I'm a simple girl with a li'l dream, of seeing her humble works in exquisite print, to share with all who feels for words, written with
an unsupressable urge. So indugle in my fantasies, and plow your way through my memories, greatly appreciated you will be,
if you can leave your comments here for me.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

year in rewind

Photo by mjagiellicz

one more day to 2007. how time flies. literally. it's like a super jet powered with accelerated turbo engines speeding into yet another zone leaving many people, many memories and many histories behind.

2006 was an interesting year.

Thailand ousted its President in a bloodless coup. Its people are now more frustrated than before.

Singapore chose its ruling party in a highly controversial - and perhaps - the most amusing election ever.

Saddam was executed. Not without the sacrifice of many lives, of course.

I got a new job - which took up much of my time because I have to pick up everything from scratch. New colleagues, new environment, new nuances that come with the work.

But among all these things that are flitting by every day, 2006 to me, is nothing more than a year of great expectations and emotions.

2006 is a year of many broken-hearted souls. much tears and sadness. loss of self worth. extreme disappointment. women i know are going through so much pain everywhere i turn.

they are beautiful and strong in spirit. they are smart and make fantastic conversationalists. all of them have lots of love to offer and are big hearted towards friends and families too.

why is it then that they keep meeting men who are either stringing them along, making excuses for not wanting to commit, blowing hot and cold, or bailing out on them when these girls need them most?

what is wrong with the men? they keep respawning, like the mobs in World of Warcraft. No amount of hellfire can get rid of them.

and the girls keep falling and waltzing around these guys - wishin' & hopin' they will come round one day and accept them.

meanwhile, the guys have moved on. with another life. another woman. another world. another time. they will entertain you from time to time, but that's about it.

many men told me before that if a guy really loves someone, he will go all out for her. there is no need to tap dance around a guy to make him like you. but i see the girls gorging their hearts out to men who trample on them callously and leave them out in the cold to be devoured by wolves. i can't help feeling pained.

the girls say i am a distrusting cynic. talking to me is depressing because i seemed to diss and have nothing good to say about the men in their lives. the very same men whom i predicted are not serious about them and will break their fragile hearts if they don't walk away - fast. somehow, my blunt comments suddenly became self-fulfilling prophecies?

or was i only being perceptive and intuitive, having had so many bad relationships in the past that i can profile any type of man based on the kind of girl he goes for, the things he say, the actions that follow and his thought processes - just like what an FBI criminal profiler would do to identify his UNSUB (also known as unknown suspect).

i pick up all these obvious clues almost instantaneously and can almost map out the next steps these guys are going to say or do. it tortures me as much to see them actually doing the things to my friends as i said they would. this would be the one time in my life i really hate to be right.

but i don't deny i am a cynic, and i may be wrong at times. i may be unforgiving, unrelenting and insensitive. i may be critical and judgemental. but my intentions are not to hurt you but to keep you away from what i perceive is harm.

people ask me for advice. they confide in me. they want my opinions. i am not sure how much of those they can take - because the truth always hurts.

so i am beginning to say less, and just listen more. that's why God gave us a pair of ears and only one mouth, isn't it? i just can't offer anything more than my absolute honesty, and how i truly feel. i don't want to lie to make you feel good. and if i am a cynic, that's because i am who i am, and i survived till today with that mentality so i think i have a good reason to be one.

you can ask me again how I feel 50 years down the road, and my answer will still be the same. they are just not worth it if they cannot return your love. but if i cannot convince you that you are more important than the man who does not care about your heart, the day will come when i will tell you - please just do what you want if it takes that to make you really, really happy.

they used to say time and tide waits for no man.

i wanna say to you - it will definitely NOT wait for any woman.

it sucks. but that's life. leave your baggages behind. things that have passed should stay in the past.

happy new year and move on.
it's 2007 already.


Philip said...

Elvina, you were the last person i expected to be a member of the "bra burning brigade". hehehe

It takes two hands to clap and when a relationship fails. Both (the man and woman) are equally at fault. Simple. Its so easy to paint the men as villains and the women as the victims. Cos that's how excuses are made.

Wishing you a happy new year. Wish all your dreams come true this year and in the years to come.

Anonymous said...

Shut up philip.You sound like an idiotic stereotyping imbecile.

