Photo by Catch 22
I have not blogged in a while. A long, long while.
I guess it's always easy to use "I am busy" as an excuse. Looking back, that was a pretty lame excuse. I seem to have time for every other useless activity in the world such as updating my status on Facebook, checking in on FourSquare and microblogging on Twitter.
I have become such a lazy slob.
I used to think that blogging is such a therapeutic exercise for me. I used to love the fact that people really liked reading my blog, and frequently engaged me with their comments and feedback. I used to enjoy blogging about stuff that was going on in my life - and verbalising my opinions and thoughts via this online platform.
Somehow, work killed all of that.
Perhaps the perfectionist in me is standing in the way between me and my blog. I am always looking for the perfect reason to write, as I want every post to be meaningful. I often struggle between blogging for the sake of having something on this page everyday, and writing about something that matters to me or the people around me. Gradually, because I couldn't find a good reason to write, I stopped blogging.
Another lame excuse I agree.
Perhaps as I grow older and older, I start to withdraw more into that little private space inside the shell. I become less willing to share my views, and more hesitant to baring my soul. I don't want people to know too much. I probably don't care either.
Perhaps I am too hard on myself. My boss told me I needed to have more faith in myself, and that I should stop putting myself down. I didn't even realise I was doing that. I always think people around me deserve better. Don't ask me why - I just feel so.
Perhaps I lack discipline. I have left this blog to rot and gather dust the same way I have let my health slip, and my weight to balloon. I am so good at lamenting, but damn lousy at making the changes that will make me a much happier person.
Perhaps I think and worry too much. Perhaps I am lost and still not found. Perhaps I am just exhausted from carrying so much weight on my shoulders for so long.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
Perhaps all I need to do - is sleep.