I Am What I Am

Stop taking me for granted

2011-09-11T23:04:00.001+08:00

Dark by Spinewinder

Sometimes I wonder if I am too nice. So much so that I suspect people are starting to take advantage of my kindness and good nature.

I have always been told that I have a high tolerance level - particularly when it comes to people. Perhaps there's really some truth in that observation. I couldn't help but wonder - am I constantly being taken for granted?

The people who actually do that - I find are not merely limited to strangers and acquaintances. Friends, colleagues and even family members - are probably as equally guilty in testing my patience, if not more.

I have met people who have bitched about me to those I know and care about, and yet have the audacity to ask me for favours.

I have come across people who could not deliver what they have been told to do, but yet expect to be rewarded handsomely.

I have seen people who could not take nor follow simple instructions, and yet think they deserve more.

I am torn when people let me down, and yet continue to behave as if they have done nothing wrong.

I am especially disheartened by people who know I would be upset with their actions, but yet don't have the decency to stop making excuses for themselves.

I even struggle with those who explicitly lay their cards out on the table stating their demands/goals, and yet are so unwilling to make personal sacrifices to achieve them.

Somehow, these people have it in their heads that they can get away with it - taking me for granted. I am beginning to think that they have mistakenly misjudged my silence for approval, and my calm disposition as an endorsement of their selfishness.

I don't think they know me at all, and I don't think they are even vaguely aware of how I feel about them. Perhaps because of my amazing ability to tolerate such nonsense and hold my temper in check, these people have eventually convinced themselves that I wouldn't mind / I wouldn't be angry / I wouldn't react - no matter how audacious / selfish / unreasonable / demanding they are.

Perhaps because I have always held back my stinging opinions so that I don't hurt the people I care about, they naturally assume their self-serving actions and decisions will not bother me one bit.

How wrong can they be.

Just like a pressure cooker, there's only so much shit one can hold under the cover. I will obviously hit boiling point one day - and I can only hope when that day finally comes, these people who took me for granted can find a good place to hide their sorry faces - so that they don't get my shit exploding all over them.

"Most human beings have an absolute and infinite capacity for taking things for granted." ~ Aldous Huxley

I Was Wrong

2011-05-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~slientbride

For the most part of my life, I see myself as a conformist. A traditionalist. A conservative. I believe strongly in the concept of loyalty - to my friends, families and loved ones, my job and undoubtedly my country too.

I grew up feeling a strong sense of pride in the nation that has been transformed by the likes of Lee Kuan Yew and other forefathers - from a small fishing village to the multicultural first world city state that it is right now. I swell with pride too when people from other countries complimented Singapore of being a safe, clean, green and stable country, something many of us tend to take for granted, especially for the younger generations of Singapore who never had to go through the devastation of war/terrorism.

Never mind that people are laughing at us for our chewing gum policies, our tough stance on vandalism and the fact that we have campaigns to remind ourselves to be courteous, kind and gracious. At least we don't have kids running around in schools gunning down other kids, or citizens trying to blow themselves up in front of our embassies. I was steadfast in my loyalty to the country I grew up in, and I accepted the fact that although we were not perfect, our leaders have tried their best.

I believed in that for a long time. When I first became eligible to vote, I have no qualms expressing my allegiance to the ruling party. I couldn't understand why my parents and the older generation I speak to think differently. Couldn't they see how far we have come, the progress we have made, the strides we have taken and the brand we have established for ourselves on the global platform - despite being such a tiny island state? I never knew why they were so embittered, why they were always full of angst, and why they were always frustrated and emotional, especially during the election period.

I have always brushed them off as a bunch of grumpy old people who probably have nothing better to do than whine and gripe, an aging population who was always finding fault and perpetually impossible to please.

I stepped into my mid-20s and was once again eligible to vote. By then I had a job, but was struggling to make ends meet as I was laden with education debts and the need to support my family, having lost my dad at age 12. Being the traditionalist that I am, I thought it was normal for a young professional like myself to go through such struggles - as everyone around me seemed to be in the same boat. It wasn't a big deal - you just have to work hard.

I never thought to rely on the government because I believed its money and time would be much better spent on people who needed them most - the poor and destitute, the aged and lonely, and the handicapped and terminally ill. My struggles were nothing compared to these people, hence I made absolutely no demands on the government to help ease my financial burdens. I scoffed at those who complained incessantly, and assumed that they were merely a bunch of spolit brats and ingrates who had unrealistic expectations of a government who had already done so much.

My vote once again went to the people I felt then would be the best team to sustain Singapore's growth, the team who could best take care of Singapore and its people's interests.

I stepped into my early 30s and for the third time I was given the opportunity to vote. For the first time in 10 years, my belief, trust and blind loyalty to the system - started to waver. People who know me would know I worked extremely hard, depended largely on myself and am a hopeless optimist. My glass is always half full, unless you emptied it.

But at age 30, I was still struggling to make ends meet. I had no savings and I saw no way out of this low-middle class life except to work, pay my bills, pay my taxes and leave whatever morsel of income I have left for basic necessities. I started to understand why life was getting tougher, why our belts were getting tighter and why my money was always getting smaller - no matter how hard I worked or how much I earned.

In the last 10 years, the cost of living would have doubled in some areas, tripled in others. My salary only increased by a single digit percentage - supposedly to curb inflation or to offset the pain of GST. It was no longer enough to work hard. I couldn't see my money at all because they all went into the necessary living costs that I must incur just living and breathing as an ordinary citizen. Food costs, utility bills, transport costs, income tax, healthcare costs - all of which increased year on year, subtly draining me of the very little resources I have left. I started to wonder if my votes have created a money-sucking monster, and the warnings of my parents and the old people I have scoffed at previously for their lamentations and gripes, started to haunt me.

For the first time in my life I wondered - what if what they have been complaining about all this time were actually true?

Despite the nagging feeling that something was not quite right with the system, I fed the monster for the third time. Why? Because at that time, I chose to be logical and rational. The Opposition was unfortunately not united and were, I thought, an irrational bunch. Some went on a hunger strike, some lashed out at the PM in public, others were merely stirring up emotions of the people by focusing on petty issues. All I could see was the Opposition fighting among themselves and falling out with people who they were supposed to ally with to build a stronger case for themselves as to why we needed an Opposition party.

My vote of confidence hence once again went to the party I thought would let me down - less. It was probably a decision I'd live to regret for the next five years to come. The speed of growth - although good for the Singapore economy, has left me gasping for air. The bills kept piling, the taxes kept increasing, and the costs kept escalating.

I started to wonder: Why couldn't the leaders I have voted for slow down a little and see that our salaries have not grown at the same accelerated rate as the economy? I couldn't keep up. I needed a break - a significant and long-term one. Not one in the form of a $400-$500 share package for the entire year, which adds up to meagre sum of less than $2 a day. Hell no. I couldn't even take a train AND the feeder bus back to my home with that amount.

Five years have passed and once I again I find myself standing at this same crossroad - with the power to exercise my vote. This year however, I started to view politics in a very different light. I started to take it more seriously and read voraciously to help me understand the systems I have helped created with my votes. I started to attend rallys, read their manifestos, devour all the online and media reports from various alternative sources, and critically scrutinised each and every speaker on the Opposition parties - just so I can understand what they have to offer.

This time, they did not fail me. The Opposition have reconciled their differences and got their act together. I witnessed a strong sense of unison and a deliberate effort to orchestrate their campaign strategy - so that they could contest in almost every constituency. I can see the silent respect each party attributes to one another, and the consistent message all the parties try to bring across to everyone - in terms of the challenges we have been facing, the pain we are currently going through, the feelings and emotions that are raging in all of us in response to a government who seems to have stopped listening to and caring about its people.

For the first time, all the Opposition parties have put in place people I can look up to, people who have the amazing passion to make a difference, people who genuinely wants a positive change and people who wants to do it the right way. I salute each and every one of them for their selfless sacrifice - as every Singaporean knows, the path of an Opposition is one that is often fraught with difficulties, obstacles and persecution. Just like the Christian way of life.

In its pursuit of growth and profits, the system has stopped listening, stopped caring and stopped consulting. As I read stories after stories of how the financially strapped citizens were kicked around various government organisations in their quest for financial assistance; how brutal some officials were in oppressing those who couldn't afford to have a proper meal much less pay their utility bills; how families were coerced to sleep in tents on the beaches or void decks as their homes have been seized by the government for defaulting on loan payments; how some have resorted to throwing themselves in front of an oncoming train because they have no one else to turn to - my heart broke and I realised how wrong I was. I was wrong to trust that the people whom I've put in place with my votes would take care of them.

I was slapped with an even harsher reality as I read with utter disbelief, the breakdown of salaries these leaders get to earn as ministers. No wonder they were blind to the plight of the people. No wonder they were ignorant of the struggles we go through. No wonder they could not emphatise with our pain. No wonder they have lost touch with the people and were deaf to their cries. No wonder. The amount of money and power they are reveling in - have completely de-sensitized them to the reality of the lives of the ordinary Singaporean. They are no longer obligated to serve the people wholeheartedly and fight for their causes. They simply have too much to lose.

It is with a heavy heart that I write this note - to apologise for my oversight, and for feeding a monster time and again and allowing it to balloon to such catastrophic proportions. It is my folly, and I am sure the folly of many young people to come - because I was once that young, impressionable, nationalistic, idealistic, loyal and passionate voter who believed that our leaders could do no great wrong, and who could bring us to greater heights better than any other parties could.

I now know why I had a thought once, that if I ever have a kid, I will send him/her overseas - as Singapore has become too costly, too rigid, too stifling for any kid to grow up with their own voice and freedom to be creative and expressive. I never knew what sparked that thought - but I guessed like so many people, although I have felt the effects of an uncaring system, we were still in denial - choosing to believe in the best of the people we have voted for.

I have no wish to influence anyone with this note, as it was written more for myself, as a piece for my own self-reflection. But if you happen to be reading this, just know I have come one full cycle, and I have been on both sides of the fence. Know that I have read, heard and seen enough to form my perception of the system I have once trusted, and I am committed to make a change.

As a Chinese saying goes:"When a student fails, the teacher is at fault. When a kid misbehaves, the parents have failed their duty." Hence similarly, when the system turns its back on the very people it is obligated to serve, the voters who put these leaders in place are responsible.

Come 7 May 2011, I urge all of you - please vote responsibly.

Michael Jackson on Singapore's GE

2011-05-05T00:29:00.000+08:00

"Remember The Time"
When everything was rosy
We let you get away
With all your policies

Slowly but surely
Your "Human Nature" revealed
You took too much
You gave too few

Since when did you start
Justifying all your deeds
"Don't Stop Till You Get Enough"
Was your party creed

"The Way You Make Me Feel"
Is anything but bliss
You're such a "Smooth Criminal"
And you don't give a piss

Your promises are empty
They're "Gone Too Soon"
Houses have become unaffordable
And the trains have no more room

You make me pay ERP
So I can go into a "Jam"
You then raise the COE
And now I can't even buy a van

You bring in so many friends
foreign, young and old
I've been made to feel
Like a "Stranger in Moscow"

You asked for "One More Chance"
But "You Are Not Alone"
Why should I vote for you
And let you suck my bones

Now there are so many other camps
They "Wanna Be Startin' Something"
They said "We're Almost There"
And I like what I'm hearing

You said they're "Bad", they're "Bad"
You know, you know it
Your world's always so "Black or White"
I'm getting tired, I'm getting sick

Now that the nigh is near
You want to "Heal The World"
Your words make me cringe
And my stomach hurl

My advice is - "Leave Me Alone"
Just "Beat It", "Beat It"
Look at the "Man in The Mirror"
It's about time you face it

Life under your rule
Has been quite a "Thriller"
I thank you for the good times
But I've woken from my slumber

- All I wanna say is that - "They Don't Really Care About Us". -

A tribute to the King of Pop, Michael Jackson

Sleep

2011-03-09T01:33:00.000+08:00

Image by `pyros

People have always wondered why I sleep so late. Some even believe that I don't ever sleep. I used to tell them I work better at night. My productivity and efficiency levels are interestingly much higher after the sun sets on everyone else's ass. Of course, I didn't convince that many people with that crappy excuse.

Then I explained that because I have a regional portfolio and report to our HQ in London, I actually have to work two shifts. Hence, when everyone has knocked off for the day, my 2nd shift would have started as that's the time when London clocks in at work.

That went down better with the skeptics - and I was let off the hook for a while. It wasn't long before people started to question if my bosses were barbaric tyrants, and my story was starting to make them look like unreasonable assholes.

Eventually I realised that I am in fact trying to maximise my waking hours as much as I can - with the objective of living my life to the fullest. I want to stay awake as long as possible so that I can do all the things I really want to do (which I can't when I am at work) - be it blogging, Facebooking, surfing the net, downloading (whatever), watching TV, gyrating to Xbox Kinect's Dance Central, listening to music, reading my favourite book or planning a party.

Every hour I spend sleeping is an hour of opportunity cost - at least for me and all the things I want to occupy my life with. If time is not a perishable commodity, I would have loved to store it in my cookie jar to be used at a later date. But precisely because it's not at my disposal to use as and when I want to use it, I am compelled to consume as much of it as I can whenever I am awake.

The funny thing is - I do love sleeping as much as I love staying awake. I am such a walking dilemma.

“Soon will I rest, yes, forever sleep. Earned it I have. Twilight is upon me, soon night must fall.” ~ Yoda

Tolerance

2011-03-08T01:27:00.000+08:00

Image by ~benchsketch

Many people have told me that I have a pretty high tolerance level. I guess when you have lived and interacted with unreasonable people for over 30 years, you will probably develop tolerance as a force of habit. To illustrate this: Assuming a normal human being is typically tolerant 50% of their time, my tolerance level will at least be at 200%. At least.

Some people do not know their limits. They will keep pushing all the buttons just to set me off. I am someone who can be pretty calm and collected, even under the onslaught of extreme pressure. But there will come a time where I will retaliate - and when that time comes, I shall show the antagonists no mercy.

I am like a rubber band. You stretch me a little, I tend to propel very far. You stretch me too much, I will snap. I will snap back so hard that you will feel a stinging slap to your face. I may even draw blood, if I snap back hard enough. Which I will, especially when provoked.

You wouldn't want to see that.

Everyone has his/her boiling point. Mine's probably a tad higher than the normal Jane and John Does, which is why it usually takes a hell lot to break me. If I am in a forgiving and reflective state of mind , I may allow myself to sink into self-pity and depression. I will probably even beat myself up for allowing people to step all over me, treating me like shit.

But should I be in an unforgiving mood, I will withdraw and shield my heart with a humongous block of ice. I wouldn't let you see my pain or my seething anger. All you will get from me is my utter disdain. When that happens, you will finally realise what it means to be disregarded by yours truly. I will flick you off my shoulder as if you are an irritating, contemptuous pest. I will have you know that you are not even worth a milisecond of my precious time.

I am not trying to be petty, malicious nor vindictive. I just want to make a point that if you keep chipping at the same rock, it will wear thin over time and eventually, there will be absolutely nothing left. Works the same way for patience and tolerance too. So you can piss me off once, twice and many times over. If I've tolerated you even after the 100th time, you are probably someone I care a great deal about.

But even then, if you keep hacking away at my pride and leave me with nothing, you can rest assured that you will receive nothing from me in return. Absolutely nothing. Not even a glance, a nod or even an acknowledgement of your pathetic existence.

As what I have updated on my Facebook today - "I may have a high tolerance level, but that doesn't mean I have to maintain it."

You have been warned.

Losing hope

2011-03-06T11:56:00.003+08:00

Image by ~d1kobraz

I finally understood now why JadeFalcon is such a cynical person - and why he would always rather choose to think the worst of people instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Recently, I found out things about my friends which threw my life off balance. Though a self-proclaimed cynic, there are still some individuals in the world I tend to have a soft spot for. Despite all the selfishness and callousness I see going around in the world, I continue to harbour a tiny hope that there are others who are different.

Whenever I watch BBC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, the overwhelming outpour of love, support and humanity from the community - helps fuel that hope. Maybe that's why I couldn't stop watching it - I need to sustain my faith in humans.

What happened with my friends - the incident came dangerously close to snuffing out whatever little hope or faith that I have left. I was greatly disappointed and couldn't understand how self-centred they have become. I never realised. What compels a person to think only for himself/herself? How could a reasonably intelligent person have no qualms indulging in wrongful acts, totally oblivious to the hurt and pain they will eventually inflict upon others? Why do people allow themselves to sink deeper into sin, not once but again and again? And why do they eventually only see their own pain but not their flaws when they are rudely exposed? Whatever happened to guilt, remorse and repentence?

Over the last two weeks, I asked myself those questions over and over again. I couldn't help but wonder - if they were not my friends, could I have been so understanding, tolerant and forgiving? Would I have taken a much tougher stance? Would I have discounted my own values and tried to see the situation from their point of view?

Maybe not. Most likely not.

So I stayed and listened even when I felt so let down. Couldn't bring myself to walk away. It grieved me to see them falling apart, but it hurt me even more to realise they are no longer the friends I used to know. Subconsciously, I find myself keeping an emotional distance - so that I can remain objective and not play judge and jury.

Somehow I feel that I have lost them forever - although they are still around me. Then again, I never really knew the "real" them.

I can almost hear JadeFalcon say, "I told you so."

“Love never dies a natural death.

It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

~ Anais Nin quotes (French born American Author of novels and short stories, 1903-1977)

Chris Medina made me cry

2011-03-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

For those who have watched American Idol, you would know who Chris Medina is. He was the guy who made me cry and broke my heart when he shared the story of how his beautiful wife-to-be suffered a traumatic brain injury after a terrible car accident. He was the one who made me cry again when he was ousted from the Top 24 in American Idol. I teared again when I heard his latest heart-wrenching single, "What Are Words".

Could anyone love the way he does? Where does he get his strength from to go on day after day - taking care of his now handicapped girlfriend? How will his life be from this point? How long can he hold on to his love for her? How long can he wait for her to recover - assuming that is even possible? He is but only 26 years old....

At the American Idol audition, Steve Tyler went up and gave Chris' girlfriend Juliana Ramos an emotional kiss before saying to her,"Hey girl, I just heard your fiance sing and he is so good cause he sings to you all the time. I could tell… That’s why he sings so good because he sings to you."

My eyes stung with tears and it absolutely broke my heart to hear that. I was overwhelmed with deep sadness for both of them. Times like these, you wonder if God was testing their love. Times like these, I count my blessings and treasure my loved ones even more. Times like these, I pray that the Lord will not put me through such ordeals - because it will be too much for me to bear.

If this was indeed a test, I pray that the Lord will have mercy on this young couple, and make Juliana Ramos whole again.

The Blog Rant

2011-03-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

Photo by Catch 22

I have not blogged in a while. A long, long while.

I guess it's always easy to use "I am busy" as an excuse. Looking back, that was a pretty lame excuse. I seem to have time for every other useless activity in the world such as updating my status on Facebook, checking in on FourSquare and microblogging on Twitter.

I have become such a lazy slob.

I used to think that blogging is such a therapeutic exercise for me. I used to love the fact that people really liked reading my blog, and frequently engaged me with their comments and feedback. I used to enjoy blogging about stuff that was going on in my life - and verbalising my opinions and thoughts via this online platform.

Somehow, work killed all of that.

Perhaps the perfectionist in me is standing in the way between me and my blog. I am always looking for the perfect reason to write, as I want every post to be meaningful. I often struggle between blogging for the sake of having something on this page everyday, and writing about something that matters to me or the people around me. Gradually, because I couldn't find a good reason to write, I stopped blogging.

