Totally cracked everyone up. Here it is for your reading pleasure.
XX MARKETING DIVISION SUFFERS RECORD LOSS
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MAY 10, 2007
The marketing division of XX suffered its greatest loss ever with the resignation of its Marketing Executive, Benjamin Tan Ande. Benjamin, 25, will be grazing on greener pastures over at leading global financial services provider ABC Bank to purse a high-flyer career in banking.
"I don’t know what to feel. As his manager, I am absolutely devastated to see him go, but as his friend, I am happy to know he’s scaling greater heights," said Rena Tan, XX’s marketing manager, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Benjamin joined XX as a marketing executive in Nov 2006, and was responsible for rolling out various marketing and events initiatives including HTML mailshots, career seminars and other strategic media partnerships. He was also instrumental in developing many long term strategic partnerships and alliances with many educational institutions and corporate associations.
Well loved and pampered by many ladies in the office (including office auntie), his departure was a great shock to the company.
One of his greatest fans, Elicia Loo expressed her deep sorrow when she heard the news. "He is such a pleasant, humble, responsible and down-to-earth boy who has no qualms about helping anyone out – that’s what I feel. I am very sad to see him leave."
"Aiya, I will miss him very much one, how?" the office auntie lamented.
Christina Ng from the banking and finance division almost choked on her Merlot upon receiving the news last night at Novus’ launch party. However, she managed to regain her composure and chirped positively, "Can’t believe he is going ABC Bank but not through us! But we still love him nonetheless as he will be giving us a phone list once he is there. =) But seriously, he has been such a proactive and hardworking guy, will miss him."
His lunch kaki and good buddy Jeremy Loy was spotted sobbing in the pantry. He said chokingly,"Benjamin is a cheerful, responsible person. I will no longer have his company for lunch any more. This is such tragic news!"
When asked about how he feels about abandoning the happy family at XX, the wildly popular Benjamin said with quivering lips,"I feel sad to leave the company because of the people who have treated me so well over the course of 6 months. I will be forever grateful for this company for providing me this memorable experience. On the other hand, I am looking forward to starting my career in the finance industry."
Benjamin’s last day with XX is May 11, 2007. He would be making his rounds and accepting hugs, kisses and fan mail from all well-wishers.
The good people at XX wish Benjamin all the best in his future endeavours and would like him to know that he will be dearly missed.
For more details on this groundbreaking news, please contact the Benjamin Tan Helpline at ext. 289. Counselling will be provided for distraught employees.
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