Yes I see the same things as Elvina, thats y im so afraid, and i havent even gone through many relationships. Some people are just more intuitive and perceptive. Just got to enjoy life and make intelligent and strong decisions based own our own welfare.

Yes I have eyes to see, that your friends Are beautiful and interesting.

Men Are getting increasingly selfish, immature, inconstant, irresponsible and some who fancy themselves "players" , it seems that there tiny black hearts have shrivelled even more if it were possible.

But a consolation is that these people would never truly be happy, and there is a hell for such people.

However, 2 points i would like to say in defence of the men is that some women can be just as messed up and equal users. While an upcoming problem with women and new education and liberation is their inability to be peaceable. Perhaps they see the dangers of the world and thus insecure, or perhaps they were brought up thinkin they deserve more, but i notice women being peckish and abrasive, perhaps we should endeavour to improve that in ourselves.

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

hey peeps it's the new year - no fights eh?

i am not stereotyping philip. i am just writing what i have seen, heard and experienced. maybe in another post i will write abt the other side of the fence, but this post is a reflection on what i feel about my gfs, and not a male bashing, bra burning brigade mission as u think it was.

perhaps it is a summary of my helplessness in seeing people going through life blindly and getting themselves slapped all over the place when i know know they can choose to be happier.

because if i know if i were given one more chance to live my life again, i would choose to live it differently.

busybee said...

Hi Elvina, for all the unhappy years you had I wish your 2007 a wonderful year.

Take care.


Iceman said...

Yo Elvina, Iceman here. Wah. Serious entry sia. Ya guys are crap I know, but still got good ones I guess. May you and your friends meet more of them in 2007. Cheers and happy new year!

CrimsonWolf said...

hello Elvina..its 2007 can you believe it?..i mean..look back..and 2007 always seemed so far away..now..its just NOW..man..age's catching up..
but in anyways..
Happy new year to you lady =)

Aristocrat said...

Happy New Year!!

Shewin said...

Hi Elvina...

Happy new year...

There's a wise saying,
"How you leave will determine how you enter"

May you live 2007 better than you have lived in 2006.

Don't be so hard on the men too, no one here is perfect we all make mistakes, and everything in life will be tested by fire.

2007 will be your best year yet.

Richard said...

The know the old story, it takes two to tango.

A guy could be deceptive, however, in many cases I have seen where the girl gets exactly the guy she wants and ignores his faults.

One way to look at it is: if you always do what you have been doing, you are always going to get the results you have been getting.

For those who like their men to be pursuers (hunters), then that is what they get - a man who will enjoy the game of hunting them down, after feasting, his instinct is to find new prey to hunt.

Midorinosora said...

Hey Elvina,

You found me!! How did you do that anyway?

Was a pleasant surprise to see your comment on my blog, because I hadn't actually been actively blogging till these two weeks.

But I do agree that 2006 was a year of broken-hearted souls. And that if a guy really loves someone, he will go all out for her, and there's absolutely no need to tap dance around him.

It'll only be a waste of time waiting for someone who would never treasure you.

Look for someone who loves you, and then make the effort to love that person back.

Both of you will be happier!

Happy 2007 and may it be a year that brings you all that you wish for and more!

Elvina aka LaoNiang said...

Richard: I can't help but agree with your comment. And that's why I see people going into a vicious cycle of hurting themselves again and again. Kind of makes you wonder what it would take to make them stop, or learn to look at something else that will nurture rather than hurt them. It may not be as exciting as being in love with the hunter, but at least you are emotionally secure.

mindorinosora: I have my means! :) Were you hiding from me in the first place - that I have to go find you! You should have told me where you've moved your blog! naughty girl! Will add you to my blogroll!

Donny said...

There are times when I wished I was one of those naturals (guys who get girls easily), but then I guess it's best just be me. Even if most of the girls are blind.

Happy new year!

Kurakat said...

As I read the insightful entry and comments, I am at a loss of words...

The truth hurts... And being ignored (not trampled) is also hurting, whether you are a guy or gal.

People who love with sincerity and openness are always vulnerable to heartbreaks and heartaches. But then, there is a risk for every investment.

Including investment in relationships...

I am still in the middle of nowhere... Hah! Hope that 2007 will be REALLY the best year for me yet.