Another lame excuse I agree.

Perhaps as I grow older and older, I start to withdraw more into that little private space inside the shell. I become less willing to share my views, and more hesitant to baring my soul. I don't want people to know too much. I probably don't care either.

Perhaps I am too hard on myself. My boss told me I needed to have more faith in myself, and that I should stop putting myself down. I didn't even realise I was doing that. I always think people around me deserve better. Don't ask me why - I just feel so.

Perhaps I lack discipline. I have left this blog to rot and gather dust the same way I have let my health slip, and my weight to balloon. I am so good at lamenting, but damn lousy at making the changes that will make me a much happier person.

Perhaps I think and worry too much. Perhaps I am lost and still not found. Perhaps I am just exhausted from carrying so much weight on my shoulders for so long.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Perhaps all I need to do - is sleep.

i am a hero...

2010-04-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

death by the bottle

2009-09-23T23:52:00.003+08:00

The song you hear on this blog is Whiskey Lullaby, performed by Brad Paisely and Allison Krauss. It an extremely moving and heartwrenching piece, and I feel a painful stab of sorrow in my heart each time I hear the song.

I know how it feels to be broken so badly that all you wanted to do is "put that bottle to your head and pull the trigger". Such a simple and direct metaphor, but yet so excruciatingly poignant. I hope no one has to ever go through this, and that no matter what love does to you, you should never ever die by the bottle. Or by anything else for that matter.

Life is short, so please....don't make it any shorter.

Lyrics:

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until' the night

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said, "I'll love her till I die"
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The Angels sang a whiskey lullaby

La la la la la la la, la la la la la la laa
La la la la la la la, la la la la la la laa

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until' the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the Angels sang a whiskey lullaby

La la la la la la la, la la la la la la laa
La la la la la la la, la la la la la la laa
La la la la la la la, la la la la la la laa
La la la la la la la, la la la la la la laa

© MR BUBBA MUSIC, INC.

To learn more about the song, check out its story on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whiskey_Lullaby

Relationships are hard

2009-09-13T03:50:00.003+08:00

Artwork by *ReehBR

Relationships are hard.

I believe that humans are fundamentally selfish. More often than not, we tend to put ourselves first before others. What we feel. What we think. What we want. What we are looking for. What makes us happy. What makes us comfortable.

That is why when two people enter a relationship, tension and conflict usually follow closely after the petals of love and romance have fallen off.

No one realises that loving someone and being with someone can actually take so much out of you. It is not a simple equation of giving and receiving love in return. A lot of relationships require a hell lot of sacrifice, and an amazing level of tolerance. It demands that you forget your needs and desires sometimes, so that you can fulfil those of your partner. It expects you to be forgiving and understanding , even during the times when you think you have every right to be a bitch. It totally compels you at times even to turn away from who you really are, to be someone else he prefers you to be.

One would like to assume when you love someone, these actions come naturally. You naturally want to be a better person for your partner. But as a human being like everyone else, I am not infallible. I am innately selfish and I cannot change that.

That's why sometimes when the self becomes more important than the other person, conflict becomes inevitable. We can only hear ourselves. Our needs suddenly become more amplified, and nothing else matters but how we feel, what we want. It is so easy to slip back into that selfish state of mind, and how justified it felt at that point in time too.

And it feels liberating to feel like that sometimes. I have always lived my life for others, and allowed them to make me feel guilty for doing otherwise. Even till today. Many times, I have wanted to shed that selfless facade, that all forgiving nature, and scream my lungs out. I want to lash out at all those who have hurt me, and be that selfish bitch who cares only for herself.

I can hear myself screaming, but no one else can. I am too disciplined to let that happen. My upbringing has moulded me into a conformist.

And maybe that's why relationships are so much harder these days. We are in conflict not only with the person we are with, but with ourselves as well. The war we fight internally rages on, even during the good times. Because deep inside, we want to live for ourselves. We want to be ourselves. But in a relationship, the couple should always take precedent over the self for it to last, and hence the self has to be locked away in the depths of our heart.

It's for the greater good, they say.

Relationships are hard. They are a beautiful dream to possess, but a harsh reality to live in.

And for a person like myself, it may take me forever to come to terms with that.

The Ugly Truth

2009-09-13T01:24:00.003+08:00

I watched The Ugly Truth today, and found it to be surprisingly refreshing and hilarious. Although rated crass and even crude by some critics, this movie cuts painfully close to reality.

Gerard Butler plays a TV host who dishes out advice on dating, sex and relationships - and is brutally blunt about what men are looking for in a woman - tits and ass. In the show, he claims that men don't fall in love with personalities; they fall for what turns them on in the first instance. Men - according to his theory, cannot be trained. Their life lessons stopped at toilet training, and it's almost impossible to change or train them. They are simple, and their needs even more so.

He revealed many other interesting tidbits - which I suspect many women already know, but are in denial and refusing to accept as what he calls the "Ugly Truth". Men love a woman with sex appeal. They are adverse to control freaks. They don't really care for your problems. Women don't need self help books - they need a stairmaster to get them in shape so that men would look at them, admire their shapely curves and imagine what it would be like to bed them. Flirt, play games, pretend to be someone you're not, wear sexy clothes that capitalize on your assets - if you plan to snare the guy you want.

It's depressing I know - yet I hate to admit that the movie rings of so much truth. I have dated many men in my life, and maybe it's really my luck that 90% of the men I have met, kissed and dated, were exactly as what Gerard Butler has described in the movie. They are all visual creatures, loved to be seduced, not remotely interested in your sob stories, and would very much prefer to spend their time frolicking in bed then go picnicking in the park.

Some women may say that this only applies to the bad boys we tend to fall head over heels in love for. But somehow, I have this nagging feeling that it applies to all men. They are who they are, and probably this is exactly how they are wired. We just didn't want to believe it because our desire to be romanced by Mr Right outweighs our ability to comprehend that men is far more simpler than we think they are.

Like what my guy used to say,"The truth hurts, but it will set you free."

Inspired by Steve Santagati, author of "A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top".

Tribute for Michael Jackson, King of Pop

2009-06-26T22:46:00.003+08:00

BLACK OR WHITE

A,B,C - it's easy as

1-2-3

And here's a short story

That's oh so iffy

As a kid he

and his brothers jived

Together they were five

Almost instantly

An icon came to life

Imbruing the universe

Living his ideated lie

Diana Ross,

she's his ingle

Inwardly,

He wants to be her

The knife's cold

The incisions swift

His face rearranged

Just to look impish

Where the world used to

Illuminate

The MOONWALKER's night

Those colors have since

faded into purely BLACK OR WHITE

Neverland kids' finally drove

The final nail

Betrayed his love

and erected his tomb

So the issue now is

He's BAD

He's HISTORY

So BEAT IT

Just beat it

Starlitecafe's 10 Word Challenge: - icon - ideate - iffy - illume - imbrue - impish - incise - ingle - inward - issue

To Michael - the biggest star of all time.

Saving Charmaine Lim

2009-06-18T11:45:00.005+08:00

I was recently alerted to the case of Charmaine Lim, a 4-year-old girl who is suffering from neuroblastom , a most common form of cancer that afflicts young children. In Charmaine's case, the doctors discovered a tumor outside her liver on the lymph nodes and nerves - and other traces of cancer can also be found in her bone marrow.

At this point in time, Charmaine's mother, Cynthia (a single mum) is trying hard to raise funds for the girl's cancer treatment in the US - which will give Charmaine a 40-50% chance of survival. The drug used for this treatment is unfortunately only available in clinical trials, which means the Singapore hospitals have no access to it. If Charmaine continues to stay here for treatment, her chances for survival would be very slim.

The family is looking to raise USD 350,000 for the treatment - but as the amount is absolutely staggering (particularly in these times), their efforts in fund raising have been slow. I would like to appeal to anyone who is reading this to try and spread the message - and extend the beacon of hope to Charmaine and her family, who's trying their utmost to save her life

Apparently, her case has also been highlighted across various news platforms:

You can also visit her website at http://www.ourfeistyprincess.com/ and blog http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/ which details her illness and gives the latest updates on her current status (she just got out of the operating theatre today).

You can also read more about her illness and view her most recent photos in this powerpoint presentation.

If anyone of you would like to make a donation, please click here for instructions. Family and friends of Charmaine will also be organising various fund raising activities to help raise the money required for her treatment - which you can participate in if you would like to help out in ways other than donating money.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this - and just know that any form of help that you can give (fund raising, donation or simply spreading the word) - will go a really long way.

Have a good day.

everyone needs a slumdog

2009-02-25T20:44:00.004+08:00

it's a simple movie with no mindblowing effects

it's a simple story without the colourful villians we see in Gotham city

it's a simple man whom we would never have known if not for this movie

it's a group of simple actors quite unlike the stellar cast of Ocean's 12

it's shot in a simple country with no skyscrapers or fancy cars

but yet, despite this simplicity

it proved that it was no underdog

the Academy bestowed upon the film

the honour of 8 Oscars

the beauty of this recognition is hope

because the story goes

no matter who you are

no matter where you are from

no matter what you have (or don't have)

slumdog or underdog

dreams may come true after all

in times like these where everything seems to go wrong

everyone needs a slumdog

there's always a first time

2009-02-22T20:24:00.003+08:00

Artwork by *Nonnetta

i had my first job at 12

my first kiss at 13

I tried smoking at 14

and found out i hate nicotine

i found lipstick and perfume at 15

was a hot clubber by 16

held two jobs when i was 17

met my ex in poly at 18

at 19 i was hired by mtv

and saw my first celebrity at 20

went on the plane for the first time at 21

had an abusive relationship at 22

23 i stood crying in the rain

fell in love with someone three years younger at 24

had my first long distance relationship at 25

and my heart broken a year later at 26

started blogging at 27

promoted to manager at 28

graduated with 2nd upper class honours at 29

and met my future beau at age 30

he proposed when i was 31

and gave me a home at 32

i have yet to reach 33

so here i shall end my blog cv

there's always a first time for everything

and that's what make life

- so messy -

the book, the blog and the movie

2009-02-17T15:15:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time 4 years ago, I found a really cool book and bought it for a girl friend who was having boy problems.

Then I blogged about it here.

Now they have made it into a movie.

Maybe they will make it into a song soon.

Or a talk show. (Any takers - Oprah? Tyra? Ellen?)

All good things...

2009-02-16T20:41:00.004+08:00

...must come to an end.

Loyalty is underrated.

In a relationship, respect precedes love. Always.

Don't compromise. But if you do, live with it.

What goes around doesn't always come around. Sometimes it just disappears completely.

When things don't go your way, pray.

If death can solve all problems, nobody will be alive to see the solutions.

Nobody is perfect, but we can all learn to be a little less imperfect.

Life is never fair. Suck it.

The winner takes it all. That's a fact.

YOU should never be more important than ME.

I am not different. I am just unique.

== Random thoughts on random space ==

Artwork by ~kponge

The Long Awaited Update

2008-08-05T21:55:00.004+08:00

Image by SBA73

It's been almost three months since I last blogged. Thanks to those who dropped me sweet caring messages to find out how I was doing, especially Richard. I am good now - emotionally raw but stabilised.

So what has happened between my last blog and now? Thought I would give you guys a quick update:

1) I have not lost any weight. The ballooning weight is making me depressed. I think I should start starving.

2) I have just received a promotion. Before I was just managing marketing activities for the Singapore office, my portfolio has now been expanded to cover Malaysia, Thailand, Hong Kong and Greater China. That also means I get three direct reports now - which is fun! I love playing boss. :)

3) I am flying off to Bangkok tomorrow - but I doubt I have time to shop. My meeting schedule looks awfully tight. Might as well stay in the room...and read. Or I can go for a massage. Heard they are cheap and GOOD in Thailand.

4) I will be flying off to Tokyo (AGAIN!) the week after my Bangkok trip. Oh yes - back to my "jet-setting" days (as if)! This time I have allocated time to shop, eat, shop again, eat again, then shop, then eat...you get the idea. I can't wait... ii-desu-ka!

I just remembered that I have not posted the photos from my last Tokyo trip...I am indeed getting old.

Old, fat and forgetful. No wonder I am depressed.

5) Bought a new apartment some time ago - and the developers have finally finished building it. Got my keys recently and have been busy shopping for furniture and designing my dream flat. Now that killed 90% of my brain cells and definitely deserve a post on its own - which I hope I can get round to once I return from my business trips.

So there you go - a sneak preview of my exciting life.

Go ahead and envy me.

Frank Lee Speaking

2008-05-28T22:35:00.008+08:00

FRANK LEE - MAY 28, 2008

Today I lost another friend. I don't even know how he died. Some said it was a disease. Whatever it was, it was too sudden.

On May 12, 2008, Frank Lee added me as friend on Facebook. A couple of months before that, I bumped into him when I was out shopping. We chatted briefly - and I chirpily made one of those empty promises which now, I would never ever be able to fulfil. I said we should catch up for tea one of these days.

I really like Frank. He's your Mr Nice Guy - patient, kind, softspoken and caring. He's a bit of a geek - but he's always very pleasant to hang out with.

He was also my ex-colleague who had left the company barely a year ago. He is always smiling, always willing to help. He was such a bubbly and optimistic guy that we enjoyed teasing him. To us, he was "Frank Lee Speaking" (a pun on "frankly speaking"). Having worked with him for a while and interacted with him on a daily basis at work previously, his passing left me reeling with extreme shock...and a lot of pain.

In a fatal stroke, everything was taken away from him. His wife-to-be, his future, his career, his life, his family...and our tea date. News of his death drowned me like a tsunami, paralysing my senses. I wanted to deny it so badly. For once in my life, I want to live in this lie.

But the verdict is sickening and final. He's no longer around.

I feel my heart plunging to my stomach. The sense of loss is overwhelming. Why him? Why now? Why does it have to end this way? He was only 32.

Frank - I am so, so sorry. I wished we had met up for tea. I wished I had been more proactive and communicated with you more actively on Facebook. I wished I knew you more. I wished this wasn't real. I wished I was more of a friend than a colleague. I wished I could have done more.

But I know now no matter how hard I wish, you are gone forever. Once again, I was too late.

I really hate this.

Artwork by *Miss-Rita

ladies & gentlemen, this is my song

2008-04-21T15:38:00.003+08:00

Artwork by ~Blinnie

I was surfing the world wide web when I came across this guy named Jerry Herman who wrote a song called "I Am What I Am".

Sweet.

His lyrics are pretty apt - and maybe I am bias, but it does speaks of how I feel and how I view my life. Unfortunately I do not know how it sounds like, and some parts seem a bit gay. But what the heck. Enjoy.

I AM WHAT I AM

I am what I am, I am my own special creation
So come take a look, give me the hook or the ovation
It's my world that I want to have a little pride in
My world and it's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say, hey world
I am what I am

I am what I am, I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum, some think it's noise I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each feather and each spangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham 'til you can shout out loud
I am what I am

I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces
There's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say, hey world
I am what I am

10 Things Women Look For In A Man

2008-04-15T20:39:00.004+08:00

Artwork by *JacquiJax

It was on the morning show on radio today. The DJ was listing the 10 things women look for in a man, which includes normal stuff such as:

Is he generous?
Is he bitter about his past relationships?
Does he pay attention and listen to you, even when he is talking about himself?
Is he engaging?
Does he have a sense of humour?
How is he compared to her ex?

...and the list goes on.

Funny how such "most wanted" lists are always very one sided. A guy I once dated commented how girls are always checking the boys off their incredibly long "laundry" list. The criteria for their ideal man often runs the length of an expressway, and scales the height of the world's tallest skyscraper.

"So..." my date asked, "What do girls do to ensure that they are perfect in every way possible should their "ideal" guy come by one day?"

He continued, "I mean to be fair, if a girl expects so much of a man, she must look at herself first and go through the same mental checklist of what she should do to be the ideal woman for that perfect guy."

That really got me thinking. And I finally realise why the wise guys said that "the truth hurts, but it will set you free."

Women do expect a lot from their men. They want them to be strong and dependable, but yet be achingly romantic and emotionally sensitive to their needs. Their men gotta be financially dependent and preferably generous, with the ability to afford their lifestyles. They love smart guys who can engage them on an intellectual level, and who can say all the right things at the right time.

The wishlist of a typical woman goes on to describe someone who is well-groomed and good looking, fiercely loyal but yet, has a little naughty "bad boy" streak in him at the same time. He must have ambition and drive, knows when to shower tons of love upon her and when to back off and give her that breathing space that she desperately needs.

A peep into my girlfriends' wishlists for their "ideal man" reveals at least 75% of the criteria mentioned above. Some had even more specific requirements: "He must be at least 1.8m tall"; "He should at least have a university degree"; "He should come from a good family" ...yup, that list almost reads like a recruitment ad for a talent from Havard.

Which leads me back to my date's question: How many similar requirements would a woman fulfil on this perfect man's "recruitment" ad should he have one?

It's painful when the tables are turned upon you, isn't it?

You start to look at yourself and realise that you are not a boobsy supermodel with shapely legs up to her chest. Neither are you a fantastic cook with legendary culinary skills that can entrap any man's heart. You are probably stuck with an awfully boring job that will not offer many stimulating conversations between you and your ideal man. You graduated from a normal school with average grades and like all women, you are also probably emotional and often fraught with mood swings. You nag, complain and whine a lot - and you find it hard to forgive and forget, especially when he does you wrong. And more often than not, you may be more caught up with how you are feeling than how you are making him feel.

If the above sounds a lot like you, then maybe it's time to relook at your wishlist - and understand that every perfect man deserves a perfect woman. And if you are less than perfect, you need to be more realistic in the kind of man you are looking for.

Go for the intrinsic qualities which would make a man someone who is worthy of your love and devotion. Sometimes you might discover that for such a man, the wishlist might not even exceed three key criteria.

Every woman look for different things in their man. I can't tell you what your wishlist should look like, but what you can take away from today's post is - Start looking at the man-woman relationship from both sides of the toast: How you want to be loved, and how you want to love your man.

When you learn to develop a wishlist that is not purely one-sided, you will find that your ideal man is really not that hard to find.

my soccer jersey

2008-04-11T16:05:00.002+08:00

I must be really bored. I don't even watch the World Cup. The only thing I know about soccer is David Beckham, Michael Owen and Pele. So why the hell do I need a jersey?

But I love the number 33 and I thought it would look really cool on a soccer jersey.

Actually, what really got me all "excited" about this little boys' game was that I've been tasked to organise an inter-bank soccer tournament in May. The thought of 10 sweating men grunting and shoving each other on the field, trying to cajole a little black & white ball between the hairy legs of another grown man into a gaping net - is quite arresting indeed.

So with that powerful image in my mind, I went about my day selecting trophies that will embellish their win, and reaffirm their mastery of The Ball & The Net.

Then I tried to redesign the jersery, spending a brainless afternoon moving the tournament logo all over the shirt and trying to decide on the one perfect spot where it would look great, and not just "good". Yes, I am THAT anal.

With that out of the way, I decided to take a break from all that testosterone stuff and design my own cute jersery. Which leads us to the beginning of this blog entry.

I must be really bored.

it's been a long week

2008-04-06T01:20:00.002+08:00

..or rather a really long month.

too much work. not enough sleep. brain dead. feeling a little lost. and i think age has something to do with the way i feel.

physically and emotionally.

getting fat. metabolic rate is declining faster than the US stock market. energy levels at all time low. water retention. feeling bloated.

don't feel so good about myself. strange. I was never that self conscious. Somehow, people's remarks about how bad i look now are getting to me. I hate it and I am fighting it, but it's wearing me out.

sometimes i wish people will leave me alone.

