally do not swear and find the use of vulgarity offensive.

However, for those interested in an etymological lesson, vulgar comes from Latin vulgaris meaning of the common people.

Vulgar Latin is what was spoken by the common people and high or silver was spoken by the snobs.

I sometimes use vulgar in place of vernacular.

One more tid-bit about swearing, it originates in the limbic system, meaning that it tends to be an autonomous action rather than conscious.

Chandler said...

Hey, hey, they should've approached me to help compile this dictionary.

Perhaps the Hokkien version.

:)

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Aristocrat: Nah. Don't mean to say circumsion is = sexual mutilation. Just wanna to give an impact that signifies that pricks don't deserve to be walking around...something to that effect - but not to the extent of castration haha. surfed the net, saw that article and thought i should just link it. No evil intentions.

Richard: Interesting trivia you have there! I knew abt the meaning of vulgar when i was doing some research for this piece. And you are right - it was meant to differentiate the uncouth commoners and peasants from the upper class twits. lol

Autonomous action? This is something I don't know! But since some people don't swear, like yourself, i guess it is still a conscious effort to keep yourself from having that knee-jerk reaction to spew expletives right?

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Chandler: Haha... well the Hokkien version would be so controversial!!! You can try - I am hopeless at that!