Renew, Recharge, Revive

I felt a great sense of accomplishment today.

I actually did a makeover to this blog page. Gave it a new template. Edited some stuff using HTML code (I am so not into HTML editing cos I know nuts about it) and changed my photo. It's as if I've experienced a sense of Renewal through this process. This blog has been neglected since July - and boy, was I stricken with guilt. I'm never one to do things halfway, and it should not start with something as personal as my blog.

My leave starts today and I am given official approval to laze around and do nothing till next Tuesday. So I have decided to sleep as late as possible, not wake up till dinner time, play online games, watch CSI, The O.C, The Practice and other cheesy American dramas, chat on IRC, play mahjong and just do lots of other mindless stuff. That's what I call Total Recharge.

Which brings me to my last thought for the day. Revive.

I felt dead. A living dead. I smile when my heart aches. I laugh when I am on the verge of tears. I cry when I feel happy. And I held on to a love - even after it has died. It's not funny anymore. I want to believe, but I have no courage. I want to move on, but I feel discouraged. I need something, anything, anyone, to bring about a revival in me. But it's not easy. I still feel dead - even when I am breathing.

Sometimes I feel that I have so many secrets I actually do need a walk-in closet for all my skeletons...