People will always fail you...

2008-03-12T23:14:00.006+08:00

Artwork by ~DannyPhantomFreek

....and that's a fact.

I am surrounded by quitters. It's so disheartening that I can't even bring myself to talk about it.

I am not one to quit easily. I always believe that as long as we keep trying - things will work out the way we want it to. Having faith is so important - but I am slowly losing it. It's hard to cling on to faith when everyone seems to have no qualms hacking it away from you with their negativity and bitterness.

Can't help feeling defeated. And sad. I have never felt this sad for a long time. And the feeling of sadness - feels like a disease that eats away at your heart, bit by bit, until it finally stops beating and begins to rot and fester.

God am I tired.

Elvinalogy 4.0

2008-02-28T21:55:00.007+08:00

Time for more insights on Yours Truly. Speaking about time....check this one out. Snitched it from Richard's blog.

What Time of Day Are You?

You are 10:02 a.m.

You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy.

You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking.

You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.

I feel delicious already....

Which Movie Superhero Are You?

You're Superman

You sometimes feel like you're different from everyone else on the planet, but you don't mind, because you like these Earth people! You consider it your duty to keep them safe. Like Superman, you're comfortable wearing colorful, attention-grabbing outfits in public. If you see someone breaking the law, you'll swoop in and correct the problem. Your family, friends and coworkers appreciate how dependable you are, even if they don't realize the full extent of your powers.

I do feel like him sometimes. Expected to save the world, yet grossly undervalued. Why do people always take me for granted?

Failure

2008-02-27T21:18:00.007+08:00

Artwork by ~zurih

I came across an article recently which asked these interesting questions:

1. What would you do if you know that whatever you do, there will be absolutely no chance of failure?

2. What kind of challenges/risk would you take on knowing that the element of judgement is removed?

3. What is stopping you from pursuing this goal right now?

The fear of failure, as you can see, is an overwhelming force. It paralyses you - and hinders you from reaching your potential. It stops you from reaching from your dream. Most of all, it compromises who you are - so that you left with "who you could have been".

Now - they even have a name for this condition. Atychiphobia.

Would the fear of failure lead to more failures? Because missed opportunities may not come by again. Because the consequences of not taking the leap of faith may outweigh whatever you are trying to save yourself from. Because you only live once.

No one describes this state of mind better than Alexander Sergeievich Pushkin:

I've lived to bury my desires,
And see my dreams corrode with rust;
Now all that's left are fruitless fires
That burn my empty heart to dust

Heck. I could have so been a CSI.

memories of London

2008-01-30T00:06:00.000+08:00

As promised, here are the long awaited photos from my London trip. It's a really lovely place, and I would like to visit it again sometime. Haven't had that much time for sightseeing this time, which explains why I didn't take that many photos. :P

Click to view more photos from my London trip!

"The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express." ~ Francis Beacon, Sr.

Time Filler

2008-01-25T20:25:00.000+08:00

Artwork by =andaria

A girlfriend of mine asked me today: "What do you make of a guy who messages you every day, calls you up to chat every night, but never ask you out?"

"He's bored at that point in time, and is probably taking a break from whatever has been taking up his time before he called/messaged. In other words, I think you are his time filler." I rationalised.

So how do you tell when you someone is taking you as his time filler? Here are some tell tale signs...

1/ He calls you at his convenience - even it that means in the middle of the night.

2/ He is more caught up with updating you about his life than asking about yours.

3/ He hardly asks you out, but when he finally does, it's out of the blue when he's got nothing else on to distract him.

4/ When he's with you, he's only got one thing on his mind and it starts with S and ends with X.

5/ He wants you to understand when he is busy, but he kicks up a big fuss when you have no time for him.

6/ He wants to know who else you are seeing; but he keeps his dates a secret

7/ He says he misses you whenever he calls - but his calls are so infrequent you wonder if that was true.

8/ He calls you to chat when he is drunk.

The list goes on - but these are the ones I always hear about.

So ladies - if you don't wish to be taken as a time filler, recognise these signs and purge these men out of your life. They are toxic and detrimental to your emotional well-being.

You definitely deserve better.

My Resolutions for 2008

2008-01-19T11:19:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~Marendigell

Somehow I find it easier to achieve the gruelling KPIs of my work, then my yearly personal resolutions. It's as though I have taken myself for granted.

Fortunately for me, I am quite a goal-oriented person. Once I've set my mind on something, I will work towards gettting there. Maybe for personal goals, it will take me a while - but yeh, I will get there. :)

And here are my resolutions for 2008. Check back again with me at the end of the year - and we will do an audit of how far I would have come.

1. Exercise regularly.

I have been pretty sickly last year - and have been told by my numerous concerned friends that maybe I should get out into the sun more and move my lazy ass. Exercise helps improve blood circulation and sleep, boosts the immune system, and of course, keeps my ballooning weight in check.

I don't seem to have a choice if I want to reduce the number of days I have been on sick leave. So I resolve to take NO medical leave this year! <== Big Fat Hairy Resolution

On to the treadmill!

2. Lose 6 kg in 6 months.

This is an unfortunate consequence of not exercising at all whilst I was stuffing my face with food. I will write more about this in my next post - but for now, I need to cut off some fats at strategic parts of my body, gain and tone some muscles and stop looking pregnant. This practically means, Resolution (1) is necessary for the successful completion of Resolution (2).

Damn.

3. Blog regularly.

My blog seemed to be frozen in time in 2007. Yes, I admit I had other distractions - but that shouldn't be an excuse. I absolutely love writing. Blogging helps to keep that rhythm, and disciplines me to materalise my thoughts, opinions and emotions in words. It oils the writing engine and more often than not, reduces the down time - more commonly known as writers' block.

I want to be able to share like before and let my entries touch people in ways that I might not be able to do so in person. But most of all, I don't want to stop writing and lose sight of the one true passion of my life.

4. Make a will

Life is so fleeting - and totally unpredictable. I see people dying around me every day, and the fatalistic part of me sometimes wonder when will I be next to go. You would never know, would you?

So I was thinking, if I do expire one day, I want to leave behind a legacy to bless those whom I care about. When there's a will, there's a way.

How corny.

5. Develop the outline of my book.

That's pretty achievable, don't you think? I have to start somewhere you know - and writing that very first chapter seemed even harder than conquering Mount Everest. It seems that many writers are inflicted with this numbing disease called Writophobia - the fear of writing because one feels the finished work will never be good enough.

I figured if I start working on the outline of my book and list the topics/chapters that I would be writing on, the next step to writing that first chapter would be less daunting.

Or am I deluding myself?

6. Clear my debts.

Credit cards - the bane of all evil. I want to be debt free - or at least credit card debt free by end of 2008. Banks are legitimate loansharks. They seduce you to take their products, entice you to use them regularly (for everything and anything), and blind you with all sorts of promotions and member privileges. And suddenly, you are totally duped into using the money that you don't have in the first place.

Behind the scenes, they start to pile up the interests, which escalate every month to alarming levels. And before you know it, you are neck high in a pile of shit and gotta try to stay afloat and not to drown in the tsunami of bills.

So I am getting meself a mighty pair of scissors to cut away those plastics the moment I cleared the shit out of them. That's what me gonna do.

7. Start saving.

The lack of savings is an unfortunate consequence of servicing credit card debts. Which means Resolution (7) is dependent on the successful completion of Resolution (6). Don't you just hate it when your resolutions overlap like this?

I want to be able to put aside a significant amount of savings each month. I want to be less dependent on plastics and loans and have a healthy amount of cashflow. I want to fatten my bank account and be able to swim in wads and wads of bills.

Well I can dream, can't I?

So there we have it - seven simple resolutions for the new year. Nothing fanciful - but extremely significant to me. I am hesitant to have more than seven resolutions because as it is, it takes a hell lot of determination and discipline just to achieve one. I am being Ms Realistic here - so that I will not be driving myself insane just to tick a laundry list of resolutions off my checkbox.

Now - what are YOUR resolutions for 2008?

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” ~ James Agate

happy birthday to me

2008-01-10T11:38:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~polawat

one year older
one year none the wiser
forget the candles
scrap the cake
less is more, remember?

from girl to woman
like a flower blossomed
what's innocence
where I'm from
it's literally non-existent

so it's another year
another day
another reminder
oh, come what may

so much love today
i feel faint
greetings poured in
like summer rain

well my friends
thank you for everything
life's been great
absolutely divine
almost heavenly
so just for today
happy birthday
to me

christmas in London

2007-12-21T04:29:00.000+08:00

Yes - I am in London!

I have been invited by my HQ to visit the London office - and meet up with my marketing counterparts. It was also a perfect opportunity for me to attend our company's Christmas party that's happening in about 30 minutes time. I am blogging from the members' area at the Natural History Museum - a gorgeous work of art - where the black tie event is being held.

Here's a sneak peek of this awesome architecture and the lovely skating rink outside it.

London is freezing cold right now - and the average temperature in the night time hovers between 0 to 2 degrees.

But it's great fun and absolutely quaint - and the weather...mmm..it is a wonderful change from the hot and humid Singapore. Just last night, I took a stroll down Oxford Street with a cup of warm steamed milk in one hand, and shopping bags in the other.

I will put up some more pictures when I am back.

Meanwhile, for all my friends in Hotel Solace - Happy holidays and have a blessed Christmas.

I Am Not Going To Think About Her

2007-11-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

Break ups are hard - and I have seen different people cope in different ways. This guy however, has a really unique way of doing it. Extremely creative too. I totally dig the script.

If you are going through a similar situation now, nurse your heart ache by watching this clip. Even if it can't heal you, I hope it would at least bring a smile to your face.

However, if you are the one dying to get away, this dude gives you tips on How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend in 64 Easy Steps.

I am beginning to think he may need a psychologist to untie all the knotted angst.

For more of his wit, humor and cynicism, check out his webpage - Tales of Mere Existence.

Quirky.

my world of warcraft

2007-11-18T15:14:00.000+08:00

Thought I would show you guys an example of what I do on World of Warcraft. The little gnome -Sheerlock - in pink ponytails is me - killing an elite dragon boss with nine other members from my guild, each with different special abilities and powers.

Have fun viewing!

the three questions

2007-11-15T11:17:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~sora-ko

Once upon a time, there was a king, who is quite a philosophical man. He had three burning questions on his mind, which he had no answers to. The three questions were:

1. Who is the most important person in the world?
2. What is the most important thing to do in the world?
3. When is the most important time to do it?

The questions were posed to his ministers, but none, including his wise sages, could give him the answers he was seeking. Feeling frustrated, the king decided to venture out of the palace and take a walk in town.

As night began to close in, the king decided to put up at a little hut, situated on the outskirts of town. The hut was owned by a hospitable old man who lived alone.

In the middle of the night, the king was awakened from his deep slumber by a loud commotion. Someone was banging hard at the door and shouting for help. The King got up just in time to see the old man opening the door. A young man came rushing in, his clothes torn and stained with blood. More blood was dripping down his forehead and his eyes were filled with desperation and fear.

The young man begged the old man to shelter him from his pursuers, who were hot on his heels. Without another word, the old man agreed and quickly hid the young man out at the back in a shack, where it was dark and isolated. Not long after, soldiers came storming into the house, demanding to know if the old man has seen anyone passing through his grounds.

The old man denied and feigned ignorace, and the soldiers left him to continue their manhunt. The young man finally came out of his hiding place, washed and cleaned up his wounds, thanked the old man and went on his way.

The King was stupefied at what unfolded before his eyes, but kept his composure. The next morning, he asked the old man:

"Why did you agree to help the young man last night? Why did you not even bother to find out who he was? What has he done? Or where is he going?"

The old man look the king in the eye and replied:

"The most important person in the world is the one who needed your help most. The most important thing to do is to offer whatever assistance you can in his time of need. And the most important time to do it is right then and there - immediately."

The king was stunned for a moment, and it finally dawned on him that the answers he has been searching for for so long, were actually right before his eyes. The old man had taught him the most important lesson he needed to know.

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself." ~ Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642)

enough is enough

2007-11-11T16:57:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~RusRed

why is it so
when things go wrong
the burden to bear
is always mine
and when i've done right
you, not me
are the one who shine

maybe i am easy
maybe i don't mind
but maybe, just maybe
you think i'd be fine

why does one think
when friendship ends
they play no part
in the tragedy
and when pain sets in
it's all me
who caused the misery

maybe i am innocent
maybe i am nice
maybe, just maybe
i look like the bullying kind

enough is enough
betrayal is finite
take your curses
and beat it
get the hell outta my life

your vile intentions
your malicious lies
enough is enough
good riddance
and goodbye

i am back

2007-11-08T00:36:00.000+08:00

it's been a while, a long while. i guess the chaotic pace of my work and other distractions - didn't help either.

i was also going through a writer's block. i stared for hours on this screen, trying to pen my thoughts but i couldn't.

not too long ago, i typed in Blogger's URL, but i was blocked. couldn't figure out why. since i have nothing i wanted to update, i gave up trying to log in.

then came one mail. then two. then a couple more.

friends of this blog started writing me, asking me if i am ever going to blog again. people i don't know emailed me telling me how my blog has impacted them in ways i cannot understand. long lost readers messaged me to say they missed my posts. everywhere i turn, someone will remind me of Hotel Solace.

and i have to say -- i am indeed very touched. i am sorry i have been gone for so long. i do want so much to touch lives again, and i hope i can still remember how to do it.

i have retreated into a space that doesn't need me to feel that much -- and that helped brought some stability and sanity back into my otherwise dysfunctional life. for a while, this blog has been that hotel solace for me, and many others. but the emotions that checked in here daily were mostly raw, and very, very real. i needed a solace of my own and i found it interestingly, by not blogging.

but it feels good ...to be back.

it feels wonderful to know u guys are still checking in.

and it feels liberating to be able to crack the stupid privacy code that's preventing me from logging into blogger.

and yes, i do miss you too.

Got this in my email today...

2007-06-15T13:39:00.000+08:00

I should be feeling cheesed off, but on the contrary, i found it really amusing. Made me smile at least.... =)

==========================================================================

This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Alright girls. Repost this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, repost it.

Men, repost this because you have balls.

bad tidings

2007-05-22T21:10:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking about many things.

God. People. Love. Hate. Faith. Truth. Reality. Friendship. Work. Life.

I get overwhelmed sometimes by the many things I know, the stories I hear, the actions I see. Sometimes I wish I wasn't aware...it would make life much easier.
I guess there's a reason for everything - but I am not sure at this point what it is, or what it was.

It has been an emotionally charged period - not so much for me, but for many of my friends. People I like, people whom I am fond of, people who I truly care about. I see and hear so much pain over the last few months, it felt almost like my own.

They came to me - pouring their heart and soul out - seeking comfort, a listening ear or for some, maybe even a resolution. I don't have all the answers - and the burden of truth weighs so heavily on me some times, I am not sure what advice to give anymore so that I would not come across as merely paying lip service.

The stories unfolded with heartwrenching scripts. Depressing to say the least.

A woman who married her first boyfriend 20 years ago picked up her divorce papers today. A victim from years of child abuse, she is now undergoing treatment for manic depression. Her husband found love in the arms of a nightclub hostess recently and left her in shambles, in debt and in a big freaking mess. Of course, the plot goes much more complicated than that, but it takes a very cold, unfeeling heart to do what he has done to my friend.

Someone who I hold very dear lost her baby last week. I couldn't hug her cos she wouldn't allow me near her. I understand she needed time alone, but it kills me inside knowing that she is going through hell alone without me by her side.

My colleague had a nervous breakdown. I have always known him as a happy-go-lucky, optimistic and highly positive guy. I learnt once again not to judge a book by its cover when I saw the despair in his bloodshot eyes. No one knew but me. I wrote him a note to encourage him for I know not how else to help.

A casual chat with an ex-colleague last week led to yet another counselling session. This time, money was the key perpetrator. Her desperation to have a better life for her family streamed down her face, and scorched my heart like acid. I could only listen - helplessly.

There were more, and I try my best to take each one as they come. I listen. I speak with deliberation, tip-toeing over the raw sensitive areas. I offer my most sincere empathy, and whatever help within my means. But the obstacles surged like towering infernos, consuming and destroying everything within sight, and I felt nothing I do could put out the raging flames.

I keep wondering why people come to me, even strangers - unloading their baggage and sad tidings with ease and trust, even though they know they may walk away with nothing to gain from me. Most of the time I can offer nothing more than me - and my time.

I couldn't stop anything from happening.

And I'm sorry I couldn't help more than I wanted to. I have never felt more helpless than I am now.

a unique farewell note

2007-05-11T15:51:00.000+08:00

My marketing executive is leaving today. As his manager, I need to do the necessary note to the whole office to announce his departure. Wanting to avoid the run-of-the-mill type of thank you and goodbye letters, I decided to send a press release in the spirit of Marketing.

Totally cracked everyone up. Here it is for your reading pleasure.

XX MARKETING DIVISION SUFFERS RECORD LOSS

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MAY 10, 2007

The marketing division of XX suffered its greatest loss ever with the resignation of its Marketing Executive, Benjamin Tan Ande. Benjamin, 25, will be grazing on greener pastures over at leading global financial services provider ABC Bank to purse a high-flyer career in banking.

"I don’t know what to feel. As his manager, I am absolutely devastated to see him go, but as his friend, I am happy to know he’s scaling greater heights," said Rena Tan, XX’s marketing manager, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Benjamin joined XX as a marketing executive in Nov 2006, and was responsible for rolling out various marketing and events initiatives including HTML mailshots, career seminars and other strategic media partnerships. He was also instrumental in developing many long term strategic partnerships and alliances with many educational institutions and corporate associations.

Well loved and pampered by many ladies in the office (including office auntie), his departure was a great shock to the company.

One of his greatest fans, Elicia Loo expressed her deep sorrow when she heard the news. "He is such a pleasant, humble, responsible and down-to-earth boy who has no qualms about helping anyone out – that’s what I feel. I am very sad to see him leave."

"Aiya, I will miss him very much one, how?" the office auntie lamented.

Christina Ng from the banking and finance division almost choked on her Merlot upon receiving the news last night at Novus’ launch party. However, she managed to regain her composure and chirped positively, "Can’t believe he is going ABC Bank but not through us! But we still love him nonetheless as he will be giving us a phone list once he is there. =) But seriously, he has been such a proactive and hardworking guy, will miss him."

His lunch kaki and good buddy Jeremy Loy was spotted sobbing in the pantry. He said chokingly,"Benjamin is a cheerful, responsible person. I will no longer have his company for lunch any more. This is such tragic news!"

When asked about how he feels about abandoning the happy family at XX, the wildly popular Benjamin said with quivering lips,"I feel sad to leave the company because of the people who have treated me so well over the course of 6 months. I will be forever grateful for this company for providing me this memorable experience. On the other hand, I am looking forward to starting my career in the finance industry."

Benjamin’s last day with XX is May 11, 2007. He would be making his rounds and accepting hugs, kisses and fan mail from all well-wishers.

The good people at XX wish Benjamin all the best in his future endeavours and would like him to know that he will be dearly missed.

For more details on this groundbreaking news, please contact the Benjamin Tan Helpline at ext. 289. Counselling will be provided for distraught employees.

- ENDS -

sheerlock

2007-03-17T00:23:00.000+08:00

sheerlock

just want to update some of you that i am already a level 70 warlock
in the World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade.

And this is how cute i am.

be afraid.

be very afraid.

Men Are Just Happier People

2007-03-06T15:47:00.000+08:00

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never get pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Hell, you can wear NO shirt
to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. You never have
to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress: $5000.00. Tux rental: $100.00.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is not only appreciated by your friends, but practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

oxymoron?

2007-02-24T01:41:00.000+08:00

Artwork by~ditz

Went to check out Singapore's midnight shopping campaign today, and saw this cute red baby tee with these words on it.

I can resist anything but temptation

This actually stopped me in my tracks, and I couldn't help but wonder how the writer came up with this neat but extremely baffling quote.

So simple but yet so complicated. Just like humans.

have an oinky new year

2007-02-17T10:06:00.000+08:00

it's chinese new year again. the time where many chinese families gather to usher in a new year, and the animal zodiac that trails along with it.

2007 is the year of the golden pig. for those who are not familiar with chinese cultures, there are 12 animals in the chinese zodiac. for the last 12 years, it has been the "golden" years. the year of the golden rat, the golden cow, the golden tiger etc. the piggy is the last animal in the chinese zodiac, and we have hence reached the last of this golden safari cycle, which only happens once every 50 years.

today is chinese new year eve - where traditionally families, relatives, close friends will come together and have a great big feast which is termed endearingly - The Reunion Dinner.

to me, it's a weird concept to reunite only once a year, especially if you don't bother to stay in touch for the rest of the 364 days, or for leap years - 365 days.

but the chinese has this problem about culture. they no longer want to understand the reasons and logic behind the things they do. they simply do it because it has been so for years.

like the one time my mum insisted that my dad should be reincarnated by now. i am a Christian, so reincarnation is not something I believe in. But since she is so adamant, I nodded absent-mindedly, not in agreement but rather, to indicate that I've heard her interesting assumption.

come his death anniversary in Oct, she demanded that I buy the food and drinks that he used to like, and offer the feast to 'him' at the crematorium where his ashes was held. It puzzled me so much that I had to ask.

"Didn't you just said a couple of months ago that Dad has reincarnated? So why would he still be there to eat the stuff that I bring?" I questioned.

She shot back,"His soul is still there. You got to get him the food so that he would not go hungry."

"He only eats ONCE A YEAR?" I can feel my eyebrows arching all the way to my hairline. "If he was reincarnated, how could his soul still be there?"

Mom was unrelentless. "He was reincarnated, but his soul remains there."

i give up. there's no way anyone can win this argument.

back to chinese new year, i am taking her out for reunion dinner tonight. I hope she likes the food.

call me cynical, but chinese new year has lost all its meaning for me since relatives stop acknowledging our existence the day dad passed away. everyone's scared of being associated with us, for fear we would burden them with our impending poverty.

i guess that's what made me so headstrong. so determined to push on with life. so extremely feministic - like what someone would say of me.

cos I had no one except myself. and i have to be the best i can be. because when the whole world turns you away, you have no choice but to stick it out alone. so that i can keep my head up, and breathe a bit better.

and here i am, surviving yet another year, cos i managed not to crash. it's not a miracle, it's a blessing.

have an oinky new year.

happy v-day

2007-02-13T15:55:00.000+08:00

“There are more people who wish to be loved

than there are who are willing to love.”

Je t'aime

2007-02-08T23:23:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~runversaillies

Sometimes people amaze me with what they come up with. Maybe I am ignorant or plain naive. I thought gadgets are created primarily to improve one's life, make things better, faster, easier.

Some jokers in this world obviously took this definition to a much higher level and gave us new toys that serve their intended purposes, in a kind of warped way.

Fretting about what to get your man this Valentine's? Check this out.

1. Gentleman's Ball Scratcher

For the days when your own hands are just not precise enough, the Gentleman's Ball Scratcher is in the shape of a delicate female hand, for those hard to reach places. The 9 inch handle provides excellent extra length to help get around difficult obstacles (beer bellies, old pizza, empty beer cans etc.) and provide the relief so many crave...

This quality silverware utensil is dishwasher safe, and has a stain resistant surface.

2. Face Arse Scented Soap

Now that's an idea! You SHOULD really be using a separate soap for your arse.

3. Inflatable Wife

Fancy a wife in a happy meal box? The inflatable wife is a low maintenance partner for a stress free and easy life. Blow her up and she's yours - forever. Until she bursts, that is.

4. Potty Putter Toilet Golf Game

For the Golfer who just can’t get enough –Introducing the toilet-time game for the avid golfer Lets you practice your putting on the loo! If your a golfer who can't get enough practice time, then potty putter is for you.Now you can sink putts where no one else has sunk them before.

The potty putter comes complete with a mini putting green made from the same professional carpet found at miniature golf courses, a Cup with a Flag, 2x Golf Balls, a Putter and a 'do not disturb' door hanger.

Potty putter makes a great gift item for the devouted golfer and for those looking to improve their putting while they are potting in the loo.

So - what will you be doing on V-day?

Guts & Balls

2007-02-02T11:39:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~pupazzoso

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

Real people. Real questions. Real answers. Share what you know.

da gripe sheet

2007-01-19T19:57:00.000+08:00

I must say this is really funny. Stole it from Mindosara's blog - who stole it from someone else's - who possibly snitch it from another mouse and so on and so forth. There's absolutely no more integrity left in the blogging world.

Anyway, have a good laugh.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.

S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for the last..

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Ha Ha Ha

10 Ways To Feel Good About Your Life

2007-01-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

Artwork by wojtar

Many times in my life I come across people who are always finding fault with themselves, with their lives, with people around them and with the world at large. Happiness seems to elude them, and they may even feel guilty or undeserving if something good happens to them, simply because life hasn't been all that fair to them since they came into existence.

You may laugh, but it's a real social problem. Not being a sexist here, but women tend to exhibit this fatalistic trait more than men. Maybe because we are emo creatures, or maybe throughout tradition, we have always been subconsciously reminded that we are the weaker sex, physically, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically and whatever-terms-they-can-come-up-with-ly.

Gender aside, it is getting quite common to feel small and not-so-good about oneself in today's world. Intense competition, higher living of standards, dynamic environments and rapid changes in lifestyle and technology can give rise to an acute sense of uncertainty.

Even some of the most confident men I know will show this vulnerable feeling of inadequacy from time to time, even without them realising it. The tell tale signs are evident in their words, their responses and attitude towards certain issues in life, work, family and personal relationships.

Personally, I used to be a worry-wart and had tendencies of putting myself down too. Like many people, sometimes I feel that I am just "not good enough". It took many unpleasant and drastic incidents in my life to eventually realise that I do not want to ever die with regrets, or feeling unworthy.

Who is the best judge of myself, except me? The best way to live a damn miserable life is to be your own's worst critic. Is there one good reason why we are so hard on ourselves? Is there any human being whom we need to impress so much that we willingly lose our identity and sense of pride in order to gain their supereme approval? Do I want to live my life and be happy living it, or do I want to live a life that others expect of me, so that they can be happy watching me wallowing in misery?

In short, do I really care about these people's opinions or should I be more concerned about who I am and could potentially be?

I don't know about you, but for me - yesterday was over and today will be tomorrow the next day. I cannot live my entire life pleasing everyone, and waste each and every day pondering what I could have done to be better, smarter, richer, prettier and more popular. If something happens to me tomorrow, all I can reflect on my life's CV is - "I feel lousy all my life."

It scares me just thinking about it - having nothing to be happy about or to feel good about.

I came across these 10 tips below recently on how to feel good about your life, and was pretty amused to see that I have actually started to live my life as illustrated in the points below. I believe I am now a person with tons and tons of happy little things to add into Elvina's Life C.V. - and if anyone was to take a peek at it, it will be filled with good memories, funny mistakes, shocking blunders, naughty encounters and horrible experiences. The most important takeaway will be that every single incident recorded in there - is worth celebrating.

Well, if you have not fallen asleep by now, I am sure you can take that extra step to stop feeling shitty, and start feeling good about yourself and your life. Here's how:

1. Never stop questioning. Every time you feel frustrated with a task, ask yourself, "How does this task fit in with my ultimate goals?" "How can I do this better, faster, easier, simpler, and even more fun?"

2. Don't give up on life. Be interested and curious about yourself and about others. Don't assume that's "just the way it is". Look for the choices behind your results.

3. Accept your weakness. Don't deceive yourself by thinking you're the only one with difficulties in their life. Everybody has them (yes, everybody!). Instead of spending your time and energy trying to "overcome" your weakness, make friends with it and make it work for you.

4. Don't stop learning. The brain is a muscle just like any other, and it will stagnate if you let it. Make it your rule to learn something new every day. Then USE what you learn to make your life better.

5. Expect nothing; expect the best. Paradox? No. It just means that you don't want to miss out on what's wonderful in your life right now, while you spend all your time peeking around the next corner.

6. Don't lie to yourself. Telling lies to yourself is the most harmful form of disrespect. Write out ways in which you are untruthful to yourself, and how to correct it. "I will no longer pretend that overspending my budget is ok".

7. Do plant what you want to grow. Many many people are (figuratively) wondering where the roses are in their life, yet they spend all their time planting and nourishing weeds. You reap what you sow. That's just the way it is.

8. Don't live in the past. Let go of things that are draining you. There's nothing in the past that you can change or correct -- that can only be done in the present. Use Today. Today, change what you need to change, and move on to feeling good about your life.

9. Swim with the current. Don't waste your time complaining about what you can't control - like other people. Concentrate on what you CAN control, Like who you Hug, what you Read, when you SMILE, how much you Laugh, where you Go, what you Do, what you Think about.

10. Stand like a Rock. You know what's right for you - be willing to stand up for what's right for you.

.... and that pretty much kind of sums me up too!

“Aim for success, not perfection.
Never give up your right to be wrong,
because then you will lose the ability to learn new things
and move forward with your life.”

10 jan

2007-01-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~ShandyRp

...i am one year older on this day.

i am busy as ever, but i am a happier girl now as compared to 10 years ago. thank you all for you well wishes, your sms-es, your gifts, your loving words and your company.

it's been great having all of you in my life. and i seriously think that is what's keeping moi alive till this very day.

there will be many more 10 jan to come, and i wish you will be there with me when it does. and every year on this special day, i am reminded of how blessed i am to have friends like you.

and that's the best present i can ever have.

"It's lovely, when I forgot all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me." ~ Ellen Glasglow

Not Just A Dream

2007-01-02T03:50:00.000+08:00

the invitation

WriteClique reached its 100th member a couple of weeks ago. Keeping to my promise, I organised a small get together for the writers who were in town on Dec 21 @ the Mint Museum of Toys, tucked away in a li'l corner at Seah Street.

If you like vintage and mint toys, this is one place you've got to check out. The Mint Museum of Toys showcases a world class collection of rare toys that span more than 25 countries and over 10o years. Housed in a sleek and contemporary five-storey building, these beautiful toys, dolls, characters, planes and robots rekindle feelings of nostalgia and bring you not only back in time, but also a fond smile on your face.

The Inaugural WriteClique Event was highly successful. All but one who RSVPed came. I made name tags with the WriteClique logo for everyone so that we can easily remember each other's names without having to struggle with the embarrassment that may follow should a particular name slip our minds! (I am very prone to that memory loss!)

A'zone kindly sponsored writing pads as doorgifts for everyone - so that they can start scribbling their thoughts on them.

I really had a great time meeting everyone - and I am sure the rest did too. We spent so much time learning about one another, how we caught the bug for writing, sharing our past, our present and for some of us - our future too.

We talked about everything under the sun - from military aircrafts to 50,000-word thesis, authors of great books, jobs, dreams, aspirations, eco-friendly movements, grizzly bears and foolhardy croc hunters, crappy novels, wines, ghost stories, vegans and mad-cow disease, free falling fruits and so much more!

It felt like we were never going to run out of topics to talk about. Enthusiasm level was perpetually high. Of course, there was also the museum tour by the Operations Manager Randolph, who took us into an entirely whole new world. He patiently recounted the origins of Tin Tin toys, golliwogs, Betty Boop, Bruce Lee and Beatles figures and all the other interesting trivia behind each and every vintage and mint toy in there.

We also played a li'l creativity game - where the members unfortunately did not rank too high on the creativity scale! Haha...

My score was a 9/12. Most of them had a 6 or less. Seems like they need to work harder to break out of their comfort zone and do something different and radical, which usually helps to force someone to become more creative.

The writers enjoyed each other's company so much that we proceeded to a cafe for late night supper and drinks to continue our chats. We were talking and joking away as if we knew each other for the longest time - and all the candid banter made the event really memorable.

And speaking of memorable, WriteClique was actually the FIRST group to ever hold an event within the museum. So we have made history just being there that night! :)

The WriteClique forum started off as a dream. Every little step I take brings me and my humble dream that little bit closer to reality.

And that's good enough for me.

"The key to happiness is having dreams....

and the key to success is making dreams come true."

Elvinalogy v3.0

2007-01-02T01:07:00.000+08:00

more windows to my soul perhaps?

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people.
Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others.
You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others.
You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

and last but not least....

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read.
Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

optimist or pessimist?

2007-01-01T17:27:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~Expiration

an optimist stays up late until midnight to see the new year in.

a pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

me?

i stay up late because i couldn't sleep. as always.

happy 2007.

year in rewind

2006-12-31T03:51:00.000+08:00

Photo by mjagiellicz

one more day to 2007. how time flies. literally. it's like a super jet powered with accelerated turbo engines speeding into yet another zone leaving many people, many memories and many histories behind.

2006 was an interesting year.

Thailand ousted its President in a bloodless coup. Its people are now more frustrated than before.

Singapore chose its ruling party in a highly controversial - and perhaps - the most amusing election ever.

Saddam was executed. Not without the sacrifice of many lives, of course.

I got a new job - which took up much of my time because I have to pick up everything from scratch. New colleagues, new environment, new nuances that come with the work.

But among all these things that are flitting by every day, 2006 to me, is nothing more than a year of great expectations and emotions.

2006 is a year of many broken-hearted souls. much tears and sadness. loss of self worth. extreme disappointment. women i know are going through so much pain everywhere i turn.

they are beautiful and strong in spirit. they are smart and make fantastic conversationalists. all of them have lots of love to offer and are big hearted towards friends and families too.

why is it then that they keep meeting men who are either stringing them along, making excuses for not wanting to commit, blowing hot and cold, or bailing out on them when these girls need them most?

what is wrong with the men? they keep respawning, like the mobs in World of Warcraft. No amount of hellfire can get rid of them.

and the girls keep falling and waltzing around these guys - wishin' & hopin' they will come round one day and accept them.

meanwhile, the guys have moved on. with another life. another woman. another world. another time. they will entertain you from time to time, but that's about it.

many men told me before that if a guy really loves someone, he will go all out for her. there is no need to tap dance around a guy to make him like you. but i see the girls gorging their hearts out to men who trample on them callously and leave them out in the cold to be devoured by wolves. i can't help feeling pained.

the girls say i am a distrusting cynic. talking to me is depressing because i seemed to diss and have nothing good to say about the men in their lives. the very same men whom i predicted are not serious about them and will break their fragile hearts if they don't walk away - fast. somehow, my blunt comments suddenly became self-fulfilling prophecies?

or was i only being perceptive and intuitive, having had so many bad relationships in the past that i can profile any type of man based on the kind of girl he goes for, the things he say, the actions that follow and his thought processes - just like what an FBI criminal profiler would do to identify his UNSUB (also known as unknown suspect).

i pick up all these obvious clues almost instantaneously and can almost map out the next steps these guys are going to say or do. it tortures me as much to see them actually doing the things to my friends as i said they would. this would be the one time in my life i really hate to be right.

but i don't deny i am a cynic, and i may be wrong at times. i may be unforgiving, unrelenting and insensitive. i may be critical and judgemental. but my intentions are not to hurt you but to keep you away from what i perceive is harm.

people ask me for advice. they confide in me. they want my opinions. i am not sure how much of those they can take - because the truth always hurts.

so i am beginning to say less, and just listen more. that's why God gave us a pair of ears and only one mouth, isn't it? i just can't offer anything more than my absolute honesty, and how i truly feel. i don't want to lie to make you feel good. and if i am a cynic, that's because i am who i am, and i survived till today with that mentality so i think i have a good reason to be one.

you can ask me again how I feel 50 years down the road, and my answer will still be the same. they are just not worth it if they cannot return your love. but if i cannot convince you that you are more important than the man who does not care about your heart, the day will come when i will tell you - please just do what you want if it takes that to make you really, really happy.

they used to say time and tide waits for no man.

i wanna say to you - it will definitely NOT wait for any woman.

it sucks. but that's life. leave your baggages behind. things that have passed should stay in the past.

happy new year and move on.
it's 2007 already.

2006-12-26T14:12:00.000+08:00

a talent showcase

2006-12-11T19:27:00.000+08:00

i love christmas. very much indeed. it's the season for giving, loving and forgivin'. though i feel we should be doing these anyway no matter when or where, but i guess the peace and joy exuded by the spirit of Christmas - somehow made it easier to do so.

i have a very talented girlfriend who makes beautiful jewellery for the modern and stylish ladies. she impresses me a great deal because each of these 'precious' are crafted and exquisitely put together with a lot of thought, creativity, passion and time. i for one, have toes for my fingers. i would probably destroy anything delicate or dainty that comes my way.

yup. i am a ruffian - and i can't do anything about it.

but this girl (her name's Dorothy by the way), she's a gem herself. i would like to use this blog of mine to showcase her amazing work and if any of you out there are looking for special Christmas and birthday gifts for ladies, sisters, mums, colleagues, lovers, girlfriends, wives or your potential 'targets" - this collection would make a very unique and thoughtful gift as it is handmade - with lots of love. :)

If you like what you see, please drop Dorothy Lee a note at clardot@gmail.com.

Broaches and Bracelets

B01 - To Paris with Love Cameo brooch with an eiffel tower charm makes your girl feel like she has just stepped off the streets of Paris. ~ S$15

B02: Eternity
Girly gold bracelet with painted rose pearl and gorgeous crystals, perfect for that Christmas party. ~ S$25

B03: The Royal Charm
Gorgeous three strand yellow and rose gold bracelet intertwined with bronze and white pearls, topped with a garnet red and white crystal charm. ~ S$35

B04: Perfect in Black
A black and gold bracelet with a chinois twist for that little black dress. ~S$25

B05: Forget Me Knot
A beautiful gold Chinese frog button adds a touch of chinois chic to this bracelet. ~ S$25

B06: Rock My World
Pair this rock chick bracelet with jeans and t-shirt for a look that screams Stylish! ~ S$25

B07: Midnight Blue
Wearing black and blue has never been so cool. ~ S$20

B08: Pretty In Pink
This fuchsia and baby pink jade bracelet will bring out the sweet gal in you. ~ S$30

B09: Ocean of Dreams

Faux pearls the colour of the ocean and an anchor charm to remind you of that dream cruise getaway. ~ S$20

Earrings

ER01: The Oriental Breeze
The exquisite fan charm adds a touch of sophistication to this pair of earrings. ~ S$15

ER02: Distinctively Yours
This lovely rose gold pair with random splashes of black and white pearls will definitely garner you many envious glances. ~ S$15

ER03: Asian Fusion
A perfect marriage of emerald, fushia and hot pink. Definitely eye-catching. ~ S$10

ER04: Key To My Heart
A unique combination of different textures makes this pair so hard to resist. ~ S$18

Er05: All That Glitters
This pair adds a touch of elegance to that gorgeous gown. I love this so much that I made a pair for myself. ~ S$18

Bag Charms

BC01: Flyin' Free
A pretty glass butterfly and red rose bead make this bag charm so unique. ~ S$25

BC02: Emerald Dreams
Jazz up your bag with this emerald faux pearl and crystal strand charm. ~ S$25

BC03: Snow White
This is my favourite bag charm. I love its pure colours of white, champagne and gold. ~ S$29

BC04: Simply Me
A touch of simplicity with elegance and style . ~ S$25

Necklaces

N01: Aphrodisiac
A beautiful shell pendant choker for that candlelight dinner by the beach. ~ S$27

N02: Sexbomb
Draw attention to a plunging neckline with a splash of emerald, fuchsia and gold. ~ S$27

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

These items are all available and will be made upon request. Dorothy's the master jewel crafter you should be looking for and she will take all queries and orders at clardot@gmail.com.

gotta take a break...

2006-12-08T01:54:00.000+08:00

...it's been two hectic months. never knew i could be so busy. came back and crashed every night - too tired to think, eat, write or do anything else.

it's time for a break...and i m going off to Bali tommorow.

office retreat...so well..a free trip is always good.

packed my ipod, a crime thriller and some dvds. gonna chill and rest, and sleep and tan. i will be back soon so please stick ard.

dorothy, if you are reading this, i will post your stuff when i'm back oK? sorry babe - been rushing some projects so i couldn't find time.

take care guys. see you soon. i promise. :)

WriteClique

2006-11-12T03:42:00.000+08:00

I've always believe if you dare to dream, you will be able to achieve it one day through small baby steps. Each step may look pretty insignificant at first, but it takes you a bit closer to your ultimate destination. When you add up all these little steps, they will evenutally become that one giant leap intto achieving your dreams.

If you have been long staying guests of Hotel Solace, you'd know my dream is to be a writer, hopefully a much celebrated one. Writing and publishing the English creative writing workbook was that first li'l step for me. proJectpinK - which is still under compilation - would be my next baby step.

And today, I formed WriteClique - An exclusive writers' e-club where you will enjoy total literary freedom and meet people brimming with the same fiery passion for writing.

I am someone who writes better than I can ever express myself in any other form. Deep inside me, I've got this feeling that most writers are probably like me. A writers' network such as WriteClique attempts to bring these talented, like minded people together to share their passion for the written word. And hopefully, through this intricate network, we will be able to tap on to each other's talents and experiences, and work on interesting writing projects that will fulfil everyone's hidden desire to be a published author.

The forum is strictly for everything and anything related to writing only. That will cover all forms of writing - copy writing, screenwriting, authoring of books, articles, online content, fiction writing etc.

This e-group will focus on the following key interest areas:

- International Freelance Writing assignments

- WriteClique Writing Projects (e.g. proJectpinK)

- Pitches to media and publishers for selected writers' work

- Career opportunities in writing

- Writing tips and experiences (both good and bad ones!)

- Writing courses/workshops

- Exchanging of ideas, inspiration and dreams

- Sharing your Works/Poems/Prose

- Writing Events and Competitions

- Post your Writing CV (under FILES)

- Promote your written material/books

- Publishers information

- World of WriteClique networking events

- ... and any other writing stuffies!

If you like what you have read and share our dreams and passion, subscribe to our group at writeclique-subscribe@yahoogroups.com, with a paragraph on why you would want to be part of this international writers' network.

“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go,

only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.”

~ Karen Ravn

the treadmill

2006-11-07T23:53:00.000+08:00

by ~protozoario

Beloved guests of Hotel Solace - I am back! A long hiatus I must agree, but as you know, October was a mad month for me.

I have survived it, and sucking my stomach in for November. Working out my marketing budgets for next year, and it looks wonderful! At least I will get some of my marketing wishlist fulfilled! And that means I am potentially going to roll out some strong branding, marketing, PR and advertising initiatives that will potentially benefit Singapore, KL and HK in a BIG way. As of today, I've also managed to convince Japan to take part in some of my marketing ideas for Asia - and that's a thrill!

The other good news is - I am finally getting my temp marketing assistant! That's absolutely divine because I do not have to work my bones off so much anymore. He's coming in for an interview tomorrow morning - and I am keeping my fingers crossed that my boss approves of him. :)

Recently, I seem to have loads and loads of ideas that are bursting out of me. I want to do so many things. I want to create so many stuff. Everything's tumbling over each other at rocket speed inside my head that I couldn't sleep. I keep wondering what I could have done, what I have to do, what I can possibly achieve and more's out there for me to experiment and execute to get it all together.

My brain's racing ahead of me and if I do not know myself better, I would have suspected that I am on drugs. I can't stop thinking about stuff. My mind's a hyper-activity hub that operates 24/7. And I don't know why.

Sometimes I burnt myself out just trying to do everything. It seems I am so afraid that I may just die tomorrow with much remorse and regret if I cannot fulfil all I wanted to do. I race against time every single day, just so I can satisfy all the desires, great ideas, wonderful plans and my dreams. Every single success and accomplishment gets ticked off from my life's TO DO list, and it almost feels like a drug addiction that I crave for to keep me alive.

If I were to stop whatever I am doing, I just might wither and die. I wanted so much to rest sometimes, but I can't stop running. The feeling's like running on a treadmill that couldn't be turn off.

But the funny thing is, I am high on work. And I am very happy.

I think I am insane.

da agonising aunt

2006-10-24T23:22:00.000+08:00

not long ago, I posed some questions here which interestingly generated many heartwarming responses. they are also sincere, extremely sensible and solid advice from some of you here.

my take? since i am the only one who carries the burden of the full story behind each of these questions, I shall answer them the way i know best, and the way I know how.

what would i say...

1) ...to a guy friend who ask you what a man must do to make the girl he loves happy?

many times i know of men who do things they think will make the girl happy. many times i have tried telling men that's not the point.

don't do the things that you think I like. do the things I really like.

but first of all, do you know what I like?

making a girl feel loved isn't really rocket science. don't give her roses when she likes cactus. don't give her chocolates when she doesn't have a sweet tooth. don't take her out to watch horror films if she prefers comedies. don't give logical solutions to issues that she's worried about, when all she needs is an understanding ear.

A girl would be presently surprised if a guy takes time to learn more about her - her preferences, idiosyncracies, habits, soft spots, favourites etc.

She will feel extremely pampered if you can 'read' her mind, pre-empt what she wants to say or do, or say the things she wants to hear. She will be truly flattered if you know exactly what she wants from the menu; which song to put on the CD player; when she needs a massage; or how many spoonfuls of sugar for her cuppa tea.

And all it takes is a little more observation; a little more probing, and a little more attentiveness.

2) ...to a girl who is in love with someone she does not really trust?

i would give you all the advice you can take. but i realised after going through so many rounds of heart-to-heart talk sessions, you really don't need any advice at all. deep down inside every woman, there is a logic alarm that ticks away every time we get stuck in situations like this.

women cannot stop rationalising every single issue.

they know exactly what they should or should not be doing. but the heart wins over the mind - 90% of the time - because we are such emo creatures. they go through meaningless and seemingly hopeless situations anyway even if it hurts the hell out them.

and i realise the best advice i can ever, ever give to a girl friend is - do what your heart tells you. whatever i say will not do anything for you if your emotions have already overwhelmed your sensibility and judgement. do what you want. pursue what you desire. do everything that defies all logic so that you will never be plagued with "what ifs" and regrets 10 years down the road.

at the end of the day, if you do get hurt or disappointed, i will be here to catch you when you fall.

3) ...to a good friend who prefers to leave her life to Fate, and believes she's meant to be lonely and loveless?

if you leave your life to 'Fate', don't just leave 20% or 30% of it, simply because it seems like the best excuse you can give to yourself for a particular portion of your life that is going wrong. let 100% of your life be controlled by Fate - not just love, but money, the way you look, your behaviour, the way men treats you, your friends, your family, your work, your studies, your confidence, your sense of pride, and all your successes and failures.

there's really no need to fight for or prove anything at all. just be fatalistic all the way - and tell youself that's how your life is going to be and will never change or improve. you can't do anything about it no matter what kind of shit comes your way.

and you cannot really claim any credit to your name for all the good things that happened either. seriously, if Fate was ever in the picture, surely you wouldn't be so delusional as to actually believe that it's all your hard work, persistence and optimisim?

don't leave Fate to only control how and where your relationships will end up, but tell me you are in control for the other aspects of your life. Fate doesn't discriminate which part of your life to influence or take over. If you believe in Fate, naturally you have to accept that you simply have no choice in life. zilch. remember you don't have any control over or run it anymore.

everything is up to Fate. and so it shall be. for love and everything else. for now and eternity.

4) ...to a sister who is hurting from the loss of one love, and confused about the love from another?

do not do unto others what you would not want others to do unto you. give yourself a chance to learn how to let go, and a chance to learn how to love again. it's ok to be confused, because we are like that most of the time anyway.

but it's not ok to drag someone else into the mess when you are not ready. it's bad enough that you are hurting. it's irresponsible to disregard the feelings of the one who loves you.

if you are ever confused and hurting at the same time, what you really need is a break from relationships. i've heard the part where you need to be with another new love interest to let go of the one that soured.

take it from a seasoned woman like me - it ain't gonna work.

you will just keep changing the men till you stop hurting, and that may take a while. for me, it took many wrong and short-lived trial relationships to understand how screwed up i've become. how needy and eager for attention and company i've become. how much of my whole self-worth has been built around how much love i can get from a man. it's not healthy for your emotional well-being, and it's unfair to burden someone else with the brunt of your confusion.

in that relationship-bulldozing process, you are just going to get more dysfunctional, more confused and be constantly looking for love at all the wrong places.

confusion clouds the brain and that's as simple as i can put it. it is the corniest and oldest line in the aunt agony book - but time truly lifts those dark clouds and gives you the space you need to think. and it definitely heals all wounds.

once you start thinking, you would know what will be the next best thing to do - not only for yourself, but for the ones who love you.

what have i done?

2006-10-07T02:04:00.001+08:00

looking at my to do list today, i discovered i have 9 events this month! was i in a trance when i planned for these events? the invites, logistics, rsvps, presentations...gee... maybe Elvina is trying to remove me from the face of this earth so that she can truly exist without me.

that's my lifelong affliction. i get so immersed with my job that i will take on projects after projects - as if i have an insatiable appetite for work. then i will start wondering why i can never finished my stuff. do a quick checklist and horrors! - it runs 4 pages long.

photo taking session for senior management team. rugby gala dinner. tree top hill run with senior level clients. movie screening of The Departed. cooking competition with clients. three forums where my bosses have been invited to participate as panelists. and one CEO breakfast seminar.

i used to think my job expects too much from me. but then, each new job i end up with seems to consume more of me than the previous one. i figured that either i have subconsciously taken on careers that are hiding behind the facades of Nazi torture camps, or i am gravely afflicted with OCDWWIC - Obssessive Compulsive Disorder Where Work Is Concerned.

anyway, this post is also a lame excuse for me to buy some time before my next post - where i shall be posting my responses for the previous post. i have read all your comments and wow - am i impressed. with all those wonderful advice, maybe i should start a dedicated counselling blog for friends or bloggers with REAL love/relationship issues, and invite all of you to offer that sincere agonising aunty advice. the different perspectives and viewpoints have made the last post - a truly heartwarming and wonderful read.

i feel quite extra now.

but i do love an interactive blog. and it's only possible when you guys take the time to share and pen your thoughts. personally, i learnt so much from all of you, and each of you.

don't stop dropping by, even if i am drowning in the load of shit that i've created for myself. i will be back with more inspirations, more musings & more of meself (assuming you are even interested).

till the next time i blog incoherently just to fill this black blob of space, stay healthy and wash your hands after visiting the loo.

this is elvina - reporting live from her pile of shit.

what do you say...

2006-10-01T01:45:00.000+08:00

by Sukihana

1) ...to a guy friend who ask you what a man must do to make the girl he loves happy?

2) ...to a girl who is in love with someone she does not really trust?

3) ...to a good friend who prefers to leave her life to Fate, and believes she's meant to be lonely and loveless?

and finally...

4) ...to a sister who is hurting from the loss of one love, and confused about the love from another?

I find myself answering these life questions and many others over the last three weeks. I am really not the best person to dish out any advice on life's most profound issues, but I try...because you asked.

And sometimes, I just wanna give even if you don't ask...because I truly care.

If you want to attempt to offer some insights to the questions above, please post them in the comments. As for my responses...well, let's just say they will be the topic of my next post.

seafood & shisha

2006-09-28T16:04:00.000+08:00

I am organising a belated birthday party for my girl friend Vivienne tomorrow evening. To de-stress myself (I have been drowning in work for the last two weeks!), I decided to create an invitation card just for her.

Close your dropping jaw please. It isn't my design. It was a shameless rip-off from my favourite creative website - www.deviantart.com. The real Picasso is Mahfia.

All I did was to put in those crazy little words and viola! - behold the surreal masterpiece.

Seafood's on the menu - followed by an evening of Shisha indulgence at a Moroccan lounge, Marrakesh.

Here's sneak preview of our dinner....

Chili Crab @Jumbo Seafood Restaurant

...and the place where we are going to unwind.

Marrakesh Lounge

If you wanna see the photos of our 'wild revelry' tomorrow night, please send a US$50 check to: ILUVVIVI Secret Pix, P.O. Box 290906.

Otherwise, all you get to see on this blog will be the ones where we pretend to be boring.

I need to sleep. seriously.

For The Last Time...

2006-09-21T07:40:00.000+08:00

I am NOT Andrew.

There is this 40-ish to 50-year old lady who has been calling my mobile asking for Andrew. The first few times when she called, I said, "Sorry auntie, I think you got the wrong number."

Few weeks later, she called for Andrew again. Multiple times. I took a deep breath and said as nicely as I could muster,"Auntie, there is NO Andrew here. You called the wrong number."

Auntie called again a month later. "Can you please check the number before you call? This is NOT Andrew's mobile." I could almost hear myself losing my cool.

"Auntie! This is my number, NOT Andrew's number! Please don't call me anymore looking for Andrew because there is no such person!" said an exasperated me, a few months later to the persistent Auntie. I have really lost it this time.

Early this year, she called again. The moment I picked up, I tried to use my most menacing mafia voice ever and growled,"You have called this number many, many, many times! How many times must I tell you that you've got the wrong number? I am NOT Andrew ok? Don't call this number again!"

The calls stopped after that.

I was at a seminar yesterday afternoon, having a fruitful discussion with an ex-colleague whom I happened to run into. The phone rang. In a swift reflex motion, I answered it with my chirpy voice, "Heh-llo"?

"Eh elo....Is Andrew there?"

It's the Return of The Auntie.

It's been two years now, and she's still calling my bloody number looking for her bloody Andrew. I want to tighten my fingers around Andrew's neck so much.

The little red devil with the forked tail in me really wanted to scream at her, and asked her why da hell she keeps calling the same number looking for the same idiot when I have told her umpteen times that she had got it wrong.

I wanted to yell and shake her and insist that she writes her stupid Andrew's name and REAL phone number on the wall in blood and get herself a phone that has number pad dials as big as her bedroom.

I even wanted to threaten to sue her for harassing me, though I have a nagging feeling that she simply kept dialling the wrong number due to dementia.

Sigh.

"Wrong number." My voice came out flat and emotionless, and I hung up the phone almost the same time I said it. The little white angel with fluffy wings has won the battle.

Somehow, I knew the phone would ring again. Someday.

Photo Blog: Hong Kong (Part 3)

2006-09-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

Ok guys - these would be the last batch of my photos in HK, because the rest are just silly shots of everything and anything that caught my eye. :)

I don't have many pics on scenery this time - sorry Richard! - but hope you like it still.

Trip to Shenzhen (China)

The adventurous spirit in us struck again! We took an express train from HK to Shenzen, one of the shopping havens at the outskirts of China.

You can tell we are trying really hard to capture the location signage behind us.

Before we went on our party spree, we had a yummy dinner and more photos at this Spanish resturant in SoHo.

Michelle looking classic in a black and white photo.

My attempt at taking a stylish catwalk-style photo.

Hong Kong without colours somehow look quite exotic.

Lan Kwai Fong - Hong Kong's most happening party strip!

That's all folks! I will be back with some insightful topics - to share with you guys. Blog with you soon! :)

Photo Blog: Hong Kong (Part 2)

2006-09-02T19:27:00.000+08:00

You know what? I took so many photos that I really couldn't remember which day they belong to. So I am just going to put them up in 'parts' instead haha!

Part 2 took us to some of the best sights, food and entertainment in Hong Kong. Let's the photos do the talking while I bring you all along with me on this virtual holiday.

Let's start with some scenery along the roads, shall we?

The long and winding roads

I simply love the mood and feel black and white photos convey.

Tsim Sha Tsui - Nice area located on Kowloon where my hotel was.

An amazing architectural wonder - Bank of China tower.

You have to see it for yourself to be awed by the strips of blinding light that wraps itself across the entire building. We were transfixed.

Thought this shot looks cool.

A quaint electric bus stopping at a bus stop in the still of the night.

My girlfriends posing in front of the Peak tram.

Views of Hong Kong from The Peak.

The Peak Resturant.

Food. Glorious Food. Yum.

Our first peek at nightlife in Hong Kong - Lan Kwai Fong.

We were there every night thereafter.

More photos coming up in Part 3...

Photo Blog: Hong Kong (Day One)

2006-08-27T01:18:00.000+08:00

As promised, here are the photos of my HK trip. My girlfriends were sweet enough to join me there after my business meetings, and I extended my trip so that we can explore HK to our hearts' desire.

Being the obssessed planner, I swept all available maps from the airport and hotel and laid them all out on the bed the evening my friends arrived. Armed with a pen and paper, I poured through the descriptions and locations of all the cool and exciting places I wanna go, or show my girls, and generated a 5-day itinerary in one night!

Day One: Unexplored Territories

Being the adventurous traveller, I suggested exploring the outskirts of HK - places where none of us have ever been before. Taking directions from the hotel, we hopped onto a bus that will take us to Aberdeen for dim sum.

The classic HK double decker bus!

Jacqueline, moi and Michelle on the bus to Aberdeen

Views from the bus

Stanley Market - quaint li'l village at the southern tip of HK Island

A nice cosy resturant called the Boathouse

The Smugglers' Inn

Great place for a drink and resting our tired feet.

Our ice cold beers

Just like everyone who came before us, we left a souvenir on the ceiling.

Jacqueline and Michelle up their funny antics again

Another artistic attempt of mine to take a black & white photo

I am working on the sizes of the other photos. Stay tuned for Day Two...... :P

dry spell

2006-08-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

for a writer like myself, it's a tragedy to be hit by dry spells. the need to purge has been highly inhibited by the incapacity to write.

writing has never been a problem, at least not for a girl who's inflicted with what's commonly known as the verbal diarrhoea disease. but I guess when one's life is going nowhere but spiralling into a hopeless quicksand, one surely has more grievances to air. but when one is in a state of calm and peace, ironically, one becomes "word handicapped" and is inevitably stricken by writers' block.

seems as if joy is the ultimate bane for all writers. happiness murders creativity. that's why most creative people such as artists, poets, writers, painters - are a bunch of eccentric, temperamental and individualistic egomaniacs.

hong kong was simply divine. i shopped and ate like never before. yes - me, elvina shopping. i get goose pimples just remembering that. what on earth was i thinking about?? but the stuff was cheap, and it made me look ten years younger - so i thought i should spend some money to lie to the whole world. it made perfect sense. women do that ALL the time.

the food, oh my, was absolutely tempting. desserts were swimming not only in my mind, but in the cavities of my digestive system every few hours. roast meats, dim sum, spanish food, hong kong street delicacies somehow manage to squirm their way into me. i must have carried a whole 50kg worth of food in me during the whole trip. ahhh yes....miss tummy is peeking out as well, enjoying the world view with miss belly button.

time for the hamsters' run on this idiotic looking machine they call a treadmill.

i couldn't bear to look at my shopping bills. maybe if i stash them underneath the bed, they might disappear. i bought shoes, dresses, sleeveless tees, skirts, bags, accessories, lingerie, snacks and other ridiculous gadgets which i may have no use for at all in the near or far future.

i must be possessed.

either that or the woman in has finally been unleashed.

i think u guys would prefer to believe in the latter, though i am very much inclined to think otherwise.

photos? tons and tons. the gadget freak in me was unstoppable. trigger happy me was trying to capture the entire state of hong kong in a 512mb chip. ambitious fool i am. but the pictures were lovely - because they encapsulated all the amazing fun i had. one of my most memorable vacations i must say, in more ways than one.

i think i will have to spend some time making the pictures smaller so that i can upload here for your viewing pleasure. kindly donate to the elvina's future foundation before you view them so that i can continue such altruistic projects in my years to come.

suddenly, the dry spell has been broken...

Taking Off

2006-08-07T08:07:00.001+08:00

I am taking off into the skies again.

This time, I am jetting to Hong Kong. I am responsible for managing all marketing and branding activities for our HK office as well, but did not have the opportunity yet to meet the team there since I started my new job.

Well, today's the day. My flight's in 5 hours time.

I am looking forward to it, 'cos I have not been to HK for quite a long time. I miss the food most. Heard it's summer sale season over there right now, so though shopping's not my favourite cup of tea, I may just do it for the sake of it. Grab some nice dresses for work since I am there.

The TV brought some disturbing news though. Typhoons invaded HK last week and left more than 30,000 people stranded at the airport. Got some folks worried for me there for a moment, but I am sure everything should be fine now.

I will be back on Aug 15 - and I know my absence will be sorely missed (haha..). Just keep me in your prayers and before you knew it, I shall be back to haunt you.

Meanwhile, here's a little Elvinalogy for you to work on again. I kinda of miss these stuff so humour me, won't you? :)

Answer these little questions in any way you want, with reasons if you want to be more detailed.

Ten Questions (Inspired by John Baker's Five Questions)

1. What makes you laugh?

2. Which person is the greatest inspiration to you?

3. Which song touches you the most?

4. What kind of present would you get for my birthday?

5. What is your greatest fear?

6. What will be your dream job?

7. What makes you blog?

8. Which three blogs do your read every day?

9. How would you describe this blog to strangers?

10. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate this blog?

Looking forward to your attempts on Elvinalogy v3.0. For the rest who wanna know more about the Elvinalogy series, check these out: Elvinalogy v1.0 and Elvinalogy v2.0.

By the way, I have chopped off my long tresses and I have ash blonde, shoulder length hair now. I look like a wannabe Japanese chick.

"Ja-ne!"

24 Weird Things About Me

2006-08-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

1. I once wanted to be a fireman. Just once.
2. I don't like shopping.
3. Diamonds are not my best friends either.
4. My heart skips a beat when I see men in uniforms.
5. I sometimes swing from feeling extremely confident to desperately insecure.
6. I talk to myself. Especially when I am stressed.
7. The clothes in my wardrobe are 80% black.
8. I absolutely abhor bad customer service and I will make life hell for anyone who's guilty of it
9. I am not very good with old people.
10. I am very good with babies.
11. My online persona is so much more popular than the real me.
12. I remember things that I should forget, and I forget stuff that I need to remember.
13. My mind is a depository of useless trivia.
14. I am freakingly patriotic.
15. I simply love sleeping on hotel beds.
16. I could have been a lawyer, but I 've got a conscience.
17. I have an insuppressible desire to make people laugh.
18. I like to create my own life's philosophies.
19. I rarely regret the decisions I have made in my life.
20. My heart hurts and heals easily.
21. My brain generates new ideas 24/7.
22. I reveal my age to anyone who ask.
23. I believe that a short girl like me should marry someone tall or my offsprings will turn out to be gnomes and hobbits.
24. I don't know why I even bother to write a stupid post like that.

The Diagnosis

2006-07-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

Dear all loyal guests of Hotel Solace,

Sometimes I wonder where would I be in this cyberuniverse without you guys. Reading all your well-wishes and caring messages has proven to be a much more effective cure than any medication can offer.

Just so you know, I am recovering, but very slowly. What happened was unusual, probably even a first. I had gastrics on Sunday, and only got to bed at 4am (which technically means Monday morning).

I was in a comatose for a full 20 hours and only woke up on Tuesday 12am. That practically meant that I slept through the entire Monday without waking. Well maybe for a mere 5 minutes - when I was struggling in and out of consciousness to send a simple SMS to my PA to tell her I couldn't make it to work.

It was amazing how I never woke up at all after that. The only reason why I woke on Tuesday 12am after that long slumber was because my body was screaming for water. Imagine that I have gone without a morsel of food or a drop of water for 20 hours straight, or even more since my gastric attack on Sunday.

Took a sip of water, and fell right back into total unconsciousness. I remained in coma until a phone call from the office woke me up at 9am on Wednesday. By then, I have been unconscious for almost 30 hours.

Something's not quite right, and it worried me....a great deal. So I dragged myself to the doc - still feeling extremely lethargic. I slept again while waiting for my turn. The sleepiness was intense and I couldn't shake it off.

The diagnosis? I was overworked.

Doc actually felt that it was serious enough to give me an injection to ease the giddiness and medical leave for the rest of the week, coupled with tons of medication that will make me drowsy and allow my body to rest and recuperate naturally.

Funny thing is, I don't feel stressed at all. My body didn't show any obvious signs of breaking down. But yet, when it hit me, it felt like I was being consumed by a sweeping hurricane. Nothing I do could break that deep sleeping spell.

Sometimes I wonder if my phone didn't ring that Wednesday morning, would I just slip into perpetual unconsciousness, without anyone realising it? Would I even wake up at all?

I should be resting actually, but unfortunately my boss from Sydney is in town this week. Tons of meetings, tons of updates and presentations and tons of planning and deadlines to meet.

I was back in the office the very day I got the jab, while I was still feeling woozy and extremely tired. I would have slept some more if I did not have to go back to work. It's really no one's fault, 'cos there are some critical press deadlines I have to meet. And with my marketing boss in town for only three days, I really did not have much of a choice.

So now, I taking quite a while to recover...but I am recovering. Slowly but surely.

Thought you guys would wanna know what had happened to me since my last entry, in case you were worried sick and wondering if I am still breathing.

Thanks again for all your concern and love. I feel better already. :)

Yours gratefully,
Elvina da Divine Princess

What's going on?

2006-07-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

It's exactly 12am.

I have unknowingly slept for 20 hours. Which also meant that I did not have single morsel of food or drink for that same amount of time.

My head feels heavy.

I feel weak.

I came online to search for a 24-hour clinic. Couldn't make it to work this morning. I vaguely remembered struggling to stay awake long enough to send an sms to my colleague before slipping into total unconsciousness.

I couldn't remember what happened. It felt like I was on an overdose of sleeping pills.

Found the clinic, gotta go now.

My eyes are threatening to close again.

What's going on?

Swamped Lake

2006-07-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

I have been so busy since I got back from Sydney - and the workload seems to be getting heavier and heavier.

I have four newspaper print ads going out in this Saturday's Straits Times, seven job descriptions to clean up for a global IT company, 12 HR print ads to edit for the Human Resource Magazine, and a mega project that includes working on a html e-mailer, putting up new roles on the website, creating a client profile page, advertising the roles on external job boards, and partner with government boards to target their database.

All these on top of an event that I need to organize for Commerce candidates next week, attend two peer briefings for industry parnters in mid July, supervise the creatives and production of a range of golf-related merchandise that we are producing for a golf event that my company's sponsoring, and meet boutique creative agencies and production houses to brief them on my new branding strategy for the company.

Hence, I am quite drained to blog - so I do apologize for the lack of updates.

As usual, I have tons of topics to rattle about, and I love the interaction you guys are having on this site. It makes me feel really privileged to know that you are always here, even when I have been slacking. Makes my heart ache too for letting all of you wait so long for a new blog entry.

I will try to put up something interesting soon this week. Meanwhile, just be awed that I am now gearing up for a classic performance of Swamped Lake.

Nevertheless, I love my job still. My colleagues have came up to me - one by one - to tell me they are very happy that I came on board, they think I am amazing and they could not imagine how life would be without me. (how sweet...I am such a sucker for compliments)

I organized a huge party last week, which was hosted by my company's group COO and Asia Pacific CEO and attended by over 200 senior management clients and media personnel. Recieved lots of compliments from industry partners, and tons more from everyone in the office. I was told that that particular client event was the best party my company has ever organized, and most of the clients were highly impressed.

Best of all, my lovely boss gives me so much autonomy - it scares me. He listens to my opinions, takes my advice, and accept my suggestions. I do work hard, but life's been good. I am the voice of all things marketing, branding and PR in this company. Everyone is close to worshiping the ground I walk on.

I should have just ask for a million dollar salary per month.

Checkin' Out of Heartbreak Hotel

2006-06-21T03:53:00.000+08:00

Artwork by ~shadrad

A blogger friend asked recently how she should nurse a broken heart when she loses someone whom she loves very much.

Where matters of the heart are concerned, unfortunately, one cannot subscribe to a response/reaction template or formula. It differs from time to time, and varies from circumstances to circumstances.

When I was younger (young and hot by the way!), breakups are common. Guys checked in and out of my life, and I thought it was just a process of growing up and finding myself. I hardly beat myself up over it because I knew there will always be someone else. Losing someone was awful no doubt, but I'd never allowed it to take precedent over other aspects of life - such as friends, work, family, school, hobbies etc. I figured it was not that I was being flippant, but rather, my priorities were somewhere else, something else.

If a guy leaves me for whatever reasons, he could always be replaced by someone who may be more loving, less argumentative, more financially well-off, less clingy, more understanding, less unreasonable, more sensitive, less promiscuous.....and the list goes on. I've always felt an unsupressable need to move on, either as a way to cope with the temporal pain/heartache or as a form of self-justification that it wasn't really my loss, but his.

I also convinced myself that grieving over lost love for too long was a waste of time. I wanted to make the best use of my time because I am one who believes strongly that time is perishable and once I miss today, I could never relive it again. Today only happens once in your lifetime. And that goes for every other day in your life too.

Then I grew up and something changed inside me. Relationships began to matter much more. I took it more seriously because I wanted to stop moving from one fleeting love to the next. It became more tiresome to start from scratch every time - getting to know someone and allowing him to understand you back. It became harder and harder to let go as you grow older. The need for stability and finding a person you can entrust your feelings to forever (if forever exists) became more pronounced.

I am actually not the best person to give an advice on how to move on, having been someone who has wallowed in a pity party alone for four years before breaking out of a self-induced imprisonment. It was torturous to say the least. But I needed time. Time off to think about the self-destructive relationships that I put myself through all the time. Time to gain my confidence back. Time to know what kind of guy I really want in my life this time. And I needed time to thoroughly heal the heart that refused to stop bleeding.

If there's one thing that can help you check out of Heartbreak Hotel, it's not your conviction to forget. It's not who you date after that failed relationship. It's not how much you cried your heart out and how many people you talk to about it. It's not about sticking needles in a voodoo doll with his name on it, or hating him with all the blood in your veins.

It may sound corny, but time does really heal. It is amazing how in the moment of pain, that concept is almost unbelievable. But unknowingly, the pain lessens. The hurt diminishes. The feeling of betrayal fades. And all the pent up anguish and misery - become more and more undefinable. It will come a point when you wake up one day, and realise you have absolutely ziltch feelings towards that person who has hurt you so bad when he walked out of your life. And you begin to wonder where all that excruciating pain went.

Time is undoubtedly, the best healer of all wounds - both physical and emotional. Give yourself time and space and allow your heart to mend itself. By forcing yourself to forget about it would only amplify the damage, slowly but surely.

Though for me, writing can be strangely therapeutic. And hence, I write, I blog, I rant. Somehow it catalyzes that healing process.

"Time heals what reason cannot."

~ Seneca (Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD)

"Here bring your wounded hearts, here tell your anguish;

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal." ~ Thomas More

"Healing takes courage, and all of us have courage,

even if we have to dig a little to find it. ~Tori Amos

Mr. Right II

2006-06-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

There's a need to clarify that when we talk about Mr. Right here, we are not referring to Mr. Perfect. Besides the fact that he doesn't exist, it's also impractical to demand that of someone when we are so dotted with imperfections ourselves. I strongly believe that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Since we ain't talking about Mr. Perfect, the main discussion on Mr. Right is not about how good or how loving, romantic, understanding, rich, tall, dark and handsome he must be in order to qualify as Mr. Right.

Mr. Right is a guy whom a woman feels is the right fit for her life. He may be so utterly flawed, but for her, just for her, he is what she wants. Or maybe, in a more realistic concept, he is who she can accept as a total package - imperfections and all.

Going by that definition, if you find a guy, who despite your attempts to accept and overlook the things you really do not like about him, isn't someone you can accept whole-heartedly, then probably he is not the guy.

I have many girlfriends who go through this process of self-abuse and torture, where they keep flogging the dead horse of whether the one in their life is Mr. Right.

"I know he loves me. I do love him, but I can't trust him."

"If not for the fact that he is so flippant when it comes to relationships, he is really the guy I want to spend my life with."

"I know he has feelings for me, but maybe he's just not ready."

"It's always better to find a man who loves me more than I love him. If I miss this bus, I may never find someone like him again."

Sounds all too familiar? Have you been defining Mr. Right based on those self-authored standards? Why is there such a pressing need in us to force fit someone into the Mr. Right mould, even when there's a hint of nagging doubt tugging at the back of our mind? How often do we have to try and convince ourselves the man we in our lives is really the guy we desire and love?

The issue to this topic is "convincing". If I ever come to a point in a relationship where I have to justify why a man is Mr. Right, he's probably not the one at all. Once, I asked an ex-boyfriend what he loved about me.

Instead of giving me typical answers that men would usually give (i.e. your beautiful smile, your wonderful personality, your smothering kisses etc...), he asked,"Why is there a need to justify my love? If I tell you I love you because you are awfully sweet, and one day if you stop being so sweet, does that mean I should stop loving you? Should there be reasons for loving you? If those reasons cease to exist, would I have to withdraw my love too?"

Since then, I have learnt that when you love someone, you love him - just because you do. There could be 1001 reasons why you are attracted to him, or why you are so enamoured to everything that he says or does. But they could never be the reasons for loving him. You love someone because you want to, and because you just do.

Some of you may not agree that elimination is the key to sieving out the Mr. Rights. Some of you may even feel that Mr. Right, like Mr. Perfect, doesn't exist. There is no right or wrong notions to this. But there are proven stories that may support how Mr. Right can really exist, and only if you want him to.

You may never realise that throughout your entire life, you'd have performed millions of elimination activities either consciously, sub-consciously or even unconsciously. That's how you get to know what's your favourite food, color, music, artist, places, people, fashion style, hair color etc. The things that define you and your world are established through a constant cycle of trying and elimination to narrow down what makes you tick.

Why should it be any different with the man of your life? However I do admit that for some girls, love seems to be less picky. These women are the ones who marry the first man they ever loved. I have one such friend. Her husband was her first and last love. She does not have to eliminate a whole slew of Mr. Wrongs to find him.

For the rest of us victimized love-struck fools, you don't really have a choice. You gotta go through the cycle of life to zoom in to a person you know will define your life, just like the other personal choices you have made in your lifetime.

Personally, I've sincerely treated each and every guy I have dated as a potential Mr. Right. The nagging feeling's always there, and many times like what some of you have mentioned, I wanted to run away. I wanted to give up because I could never be sure. I am tired of going through the motions of loving and failing, and I do not know how to trust anymore. I probably wanted a Mr. Right so much that I am actually fearful of losing him after I've found him. I would even go into a self-destructive mode and do things to intentionally test or rip apart a relationship.

But that's self-defeating, isn't it? I think we need to start believing Mr. Right is there, and if he is the one destined for you, you don't really have to work that hard to snare him. Even if you feel like running away, even if the nagging feeling is so strong, and even if you very much want to throw everything you have for this guy away - you will realise, you can't. Real love can bind two imperfect people together and make them right for each other.

I am not saying Mr. Right will never ever quarrel with you. I am not saying Mr. Right will be the epitome of the Perfect Husband and Boyfriend - and that he will be exactly what you dream of and desire.

But rather, he will be the one you love despite all your doubts, your fears and your insecurities. Most importantly, he loves you just as much despite having those same doubts, fears AND insecurities too. When the days are rosy, your love grows. When days are bad, you fight, you hurt each other, you tear each other apart, but at the end of the day, both of you try to right everything again and mend the love as you go along. It takes a hell lot of work to be the Right person for each other.

Mr. Right is the man who is willing to go through that with you.

A wise woman once said,"The happy moments you see in a loving couple are always captured in photo albums. But what you will never get to see in those photos are the painful and heartbreaking moments that they went through to be together."

Swinging in Sydney

2006-06-06T08:50:00.000+08:00

Hi dearies....

Sorry for the long absence. I have been caught up since last Tuesday 'cos I have finally started work in my new office!

My colleagues were very warm and friendly, and my boss was extremely funny and endearing. My work as a marketing manager for this executive recruitment company is fantastic as I am the only and first marketing manager to be hired for the job. No precedence - means I get to set all the rules and direct how the marketing, branding and communications of the company is going to go.

That made me feel really important. Haha... :)

I am taking charge of the Asia markets - namely Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong. Expansion plans are underway, so you can be sure that I will have more on my hands than ever.

Right now, at this moment, I am blogging from my Sydney office. YES! I am nestled in Down Under. Arrived on Sunday evening and started my first round of training under my marketing director in Sydney yesterday.

Weather: Freaking cold, wet, windy and I am freezing to my toes!

Sydney is great. The pace is much slower, the city sights are beautiful and the people are generally friendly. Maybe I may eventually retire here when I am old and sagging.

My office is another one of Sydney's greatest wonders. Perched on the 47th floor of the Citigroup skyscraper, one steps out of the lift to be greeted by a huge reception area, surrounded by full length glass windows. The office overlooks the Darlin Harbour and the view is simply breathtaking.

I did not bring along my super duper camera 'cos it wouldn't fit into my luggage which was stuffed with thick winter wear, but I will try to capture some shots from my trusty li'l phone. :P

I know I owe you guys Mr. Right Part 2 to Part Infinity, and I promise I will write about it once I get back. I am now quite into the groove of my new job, so it's not that hectic anymore.

As for the comments on the inaugural Mr. Right post, thank you all. You have given undoubtedly given me more inspiration and ideas to include in my next Mr. Right rambling.

As for Pip, I understand what you must be going through right now. I promise I will write something about it and hopefully, it will lift your spirits up a little.

Meanwhile, for the rest of ya, do continue to envy me for having a swinging time in Sydney.

I am going shopping tonight.

Mr. Right - Part I

2006-05-24T01:20:00.000+08:00

by Imperfectheart12

Not very long ago, I promised someone that I would blog on the topic of Mr. Right. Not that I'm Miss Know-It-All (far from that!), but I guess, all she wanna know was my personal take on it.

For the longest time, I have been a delusional girl. Someone who lost her father at a very young age and ever since then, would constantly seek and crave for the attention and love that she has lost so tragically.

Boys after boys, relationships after relationships. They come and go like the shoes in a woman's closet. But every time, I somehow managed to convince myself that the boy I was dating at that particular point in time, was Mr. Right.

I liked him. He liked me. Some very much in fact. We were happy together. So how wrong could it be?

Then the feeling sizzled. The conflicts began. The lies were weaved and the fights were ugly. The breakups were painful and the tears were heartwrenching. The memories were bitter and the pain was lingering. But no matter how I try, I just couldn't get out of the vicious cycle of rebounds and breakups - and always thinking I have found Mr. Right.

My friends have always asked me this same question- How would you know when you have found your Mr. Right? How would you know it's HIM when he appears?

I'm telling you girls - I am no love guru and I don't know the answer. I really don't. If I do, I wouldn't have to go through those many failed love auditions in my life, do I?

But those failures have rather, taught me some very important lessons.

For one - I've learnt to identify all the Mr. Wrongs. Don't you think that would be the one most important step to finding your Mr. Right? I would say it definitely is! Golly, it's a simple process of elimination, for heaven's sake.

The bad guys who thrill us.
The ones who always break their promises.
The ones who make our hearts flutter crazily one day and left us high and dry, pinning for their attention and love which will never come, the very next moment.
The ones who slept with your best friend or the leggy mini-skirts he picked up at a club.
The ones who abused you - emotionally, sexually, financially, physically and psychologically.

It's not that hard. They are the ones that your mother probably warned you about, but you were too smitten to realize. The challenge of snaring such a man was too sinfully irresistible.

My first advice - If you want to know where and who Mr. Right , you gotta first purge all these trash out of your lives and social circles for a start. Clean Up, Grow Up and most importantly - Wake Up. These kind of men will never ever be Mr. Right. You don't need an IQ of 400 to know that. You don't even need me to tell you that.

This is gonna be a long and meaningful discussion. I shall let your eyes rest for the moment - and take some comments, if any - and shall continue this in my next post.

.......to be continued.

MEME MIA 2

2006-05-09T11:28:00.000+08:00

I lifted this off Merv's site and thought it was an extremely entertaining meme.

I AM: Elvina da Great
I WANT: "World Peace"
I WISH: That everything I wish for will come true
I HATE: Hypocrisy
I MISS: Sucking my thumb
I FEAR: Myself
I HEAR: Good stuff about my blog
I WONDER: If I got too much time on my hands
I REGRET: Nothing
I AM NOT: Your Mother
I DANCE: When I am Freaking Drunk
I SING: When I am sad
I CRY: When smoke gets in my eye
I AM NOT ALWAYS: Digging my nose
I WRITE: Because I can, and because I love to
I CONFUSE: Whever I cannot Convince
I NEED: A minimum donation of USD100 from everyone who reads this blog
I SHOULD: Try waxing one day
I START: Something
I FINISH: Nothing
I LOVE: ALL who worship this blog
I REMEMBER: ALL who don't

I TAG: Whoever who laid eyes on this.

Missed moi?

2006-05-08T11:55:00.000+08:00

Oh my oh my. How long have I been absent from the blogosphere? Two weeks??? Geez.

I bet you guys missed me a great deal. *grinz* I missed you all tooo!!

Here's a quick update on my life so that you will stop wondering if I have decided to marry some rich Arab prince and set up my own dynasty in the Middle East.

Job
Time really flies! This Thursday would be my last day in my current company. I have been rushing all the work that needs to be done and handed over - so it has been a pretty crazy two weeks for me. Can you imagine I have not even packed or cleared my desk? Wish I can cast a magic spell and make all my garbage disappear.

Writing
I have a writing assignment and the deadline's tomorrow! Writing assessment books is not as easy as I've thought. I am seriously wringing my hands now.

Speaking of writing, thought you may like to know that one of my blog articles has been published in someone's self-published book! If you have been following this humble weblog of mine, you'd remember the stuff I wrote on my kelong escapades.

Well, this guy Paul Kua wrote to me and asked to include my work in his book - Malaysian Islands: the good, the bad and the finest.

It is now available for sale here so you may wanna surf over and take a glimpse!

Greatly honoured I must say. Once I have completed proJect pink and the assessment books, I would have a title to my name too! OOooooo.....my dreams are coming true. Do support me when the time comes ok? An author with no readers is as good as a bird without wings. We would not be able to get off the ground. :)

Gaming
Oh - my new found passion! Someone should just ban me from this game. Pardon my french, but this massive, mulit-player, online role playing game (MMORPG for short) is bloody addictive!

I am now a level 42 Human Priest in the World of Warcraft. Killed multiple monsters, beasts, ogres and skeletons. Healed hundreds of players and highly skilled in tailoring and skinning. It would probably take me a few more months to get to the ultimate level (Level 60) - but for now I am quite proud of my achievements, considering it's my first attempt at the game!

I have never been a gamer. My favourite online games are those that stimulate the mind - such as Yahoo! Literati, Boggle, iSketch and online mystery games such as Mysterynet.com which challenges you to solve a crime every day. I have more of such cool links, which I will reveal in a later blog.

Would be quite interesting to know more about me from the kinds of stuff I surf for on the internet, wouldn't it? (If you are thinking porn, you will be greatly disappointed haha...)

Back to World of Warcraft - it is such a mind-blowing game because it allows you to play many different characters such as human, gnomes, dwarves, elves - and different classes such as hunter, druid, priest, warlock, paladdin, rogue, mage etc. The permutations are absolutely infinite. One can probably play till he's in his 80s!

You also get to meet friends from all over the world, who will group with you and pull together their various talents, skills, and spells to fight the mobs in dungeons, or in the various quests you pick up from people of different towns and cities along the way.

Ok ok, not gonna bore you with this gaming talk. You simply gotta try it for yourself and maybe if you like the game, then you can come look for me in this virtual world. I would be most happy to offer my priestly assistance! :P

Signing off
If you have an issue that you would like me to discuss via this blog, do drop me an email. The readers of this blog would be more than happy to share their opinions too - which is what I really lurrrveeee about them!

I have so many issues that I am dying to blog about - but I really must focus on meeting my deadlines this Tuesday. So do be patient with me, as you've always been - and don't desert me! I will be BACK - very soon.

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Stephen King

Don't Quit

2006-04-27T11:28:00.000+08:00

Leaving a job is never easy. I'm still in the midst of rushing to complete my last few projects before my last day on May 12. Tons of handover work to do, and lots more administration work to fulfil. It's really a hassle. Especially when you know you are on your way out, all these "duties" suddenly seemed so insignificant.

But I've always prided myself for doing a professional handover - and that's not gonna change. May 12 is a mere 2 weeks away. I will survive! :)

By the way, when I was clearing my personal mails today, I chanced upon this poem that someone sent to me some time ago when I was in depression and feeling there was no way out. It gave me hope and made me believe in myself again.

So my friends -if you ever feel that nothing was going right, and all you wanna do is give up, let this be the anthem of your life. It lifted me up and I hope it will do the same for you.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill.
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man.
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit

- Allen James

Bill Gates Was My Father. [If].

2006-04-22T10:06:00.000+08:00

For one, I would be typing this entry using MS Windows, though I personally feel Steve Jobs would have a better eye for design for both software and hardware.

Being one of the world's richest man daughter ain't easy. I'd have to mingle with the upper crust society and put up with the bimbotic likes of Paris Hilton and her herd. I guess most people expect women who are born disgustingly rich to possess little intellect. Not only is it expected, it's probably forgivable and understandable.

Somehow I cannot help but wonder - if I was Bill Gates daughter, how different would my life be? How different would I be?

Assuming I am still what I am, then being Elvina Gates will unleash all the person I will ever become. I'd pursue my education in Havard with undying tenacity and with my burning desire to achieve, I'd make sure that I emerge as one of the best scholars to ever step out of that school. That will show those snooty socialites and aristocrats how shallow and inane they really are.

My day would probably start with a sumptuous American breakfast spread, served on a silver platter on my bed. That for one, I would definitely indulge. Food is one of God's greatest gift to men, and I ain't gonna fight that. Starting off the day with a good meal is essential for what I am going to do next.

Armed with the knowledge I have amassed through education, and my devious efforts to mingle and network with the top guns in Dad's company. I would quickly learn the ropes of the business and find out how Dad, looking the way he is, PLUS being a hopeless dropout, could achieve world dominion. That has honestly eluded me for the longest time. But I guess his life played out exactly like Donald Trump's The Apprentice - where the streetsmarts will always outdo the booksmarts.

Speaking of Donald, he is my mentor. Being a prominent figure's daughter has its perks. Everyone wants to or claims to know you. Not that Donald's like that, but all his businesses under the Trump organization have definitely benefited tremendously from Dad's support. Microsoft has become as precious as the air we breathe. Uncle Trump once jokingly took a jab at Dad and told him that Microsoft is just like a woman - you can't live with it, but you can't live without it either.

Dad told Donald it's time he gets a whiff of fresh air and offered me as an apprentice for Uncle Trump. Being the defiant me, I wasn't the least bit intimidated. I wasn't totally in awe because my Dad has already proven the impossible. I was more excited about having the opportunity to learn how Donald works. I mean though I would ultimately love to take over the reins in Microsoft, getting into the clockworks of a Trump organization is no small feat.

After making my rounds through Donald's various businesses as an intern, I'd start inching into MS, and unassumingly work my way up. I have always believed if one did not start from the bottom, they would never be able to understand how the people at the lower rungs of the corporate ladder really feel. It will always be all too easy for management to say they emphatize, but then you realize they actually have no clue of the REAL problems and will try to sweep them underneath the plush carpets. Most top management are inflicted with the Ostrich Syndrome. If you cannot see the issues, they probably don't exist.

Somehow reading those anti-Bill Gates weblogs on the internet, I cannot help but suspect that Dad could be inflicted with this disease as well. Well, at least I know things can still change. Bill Gates ain't an immortal and he would have to report back to God's camp in heaven eventually. Hopefully by then, Elvina Gates will be the one to make history.

For one, I would abolish the monopoly concept that Dad held so dear to his legacy. It should be a free market, and bullying our way through the industry ain't gonna bring us very far. Steve Jobs is an inspiration. He created a dream that wasn't as successful as Dad's, and at one point even tethered at the brink of bankruptcy. But he held on and revive that dream - and with his keen intuition for marketing and design, Apple got a new lease of life.

If I ever have the chance, the first thing I would do is to jump on the bandwagon with Steve and work WITH him instead of AGAINST him. The best business mantra is not to invest our precious resources fighting each other, but to combine them and create a computer dynasty that is practically unrivalled anywhere else in the world! If Gates and Jobs can work together to create more innovative and groundbreaking ideas, software and operating systems that are compatible to each other's products, the end achievements would be outstanding.

It's a win-win situation and everyone from both companies will only stand to benefit and reap the rewards. I believe in the new era of business, collaboration, not competition, is the way to go.

Well there, I can almost see myself gracing the covers of Time (just like Dad did), Newsweek, Cosmopolitian, Tatler and all other world glossy-cover publications as one of the millennium's most accomplished woman. That whiff of fresh air that everyone is craving and lusting for after years of Microsoft's tyrannical epoch.

Hold on to your seats people, and brace yourself soon for a mind-blowing revolution in the world of Microsoft.

Yes/No MEME

2006-04-17T11:42:00.000+08:00

I ripped this off LuvPhobia's blog as I thought it to be an extremely revealing self-discovery exercise!

Why is this MEME so compelling?

1. You can only say YES or NO.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you / comments and asks!

So here goes:

1. Taken a picture naked? yes
2. Painted your room? yes
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? no
4. Drove a car? yes
5. Danced in front of your mirror? yes
6. Have a crush? yes
7. Been dumped? yes
8. Stole money from friend? no
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? yes
10. Been in a fist fight? no
11. Snuck out of your house? yes
12. Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? yes
13. Been arrested? no
14. Made out with a stranger? no.
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? yes
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? no
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? yes
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes
20. Seen someone die? yes
21. Been on a plane? yes
22. Kissed a picture? yes
23. Slept in until 3PM? yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? yes
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes
26. Made a snow angel? no
27. Played dress up? yes
28. Cheated while playing a game? yes
29. Been lonely? yes
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? yes
31. Been to a club? yes
32. Felt an earthquake? no
33. Touched a snake? yes
34. Ran a red light? yes
35. Been suspended from school? no
36. Had detention? yes
37. Been in a car accident? no
38. Hated the way you look? no
39. Witnessed a crime? yes
40. Pole danced? no
41. Been lost? yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes
43. Felt like dying? yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? yes
45. Sang karaoke? yes
46. Sucked your thumb? yes
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? yes
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? yes
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? no
50. Kissed in the rain? yes
51. Sing in the shower? yes
52. Made love in a park? no
53. Had a dream that you married someone? yes
54. Glued your hand to something? yes
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? no
57. Been a cheerleader? no
58. Sat on a roof top? yes
59. Didn’t take a shower for a week? no
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes
61. Played chicken? yes
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes
63. Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? yes
64. Broken a bone? yes
65. Been easily amused? yes
66. Laugh so hard you cry? yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? yes
68. Cheated on a test? yes
69. Forgotten someone’s name? yes
70. Slept naked? yes
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? no
72. Performed on stage? yes
73. Blacked out from drinking? yes
74. Played a prank on someone? yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? yes
76. Made love to anything not human? no!
77. Failed a class? no
78. Choked on something you’re not supposed to eat? yes
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? no
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? no
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? no
82. Thrown strange objects? yes
83. Felt like killing someone? yes
84. Thought about running away? yes
85. Ran away? yes
86. Did drugs? no
87. Had detention and not attend it? yes
88. Dumped anyone? yes
89. Made a parent cry? yes
90. Cried over someone? yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? no
92. Dated someone more than once? yes
93. Have a dog? no
94. Own an instrument? yes
95. Been in a band? no
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? no
97. Broken a cd? yes
98. Shot a gun? yes
99. Dated a married person of the opposite sex? no
100. Written a love letter? yes

YES - that's me alright. And NO - you may not ask me anything beyond this blog. :)

Try it....and have fun.

Whassup Doc?

2006-04-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

If it seems that I have not been updating my blog recently, that's because over the last two weeks, many things have happened.

For one, I've quit my job.

This decision, though it seemed sudden, was quite unexpected actually. I do love what I am doing now, but I cannot help being seduced to the greener pastures that have been beckoning to me from the other side. The rewards are simply too tempting. Not only could it potentially be a wonderful resolution to my existing financial difficulties, it also allows me to put aside some savings for the future.

Though I do enjoy business development work and creating strategic alliances such as the recent deal between MTV and STB, marketing is in fact my real passion. This new job is exactly that and more.

I am tasked with the marketing, branding and communications for one of Singapore's top executive recruitment firms. I must admit that it is indeed a privilege to be headhunted, and an even greater one to be working for this organization. The headquarters for Asia Pacific is based in Sydney, Australia and I will be looking after the Hong Kong and Singapore markets from here. In fact, I've just been told that I'll be going to Sydney for a short training stint some time in June!

My new job starts on June 1 and I will definitely be back with more updates on that!

Secondly, I haven taken on some freelance writing projects. A start-up company intends to publish a set of Guided Composition assessment books for Primary 3 and 4 students and I have been offered the project! The token remuneration is nothing much to rave about, but I do appreciate the opportunity to publish my very first books!

Though I would very much prefer a sensational bestseller novel to be my virgin masterpiece, but I guess this would do for now. :)

Last but not least, I have unwittingly turned into a hopeless addict to the virtual game of World of Warcraft. It has consumed my days, nights, weekends and all my living seconds. I am now a Level 27 Human Priest with 33 more gruelling levels to go before reaching Nirvana.

Yes, life has been wonderful indeed.

For that, I thank you Lord. Your blessings have been more than abundant.

GBBMC

2006-04-13T13:45:00.001+08:00

Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign, or GBBMC for short, is an ingenious marketing stint spearheaded by Kevin Apgar to promote Paul Davidson's latest book, The Lost Blogs.

The Lost Blogs is a satirical compedium of ancient blogs by the most infamous personalities in history - from Ghandi to Jesus to Jim Morrison. In this witty and original take on the most important technological development since spam, The Lost Blogs offers hundreds of blogs from the most famous minds in history, detailing their hysterically personal (and impersonal) "revelations".

GBBMC is an amazingly fun project where 40-odd bloggers took to the blogosphere and write as their preferred historical figure for an entire week, and they can try to guess who these writers are blogging as.

I am, of course, one of the Lost Bloggers and if you want to take a shot and guess which famous personality I was trying to blog as, click your way now to I Am NOT What I Am. Do check out the other Lost Bloggers too on my Blogroll and see if you can unravel the mystery writers!

Kids Power!

2006-04-11T11:01:00.000+08:00

The 19th Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards was an awesome show! This awards show - is a mini-Oscar's show where kids get to make all the decisions - and vote for their favorites in sports, music, movies and fashion.

It was a star-studded night no doubt, made even more glamourous by the likes of Will Smith, Chris Rock, Jessica Alba, Jesse McCartney, Cameron Diaz, Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, Justin Timberlake, Hugh Jackman, Nelly, Bow Wow, Adam Sandler, Green Day and Pink.

Yup - go ahead and envy me 'cos I get to see them up so close and personal. Haha...

Jack Black rocked the house with his funny antics as the host for the night. The sets were amazingly elaborate and sensational. The audience were in top form and screamed their lungs out for every star - except for Backstreet Boys. All in all, it was quite an incredible experience for me.

Yes - I do love my job. :)

Check out the animated photo banner below - for they will be able to show you the scale and scope of the event that I would not have possibly been able to describe using mere words.

NICKELODEON'S KIDS CHOICE AWARDS PHOTOS

I'm Home....

2006-04-07T19:16:00.000+08:00

...and feelin' tired....

...and feelin' cold cos I was caught in the rain for more than 2 hours on my last day in LA...

...and feelin' lazy.

How's your day been?

Delayed Blogcast From LA!

2006-04-03T14:30:00.000+08:00

Yes yes! I know I promised to do a mini-blog on my LA exploits, but I had problems with the hotel's wireless access the last couple of days, so do pardon my tardy updates.

Since all of you are 'dying' to hear from me, I shall tarry no more and get on with my escapades in LA.....

DAY ONE

Reached LAX airport feelin' ultra-zombied. Haven't slept a wink during the 16-hour flight. Guess I wasn't really used to long hauls.

Watched the movie adaptations of Rent The Musical and The Producers on KrisWorld. Rent is achingly fantastic. Now I regret not watching the actual musical. Arrgh.

Cabby Pick Up #1

Took a shared van ride to my hotel with a few other girls and a Chinese couple. Thought it would be cheaper than the cab. I was the last one to drop off, so the driver started chatting with me and recommending places that I should visit whilst I am here.

Somehow the conversation steered towards his family. He revealed that he is a divorcee now and his kids are staying with his wife. In an attempt to lighten the mood, he exclaimed with a bright smile,"And now I am single!"

I "congratulated" (condolences wasn't really apt then) him while he went on about the fun things to do in LA. When we were nearing the hotel, he asked if I there was anyone to send me around during my stay here. Before I could answer, he offered to be my driver if I needed transport. Apparently he owned the vehicle so he's basically his own boss and could take time off anytime he wants to.

I "enthusiastically" accepted his name card and told him I would call him should I need a ride. Of course - I'd conveniently forget about it right after I've checked in.

It's not because he was fat, balding, "divorced-and-pretending-to-be-happily-single" that freaked me out. It was really his offer of sending me around - FREE of charge. We all know that there's no such thing as a free lunch and well, I just ain't gonna put myself at risk in exchange for free taxi rides to Disneyland.

Walked along the neighbourhood hunting for dinner 'cos I was starving. Found a nice li'l sushi place and had a quick dinner - before running back to my hotel in the pouring rain.

Bummer. I crashed immediately after a nice warm bath.

Weather: Cold, rainy, windy.

DAY TWO

The morning smells wonderful. Is it because there are less traffic, less pollution and hardly any smokers around? It's so cold out there, but yet, I don't see that many cancer stick puffers. Strange....but real cool. :)

I simply luuuurrrrvveee the cool weather. It's like walking in air-conditioned streets.

I hopped onto a cab and headed towards 3rd Street Promenade at Santa Monica. What a quaint little street! It is framed by a small canopy of trees and bricked tiles, and the sides are lined with cafes and restuarants, and some of fashion's best names in their standalone mini-boutiques: Levi's, Nike, Urban Outfitters, Timberland, Banana Republic, AX, Abercrombie & Fitch, just to name a few.

I Was A Street Artist!

I stopped in my tracks as a street artist was about to perform his next act. I took out my camera and was trying to frame the best angle I could find, when to my horror, I saw him walking towards me from my LCD screen. He asked for my name and despite my attempt to put on that terror-stricken look, he continued to pull me towards the area right in the middle of the crowd!

"Everyone, let's give Elvina a warm welcome! She is now going to help me in my next performance. Elvina, you wouldn't need this anymore (he took my camera). I am going to give this to my dad and this (he took my bag) - is for my mom."

To be honest, I was feeling more tired than thrilled. I only wanted to shop before scampering off to the Kids' Choice Awards at 3.30pm. But seeing how hard he was working to entertain the audience, I played along. He started spinning balls into this axis that was resting on my head, as well as onto that little stick that he made me hold up in my left hand.

It was bloody heavy to hold 4 spinning balls ok?! I almost wanted to let them all go, but then the idea of a concussion wasn't really appealing, so I held on.

We earned the applause of an appreciative crowd, but he really got more out of it. Most of them dropped a dollar into the white bucket that he passed around after the gig. I should have just asked him for my commission. (So Singaporean right??!!!)

I was so hungry after that workout, so I dropped by Seattle Coffee for a little snack. It was my lunch actually - tomato and cheese sandwich. This li'l piggie woke up too late and missed breakfast completely. :P

And did I forget to mention that it's uber sassy to sit by the sidewalk cafe with a book in one hand, warm cup of tea in the other, great music flowing into my ears from my sleek ipod nano - and watch the beautiful people whiz by? Life is good.

Cabby Pick Up #2

On my way back to the hotel, my cab driver - this time a much younger Russian - enthusiastically introduced the various shopping malls I should visit. He pointed out the various landscapes to me and explained their histories and heritage in his smattering of broken English. In between the audio guide, he would slip in a comment about Russian men having a preference for Asian women even though women in Russia are reputedly extremely beautiful, or at least according to him. Asian women are smaller in size, and have lovelier characters, he claimed.

That's a hint, no?

I smiled and nodded politely. He said 'it is not everday you meet a beautiful Asian girl like yourself, ya know?', and I said 'thank you very much.'

Then he did the "call-me-if-you-need-a-ride-I'm-available-anytime" trick, and this time, I am all da wiser. I claimed I have friends in LA who will keep me VERY busy the whole time I'm here. I think he got the hint.

The key highlight of the day was really the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards. But that definitely warrants an entry by itself, so I think I will stop here for now. Will regale you of the stars that I have spotted during this awards show over the next few days....so keep your eyes peeled on this blogcast.

Meanwhile, be good and await my return. Sleep, I must, and till then, may my words be with you.

Weather: Cool & Chilly

Goin' Hollywood!

2006-03-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

Yes! I'm going to Hollywood!

I get tingles in my spine just thinking about it. I have never been to the States, much less the movie capital of the world.

A significant part of my job is to identify world-class entertainment events that we can bring in to Singapore. If we manage to lure global entertainment companies to invest and anchor top-rated events in Singapore, we could very well be on our way to become the Entertainment Capital of Asia.

This vision is exactly what is taking me to Los Angeles, California on March 31. I will be attending the 19th Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards - which is all about Kids Power! The Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards - oft-dubbed the "mini-Oscars" - will take place on April 1 @ the UCLA's Pauley Pavilion. It is the only awards show where the tots honor their favorites from the worlds of film, music, sports and television in a star-packed, messy, noisy, slime-filled live telecast from the heart of Hollywood.

I have been told that this is probably the BIGGEST kids' show in the U.S. Some of the celebrities who have appeared on the show include:

- Brad Pitt
- Michelle Pfeiffer
- Tom Cruise
- Will Smith
- Jim Carrey
- Cameron Diaz
- Mel Gibson
- Robert DeNiro
- Madonna
- Eddie Murphy
- Drew Barrymore
- Britney Spears
- Adam Sandler
- Mike Meyers,
- Cindy Crawford
- Shaquille O'Neal
- Aerosmith
- .....and the list goes on and on and on....

Besides star-gazing and droolin', I would be checking out some of LA's best attractions such as Disneyland, Universal Studios and Six Flags - which are supposedly actually quite near my hotel. Although I highly doubt I can even complete one attraction within a day.

I am also tasked to do a market check on the nightlife scene at Sunset Strip, the shopping havens at the Hollywood Entertainment District, Beverly Hills and Rodeo Drive and of course some touristy stuff like the Marvel Comics Exhibition which is happening in LA right now.

You can prepare yourself for some really awesome photos when I am back next week. Hmm...I might even try to blog a mini travelogue every day - just to let you guys in on what I've been up to. How about that - a delayed "live" blogcast straight from Hollywood!

Stay tuned. :)

This is Elvina from Channel Solace, LA, California.

PinK Plugs

2006-03-27T16:10:00.000+08:00

I would like to dedicate this short entry to these bloggers who have shown their utmost support for me by plugging proJect pinK on their blogs.

Thank you so much for believing in this dream - and for all the encouragement you have given me one way or the other. Your endorsement is truly based on blind faith - and that is indeed the most awesome gift you can offer to anyone.

Entries are coming in..slowly but surely.

Now we shall wait - and see if the women bloggers of the world will unite.

Absolutjoiz - A Bundle of Joy

Aristocrat - The Tortured Poet

DelorumRex - Delirious Rex

Kite - Flyin' High

Life With Celia - A Shakespeare Heroine

Prince Romp - Rompin' Good Time

Quills and Swords - The Double Edge Sword

Scratchpad - The Scrabble Sensation

Sevenspell - One Sweet Fan

ZheBinEverything - Founder of Zhebinism

Thank you guys.

Maturity Demystified

2006-03-21T17:01:00.000+08:00

Artwork by Evon Lim

I was caught off guard recently when a blogger friend asked me to explain what maturity means, and the qualities one should possess to be seen as a mature individual.

Frankly, it's not the question that got me stumped. It's who he posed that question to that almost made me tumble off my swivelling chair.

Look at me. I am the last person you would ask about maturity - seriously. I have irrational mood swings. I am freakingly emotional. I have that occasional but sudden passionate outbursts. I can be rash and impetuous. And I am a li'l girl trapped in an aging, decaying, horizontally expanding and vertically challenged body.

Ok ok. I shouldn't make excuses for myself. Since you've asked - my dear friend, so you shall receive. My concept of maturity may be warped, so please take what I blog here with a huge spoonful of salt.

Maturity - to me - is a mindset, which in turn will translate into observable behavioural patterns, and materializing in several forms such as responses, reactions, actions and speech. It is a state of the mind.

Simply put, maturity comes from within. It is often determined by oneself, but defined by others.

For example, I may feel that I'm mature because I have been through a lot in life and accumulated pain and experience along the way to emphatize and offer solid advice. I may be mature in handling work issues and politics. I'm less emotional when it comes to focusing on my goals and pursuing my dreams. My head sits tightly screwed on my shoulders when I'm depended upon to offer solutions to critical problems. I do not falter in the face of challenge and never give up when things do not go my way. My sensible and responsible nature reflect the mature me in the eyes of my friends.

On the flipside of the coin, I could also seem immature during the times I throw my tantrums, sulk or exhibit a ridiculously unreasonable behaviour, or any of the other actions I've listed in the earlier paragraphs.

Many could not resist equating age to maturity. After spending some three decades struggling in the real world, I discovered a number of older people I've encountered in the days of my life, work, school and social network are quite a distance from the nirvana state of maturity.

You cannot imagine the childish words that sprung forth from their mouths when they are angry or upset. You can hardly believe your eyes when they react mindlessly to protect their egos or pride. You cannot help laughing at the few who resort to juvenile acts for personal gains.

I don't have to go really far to prove my point. Look around you at the heads of state who fell out of favour with their people; men with graying hair in the likes of Osama bin Laden; historical figures in power who committed some of the world's gravest mistakes. Maturity seems to elude them too, isn't it?

I can't tell for sure what qualities you really need to be deem a mature person. In my humble and baseless opinion, I would think that he would be objective, calm, reasonable, and righteous (morally sound, that is). He would have the ability to differentiate right from wrong, truth from fiction, good from evil. He takes no sides, spreads no gossips, bears no grudges and exacts no vengeance.

I guess whenever I'm on the verge of veering towards the immaturity complex, I can always go back to that one reference who embodies "maturity" in every aspect of his behaviour and thought.

Think Jesus.

One really effective way is to infuse these 4 letters in each and every part of your life - WWJD.

What Would Jesus Do?

"Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values." ~ Joshua Loth Liebman

Anonymously Yours...

2006-03-20T23:32:00.000+08:00

Artwork by Bernadette24

Sorry for harping on proJect pinK again - but I realised maybe I have not made myself clear.

The book will only list your stories, your blogger nick as well as your blog URL. It will not feature your real name, or personal details whatsoever. I asked for some of these details initially simply because if this book really takes off - I can pay you!

However I understand that most bloggers would prefer to remain anonymous. So if it's really a concern, you can still choose not to reveal your true identity.

Furthermore, the criteria listed are not set in stone. Just submit your favourite blog entry, or what you really, really wanna rant about - and leave the rest to me. Just be true to yourself.

What you see in the book will be what appears on your blog! :)

I need more entries.

Where is 'girl power' when you really need it?

For Heaven's Sake....

2006-03-19T05:58:00.000+08:00

....I am not looking for a New York Times bestseller author. Nor a potential Putlizer Prize winner. Neither am I trying to discover the next JK Rowling or Judith McNaught.

The success of proJect pinK can only take off - if a girl dares to dream and see her works in print. It will never come to fruition - if every female blogger thinks that her work is not "good" enough. If you can blog, you have already fulfilled the most important criteria of this project.

I am looking for stories. Stories that make good reading. Stuff that you share on your blogs. The musings you blog about. The experiences that you have shared so openly on the world wide web.

proJect pinK is never going to be a super blockbuster with millions in the making. It was not the objective in the first place.

No. It's is a little project that aims to bring together the women of the blogosphere - and compile some of their favourite entries. It's a mini dream to showcase the female bloggers who are bold enough to share their lives and stories so openly to the entire world.

Now if blogging is never an issue - where there is absolute zero control on the internet, why would putting some stories that you have wrote before on a book be so daunting?

Even if your stories are not saucy or juicy or mind-blowing, it's really not important. It is who you are that is significant to the project. I want to read the heartfelt stories you blog about. I want to share the joys you experience in some of your memories. I want to encapsulate your thoughts when you are feeling lousy.

If it's good enough to be shared online, it will definitely make it into this book. I want real women, with real stories to tell, who sometimes may live out another life through a URL.

For every girl who knows about proJect pinK but shys away from it, for whatever reasons, I am one step nearer to aborting this dream. To be honest, I am already quite disheartened by the many "Oh it's a great project but I don't think my stories are good enough so I will not participate" comments. I have always thought if a group of like-minded people form an allegiance to pursue a common goal, nothing is impossible. Especially more so if it's made up of confident, sincere and real women like the many who have been reading this blog.

Maybe I was wrong.

I appreciate all the "moral support" given to this dream - and am humbled by the many who think that this effort is applaudable. But if all positive encouragement only boils down to zero submission, this project in my opinion - is a total failure - and should be buried deep and never be spoken of ever again.

So here's my plea - Don't judge your own works even before I am given a chance to read it. proJect pinK can only go as far as the women behind it.

So for heaven's sake, please........ just submit your stories already. :)

"A man's face is his autobiography.

A woman's face is her work of fiction." ~ Oscar Wilde

proJect pinK

2006-03-16T01:53:00.000+08:00

Artwork by =grimcinder

proJect pinK (working title) is a brainchild of yours truly. It is meant to be experimental, no fluff, witty and candid.

Since it's called proJect pinK, obviously it's for da chicks and babes only. I've absolutely nothing against bimbos, sluts and bitches, so you are more than welcomed to participate as long as you can write (with substance of course).

If you are a female/lady/woman/girl blogger, all you have to do is submit your best, sauciest, scandalous, sexiest, juciest, most tear-jerking, most emotional, most unbelievable blog entries to projectpink@mail.com. I would need about 150-200 entries, so do spread this news around to any female blogger friend of yours.

The success of this project depends on the quality of the submissions. Here's a mini-guide on what proJect pinK is looking for.

What's Sizzling:
- eye-openers
- heartstrings tugger
- real life accounts
- love, lies and lingerie
- confessions
- secrets
- men
- unique stories
- dating
- struggles
- death
- autobiographies
-.....and other irresistible content.

What's Fizzling
- days of your lives (yawn..)
- run-of-the-mill stories (real or otherwise)
- copyrighted materials
- slanderous and libelous topics
- movies/music reviews
- unoriginal materials
- ...and any other sleep-inducing topics

What's the criteria? Initially I had a list of 1,698 terms and conditions, but then I realized I couldn't remember all of them so I decided to trash them all away.

Criteria for submissions
- 2,500-5,000 words per entry
- multiple submissions are ok
- submissions from other countries are welcome (as long as they can prove their gender)
- check for grammar and spelling mistakes
- use font Arial, size 12: double spacing
- give an attention-grabbing title to your entry
- illustrations submitted must be original (or the copyright owners will sue the pants off ya)
- save your entries in a word document, together with a cover page including these details:
(1) real name + blog name (if any)
(2) age
(3) your blog's URL
(4) contact number
(5) email address

and finally

(6) a short paragraph of about 600 words on what you think about MEN

This shall be a mini-prologue that leads to your entry.

By now, it should be evident that proJect pinK is an anthology of stories from babes who blog. As this is an experimental project, I am not expecting to make money out of this.

But if miraculously, there is a high demand because of the writers' collective marketing efforts on their own blogs, and to their friends - we might just have that winning formula. :)

proJect pinK will come with a handy dandy marketing e-book to help all contributors sell and market this unique paperback. Contributors will be remunerated by the number of books sold (don't ask me how much 'cos i don't know yet. besides, that's a career limiting move.).

Limited editions will be produced - so that it will be highly exclusive.

Will advise on the price once the project nears completion. For now, you can start spreading the word, or place an advanced order for the book by sending an email to proJect pinK.

By the way, this is an authentic project, nothing like the Contemporary Dictionary of The Vulgar Tongue.

I know for a fact that you girls are good. Let's try and see if we can make our dreams come true.

ADDENDUM

This book will only list your stories, your blogger nick as well as your blog URL.

It will not feature your real name, or personal details whatsoever. I need some of these details for my own file so that if this book really takes off - I can PAY you! But if it bothers you so much, you can still choose not to reveal your true identity.

What you see in the book will be what appears on your blog! :)

MEME MIA!

2006-03-14T13:12:00.000+08:00

Artwork by RimFrost

I got tagged by Sonic to do this song meme - which in a way, challenges my music knowledge. I do listen to a varied of different music genres though - anything from Smooth Jazz, Rock, Pop, Retro, Hip Hop, R&B, Ballads, Classical, Instrumental and New Age. Since there's nothing to lose (nor gain), so what the heck....here goes my music roll:-

1. A song by a Beatle/Beatles:
A Hard Day's Night (my personal anthem)

2. A song featuring piano as the main instrument:
Fields of Gold by Emi Fujita (cover of Sting)

3. A song with a woman’s name in the title:
Judy, Judy, Judy by Johnny Tillotson

4. A song with a man’s name in the title:
Vincent by Don McLean

5. A song about money:
She Works Hard For The Money by Donna Summer

6. A song with weather in the title:
It's Raining Men by Weather Girls

7. A song with parentheses in the title (these are parentheses):
Pretty Fly (For A White Guy) by The Offsprings

8. A song made by a punk band:
Blitzkrieg Bop by The Ramones

9. A song with the word “song” in the title:
Love Song for a Vampire by Annie Lennox

10. A song you love so much you stop and listen whenever you hear it/ put it on repeat mode and never get sick of it:
Sailing by Rod Stewart

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul." ~ Anonymous

What You Think Of Moi

2006-03-12T17:54:00.000+08:00

Remember that Johari Window that you guys have done for me?
Most of you think I am intelligent (48%), friendly (44%) and independent (36%).

By the way, some people think I am silly!! That's quite funny. I wonder why?

All Percentages

able (12%) accepting (0%) adaptable (8%) bold (16%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (16%) cheerful (12%) clever (12%) complex (4%) confident (48%) dependable (8%) dignified (0%) energetic (8%) extroverted (12%) friendly (44%) giving (4%) happy (8%) helpful (8%) idealistic (4%) independent (36%) ingenious (4%) intelligent (48%) introverted (4%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (24%) logical (4%) loving (8%) mature (0%) modest (4%) nervous (0%) observant (4%) organised (8%) patient (8%) powerful (8%) proud (8%) quiet (0%) reflective (16%) relaxed (0%) religious (4%) responsive (4%) searching (4%) self-assertive (24%) self-conscious (4%) sensible (0%) sentimental (12%) shy (0%) silly (8%) spontaneous (16%) sympathetic (4%) tense (0%) trustworthy (12%) warm (20%) wise (0%) witty (28%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window,
on 11 March 2006, using data from 25 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view LaoNiang's full data.

Actually, what you didn't really know is I am actually very shy, self-conscious and rebellious. Of course that didn't really come across in this blog. I suspect I am beginning to display the traits of someone having a dissociative identity disorder.

There seems to be multiple Elvinas edging their way out to voice their individualistic opinions on this blog. Ya...I freak myself out sometimes.

Which is the real me?

I don't have the answer really. I think I am going mad.

“My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself,

is that one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit

of my own individuality.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Please - Don't Try This At Work

2006-03-11T20:28:00.000+08:00

This blog is rated [PG] - Parental Guidance required

For some unknown reasons, I feel a sense of national obligation to conduct a sex education tutorial online. Though I know some of you are probably Masters of Copulation, it probably wouldn't hurt to go through the basics again, for old times' sake.

For a fully-animated, mini-sex education syllabus, tap your mouse HERE and click on the avatar on the left side bar. A modern online karma sutra guide - each of the 21 styles/positions come with mind-boggling names such as "The Persuading of The Debtor", "The Squashing of The Deck Chair" and "The Playing of The Cello".

The avatars in fornication, though they look quite static, are hopelessly funny when you turn up the sound effects.

Having said that, unless you are dying to declare your insatiable and fervent sexual appetite, it would be wise to check your surroundings before you do so. Especially more so if your boss is single, lonely and horny.

Source: Mal at www.welcometowallyworld.com

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer." ~ Woody Allen